Ancient Marriage
Difference Between a Promise and a Betrothal
Among the Jews of Bible times a couple could be engaged with a promise of marriage that may not be definite, as these could be broken off or set aside. However, if there was a betrothal entered into, it was considered as final.
The betrothal was not the same as the wedding, and these two events must not be confused. At least a whole year elapsed between the betrothal and the actual wedding. The law said, “What man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her?” Deuteronomy 20:7. Here the two events are differentiated: betrothing a wife and taking a wife, i.e., in actual marriage. It was during this period of about a year, between the betrothal and the wedding, that Mary was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 7:18).
The Apparel of the Groom and Bride
When the night arrived for the wedding festivities to begin, and it was time to go for his bride, the groom was dressed as much as possible like a king. If he were rich enough to afford it, he wore a gold crown. Otherwise it would be a garland of fresh flowers. His garments would be scented with frankincense and myrrh; his girdle would be of silk and brilliantly colored; his sandals would be figured and carefully laced. … This preparation of the groom for the wedding has been aptly described in the prophecy of Isaiah, “He hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, He hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments.” Isaiah 61:10.
The adorning of the bride was a very costly and elaborate affair. Much time was given to the preparation of her person. Every effort was put forth to make her complexion glossy and shining with a luster like unto marble. The words of David must have been their ideal for her: “that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.” Psalm 33 144:12. Her dark locks of hair were often braided with gold and pearls. She was decked with all the precious stones and jewels that the family had inherited from previous generations. Those who were too poor to afford much would borrow what they could from their friends.
The wedding festivities, and especially the bride’s adornment, would always be remembered by her. The prophet Jeremiah made reference to this thought, “Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire?” Jeremiah 2:32. The apostle John saw the New Jerusalem “prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.” Revelation 21:2.
The Groom Leaves His Father’s Home to Get His Bride
Sometimes the bride’s relations would conduct her from her father’s house to the house of her fiancé, where her new home was to be. But more often, as was the case of the ten virgins in Christ’s parable, the bridegroom himself went in person to bring her to his home for the wedding festivities to take place there. Before leaving the house that had been her home, she would receive the blessing of her relatives. Thus Rebekah’s relatives sent her away with a typical Eastern marriage blessing, “Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.” Genesis 24:60. The bride left her father’s house adorned and perfumed with a crown on her head. Ezekiel’s description of the bride is very appropriate, “I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck. And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head.” Ezekiel 16:11, 12.
The Wedding Procession
The bridegroom set out with his bride from the house of her parents, and there followed a grand procession all the way to his house. The streets of Asiatic cities were dark, and it was necessary that anybody venturing forth at night should carry a lamp or torch. Those invited guests, who did not go to the bride’s home, were allowed to join the procession along the way, and go with the whole group to the marriage feast. Without a torch or lamp, they could not join the procession or enter the bridegroom’s house.
The ten virgins waited for the procession to arrive. The five wise virgins were able to proceed because they had a reserve supply of oil for their lamps, but the foolish virgins lacked oil, so not being ready, they were barred from the wedding feast. Matthew 25:1–13.
With her face veiled, the bride allowed her hair to be loose and flowing while on the journey to the groom’s house. Her own relations preceded her in the procession, scattering ears of parched grain to the children along the way.
Arrival at the House of the Bridegroom
After arriving at the bridegroom’s house, some of the older women had the task of arranging the bride’s hair. Her flowing locks were hidden beneath a thick veil. From this time on, the custom would dictate that her face was not to be unveiled in public. She was led to her place under a canopy, which was located either inside the house or, if the weather permitted, in the open air. Her place was beside her husband, where both would hear new words of benediction given by one of the fathers or by some important person who might be present.
The Wedding Feast
Every guest that attended the feast was required to wear a wedding garment (Matthew 22:12). The wedding banquet was presided over by the ruler of the feast. John 2:8, 9. It was his duty to take care of all the preparations, and during the feast, he would mingle among the guests and see to it that they lacked nothing, instructing servants to carry out all the necessary details. The expression “children of the bride chamber” (Matthew 9:15), used by Jesus, simply means the guests at the wedding. The governor or ruler of the feast returned thanks at the dinner and pronounced benedictions at appointed times. He also blessed the wine. It was customary to tell riddles at these feasts like Samson did at his wedding (Judges 14:12–18). During the meal, mirthfulness prevailed and the guests were expected to exalt the bride.
There was no religious ceremony at the feast. In place of this were the benedictions of relatives and friends. The benediction of those who witnessed the wedding arrangements for Ruth and Boaz is a good example of what would be included in such a benediction (Ruth 4:11). It corresponds to the well wishing of Western wedding guests. After the wedding feast was over, the husband was escorted by his friends into the apartment where his wife had previously been conducted. These wedding festivities with relatives and friends lasted for a whole week (Judges 14:17), but the entire number of what was called “the days of the marriage” was thirty.
Fred H. Wight, Manners and Customs of Bible Lands, The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago, Chicago, Illinois, 1953, 129–134.