honor

A Distinctive Lifestyle

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Managing a unique, distinctive, Christian lifestyle is not easy, but it is possible. We are living in a world full of turmoil. Will the economy collapse? Will a nuclear holocaust destroy our world? Will the nations keep their promises and pursue peaceful relationships? There is so much uncertainty—terrorism, crime, drug abuse, family breakups, child abductions and abuse, natural disasters, church and political scandals.

There is only one thing that is certain in our insecure world, and that is what God shares in His Word. Jesus said: “Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.” Matthew 24:35.

Well With Thee

Cultures come and go. Civilizations become extinct and largely forgotten. Men’s philosophies, customs, and lifestyles are constantly changing with the passing of time. Science is advancing so rapidly that within a few years that which is contemporary today will soon be out of date. In contrast, the Christian lifestyle that is based upon the Word of God never goes out of date. God’s principles transcend all times and cultures.

“Observe and hear all these words which I command thee, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee for ever, when thou doest [that which] is good and right in the sight of the Lord thy God.” Deuteronomy 12:28. [Emphasis added.]

God has promised in His Word that we can certainly experience a successful Christian lifestyle in this contemporary world. God has provided a way in which we can look back over our lives with great satisfaction, free from regrets and guilt. This is what God offers to each of us. We can and must avoid the pitfalls and the sorrows, the heartache, grief, and bitterness that is generally associated with this modern world.

“Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest.” Joshua 1:7. [Emphasis added.]

Formula

What is the formula of success, happiness, and fulfillment? How, then, can we prosper? Some people think that if they had had better opportunities in life, then they would have had much more success. Others think that if they only had more capital, they would certainly prosper. Many so-called experts have theorized about these matters and have tried to offer solutions. Yet, God has always promised that the one who meditates on His Law and obeys it will be like a fruitful tree, flourishing beside a river, and “whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.” Psalm 1:3.

You see, God offers to everyone true happiness and fulfillment in life when we follow His Word. Why? Because His Word teaches us to study and work hard, to be efficient with our time and money, and to be honest and respectful. These are the qualities that make us better fathers, mothers, employees, and people. God’s Word also gives us certain prohibitions, such as lying, stealing, cheating, drinking, and fighting—all of which are certainly destructive to those who do them, making it virtually impossible to have any lasting success in this life.

If we fail to bring our lives under the will of God, then we will not be in a position where God can bless us. The Bible is a record of great men and women of faith who were blessed because of their lifestyle. They chose to obey God and to enter into a special relationship with Him. True, lasting prosperity; real greatness; and true, worthwhile success in our lives, our homes, and our endeavors can be attributed only to the blessings of God.

Honor God

God has promised in His Word: “For them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.” 1 Samuel 2:30.

“In the history of Joseph, Daniel, and his fellows we see how the golden chain of truth may bind the youth to the throne of God. They could not be tempted to turn aside from their course of integrity. They valued the favor of God far above the favor and praise of princes, and God loved them, and spread His shield over them. Because of their faithful integrity, because of their determination to honor God above every human power, the Lord signally honored them before men. They were honored by the Lord God of hosts, whose power is over all the works of His hand in heaven above and the earth beneath.” My Life Today, 120.

The blessings of God come upon those who have become the object of God’s favor. And God’s favor and honor rest upon those men and women who pattern their lives after the standard of righteousness found in His Word.

“Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin [is] a reproach to any people.” Proverbs 14:34.

A Clash of Cultures

The apostle Paul is a notable example for us to study, because he did an incredible job in preserving his unique witness in the face of opposition and ridicule. He refused to be intimidated, and he maintained his integrity and fidelity to God.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2.

In the Book of Acts, we find Paul at the Areopagus (Mars’ Hill) in the legendary city of Athens. Areopagus was the celebrated high court where matters of law, politics, and religion were decided. The elders of Athens who guided this court were responsible for shaping the culture and thinking of the people.

Speaking of Paul, we are told, in Acts 17:18–20: “Then certain philosophers of the Epicureans, and of the Stoicks, encountered him. And some said, What will this babbler say? other some, He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods: because he preached unto them Jesus, and the resurrection. And they took him, and brought him unto Areopagus, saying, May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, [is]? For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears: we would know therefore what these things mean.”

The Greeks based their pursuit for knowledge and their understanding of worldviews upon their own personal reasoning. Their views on the world, on social relations, religion, and norms of behavior came not from the revelation of God’s Word. As a result, many Greeks believed that the best way to achieve happiness and contentment was for the people to fulfill all their carnal pleasures, and, by doing so, they would achieve peace within. “Pleasure is good and right; not doing as you please is wrong,” they reasoned. “The God of the Bible is nothing; we are the gods that the people must look to,” some proclaimed.

Aristotle, an ancient Greek philosopher who lived about 370 years before Paul, held the view that the world was from eternity, and everything always was from eternity, and everything always was what it is now. This was, in essence, the doctrine of evolution. The immortality of the soul was another concept espoused by the Greeks.

These were the sentiments shared by Socrates, Plato, Aristotle and many other carnal-minded Greek, philosophical “thinkers.” These ideas were the same old teachings that originated from Satan himself.

Tragically, these teachings have become the guiding policies in the world in which we live today. Humanism is the religion of our culture; it is an attempt to explain everything without any reference to God or to His Word. Our culture is permeated with these destructive ideas that run rampant in politics, education, and religion.

No Compromise

So how did Paul relate to the culture of his day?

“Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars’ hill, and said, [Ye] men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious. For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, to the unknown god. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you. God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands.” Acts 17:22–24.

Paul, though being courteous, did not compromise his beliefs or the message. He told them the world did not always exist from eternity, because the true God made the heavens and the earth. The creation account was contrary to what many Greeks had always been taught.

“Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation.” Verses 25, 26.

Paul told the men of Athens that humans are created beings, countering the Greek thought that men were gods. He explained further that God had made of one blood, meaning Adam, all the nations of men. That one statement destroyed the Greek notion that they were an elite, intellectually superior nation and that all their neighbors were inherently ignorant and barbaric.

The Romans and the Jews shared the similar belief that they were the exclusive people of God. Paul plainly declared, both by word and through the life that he lived, that all men and women have a common origin in God, and that He is in control of man. Paul is a great example of one who stood alone against the prevailing influences and beliefs of his days.

Theologian to Philosopher

“That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.” Verses 27, 28.

Paul now becomes a philosopher to them instead of a theologian. Born in Tarsus, a city heavily influenced by Greek culture, Paul, too, was well studied in many of the historical teachings of philosophy and was very familiar with them. In fact, he used them against the men of Athens. He appealed to their conscience and revealed to them a knowledge of the true and living God, who alone is to be the object of their admiration. He laid a foundation and instructed them in the primary principle of all true religion, that there is one God, Creator of heaven and earth, and we must look to Him.

“Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device. And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: Because he hath appointed a day, in which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; [whereof] he hath given assurance unto all [men], in that he hath raised him from the dead.” Verses 29–31.

Paul told them that it is meaningless to think of the Creator, the original Source of Life, as like unto gold, silver, and stone. An all-powerful God is infinitely more excellent than the workings of man’s hands. On the contrary, we are the workings of God’s hands, created and formed by Him.

He then charged these so-called wise philosophers with ignorance and blindness, and extended unto them an invitation to repent. Amazing! How many of us today would have the moral boldness to stand up against the modern-day philosophers?

Paul also cautioned about personal accountability to God and that we would each have to answer for the way we have lived—a strange new concept they had never considered—and that the judgment would be through Jesus, the One that God had raised from the dead.

And so it is today; Satan is causing the church and the world to look to everything except the true God of heaven. He wants us to look to men who claim to have special knowledge or divine authority by placing our own salvation into their hands. For others, the enemy has placed a fair front upon the “pleasures of sin for a season,” and thereby he binds up the masses for destruction. Hebrews 11:25.

Selfish Isolation

One of the most dangerous injuries inflicted upon the Christian is a lifestyle that is self-absorbed, self-important, self-centered, and self-satisfied. When we isolate ourselves from the world completely and live a cloistered life, our spiritual life dies. On the other hand, when we routinely witness to others, we gain strength for ourselves.

“Now while Paul waited for them at Athens, his spirit was stirred in him, when he saw the city wholly given to idolatry. Therefore disputed he in the synagogue with the Jews, and with the devout persons, and in the market daily with them that met with him.” Verses 16, 17.

We can learn from Paul that the Christian is not to be swept away by the teaching, the beliefs, the culture, and the fashions of the world. But, rather, we are called to be an effective, living witness to the world. We must stay active and be constantly engaging people in our modern-day Areopagus.

When Paul saw the prevailing attitude of the people in his day, his spirit was stirred within him. Is our spirit being stirred today, or have God’s professed people been “in the Church” for so long that we have developed a lifestyle with no witness? Have our church services become places where members are, quite honestly, merely preaching to themselves? Have we developed a lifestyle where we are just comfortable living, learning, and sharing the Gospel only in the confines of the church? In the example given to us by Paul at Areopagus, we should also welcome the opportunity to meet people where they live, work, and interact, in order to share our unique message.

We cannot always live our lives on the defensive. God also requires that we take the battle into new territories. We must initiate the warfare against the enemy and look for opportunities to introduce the Gospel.

“While partial inactivity has come upon the church, Satan and his hosts are intensely active. The professed Christian churches are not converting the world; for they are themselves corrupted with selfishness and pride, and need to feel the converting power of God in their midst before they can lead others to a purer or higher standard.” Testimonies, vol. 9, 65.

Hour of Judgment

As Seventh-day Adventists, we must be conscious of the time in which we are living. We are living in the judgment hour. The lifestyle that we are living will come up for review in the highest court of the universe. Our mission is to bring our lives into line and harmony with God’s Word and to persuade others to do the same. If we continue down the road of selfish isolationism, thinking that everything is all right when we hide our unique witness, we will not be recognized by Christ in the day of judgment.

“But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.” Matthew 10:33. [Emphasis added.] Denying the work of evangelism is denying the name of Christ.

“And when they heard of the resurrection of the dead, some mocked: and others said, We will hear you again on this [matter]. So Paul departed from among them. Howbeit certain men clave unto him, and believed: among the which was Dionysius the Areopagite, and a woman named Damaris, and others with them.” Verses 32–34. Some mocked, some wanted to hear him again, and some joined him.

And so it is today; the world continues to mock those who live a distinctive Christian lifestyle. A life that is under the will of God challenges the belief systems of the world. Yet the message of Jesus Christ—the tremendous advantages and benefits that come from Him and the prospects of eternal life—is still held out for all to enjoy. The promise given to us is that our efforts to live for God will not be in vain. “Certain men clave unto him” means that Paul’s life bore fruit. The lifestyle we live is a powerful testimony for or against the truth through which people will either reject or embrace eternal life.

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” Revelation 12:11.

The Blessing of the Fifth Commandment

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If I were to ask a child if there is a favorite rule that he or she likes to obey, chances are that the response would be a facial expression that says, “Are you serious?” As ridiculous as my question may be, I can confidently recall the time when I had a favorite commandment. My favorite commandment was “honor your father and mother.” (Exodus 20:12.) And as far as I can remember, I tried to keep that commandment with all my strength. The reason for my ambition, I must admit, was not because I loved my parents. Even though I did love them, the real reason I tried to keep that commandment was because I heard that if I kept it, I would live a long life. This appeal had a strong impact on my heart, so beginning around the age of five, my attitude toward my parents was ruled by this commandment. More specifically, however, was the way I treated my mother. I would always make sure that she was happy; I would ask how she was doing or if anything was troubling her. We held close communication and shared many secrets. And when she asked or ordered me to do something, I made sure that it was done. Yes, I considered it my duty to make her happy; I considered it a blessing to obey the fifth commandment.

As the years went by and I grew older, my attitude towards the fifth commandment began to change. When I was eleven, my mother, siblings, and I moved to New York City. It was here that I began to see myself as an individual of society. Prior to this, most of my time away from school was spent with family. Not anymore! The city was big and attractive, so I began to explore. In addition, my restraining stepfather was no longer a part of my life. Since he was no longer there to dictate my coming and going, I felt free to roam. In all of this, however, I continually made an effort to honor my mother. When she called, I answered. When she ordered, I obeyed. But though I answered and obeyed, my heart began to dread restrictions. And because I wanted to be like others, I slowly began to disregard the fifth commandment.

One day, an incident occurred which, to this day, is one of the most memorable events of my youth. Instead of going home after school as my mother ordered, I decided to hang out in the school yard with some of the other students. We were playing basketball when all of a sudden another student approached me. I was surprised at this because he was one of the popular students of the school. He was around my age, but he had a reputation of being a hard little boy, one who was accustomed to the streets. When he approached me, I was not prepared for what he had to say. In a demanding tone, he asked me to help him steal a puppy. Yes, to steal! I immediately became uneasy, but because I wanted to be accepted, I tried so hard to hide my fears, and I began to make excuses. “It’s getting late.” “Oh, my mother is waiting for me.” “I need to catch the next bus home.” I gave so many appeals hoping to set myself free, but he was not persuaded. Instead, he began to persuade me with violent threats. He threatened to get his older brother to hurt me if I did not comply. Since I knew a little about his brother’s reputation, I concluded that he was not to be offended. Therefore, I submitted to the little boy’s demand and followed him to where the puppy was.

He took me to an alley located around three blocks away from the school. There the puppy was, locked in a fence which faced a position that made it impossible for us to open the gate. Once he realized this, my comrade suddenly changed his plans. No longer was I to help him steal the puppy; I was told to steal it myself while he just watched out. So there I was struggling with this extremely secured fence. I pulled, I pushed, I twisted, and I turned. I could not get it opened. In the process, a noise was made that caused me and my comrade to run and hide. When we arrived at our hiding spot, he suddenly became very violent. He cursed me. He grabbed me. He held me up against the wall. I shook. I trembled. I began to cry. In his anger he made more violent threats, and out of fear I promised to try harder. So when the scene was clear, we went back to get the puppy. Once again I pulled, I pushed, I twisted, and I turned. This time the fence gave way, and I was able to grab the poor little creature. Immediately, I brought the puppy to my anxious little comrade. Now that he had his object, he became cheerful and happy. And after giving me a brief, halfhearted apology, he departed with a smile on his face. As for me, I went home with a frightened heart and a trembling body.

This event is so important because of the two lessons I have learned from it. First, it causes me to recognize the blessing of the fifth commandment. Had I followed my mother’s order and gone straight home after school that day, this awful experience would have been completely avoided. Because of my disobedience, I found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a result, Satan was able to use this little boy as an instrument to lead me even further into disobedience. Not only was I dishonoring my mother, but now I was dishonoring my neighbors and stealing from them. And as my teenage years progressed, I committed more and more crimes against my neighbors until I was almost destroyed. All of this happened because I abandoned the blessing of the fifth commandment.

The second lesson I have learned from this experience is that it is better for me to be alone and obey than to join the crowd and disobey. Before I tried to fit in with other students, I was honoring my mother, getting good grades, and staying out of trouble. But because I wanted to be accepted, I started to disregard my mother’s orders. When I was alone, I was obedient and peaceful, but in the crowd I was rebellious and causing trouble. All of this happened because I abandoned the blessing of the fifth commandment.

So to help you to avoid making the same unwise decision I made, here is a poem for you to remember:

Obey your parents, this is right,

for this will bring eternal life.

Rebel and you will find for sure,

that death is waiting at your door.

A member of Steps to Life staff, Demario Carter works in the Mail Order Services Department. He can be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Honor your Parents

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The Ten Commandments are not a very popular topic these days. Judges get in trouble for trying to put the Ten Commandments in the courtroom. The Ten Commandments are not extremely popular. The truth is that the Ten Commandments are not a legalistic set of regulations for us. These commandments were written by the finger of God. He wrote them as an expression of His character so that we might know Him. It is more important to view the commandments in that way than any other.

What does this tell me about the Father? What does this tell me about God? I find that God is very interested in your relationship because the first four commandments have to do with your relationship with God. The fifth Commandment is where it turns. People say that the last six commandments have to do with our relationship with others. I would like to give a third division. The first four pertain to our relationship with God. The last five involve our relationships with others. But the fifth commandment is specifically focused on the home.

The fifth commandment is concerned with your relationship with father and mother, with children, with the family, because the family is the core of society. In fact, it is good to view this as concentric circles; it begins with our love for God in the inner circle. From there we expand to another circle which is family. We need to love God; we need to love family. Then we go one more circle and that is to love everyone else as well.

We see this same pattern in the gospel commission. Jesus told His disciples they were to start at Jerusalem (The Acts of the Apostles, 32) which is where they lived, where the first church was established. Start in Jerusalem and spread the word throughout the city. Then go to Judea, which is the country in which they live, and then to Samaria, their closest neighboring country, and then to the uttermost parts of the world. We start with God and then we move out like concentric circles. The gospel begins at home and then we move out. That seems to be God’s plan.

He asks how you could love others if you don’t even love the people He gave you to live with on a day-to-day basis. We have here God’s pattern for relationships. God says that good relationships have boundaries. A relationship without boundaries is codependent and extremely unhealthy. There are boundaries in my relationship with you.

All human relationships must have boundaries. My wife has commandments that I did not realize until I got married. One commandment is, Thou shalt have no other girlfriends before me. Another commandment is, Thou shalt not take my name in vain, either in my presence or away from me—talk nice about me is what she is saying. Those commandments are not a burden to me. I have more joy keeping those commandments because I love her and they are not a burden or a legalistic requirement of me at all.

Our relationship has boundaries. She has boundaries for me and I have boundaries for her and without those boundaries we would have an unhealthy relationship. There needs to be a set of expectations that we have in relationships. That is what the Ten Commandments are all about. God tells us that the Ten Commandments are boundaries for your relationship with me. There are boundaries for your family and boundaries for the rest of the world—it would be nice if you do not kill the people you love.

Don’t take from the people you love the things that belong to them; respect their property. These are boundaries for relationships. Don’t bear false witness; don’t trash their character. Every relationship must be governed by boundaries or the relationship becomes unhealthy. When you are raising children, you have boundaries for them. There are things you are trying to teach them because you want them to grow up and become responsible human beings. You want them to understand what a healthy relationship is all about.

One of those boundaries is found in Exodus 20:12. It says, “Honour your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you.” One of the things God does is to put men and women on the same level. This was a new thought for that time because it was a very male dominated society.

In order to understand this passage better we need to understand a concept of the Eastern mind, especially the ancient Eastern mind, and it still exists today. This commandment could also be translated as, “Be sure you don’t shame your father and your mother.” A very strong motivating force in the Eastern mind is the idea of shame avoidance—saving face. It is difficult to understand any of the parables that Jesus taught without an understanding of this basic concept of shame avoidance. We will do anything to avoid shame personally and also collectively as a society. That was a key in the Eastern thought.

Remember the parable of the man who received guests into his home late, unexpectedly, and he had nothing in the house to feed them? He goes over to his neighbor and he bangs on the door and he says, “Give me some bread so I can feed my guests.” The man says, “Leave me alone; I am in bed; I have my children in bed with me” (Luke 11:5–7). We really don’t understand that parable here in the West. We think it means that God is reluctant to answer our prayers, but if we keep knocking on the door, eventually He will answer. That is not what the parable says.

In the East, when someone came to your home, not only were they the guests in your home but they were the guests in the entire community. It would be a point of shame, not just for the man who received him into his home, but for the entire community to not meet the needs of the guests. For this man to go to his neighbor and knock on the door and say I have a guest; I have nothing to feed him; help me out, Jesus was saying, Who would not get out of bed and give him the bread? After all, he would bring shame on himself, upon his neighbor and the entire community. Of course, he is going to defend his name; he is going to honor his reputation; he is going to honor his community by getting out of bed, getting the bread so that he will have something to feed his neighbor. By the way, what the man was asking for was primarily utensils. In those days the food was put into a common pot, usually a stew, and they would take flat bread and dip in the common pot, so the bread became the utensil. So for one man to refuse to do that would bring shame upon the entire community, and no one in their right mind would do that.

The point of Jesus’ parable was when you ask for something in His name, God will always honor His name. He would not think of doing otherwise because of the concept in the Eastern mind of shame avoidance. I am going to avoid shame. That is what the fifth Commandment is based on; do not allow your parents to experience shame. Do not shame your mother and your father.

One way in which your mother or father could be shamed in their old age is especially through poverty. Poverty was seen in that mindset as a point of shame. Don’t allow your mother or father to be impoverished in their old age; you take care of their needs. Do not bring shame upon their gray heads.

Do you remember when Saddam Hussein was captured? The allies understood the importance of villages, especially in the Eastern culture. They understood the importance of shame and shame avoidance. In the photographs we saw of him being examined by a doctor and checking his hair and beard for lice, he looked old and tired and he was opening his mouth as they peered in for opium. It was to make this god-like figure experience shame in the eyes of those people he ruled over. It was a mental image they wanted to place in the Eastern mind. They were very intentional about that because they understood the concept of shame avoidance because now he looked like an old, poor, haggard man, filled with vermin. It was all about shame avoidance.

How shameful would it be for your father or mother to not have enough food to eat or to live in poverty while you have enough to eat? The commandment is telling you that you have a responsibility for your father and mother. You are to take care of them in their old age and make sure they have exactly what they need. You do not shame them. Why do you do this? The family is the core of society, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God has given you. That promise does not mean that if you take care of them and be respectful to them that you will live to a ripe old age. It says that your community or your society will be established and you will keep the land that God has given you as a community. I will keep the core of your community strong as long as the family values are strong.

We see the disintegration of the family today. We can see that society is crumbling and standards are melting away. Anything seems to go and it starts with the home. This is why God said that the very first commandment that deals with human relationship is, “Honor your father and your mother.” Take care of the family relationships and make sure that they are in good shape and if you will do that, your society will remain strong. Your community will remain strong.

Another way in which we are to honor our father and our mother is by the way we talk to them. When our children were small, we wanted to make sure that we did not get any back talk. I have been to the store and I have seen children smart mouthing their mother and I want to go over and take the child by the nap of the neck. When our children were small, I remember one of them saying something smart to her mother and it was my job when I heard that to intervene and my wife would intervene when they spoke that way to me. When I heard her speak that way to her mother I told her to wait just a minute, that I would not allow any man on the street to speak to her mother in that way and why on earth would I allow my own daughter to speak that way. You will not speak to your mother in that way. We had no problems after that. I also spoke to her mother with gentleness and kindness and our children were respectful. They did not grow up with mother and father screaming at each other. We wanted our children to be able to emulate our response to each other. Everybody gets irritated but we need to choose our words well. Remember that every word you say trains someone else.

I wanted my children to learn to honor their mother, so I had to honor her. I wanted them to learn to honor their grandparents so I had to honor them. I wanted my children to honor men and women who are older than they and to treat them with gentleness and respect, which means that I have to model that. What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear a word you say. If you say one thing and do another, no one spots a hypocrite faster than a child. All of our children need to learn how to honor father and mother. That does not stop when they leave the house.

I have seen people treat their parents who are in their 50s, 60s and older as if they were children. I have seen them speak disrespectfully to them as if this was just a child with no sense. I have seen them roll their eyes when they take so long to get up or to move from one place to another. There was a time when you were pretty slow too. There was a time when you messed your britches and when you drooled and someone took care of you. We have a responsibility to care for father and mother and to show them dignity and respect regardless of their age.

A man and a woman live their lives searching for some manner of dignity and respect in the world. They do business, they hold a job, they raise a family, participate hopefully in church and at the end of their lives when they should have earned all of this respect, all of a sudden their children treat them as if they do not have a lick of sense. The parents have lost all of the respect they spent their lives trying to earn. This is a society that worships youth and hates old age.

I remember hearing an actor answer a question about who his hero was. He said his son, who was four years old, was his hero. His son had not battled some dread disease and survived or was not a child prodigy. He was just a normal four year old. He spoke of that child as being his ideal and he did not want to teach his child anything because he thought he might spoil that purity. He wanted to be like that child. This is life upside down. Your boy needs a hero and that should be you, dad, because you teach him values. You show him the way to live as a man. You show your daughter what it is to have a man love her appropriately. You don’t worship youth; you train youth.

We respect our elders by recognizing that they have something of value to give us. Honor your father and your mother.

We honor our father and mother by living lives of dignity, respect, purity, truth and honesty. When you are a man or woman of integrity, you give honor to your father and mother. I met a young man who was sharp, well-spoken and he seemed to live by good values. He seemed to have his head together and he seemed to know where he was going in this life. He knew what he wanted to do and what he wanted to accomplish. He knew who he was and what life was all about.

I was so impressed with him that I made a comment to my wife that someone had taught this young man well and that he must have come from a good home. When I had an opportunity to talk with this young man, particularly about his family, I found out just the opposite was true. His father, when he was a child, had been very abusive of the boy and before he had reached his teenage years, his father had abandoned him and he had not seen him in years. His mother was a drug addict and after his father left he saw a long procession of boyfriends move into the house and move out. They had taught him nothing but yet, somewhere along the line, someone had influenced him so that he had become a young man of integrity and dignity. Do you realize that the choices this young man made honored his father and mother who really did not deserve it or may not even be aware of it? And as you have chosen to live lives that honor God this will bring honor to your father and mother.

Honor comes from a root word for heavy or weighty, giving weight to. This can be taken in a positive way. When you consider a weighty matter, it would be something of significance, some substance or value. So when you add weight to this matter you are adding significance, substance and value. That is a positive way of looking at honor. The negative way of looking at honor is when it becomes a heavy burden to carry.

If you grew up in a home where father and mother did their best to care for you and raise you right and they made their mistakes along the way just like any other parent, then this matter of adding weightiness and substance to their lives is a positive command. Now you can respect them, their wisdom, their stories and their history and that becomes a part of your story and adds credence and value to your life, weight to your life. You are honored to give significance to their life at the time of anniversaries, birthdays, retirement and by visiting them. You are there to give honor to your father and your mother.

My family used to run a nursing home and there are a lot of people who were simply placed there and abandoned until they died. You never saw son or daughter or grandchildren; nobody came by until we sent the notice that they had died and they needed to pick up their things. To treat them positively is to add weight to their life and to show up, to be there and to love them and celebrate the moments with them and to thank them for what they have done for you. That is the positive way of looking at the commandment.

There is also a negative side to this. Not everybody grew up in a loving home. Many grew up in homes that were extremely abusive; they were abandoned or molested. This happens in American homes with far too great a frequency. What about those people whose lives have been negatively impacted by a dysfunctional family, a family that told them they were not good enough or abused them? What do you do with a father and mother in that circumstance? That is when the weight of honoring father and mother becomes heavy.

The commandment does not say to honor your father and mother unless your father was a louse, worthless or abusive. How do you honor that father? A work of reconciliation has to be done in your heart first. You need to not gloss over the pain in your life as though it never happened, but to acknowledge it. The only Christian option is to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that what they did didn’t matter, or what they did was right, or that it did not hurt you. Forgiveness means that what you did was wrong, it hurt me and destroyed my life but I have chosen not to carry the resentment or anger around with me anymore. I lay it at the foot of the cross and I extend to you the same grace that was extended to me. I choose to forgive you. Forgiveness is not an emotion but a decision.

Ephesians 6:1–4 tells us that there is a second side to this: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise); That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Do you see the principle here? God never gives privilege without responsibility. Fathers and mothers have the privilege of having God command that our children honor us. The responsibility is that we live lives of integrity and be honorable people.

Jesus will give you the strength that is necessary to honor your father and your mother and to be a father or mother of integrity that your children can honor and love. This is God’s law, not a legalistic requirement. It is a glorious privilege that He wants us to have appropriate boundaries for healthy relationships, relationships with Himself, relationships with the greater community and relationships at home.

Michael Tucker’s sermon was taken from the Ten Commandment Weekend, 2008 series aired on 3ABN. For more information contact www.3ABN.org.