Someone Cares

Everyone needs someone who cares for them. Everyone needs a personal friend, but often when we need a friend the most, there is no one to fill the void.

Sometimes those whom we thought were friends fail us, and often even our truest friends and closest loved ones do not understand us.

In the heart of every person there are forebodings which the tongue cannot utter, feelings which cannot be expressed; experiences the heart has locked within; a burden of guilt that no one shares; uncertainties and perplexities no one comprehends; critical times of loss – divorce, death or rejection – when we need arms around us that are often not there.

There is a longing within every heart for a true friend, someone who has shared the same trials, someone to listen and to walk by our side. When we do not find such a one, the human heart grows discouraged and despondent. One of the main reasons for marriage is to satisfy this heart longing for companionship. And yet, too often, marriage may simply increase the loneliness. So, what is the solution?

We find the solution where all solutions are found – in the Bible. The solution for the lonely heart is Jesus, but if Jesus is the solution, why do Christians experience the same loneliness and heartache as those in the world? Why does church seem so empty? Why do Christian homes break up? Why do Christian young people get so desperate for friendship that they marry those who are not converted or well suited to themselves? The answer is that most Christians are Christians in name only and do not experience the solution for heartache and loneliness that Jesus offers.

The Bible gives a graphic example of someone in need of a true friend. It picks the loneliest situation in the world – the person who is lonely in marriage. Suppose that one is very lonely in their marriage and then meets someone whom they believe understands and cares for them much better than their spouse. The Bible gives the wrong solution and the right solution.

“Do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. … So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man” (Romans 7:1–3).

Divorce and remarriage are the wrong solutions, for that is breaking the express commandment of God. We can never hope to find happiness, peace or true friendship by rebelling against God. But there is an implied solution even within the prohibition: “If, while her husband lives, she marries another man. …” If her husband should die, then she could marry her “true” friend with God’s blessing. So the true solution is death of one of the partners. But which partner must die?

Paul presents a solution that is even stranger – we are to kill not our partner, but ourselves. “Therefore, my brethren, You also have become dead … that you may be married to another—to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God” (Romans 7:4). [Emphasis supplied.]

The one caught in a bad and lonely marriage must die. What a solution! I must die in order to find a solution from my loneliness? The Bible presents no other solution to one’s personal and emotional needs.

Jesus said, “He who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:38). A cross is a painful death. The next verse says, “He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it” (verse 39).

The Bible’s way seems backward: losing life to save it, dying the only way to live. Only through the resurrecting power of God can one find life by dying. The non-Christian cannot understand this miracle, but the Christian finds a fulfilling life through death by faith in God’s power to raise him from the dead. It is the ultimate faith to submit to death, as Isaac did (see Genesis 22). When Christ raises you up from the dead, He forms a lasting and intimate friendship with you that will never bring disappointment.

“Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him” (Romans 6:3–8).

Those who have died have been freed from sin. A dead person cannot steal. A dead person cannot lie. A dead person cannot covet. A dead person cannot feel sorry for himself. And so we are to die to self. We must give up that precious “self” that we have always tried to protect, defend, pity and exalt. In giving up self we are really fulfilled.

According to the world, God’s way seems foolish and backward. The Bible says, “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom” (Luke 6:38). In the world we get by keeping, but Christ said we get by giving! Only Christians can understand these strange solutions.

“For the message of the cross [dying in order to live] is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.’ … Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (1 Corinthians 1:18, 19, 25).

Christ’s way is utter foolishness with the world. How does one find happiness by giving up happiness?  How does one find fulfillment by giving up his own needs? Peter once asked Jesus, “We have left everything and followed You, therefore what will we have?” Jesus answered, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time … and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first” (Mark 10:29–31). Those who have given up self the most will receive the most. Those who have retained the most of self will receive the least.

It is only through death that one can find happiness, fulfillment or friendship. When Jesus foretold His death to His disciples, they wondered how He was going to establish His kingdom if He was going to die. Jesus told them that it was only through death that His kingdom could be established; for it is only through death that life is produced. Jesus illustrated it by a grain of wheat (see John 12:24, 25). As long as a grain of wheat remains dry and intact, it remains alone and lonely. It may be preserved for a hundred years in that secure state, but it will always be alone. But if it is put into the ground, it will get wet and split apart and apparently be destroyed. Out of that death will spring forth a new life that will produce a hundred grains of wheat that are a part of the parent stalk. No longer is the wheat alone or lonely, but now it has a hundred companions that are a part of itself.

Like all of us, the disciples had to learn this hard lesson that in giving up self we gain life and in dying we find happiness and fulfillment. After a night in prayer and all-day teaching and healing, Jesus was very tired and at the end of the day the disciples took Jesus across Galilee by boat, at which time Jesus fell asleep as the disciples guided the boat. A great windstorm suddenly arose, and the disciples instinctively began to try to save their lives. Their first and natural thought was of themselves, not Jesus – they forgot all about Him. They did not say, “We must save Jesus; let us row harder.” Instead, they tried with all their might to save self, but found themselves powerless against the terrible storm.

Finally, when all else failed, they remembered Jesus and waking Him they said, “ ‘Teacher, do You not care that We are perishing?’  Then He [Jesus] arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, ‘Peace, be still!’ And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them, ‘Why are you so fearful’ ” (Mark 4:38–40)? [Emphasis supplied.] They seemed more concerned about themselves than Jesus dying. Self was not yet dead in these disciples and in trying to preserve it, they almost lost it. Had they been thinking more about Jesus’ safety they would never have been in the predicament of almost drowning for as soon as the storm arose, Jesus would have immediately calmed the waters.

It is in seeking the happiness of others that we ourselves are blessed. This is the basic principle of Christianity. Only by giving up what we have do we get what we are looking for.

The religious leaders in the New Testament tried hard to be righteous. They would do anything to be righteous. They made rules and regulations, offered long prayers, had tedious religious ceremonies, all for the purpose of reaching their goal of making themselves righteous. But the more they tried to find righteousness for themselves, the more unrighteous they became until they were filled with so much hate that they crucified Jesus.

“We are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). It is when we quit trying to seek righteousness for ourselves and start trying to bring glory and righteousness to the Lord that we too find righteousness ourselves.

The question of our life should not be, “What can I do that I might be righteous?” but “What can I do that I might bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ?” That is the way Jesus lived. He did not live to glorify Himself, but to bring glory to His Father.

There is One who cares for us very much, but He cannot always show us His care because we are doing everything for ourselves. There is Someone who can bring us happiness such as no other person can, but if we are seeking to find happiness for ourselves, He cannot do for us that which He would like to do. For that to be accomplished, we must have a submissive spirit.

“He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness” (Psalm 107:9). Millions are seeking for happiness, but each one fails. Only our Maker can fulfill our deepest longings. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” “The Lord lifts up the humble; He casts the wicked down to the ground” (Psalm 147:3, 6). The one whom God helps is the one who is humble, the one who has died to self.

This dying to self and trusting one’s care and keeping to the Lord is what the Bible calls conversion. It affects every aspect of life. When we are converted, we live in such a way as to bring glory to the Lord rather than glory to ourselves. That results in the Lord bringing glory to us.

Jesus said, “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love. … These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another [not to be loved, but to love] as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends” (John 15:10–15). If we put Him first, He will put us first. Jesus said, “To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne” (Revelation 3:21).

So Jesus says, I have called you friend; I will be a Friend that sticks closer than a brother; I am One who cares. Do you need Someone who cares for you? who understands you? who knows your heart’s deepest burdens? The Bible says that Jesus wants to be that Friend. As we give up self, then Jesus will seek for the happiness and goodwill for us. He can bring us far more happiness than we can ever bring to ourselves. “He who finds his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39).

“Keep your wants, your joys, your sorrows, your cares and your fears before God. You cannot burden Him; you cannot weary Him. … Take to Him everything that perplexes the mind. Nothing is too great for Him to bear, for He holds up worlds, He rules over all the affairs of the universe. Nothing that in any way concerns our peace is too small for Him to notice. There is no chapter in our experience too dark for Him to read; there is no perplexity too difficult for Him to unravel. No calamity can befall the least of His children, no anxiety harass the soul, no joy cheer, no sincere prayer escape the lips, of which our heavenly Father is unobservant, or in which He takes no immediate interest. … The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare, not another soul for whom He gave His beloved Son.” Steps to Christ, 100.

May you experience the joy that only a true friendship can bring. May you experience the truest joy that only the truest Friend can bring. There is Someone who cares, and His name is Jesus.

 Pastor Marshall Grosboll, with his wife Lillian, founded Steps to Life. In July 1991, Pastor Marshall and his family met with tragedy as they were returning home from a camp meeting in Washington state, when the airplane he was piloting went down, killing all on board.