Ask the Pastor – The Unconverted Spouse

Question:

What did Peter mean when he said, in 1 Peter 3:1, 2, “Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear”?

Answer:

One thing that we need to remember, when we read counsel such as this, is the fact that when people are converted, they will experience trials in their lives. We are not removed from relationships that exist between family members and husbands and wives. Where one is converted and the other is not, special care needs to be given to present the gospel in all of its power, so a loved one will experience the witness and respond.

There are few experiences more difficult than to be united in marriage to an unbeliever. The Christian young man or young woman should never go voluntarily into such a union. Paul’s counsel surely reflects the inspiration of the Holy Spirit when he says, in 11 Corinthians 6:14, 15: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for . . . what communion hath light with darkness? . . . or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?”

But where one member of an already formed family is brought to know the Lord while the other remains in the darkness of unbelief, serious misunderstandings and perplexing circumstances can arise.

If the wife has been converted, while the husband has not been, special wisdom and grace are called for on her part to draw the husband to know the Lord. If she takes a superior attitude toward her unconverted husband, she will only stir up his opposition to the truth and make her circumstances miserable. She is counseled here, by Peter, to be in subjection to her own husband. She is to manifest such grace and humility of spirit that even though he resents the Word that is being presented to him, it is by her exceptional behavior and the beauty of her Christian character that he is won to Christ.

We have the saying that actions speak louder than words. This is a principle of Scripture. A whiney, dominating woman will drive her husband further from God instead of drawing him to Christ. But a gentle, gracious lady, whose life is characterized by purity and whose adorning is not simply that which is outward but which is inward, will have a great influence over even a godless husband. The goal of the purposes of a loving wife should be to win her unbelieving husband.

I have never read in Scripture where force or nagging ever won anyone to the Lord. But there are many instances where a meek and submissive spirit has won multitudes to the Lord. This is the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. The world works in just the opposite way. Force is the order of the day. This is why, in the issue of the Sunday law, force will be used to try to control the conscience.

The same principle is to be used where the wife is the unbeliever and the husband is a believer. Kindness, patience, care, and love are mighty when applied to the marriage relationship to win the heart of the unbelieving mate.

Pastor Mike Baugher is Associate Speaker for Steps to Life. If you have a question you would like Pastor Mike to answer, e-mail it to: landmarks@stepstolife.org or mail it to: LandMarks, Steps to Life, P. O. Box 782828, Wichita, KS 67278.