If we are ready when Jesus comes, He will take us with Him to heaven. Though we know very little about the social and family arrangements in heaven, we do know that angels are social beings, and Jesus has said that we would be like them. The important thing, however, is to understand that how we live here—as families, spouses, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and brothers and sisters in Christ—will determine whether or not we will be there. What we do know is that heaven, and ultimately the new earth, will be populated with a diverse congregation of people, all united by their love for God.
Happiness is where the heart is.
Many people feel that their home is where they will find happiness, and I hope that is true. But there is a more profound reason behind why God instituted the home and families, and Mrs. White gives us that reason when she wrote that our homes should be “a little heaven to go to heaven in.” (The Review and Herald, April 21, 1891). God established homes on earth as the practical classroom in which we are prepared to live as the saints will live in heaven. And if everyone in our home is living in this way, then our earthly home will exude the atmosphere of heaven. Therefore, learning how to have a sanctified home here would be a study of great importance.
To begin our study, let’s ask ourselves this question, “If Jesus were to come right now, would we feel perfectly at ease in heaven?” If the way we speak and interact with those in our family here would cause us to answer “no” to this question, then we have some work to do to be ready for heaven. Now is the time when we must individually work to develop a Christlike life and character (Sermons and Talks, Vol. 1, 206, 207; The Upward Look, 374). Our earthly home is where we can practice living as Christ did in His earthly life.
Mrs. White said that “it was heaven to be in Jesus’ presence” (The Ministry of Healing, 18). Most people think that heaven is a place with golden streets, pearly gates, and mansions, and that is all true. But heaven is heaven because Jesus is there. So, if we allow Him to dwell in our hearts and transform our lives, then we will have heaven within us every day.
Some homes are long-standing battlefields. Parents and children alike fight with one another, sometimes physically bruising and breaking the body, and sometimes with words that wither the spirit and cause lifelong desolation to the heart. God will not allow anyone who chooses to retain their selfish nature to be in heaven.
And so, it began.
When Lucifer rebelled against God and His government, war raged in heaven (Revelation 12:7–9). Christ and His angels fought against the devil and his angels until they were cast out of heaven. Thus began the great controversy—the war for the souls of humanity—between Christ and Satan. This isn’t just a story in the Bible; you can see it happening throughout the world. But worst of all, this war is being waged in our hearts and homes every day. Jesus seeks to make every home a little piece of heaven on earth, thereby saving every member of every family. Satan seeks to destroy everyone and everything.
Heaven, no matter where it is.
“No unpleasant words are spoken in heaven. There, no unkind thoughts are cherished. There envy, evil surmising, hatred, and strife find no place. Perfect harmony pervades the heavenly courts.” The Upward Look, 163
What a beautiful description of our earthly homes if only we would surrender our hearts to be a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.
“What a precious privilege is this—that we may be sons and daughters of the Most High, heirs of God and joint-heirs with Jesus Christ! What love, what matchless love, that, sinners and aliens as we are, we may be brought back to God and adopted into his family! …
“To everyone who surrenders fully to God is given the privilege of living without sin, in obedience to the law of heaven. …
“God requires of us perfect obedience. We are to purify ourselves, even as He is pure. By keeping His commandments, we are to reveal our love for the Supreme Ruler of the universe.” The Review and Herald, September 27, 1906
Me, me, me, I, I, I.
Strife comes when we say, “I want to do things my way. I want what I want.” This attitude is born from selfishness, which is the foundation of our naturally sinful self. In a home where family members all express selfishness and the desire to have things just as they want them, strife is the sure result because everyone sees themselves as the most important. If we want our homes to be like heaven, there can be no strife, for there is no strife in heaven.
When I fully surrender myself, the Holy Spirit can then do His work of transformation, and my selfish nature no longer holds the governing place in my life. Instead, my selfish nature has been transformed to respond to the government of God—one of love that loves God supremely and esteems others above myself.
Yes, he knows.
We live in a world cursed by sin and filled with strife and troubles of every kind. For millennia, mankind has dreamed and longed for heaven. He sings of its beauties and marvels, he reads Mrs. White’s description of what she saw when taken there in vision, and we plead in prayer that we might soon be there, yet it remains beyond our reach.
“He [Satan] knew that the value of heaven far exceeded the anticipation and appreciation of fallen man. The most costly treasures of the world, he knew, would not compare with its worth. …
“He had knowledge of the inestimable value of eternal riches that man had not. …
Satan knew what he had lost.” Confrontation, 30
Yes, Satan knows exactly how wonderful heaven is. And he is determined that you and I won’t have the opportunity to understand how wonderful it is nor how to get there. He fills the world with excitement, glamor, glitter, addiction, troubles, hardships, and selfishness. Our eyes are blinded to the beauty of heaven by the bright and shiny things around us. Our ears cannot hear heavenly voices for the continual cacophony of sounds heard throughout the world. He sends temptations that will speak to each one of us until it is nigh impossible for us to feel the wooing of the Holy Spirit. Satan’s philosophy is, why would they want heaven when I can make them feel so happy and satisfied here? But are we truly happy and satisfied?
“What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:26
The Bible tells us that the day is coming when everything in this world that we possess or want to possess will be worthless. Ezekiel says:
“They will throw their silver into the streets, and their gold will be like refuse; their silver and their gold will not be able to deliver them in the day of the wrath of the Lord; they will not satisfy their souls, nor fill their stomachs because it became their stumbling block of iniquity.” Ezekiel 7:19
Nothing of this world can make up for losing heaven.
Destroy the family and …
“Well does Satan know what heaven is, and what the influence of the angels is. His work is to bring into every family the cruel elements of self-will, harshness, selfishness. Thus, he seeks to destroy the happiness of the family. …
“Let the father and mother always be guarded in their words and actions. The husband is to treat his wife, the mother of his children, with due respect, and the wife is to love and reverence her husband. How can she do this if he treats her like a servant, to be dictated to, ordered about, scolded, found fault with before the children? He is forcing her to dislike him and even to hate him.
“May God help fathers and mothers to open the windows of the soul heavenward and let the sunshine of Christ into the home life. Unless they do this, they will be surrounded by a mist and fog most injurious to spirituality.
“Fathers and mothers, bring sweetness and brightness and hopefulness into the lives of your children. Kindness and love will work wonders.” The Upward Look, 163
The devil brings contention and selfishness into every home and, if we are contentious and selfish at home, we will bring contention and selfishness into every other aspect of our lives, including church, work, friendships, and even gospel work.
Surrender. Now.
Alone, we are unable to prevent the devil from bringing these elements into our homes. However, when we surrender to the will of God, Satan no longer has control of our hearts. Jesus is waiting to give you the power to become His child. He longs to change your life and your home, and this is how He will do it.
To have a happy, sanctified home, we must have love. The whole world needs and wants love, but very few know how to get it. They try to force it, thinking it stems from a physical relationship or an overpowering feeling of desire. But you can’t buy it at the store, you can’t major in it in college, you can’t learn it on the job. No, there is only one source of true love, and 1 John 4:19 tells us what it is. “We love Him [God] because He first loved us.” God created us to be loving human beings and to love Him above all else. But sin changed us. No longer loving and pure, we are now selfish and sinful.
Too often, I meet people who are terribly discouraged because they have given love but have received none in return. Human beings can be so hard-hearted, and it seems no matter how much love you give, a hard heart does not reciprocate. It takes a long time for a hardened heart to realize what it needs; it may even take a long time for the Holy Spirit to soften a heart and help it accept God’s love. The only way to have true love in this world is by giving it away. And this is precisely what God did. The only remedy for a hardened heart is never-ending love.
Love is a precious gift we receive from Jesus. We only have love to give because He gives it to us. He gives it, and then we give it to somebody else. Giving and receiving love is one of the reasons we have heaven in our hearts and homes. However, to truly understand love, experience it, and share it, we must spend time every day with Jesus.
To understand how God’s love can change our hearts and homes, we must first understand that God created us because He wanted children to shower His love upon us and to receive love in return. But when Adam and Eve chose to believe the deceiver, God activated the plan of salvation which had existed from the foundation of the world. God gave all of heaven, everything He had, to save us. That plan culminated in Jesus’ death on the cross. God gave Himself, in the person of His Son, that They might save mankind from sin.
“God’s love for the world was not manifest because He sent His Son, but because He loved the world He sent His Son into the world … . Though sin had produced a gulf between man and his God, a divine benevolence provided a plan to bridge that gulf. And what material did He use? A part of Himself. …
“Had God given us less, we could not have been saved. But He gave to our world so abundantly that it could not be said that He could love us more. … God has exhausted His benevolence … in pouring out all heaven to man in one great gift. …
“God claims the whole of the affections of man, the whole heart, the whole soul, the whole mind, the whole strength. He lays claim to all that there is of man because He has poured out the whole treasure of heaven by giving us His all at once, reserving nothing greater that heaven can do.” Our High Calling, 12
“While we contemplate the cross, the Son of God assuming the mass of human guilt, the mystery of redemption seems wonderful. Jesus points us to the love of God; the Father provided this propitiation because He loved us, that there might be a medium through which He could be reconciled to man and man to Him. And our Lord, having committed Himself to the wonderful work of redemption, would withhold nothing necessary to the completion of His plan. He poured out all heaven to man in that one great gift.” The Signs of the Times, August 17, 1891
While the devil has a massive arsenal of spiritual weaponry to use against us in this war with God, God Himself has only one weapon that He uses to draw us to Him. Love. When we accept His love, then our preparation for heaven begins.
At the cross, I see what Jesus is like. And the more time I spend with Him, and the more I surrender to Him, the more like Him I will become—at home, at church, at work. My words and actions will be the same as His. I will love and care for my family as He loves and cares for them. Only in this way can I bring love into my home.
It rarely happens right away.
Have you ever considered just how long God waits before some of us respond? Think of all the happiness we could have had if only we had responded sooner. Marriage is often one-sided, with one spouse giving all while the other takes all and give little. Imagine if the relationship and home had been one where each spouse gave love to the other, regarding their spouse of greater value. Think of how happy the home could have been.
But even as you do your best, life is fraught with failure, and when you have trouble at home, there is Someone who understands. Jesus knows because He endured persecution from His family in His own home. He was accused all of His life of being born of fornication, an illegitimate son (John 8).
Sanctification means “to be made holy.” “Therefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy and just and good.” Romans 7:12. The context of this scripture makes it very evident that Paul is talking about the ten commandments. He says that the law is holy. If you want to live a holy life, then your life must be in harmony with God’s law, and your family must keep God’s law if, together with you, they are to be a holy family.
The prescription for a happy home.
There are many homes, even professed Christian homes, that, in just a very short time, could be transformed from being a living hell to being like heaven. Every family member can choose to keep all of God’s law. God’s law is the prescription for a happy home and family. Many of the commandments deal specifically with the family.
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12
In Ephesians, we find that the fifth commandment is called “the first commandment with promise.” The Lord says that if you keep this commandment, He will give you a long life. Regardless of our age, we need to ask the Lord to teach us how to honor and respect our parents.
In the Old Testament culture, if a child cursed their parents, they were stoned to death. This is important to remember because the way we treat our parents here is the way we will treat them in heaven. Heaven is a place where people honor each other and give deference and respect to each other.
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3
“You shall not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14
The seventh commandment recommends that honoring your spouse will bring happiness to your home. Adultery is the ultimate act of disrespect toward both your spouse and your vow to “cleave only unto” them (Genesis 2:24). Jesus said that “… ‘whoever divorces his wife [or husband], except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery … .’ ” Matthew 19:9
Jesus did not allow for divorce except in the case of adultery. Adultery is a terrible thing in a family—causing pain and leaving scars—preventing happiness in the home.
We do the same with God. We believe we can do what we like, and He will forgive us. It is true that if we are sincere in asking for forgiveness and are willing to repent of our sins, He will forgive; however, the scar remains on the soul for a lifetime, providing a doorway through which the devil can continually slip temptations.
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.” Exodus 20:17
Coveting is like a wrecking ball to the happiness of your family. When we covet things outside our home and family, we place a higher value on things that are, and perhaps should be, out of our reach and care too little for what we have. My house is nice, but I’d rather have one like my neighbor. My wife is pretty and sweet, but my neighbor’s wife or the lady at the office is beautiful. My car is serviceable, but I’d rather have one that drives fast. The spirit of covetousness is a monster with an appetite that is never satisfied.
To have a happy home, we must each be sanctified.
“Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is the truth.” John 17:17
To be happy and holy, God’s great guidebook, the Bible, must be in the home and must be read. God’s word teaches us how to live. Studying the Bible and praying together opens the way for the Holy Spirit to begin His work of transformation in our hearts and minds. We need to have family worship if we are going to have a sanctified home.
“Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice.” Psalms 55:17
“God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” John 4:24
“O come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.” Psalm 95:6
We must first yield our hearts to God, entirely consecrating ourselves to Him; then, there is no problem that He cannot solve on our behalf. But He does not force His way into our lives and homes. If we set aside specific periods of time, as David and Daniel did, to earnestly spend in prayer, telling Him about the problems in our homes, we can be confident that He will answer. The Lord has told us that we should pray every day to be divested of the selfishness that ruins the happiness, peace, and joy of our home (Our High Calling, 242).
Jesus was a person of prayer. “Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place and there He prayed.” Mark 1:35
The Lord never tells us to do something unless it is necessary while we strive against our sinful natures. He promises that we can overcome all of our sinful propensities—inherent or cultivated—and resist the temptation to sin. However, this can only happen as we continue to pray and surrender. The devil declares that there is not a single unselfish person in the world who can obey the law of God. But is that true?
God says if I study His word and pray, if I surrender my heart and will to Him, if I look to Him always for everything I need, then He will provide the power and grace necessary to change me from a person who thinks only of himself, to a person who unselfishly serves God first and others second.
If everyone in my family is selfish, then our prayer must be, “Lord, help us to prove the devil is a liar, to prove that there is one person in my home who is unselfish.” Your best chance of helping others in your home, is to be unselfish and Christlike yourself. As you give love to others, the barrier of selfishness that destroys the happiness in a home is broken down and love and joy can reign in your home.
The Lord has been so gracious to us in our weakness and tendency to misunderstand that He has given us specific counsel regarding how to talk and act at home. Bible study, prayer, worship, thanksgiving, and praise are all essential parts of a happy home, but let’s not forget that we must love and obey the law of God.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign upon your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:5–9
When we follow God’s commandments, seeking always to do His will, then we are learning how to be happy.
Here are some actions that can make strong relationships and bring happiness into the home:
- Expressing affection
- Kindly attentions
- Refined manners
- Kind, loving words
- Faithfulness
- Gentleness
- Humility, meekness
- Patience
- No envy
- No pride
- Understanding
- Courtesy
- Encouragement
- Gratitude
- Sympathy
- Helpfulness
“We want a spirit of gentleness. We cannot live right in the family circle without it. In order to have the proper control of our children, we must manifest a spirit of gentleness and of meekness and of longsuffering. We do not want to have a faultfinding, fretful, scolding spirit. If we teach them to have a spirit of gentleness, we must have a spirit of gentleness ourselves; … if we would have them manifest a spirit of love toward us, we must manifest a gentle, loving spirit toward them. But at the same time, there need be no weakness or unwise indulgence on the part of parents.” The Review and Herald, December 21, 1886
We must exhibit gratitude in our homes. This may be one of the most difficult attitudes to bring into the home as we too often take for granted the members of our families and the things they do as part of the family. While it is sometimes needful to discipline a child, a “Thank you” or “I appreciate that so much” are simple ways to express gratitude, and young children flourish and grow when gratitude is expressed for their small efforts and obedience.
“We should be self-forgetful, ever looking out for opportunities, even in little things, to show gratitude for the favors we have received of others, and watching for opportunities to cheer others and lighten and relieve their sorrows and burdens by acts of tender kindness and little deeds of love. These thoughtful courtesies that, commencing in our families, extend outside the family circle, help make up the sum of life’s happiness, and the neglect of these little things make up the sum of life’s bitterness and sorrow.” Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 3, 539, 540
“It is by beholding love in their parents that children are led to obey the fifth commandment. …
Parents often stir up the worst passions of the human heart because of their lack of self-control. They correct them [the children] in a spirit of anger and rather confirm them in their evil ways and defiant spirit than influence them in the way of right. By their own arbitrary spirit, they thrust their children under satanic influences, instead of rescuing them from the snares of Satan by gentleness and love. … By their violent, unforgiving temper, make them adverse to all religion.” The Review and Herald, November 15, 1892
Every one of us has faults, and it is the devil’s handiwork to cause us to focus on the faults of others, particularly those of our spouses, until the faults are so significant that we can no longer see our own faults, nor do we appreciate the good things in them and the marriage.
The Lord wants us to do just the opposite. “Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects.” The Adventist Home, 105. We are to be quick to recognize the good qualities in our spouses. They must have them, or why else would we have married them?
“Love cannot long exist without expression.” Ibid., 107. There are many ways of expressing love, but it must be expressed.
“Around every family, there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle, no other person has a right to come.” The Ministry of Healing, 361
We should not share private matters or feelings with others outside our homes. We all have faults, and some of those faults are known only by our spouses and God. It is God’s will to cure us and save us from these faults. It is the devil’s purpose to have us share these private things with the world. When this is done, the faults and problems become more significant, and discouragement creeps into the marriage and home, ultimately leading to the loss of respect and, in some cases, love for one another.
“Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way, encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be, as it were, the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.” Ibid., 360
We are not to compel our spouse to do what we want. We should not try to control their lives by various means of manipulation. Men are more direct because they have physical strength. Women lacking that physical strength use emotional and mental manipulation. But in the end, it brings the same disastrous result.
“Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God, you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do. …
“Both husband and wife should be willing to yield his or her way or opinion.” Adventist Home, 118
If we want to have a happy home, we must not think only of ourselves. We will not be happy in our marriages if we are not contributing to our spouses’ happiness, and our homes will not be happy if we are not helping others outside our homes find happiness as well. Some of the unhappiest people are those whose lives are entirely self-centered and who contribute nothing to the happiness of others. The truest happiness is to be found in unselfish service—at home, at church, in the community, in missionary work.
Saved Without the Loss of One
It must be the desire of every Christian that their family as a whole will be saved. This can be a reality, but if you want your family saved without the loss of one, then you must be saved. If you are not there, your family will not be complete.
The truth is, the majority of families will have someone missing. But God is willing to save every member of every family, and He will if they are surrendered to Him. It is crucial, then, that we surrender ourselves to the working of the Holy Spirit so that on that day, when the voice of Jesus is heard, and all His children are gathered to Him to be taken home, every family, with every member, will be able to meet together on the sea of glass, once lost souls, but now members of the eternal family of God.
Pastor John J. Grosboll is the Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be reached by email at historic@stepstolife.org or by telephone at 316-788-5559.