Testimony – Holes in the Heart

There are many empty spaces found in each one’s heart. They are not holes in the ground or holes in torn fabric but holes in lives caused by loneliness, sorrow, depression, illness, or perhaps some cherished sin eating away the texture of the soul. The result is often to dwell on those problems and, in the process, become pawns of Satan by looking away from Jesus.

I know about these deadly holes because there was a time in my life when all I could think about was how lonely and desperate I felt. I did not seem to fit in like those around me who had an active social and dating life, and I was unhappy because my life was lacking in these activities.

I was born and raised in a loving and secure Seventh-day Adventist home. I was given a fine Christian education in a Seventh-day Adventist school during grades 1–12. This environment helped me appreciate the value of Christian living. I remember hearing a Week of Prayer sermon at the academy stressing the idea that in order to be a success in this life, three things should be given top priority. The first was to choose to follow God; the second was to choose a life profession; and the third was to choose the appropriate life mate. This made a big impression on me that I never forgot. I just assumed that all of these things would fall into place.

I never dreamed that problems would arise to derail any plans.

From the age of ten I had become an avid piano student, which eventually enabled me to study in a conservatory of music following graduation from the academy. My goal was to become a concert pianist and college professor and to somehow use this knowledge in God’s work.

During my time at this music school, I discovered that the lonely life of the dedicated musician was not for me. This was underscored by the fact that I could not participate in the dating and other social activities that my musician friends enjoyed, as my Seventh-day Adventist lifestyle prohibited such. I became disenchanted with my life goals, and I left the conservatory to return home and evaluate my situation.

I now realized that God had other plans for my life. I fell into the hole of disappointment, which deepened through my lack of trust in my Saviour. I was one of His lost sheep, and I failed to recognize His longsuffering love for me. All I could see was loneliness, and I was drowning in self-pity. My prayer life was weak, and I did not take time to study God’s Word. I was in the pit of disbelief, and I fell into Satan’s trap, making me think that God no longer loved me.

I am sad to admit that my life took a dreadful turn away from God, because I left the faith and became cynical and bitter in my failure to succeed as I had originally planned.

My parents never failed to pray for me regardless of my sinful lifestyle, which had become such that I no longer observed the Sabbath and had married an unbeliever. I could write a book about all of the problems that I faced as a result of my choice to explore the pigpen of this world’s attractions, but I would now rather tell you of His power to save a wretched soul like me. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and if He was able to bring me back to His fold, He can save anybody!

My marriage went up in smoke. I became disabled due to an auto-immune disease. But regardless of these experiences, I have found that the only lasting and real success in this life is in giving my life fully to Jesus for His care and safekeeping.

No plan we set for ourselves will succeed unless under the direction of the God of heaven. He has made it His purpose to fill the holes in our life with His matchless mercy and love.

Dear reader, just remember this admonition: “Trustful dependence on Jesus makes victory not only possible, but certain.” The Signs of the Times, January 3, 1906.

Linda Marie Gordon worked for a number of years as a medical transcriber. She is now disabled and lives with her widowed mother in Tehachapi, California. She can be contacted by calling 661- 822–9024.