Ask the Pastor – How to Deal with Angry People?


How do you deal with a person who loses their temper every time you try to discuss certain issues in order to clear up problems? I have been distressed about this for some time. Is there any easy way to relate to such a matter?


You have touched on an important issue which many people are having to address. One of the problems many of us face today is stress. Stress can manifest itself in many forms. All forms of stress have harmful effects on our bodies as well as on our minds. The problem you ask about has its beginnings very early in life. Usually people like this have been raised without any direction or restraint and have dealt with life’s issues in a rude and selfish way—and have gotten their way. When a problem comes along and they do not get their way, stress develops. Uncontrolled stress will be manifested in anger and the loss of temper in an effort to get their way.

The Bible tells us, in Proverbs 22:6, that parents are to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” There is a tendency to limit this text to just the concepts of salvation, but this text deals with many other areas of life as well. It most certainly involves the character of a child who needs to realize that the world is bigger than just him or her. A child needs to understand that it must develop a character that considers others and that tantrums are not acceptable. If tantrums are not controlled when a child is young, temper will manifest itself in angry outbursts when he or she is grown.

There are many people who will not accept the biblical idea of correcting a child with corporal punishment when it is needed. They have accepted the philosophies of the world and have allowed their children to misbehave. As a result, they have done their children grave harm for this life as well as for the future life.

Proverbs 23:13, 14 has some interesting, inspired instruction for parents today. “Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die [lose eternal life]. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” The problem with following through with this instruction is that many of the parents themselves are also out of control. They do not understand how to patiently punish for wrongdoing. As a result, laws have been passed which are designed to protect children from abusive parents. Through all of this, the devil is rejoicing.

When confronted with a person who has lost their temper, there may not be much that can be done except to work for that person’s salvation. 11 Corinthians 5:17 says: “If any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” If this indeed can take place through conversion, then the words of the apostle can be put into operation: “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds.” Colossians 3:8, 9.

If this described conversion cannot take place in the life of the person with whom you associate, then you need to make a decision as to how you continue coming into contact with them. You need to pray and ask God how to respond to this issue. His grace is sufficient for all things.

Pastor Mike Baugher is Associate Speaker for Steps to Life. If you have a question you would like Pastor Mike to answer, e-mail it to:, or mail it to: LandMarks, Steps to Life, P. O. Box 782828, Wichita, KS 67278.