Parenting

The home is the heart and foundation of society. “Society is composed of families, and is what the heads of families make it. Out of the heart are ‘the issues of life’ [Proverbs 4:23]; and the heart of the community, of the church, and of the nation is the household. The well-being of society, the success of the church, the prosperity of the nation, depend upon home influences.

“The elevation or deterioration of the future of society will be determined by the manners and morals of the youth growing up around us. As the youth are educated, and as their characters are molded in their childhood to virtuous habits, self-control, and temperance, so will their influence be upon society. If they are left unenlightened and uncontrolled, and as the result become self-willed, intemperate in appetite and passion, so will be their future influence in molding society.” The Adventist Home, 15.

“To a large extent parents create the atmosphere of the home circle,” and “there are weighty responsibilities devolving upon the parents to guard carefully the future happiness and interest of their children.” Ibid., 16, 21.

Since the home is the heart and foundation of society, the Word of God declares, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” “For out of it [are] the issues of life.” Psalm 11:3; Proverbs 4:23. If the family be destroyed, what shall the world do? We cannot underestimate the power of the role of the fathers and mothers in quelling the tide of evil.

Direction Needed

In the book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, the author, Tedd Tripp, makes the following observation regarding parenting in our modern culture: “By age ten to twelve, scores of children have already left home. I am not referring to tragic ‘Times Square kids’ in New York City or your community. I refer to numbers of children who, by age ten to twelve, have effectively left Mom and Dad as an authority or reference point for their lives. Our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. We are a rudderless ship without a compass. We lack both a sense of direction and the capacity to direct ourselves.” (Shepherd Press, Wapwallopen, Pennsylvania, 1998, “Introduction,” xvii.)

In the light of the above observation, where do we look to find direction, the tools, and the ability for parenting in this contemporary world? As usual, the Holy Scriptures do not lack an answer to the crisis. The only safe guide is the Bible. It is the revelation of God who has infinite knowledge and can therefore give us absolute truth. God has given us a revelation that is powerful and complete. It presents an accurate and comprehensive picture of children, parents, family life, values, training and nurture, and discipline—all we need to be equipped for the task of parenting.

Special Promise

For in these last days of earth’s history, God gives a special promise regarding the family: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:5, 6. [Emphasis added.] The message of Elijah will and has come. But where do you say it is? You do not have far to look. In the words of life, the Holy Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy, are outlined the restoration of all the institutions given to bless and uplift man. True education spells out with eloquent simplicity the story of our restoration and redemption.

The promise is that God will, by His Spirit and Word, unite the heart of the children and their fathers (parents). Once again I quote from Tedd Tripp’s book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, “God is concerned with the heart—the well spring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the ‘what’ of behavior than the ‘why.’ Accordingly, most of us spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behavior. To the degree and extent to which our focus is on behavior, we miss the heart.

“When we miss the heart, we miss the subtle idols of the heart. Romans 1 makes it clear that all human beings are worshipers; either we worship and serve God, or we make an exchange and worship and serve substitutes for god—created things rather than the Creator (Romans 1:18–25). When parenting short circuits to behavior we miss the opportunity to help our kids understand that straying behavior displays a straying heart. Our kids are always serving something, either God or a substitute for God—an idol of the heart.” Tripp, “Preface,” vi.

Tripp further states, “When we miss the heart, we miss the gospel. If the goal of parenting is no more profound than securing appropriate behavior, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues that push and pull behavior. Those internal issues—self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart—show our children how profoundly they need grace. If the problem with children is deeper than inappropriate behavior, if the problem is the overflow of the heart, then the need for grace is established. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life and died as an infinite sacrifice so that children (and their parents) can be forgiven, transformed, liberated and empowered to love God and love others.

“When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. The need of children (or adults) who have fallen into various forms of personal idolatry is not only to tear down the high places of the alien gods, but to enthrone God. Children are spring-loaded for worship. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and the glory of the God for whom they are made. Parents have the opportunity, through word and deed, to show children the one true object of worship—the God of the Bible. We know that the greatest delights our children can experience are found in delighting in the God who has made them for His glory.” Tripp, “Preface,” Second Edition, vii.

Let Him Hear

With that said, let us comprehend the poignant messages written for us in the greatest love letters ever given to man. “He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.” Revelation 2:7.

Proverbs 17:6 declares that “the glory of children are their fathers.”

What, then, should be the picture of the father? Isaiah 40:11 is not silent on this. He:

  1. “Feeds his flock.” He provides spiritual and physical food, priestly and practical sustenance.
  2. “Gathers the lambs in his arms.” The arm denotes strength and protection. “The husband and father is the head of the household. The wife looks to him for love and sympathy, and for aid in the training of the children; and this is right. The children are his as well as hers, and he is equally interested in their welfare. The children look to their father for support and guidance; he needs to have a right conception of life and of the influences and associations that should surround his family; above all, he should be controlled by the love and fear of God and by the teaching of His word, that he may guide the feet of his children in the right way.” The Ministry of Healing, 390.
  3. “And carries them in his bosom.” “Fathers, do not discourage your children. Combine affection with authority, kindness and sympathy with firm restraint. Give some of your leisure hours to your children; become acquainted with them; associate with them in their work and in their sports, and win their confidence. Cultivate friendship with them, especially with your sons. In this way you will be a strong influence for good.” Ibid., 391.
  4. “Gently leads those that are with young.” The father needs a right regard for his children, a resolve to hold them close to his heart, reminiscent of the priest’s girdle with the children of Israel over his breast.

In Proverbs 4, still greater detail is given the father in how to wisely instruct his children. “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, . . . for I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law,” teaches:

  1. The “good doctrine” of the word.
  2. Avoidance of needless pain. (Verses 13–18.)
  3. How to reason from cause to effect. “Ponder the path of thy feet.” Verse 26.
  4. How to order their speech. “Put away from thee a froward” that is, deceitful “mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.” Verse 24.

Commandment of Promise

Malachi says that the father’s heart would be turned to the children. It is easier for the fifth commandment to be kept when children have this type of father. Remember that this is the first commandment with promise—long life is added to the child. Consider what might have happened if Adam had been obedient to his Father. Nine hundred thirty years would only have been, as it were, a drop in the bucket. Unfortunately, we are seeing the ill effects on children today who have not come to honor and love their parents.

“It is by the youth and children of today that the future of society is to be determined, and what these youth and children shall be depends upon the home. To the lack of right home training may be traced the larger share of the disease and misery and crime that curse humanity. If the home life were pure and true, if the children who went forth from its care were prepared to meet life’s responsibilities and dangers, what a change would be seen in the world!” Ibid., 351.

Best Gift

Last, but not least, “The best gift that a man can give his children is to love their mother.” This is a sermon with which few words have to be spoken. In this equation, sweet mother is not to be forgotten. Her role is quintessential to a well-balanced and lovely home where her children desire to be.

“Our homes should be a place of refuge for the tempted youth. Many there are who stand at the parting of the ways. Every influence, every impression, is determining the choice that shapes their destiny both here and hereafter. Evil invites them. Its resorts are made bright and attractive. They have a welcome for every comer. All about us are youth who have no home, and many whose homes have no helpful, uplifting power, and the youth drift into evil. They are going down to ruin within the very shadow of our own doors.” Ibid., 354.

“The home should be to the children the most attractive place in the world, and the mother’s presence should be its greatest attraction. Children have sensitive, loving natures. They are easily pleased and easily made unhappy. By gentle discipline, in loving words and acts, mothers may bind their children to their hearts.

“Young children love companionship and can seldom enjoy themselves alone. They yearn for sympathy and tenderness. That which they enjoy they think will please mother also, and it is natural for them to go to her with their little joys and sorrows. The mother should not wound their sensitive hearts by treating with indifference matters that, though trifling to her, are of great importance to them. Her sympathy and approval are precious. An approving glance, a word of encouragement or commendation, will be like sunshine in their hearts, often making the whole day happy.

“Instead of sending her children from her, that she may not be annoyed by their noise or troubled by their little wants, let the mother plan amusement or light work to employ the active hands and minds.

“By entering into their feelings and directing their amusements and employments, the mother will gain the confidence of her children, and she can the more effectually correct wrong habits, or check the manifestations of selfishness or passion. A word of caution or reproof spoken at the right time will be of great value. By patient, watchful love, she can turn the minds of the children in the right direction, cultivating in them beautiful and attractive traits of character.” Ibid., 388, 389.

Biblical Example

In the life of Timothy, we see a wonderful illustration of the advantage that he had in a correct example of piety and true godliness. “Religion was the atmosphere of his home. The manifest spiritual power of the piety in the home kept him pure in speech, and free from all corrupting sentiments.” Conflict and Courage, 345.

The Bible declares, “From a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” 11 Timothy 3:15.

“God had commanded the Hebrews to teach their children His requirements and to make them acquainted with all His dealings with their fathers. This was one of the special duties of every parent—one that was not to be delegated to another. In the place of stranger lips the loving hearts of the father and mother were to give instruction to their children. Thoughts of God were to be associated with all the events of daily life. The mighty works of God in the deliverance of His people and the promises of the Redeemer to come were to be often recounted in the homes of Israel. . . . The great truths of God’s providence and of the future life were impressed on the young mind. It was trained to see God alike in the scenes of nature and the words of revelation. The stars of heaven, the trees and flowers of the field, the lofty mountains, the rippling brooks—all spoke of the Creator. The solemn service of sacrifice and worship at the sanctuary and the utterances of the prophets were a revelation of God.

“Such was the training of Moses in the lowly cabin home in Goshen; of Samuel, by the faithful Hannah; of David, in the hill dwelling at Bethlehem; of Daniel, before the scenes of the captivity separated him from the home of his fathers. Such, too, was the early life of Christ at Nazareth; such the training by which the child Timothy learned from the lips of his grandmother Lois, and his mother Eunice, the truths of Holy Writ.

“Parents, there is a great work for you to do for Jesus. . . . Satan seeks to bind the children to himself as with bands of steel, and you can attain success in bringing them to Jesus only through determined personal effort.” Ibid.

Divine Reflection

Let us hear the conclusion of the matter: “Great efforts are put forth, time and money and labor almost without limit are expended, in enterprises and institutions for reforming the victims of evil habits. And even these efforts are inadequate to meet the great necessity. Yet how small is the result! How few are permanently reclaimed!” The Ministry of Healing, 351.

The family led by the Good Shepherd, with its tender ties of love, is a great tool to combat the ills of society. “Happy are the parents whose lives are a true reflection of the divine, so that the promises and commands of God awaken in the child gratitude and reverence; the parents whose tenderness and justice and long-suffering interpret to the child the love and justice and long-suffering of God; and who, by teaching the child to love and trust and obey them, are teaching him to love and trust and obey his Father in heaven. Parents who impart to a child such a gift have endowed him with a treasure more precious than the wealth of all the ages—a treasure as enduring as eternity.” Ibid., 375, 376.

Thomas Jackson, Ph.D., is Director and co-founder of Missionary Education and Evangelistic Training (M.E.E.T.) Ministry, a gospel medical ministry institute in Huntingdon, Tennessee. Dawn Jenkins is a lifestyle educator and therapist at M.E.E.T. They may be contacted by e-mail at: godsplan@meetministry.org or by telephone at: 731-986-3518.