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Bible Study Guides – The Work and the Life

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February 17-23, 2002

MEMORY VERSE: “Ye have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in My name, He may give it you.” John 15:16.

STUDY HELP: Steps to Christ, 77–83.

THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: What we sow, we shall reap.

INTRODUCTION: “And the effort to bless others will react in blessings upon ourselves. This was the purpose of God in giving us a part to act in the plan of redemption. He has granted men the privilege of becoming partakers of the divine nature and, in their turn, of diffusing blessings to their fellow men. This is the highest honor, the greatest joy, that it is possible for God to bestow upon men. Those who thus become participants in labors of love are brought nearest to their Creator.” Steps to Christ, 79.

Jesus’ Example

1 What did Jesus say was His reason for leaving heaven and coming to this dark sinful world? Luke 19:10.

NOTE: “Christ came to bring salvation within the reach of all. Upon the cross of Calvary He paid the infinite redemption price for a lost world. His self-denial and self-sacrifice, His unselfish labor, His humiliation, above all, the offering up of His life, testifies to the depth of His love for fallen man. It was to seek and to save the lost that He came to earth. His mission was to sinners, sinners of every grade, of every tongue and nation. He paid the price for all, to ransom them and bring them into union and sympathy with Himself.” Testimonies, vol. 5, 603.

“His time, His faculties, and His life were appreciated and used only as the means for working out the salvation of the souls of men. He had come to seek and to save that which was lost, and He would not be turned from His purpose. He allowed nothing to divert Him.” Ministry of Healing, 448.

2 What did Jesus manifest in all His dealings with mankind? John 17:6; 14:6–9.

NOTE: “In all the gracious deeds that Jesus did, He sought to impress upon men the parental, benevolent attributes of God. In all His lessons He was seeking to teach men the wonderful truth that ‘God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ Jesus would have us understand the love of the Father, and He seeks to draw us to Him by presenting His parental grace. He would have the whole field of our vision filled with the perfection of God’s character. In His prayer for His disciples He says, ‘I have glorified Thee on the earth: I have finished the work which Thou gavest me to do. I have manifested Thy name unto the men which Thou gavest Me out of the world.’ Jesus came into the world to illustrate the character of God in His own life, and He swept back the misrepresentations that Satan had originated, and revealed the glory of God. It was only by living among men that He could reveal the mercy, compassion, and love of His heavenly Father; for it was only by actions of benevolence that He could set forth the grace of God.” Sons and Daughters of God, 139.

“Ye Are My Witnesses”

3 What witness have God’s faithful children always given? John 5:33.

NOTE: “The testing truth for this time is not the fabrication of any human mind. It is from God. It is genuine philosophy to those who appropriate it. Christ became incarnate in order that we, through belief of the truth, might be sanctified and redeemed. Let those who hold the truth in righteousness arouse and go forth, shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, to proclaim the truth to those who know it not. Let them make straight paths for their feet, lest the lame be turned out of the way.” Testimonies, vol. 8, 211, 212.

“Oh, that our brethren and sisters might value aright the truth! Oh, that they might become sanctified by it! Oh, that they might realize that upon them rests the responsibility of communicating this truth to others! But they do not feel the importance of living the truth, of being doers of the words of Christ. Many are self-sufficient. They are not filled with the missionary spirit that should animate the disciples of Christ. If they knew what it means to have travail of soul for others, angels of God would work through them to communicate a knowledge of the truth. They would know the truth, and the truth would make them free.” Ibid., 151, 152.

4 Not only are we to be a “witness unto the truth,” but to what other witness are we called? Acts 1:8.

NOTE: “We are to be witnesses for Christ; and this we shall be when we grow up daily into the full stature of men and women in Christ. It is our privilege to grow more and more like Him every day. Then we shall acquire the power to express our love for Him in higher, purer speech, and our ideas will enlarge and deepen, and our judgment become more sound and trustworthy, while our testimony will have more of life and assurance.” Sons and Daughters of God, 72.

“If you truly belong to Christ, you will have opportunities for witnessing for Him. You will be invited to attend places of amusement, and then it will be that you will have an opportunity to testify to your Lord. If you are true to Christ then, you will not try to form excuses for your non-attendance, but will plainly and modestly declare that you are a child of God, and your principles would not allow you to be in a place, even for one occasion, where you could not invite the presence of your Lord.” Messages to Young People, 370. See also Counsels to Parents, Teachers, and Students, 243.

The Spirit of Christ

5 Why did Jesus rebuke James and John at the village of the Samaritans? Luke 9:55, 56; Romans 8:9.

NOTE: “It is no part of Christ’s mission to compel men to receive Him. It is Satan, and men actuated by his spirit, that seek to compel the conscience. Under a pretense of zeal for righteousness, men who are confederate with evil angels bring suffering upon their fellow men, in order to convert them to their ideas of religion; but Christ is ever showing mercy, ever seeking to win by the revealing of His love. He can admit no rival in the soul, nor accept of partial service; but He desires only voluntary service, the willing surrender of the heart under the constraint of love. There can be no more conclusive evidence that we possess the spirit of Satan than the disposition to hurt and destroy those who do not appreciate our work, or who act contrary to our ideas.” The Desire of Ages, 487.

“John and his fellow disciples were in a school in which Christ was teacher.…The lessons of Jesus, setting forth meekness, humility, and love as essential to growth in grace, and a fitness for His work, were of the highest value to John. These lessons are addressed to us as individuals and as brethren in the church, as well as to the first disciples of Christ.” The Sanctified Life, 59.

6 What are we told is the true fruit of Christ’s character? Galatians 5:22, 23.

NOTE: “There can be no growth or fruitfulness in the life that is centered in self. If you have accepted Christ as a personal Saviour, you are to forget yourself, and try to help others. Talk of the love of Christ, tell of His goodness. Do every duty that presents itself. Carry the burden of souls upon your heart, and by every means in your power seek to save the lost. As you receive the Spirit of Christ—the Spirit of unselfish love and labor for others—you will grow and bring forth fruit. The graces of the Spirit will ripen in your character. Your faith will increase, your convictions deepen, your love be made perfect. More and more you will reflect the likeness of Christ in all that is pure, noble, and lovely.” Christ’s Object Lessons, 67, 68.

“When a man is converted to God, a new moral taste is supplied, a new motive power is given, and he loves the things that God loves; for his life is bound up by the golden chain of the immutable promises to the life of Jesus. Love, joy, peace, and inexpressible gratitude will pervade the soul, and the language of him who is blessed will be, ‘Thy gentleness hath made me great’ (Psalm 18: 35).” Selected Messages, Book 1, 336.

“What is the character of the fruit borne?—The fruit of the Spirit is ‘love,’ not hatred; ‘joy,’ not discontent and mourning; ‘peace,’ not irritation, anxiety, and manufactured trials. It is ‘long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.’” Sons and Daughters of God, 290.

Reaping What We Sow

7 What principle in the natural world is also an absolute principle for the Christian experience? Galatians 6:7, 8; 2 Corinthians 9:6.

NOTE: “By the laws of God in nature, effect follows cause with unvarying certainty. The reaping testifies to the sowing. Here no pretense is tolerated. Men may deceive their fellow men and may receive praise and compensation for service which they have not rendered. But in nature there can be no deception. On the unfaithful husbandman the harvest passes sentence of condemnation. And in the highest sense this is true also in the spiritual realm. It is in appearance, not in reality, that evil succeeds. The child who plays truant from school, the youth who is slothful in his studies, the clerk or apprentice who fails of serving the interests of his employer, the man in any business or profession who is untrue to his highest responsibilities, may flatter himself that, so long as the wrong is concealed, he is gaining an advantage. But not so; he is cheating himself. The harvest of life is character, and it is this that determines destiny, both for this life and for the life to come.” Education, 108, 109.

“Every seed sown produces a harvest of its kind. So it is in human life. We all need to sow the seeds of compassion, sympathy, and love; for we shall reap what we sow. Every characteristic of selfishness, self-love, self-esteem, every act of self-indulgence, will bring forth a like harvest. He who lives for self is sowing to the flesh, and of the flesh he will reap corruption.” Christ’s Object Lessons, 84.

8 What is God’s promise to all those who will go and sow the seeds of truth? Psalm 126:6.

NOTE: “The work of the sower is a work of faith. The mystery of the germination and growth of the seed he cannot understand. But he has confidence in the agencies by which God causes vegetation to flourish. In casting his seed into the ground, he is apparently throwing away the precious grain that might furnish bread for his family. But he is only giving up a present good for a larger return. He casts the seed away, expecting to gather it manyfold in an abundant harvest. So Christ’s servants are to labor, expecting a harvest from the seed they sow.” Ibid., 64, 65.

“To every worker for God this thought should be a stimulus and an encouragement. In this life our work for God often seems to be almost fruitless. Our efforts to do good may be earnest and persevering, yet we may not be permitted to witness their results. To us the effort may seem to be lost. But the Saviour assures us that our work is noted in heaven, and that the recompense cannot fail.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 305.

Witnessing at Home

9 After preaching in the temple in Jerusalem at the age of 12, what did Jesus do at home for the next 18 years? Luke 2:51, 52.

NOTE: “Jesus did not ignore His relation to His earthly parents. From Jerusalem He returned home with them, and aided them in their life of toil. He hid in His own heart the mystery of His mission, waiting submissively for the appointed time for Him to enter upon His work. For eighteen years after He had recognized that He was the Son of God, He acknowledged the tie that bound Him to the home at Nazareth, and performed the duties of a son, a brother, a friend, and a citizen.” The Desire of Ages, 82.

“He who came from heaven to be our example and teacher spent thirty years as a member of the household at Nazareth. Concerning these years the Bible record is very brief. No mighty miracles attracted the attention of the multitude. No eager throngs followed His steps or listened to His words. Yet during all these years He was fulfilling His divine mission. He lived as one of us, sharing the home life, submitting to its discipline, performing its duties, bearing its burdens. In the sheltering care of a humble home, participating in the experiences of our common lot, He ‘increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.’ Luke 2:52.” The Ministry of Healing, 349.

10 What did Jesus tell the demoniacs to do after they were healed? Mark 5:18, 19.

NOTE: “As Jesus was about to enter the boat, they kept close to His side, knelt at His feet, and begged Him to keep them near Him, where they might ever listen to His words. But Jesus bade them go home and tell what great things the Lord had done for them. Here was a work for them to do,—to go to a heathen home, and tell of the blessing they had received from Jesus.” The Desire of Ages, 339.

“Home religion is greatly needed, and our words in the home should be of a right character, or our testimonies in the church will amount to nothing. Unless you manifest meekness, kindness, and courtesy in your home, your religion will be vain. If there were more genuine home religion, there would be more power in the church.” The Adventist Home, 319.

“From every Christian home a holy light should shine forth. Love should be revealed in action. It should flow out in all home intercourse, showing itself in thoughtful kindness, in gentle, unselfish courtesy.” Ibid., 37.

Giving the Three Angels’ Messages

11 With what kind of voice does God command us to give His last message of warning? Revelation 14:7, 9.

NOTE: “The first and second messages were given in 1843 and 1844, and we are now under the proclamation of the third; but all three of the messages are still to be proclaimed. It is just as essential now as ever before that they shall be repeated to those who are seeking for the truth. By pen and voice we are to sound the proclamation, showing their order, and the application of the prophecies that bring us to the Third Angel’s Message. There cannot be a third without the first and second. These messages we are to give to the world in publications, in discourses, showing in the line of prophetic history the things that have been and the things that will be.” Selected Messages, Book 2, 104, 105.

“In a special sense Seventh-day Adventists have been set in the world as watchmen and light bearers. To them has been entrusted the last warning for a perishing world. On them is shining wonderful light from the word of God. They have been given a work of the most solemn import—the proclamation of the First, Second, and Third Angels’ Messages. There is no other work of so great importance. They are to allow nothing else to absorb their attention.” Testimonies, vol. 9, 19.

12 As Christ’s witnesses, how far are we to carry this present truth message? Revelation 14:6; Matthew 28:19, 20.

NOTE: “It is God’s purpose that the truth for this time shall be made known to every kindred and nation and tongue and people. In the world today men and women are absorbed in the search for worldly gain and worldly pleasure. There are thousands upon thousands who give no time or thought to the salvation of the soul. The time has come when the message of Christ’s soon coming is to sound throughout the world.” Ibid., 24.

“My heart is often burdened because so many who might work are doing nothing. They are the sport of Satan’s temptations. Every church member who has a knowledge of the truth is expected to work while the day lasts; for the night cometh, wherein no man can work. Erelong we shall understand what that night means. The Spirit of God is being grieved away from the earth. The nations are angry with one another. Widespread preparations are being made for war. The night is at hand. Let the church arouse and go forth to do her appointed work. Every believer, educated or uneducated, can bear the message.” Ibid., 26.

By Craig Meeker

Inspiration – Father’s Position and Responsibilities

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True Definition of Husband

The home is an institution of God. God designed that the family circle, father, mother, and children, should exist in this world as a firm.

The work of making home happy does not rest upon the mother alone. Fathers have an important part to act. The husband is the house-band of the home treasures, binding by his strong, earnest, devoted affection the members of the household, mother and children, together in the strongest bonds of union.

His name, “house-band,” is the true definition of husband. . . . I saw that but few fathers realize their responsibility.

The Head of the Family Firm

The husband and father is the head of the household. The wife looks to him for love and sympathy and for aid in the training of the children; and this is right. The children are his as well as hers, and he is equally interested in their welfare. The children look to the father for support and guidance; he needs to have a right conception of life and of the influences and associations that should surround his family; above all, he should be controlled by the love and fear of God and by the teaching of His word, that he may guide the feet of his children in the right way. . . .

The father should do his part toward making home happy. Whatever his cares and business perplexities, they should not be permitted to overshadow his family; he should enter his home with smiles and pleasant words.

The Lawmaker and Priest

All members of the family center in the father. He is the lawmaker, illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues: energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness. The father is in one sense the priest of the household, laying upon the altar of God the morning and evening sacrifice. The wife and children should be encouraged to unite in this offering and also to engage in the song of praise. Morning and evening the father, as priest of the household, should confess to God the sins committed by himself and his children through the day. Those sins which have come to his knowledge and also those which are secret, of which God’s eye alone has taken cognizance, should be confessed. This rule of action, zealously carried out by the father when he is present or by the mother when he is absent, will result in blessings to the family.

The father represents the divine Lawgiver in his family. He is a laborer together with God, carrying out the gracious designs of God and establishing in his children upright principles, enabling them to form pure and virtuous characters, because he has preoccupied the soul with that which will enable his children to render obedience not only to their earthly parent but also to their heavenly Father.

The father must not betray his sacred trust. He must not, on any point, yield up his parental authority.

To Walk With God

The father . . . will bind his children to the throne of God by living faith. Distrusting his own strength, he hangs his helpless soul on Jesus and takes hold of the strength of the Most High. Brethren, pray at home, in your family, night and morning; pray earnestly in your closet; and while engaged in your daily labor, lift up the soul to God in prayer. It was thus that Enoch walked with God. The silent, fervent prayer of the soul will rise like holy incense to the throne of grace and will be as acceptable to God as if offered in the sanctuary. To all who thus seek Him, Christ becomes a present help in time of need. They will be strong in the day of trial.

Maturity of Experience Called For

A father must not be as a child, moved merely by impulse. He is bound to his family by sacred, holy ties.

What his influence will be in the home will be determined by his knowledge of the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. “When I was a child,” Paul says, “I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” The father is to stand at the head of his family, not as an overgrown, undisciplined boy, but as a man with manly character and with his passions controlled. He is to obtain an education in correct morals. His conduct in his home life is to be directed and restrained by the pure principles of the word of God. Then he will grow up to the full stature of a man in Christ Jesus.

Submit the Will to God

To the man who is a husband and a father, I would say, Be sure that a pure, holy atmosphere surrounds your soul. . . . You are to learn daily of Christ. Never, never are you to show a tyrannical spirit in the home. The man who does this is working in partnership with satanic agencies. Bring your will into submission to the will of God. Do all in your power to make the life of your wife pleasant and happy. Take the word of God as the man of your counsel. In the home live out the teachings of the word. Then you will live them out in the church and will take them with you to your place of business. The principles of heaven will ennoble all your transactions. Angels of God will cooperate with you, helping you to reveal Christ to the world.

A Fitting Prayer for a Quick-tempered Husband

Do not allow the vexations of your business to bring darkness into your home life. If, when little things occur that are not exactly as you think they should be, you fail to reveal patience, long forbearance, kindness, and love, you show that you have not chosen as a companion Him who so loved you that He gave His life for you, that you might be one with Him.

In the daily life you will meet with sudden surprises, disappointments, and temptations. What saith the word? “Resist the devil,” by firm reliance upon God, “and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you.” “Let him take hold of My strength, that he may make peace with Me; and he shall make peace with Me.” [James 4:7; Isaiah 27:5.] Look unto Jesus at all times and in all places, offering a silent prayer from a sincere heart that you may know how to do His will. Then when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard for you against the enemy. When you are almost ready to yield, to lose patience and self-control, to be hard and denunciatory, to find fault and accuse—this is the time for you to send to heaven the prayer, “Help me, O God, to resist temptation, to put all bitterness and wrath and evilspeaking out of my heart. Give me Thy meekness, Thy lowliness, Thy long-suffering, and Thy love. Leave me not to dishonor my Redeemer, to misinterpret the words and motives of my wife, my children, and my brethren and sisters in the faith. Help me that I may be kind, pitiful, tenderhearted, forgiving. Help me to be a real house-band in my home and to represent the character of Christ to others.”

Exercise Authority With Humility

It is no evidence of manliness in the husband for him to dwell constantly upon his position as head of the family. It does not increase respect for him to hear him quoting Scripture to sustain his claims to authority. It will not make him more manly to require his wife, the mother of his children, to act upon his plans as if they were infallible. The Lord has constituted the husband the head of the wife to be her protector; he is the house-band of the family, binding the members together, even as Christ is the head of the church and the Saviour of the mystical body. Let every husband who claims to love God carefully study the requirements of God in his position. Christ’s authority is exercised in wisdom, in all kindness and gentleness; so let the husband exercise his power and imitate the great Head of the church.

The Adventist Home, 211–215.

Remember The Sabbath Day . . . Part II

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There must be a reform among God’s people in the observance of Sabbath-keeping.

The Holy Spirit must be allowed to convict us individually of our duty to God, not to man, in keeping His Sabbath. We must raise the standard of God high, exalting the Sabbath to its rightful position.

Ellen White wrote: “The Sabbath is a golden clasp that unites God and His people. But the Sabbath command has been broken. God’s holy day has been desecrated. The Sabbath has been torn from its place by the man of sin, and a common working day has been exalted in its stead. A breach has been made in the law, and this breach is to be repaired. The true Sabbath is to be exalted to its rightful position as God’s rest day.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 351, 352.

“And [they that shall be] of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.” Isaiah 58:12.

We must, as a church, restore the waste places—restudy the things once taught us—making sure that we, and what we have been taught, are grounded in the faith once delivered to the saints.

Uplift the Standard

“The Sabbath question is to be the issue in the great final conflict in which all the world will act a part. Men have honored Satan’s principles above the principles that rule in the heavens. They have accepted the spurious sabbath, which Satan has exalted as the sign of his authority. But God has set His seal upon His royal requirement. Each sabbath institution bears the name of its author, an ineffaceable mark that shows the authority of each. It is our work to lead the people to understand this. We are to show them that it is of vital consequence whether they bear the mark of God’s kingdom or the mark of the kingdom of rebellion, for they acknowledge themselves subjects of the kingdom whose mark they bear. God has called us to uplift the standard of His downtrodden Sabbath. How important, then, that our example in Sabbath-keeping should be right.

“In establishing new churches, ministers should give careful instruction as to the proper observance of the Sabbath. We must be guarded, lest the lax practices that prevail among Sunday-keepers shall be followed by those who profess to observe God’s holy rest day. The line of demarcation is to be made clear and distinct between those who bear the mark of God’s kingdom and those who bear the sign of the kingdom of rebellion.

“Far more sacredness is attached to the Sabbath than is given it by many professed Sabbath-keepers. The Lord has been greatly dishonored by those who have not kept the Sabbath according to the commandment, either in the letter or in the spirit. He calls for a reform in the observance of the Sabbath.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 352, 353.

Reform Necessary

There must be a reform; we must begin it today! It is of vital importance that we, as God’s professed people, understand the true meaning of the Sabbath. Character perfection must be a steady movement toward reflecting Christ more fully and completely. If we stand still in faith, if we neglect the needful study—especially in this day and age—we will lose the light that has been given to us. But if we move forward, from victory on to victory, by faith, prayer, study and patience, the Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth. (See John 16:13.) But a word of warning, let us not make the Sabbath a burden, as did the Pharisees.

“If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, [from] doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the Sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking [thine own] words: Then shalt thou delight thyself in the Lord; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken [it].” Isaiah 58:13, 14.

This is why it is important that we, as true and faithful Seventh-day Adventists, learn the necessity of Sabbath preparation—physically and spiritually.

Daily Preparation

“All through the week we are to have the Sabbath in mind and be making preparation to keep it according to the commandment. We are not merely to observe the Sabbath as a legal matter. We are to understand its spiritual bearing upon all the transactions of life. All who regard the Sabbath as a sign between them and God, showing that He is the God who sanctifies them, will represent the principles of His government. They will bring into daily practice the laws of His kingdom. Daily it will be their prayer that the sanctification of the Sabbath may rest upon them. Every day they will have the companionship of Christ and will exemplify the perfection of His character. Every day their light will shine forth to others in good works.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 353, 354. The Sabbath is not merely to be kept by the letter but by the spirit, willfully wanting to observe the Sabbath—a Sabbath that is not a burden.

“When the Sabbath is thus remembered, the temporal will not be allowed to encroach upon the spiritual. No duty pertaining to the six working days will be left for the Sabbath. During the week our energies will not be so exhausted in temporal labor that on the day when the Lord rested and was refreshed we shall be too weary to engage in His service.” Ibid., 354.

This is an important key point of which many of us have been guilty. How many times have we rushed throughout the week, working 10 to 15 hours a day, then when Sabbath comes we cannot stay awake for the Sabbath school and church service?

Preparation Begins at Home

“In all that pertains to the success of God’s work, the very first victories are to be won in the home life. Here the preparation for the Sabbath must begin. Throughout the week let parents remember that their home is to be a school in which their children shall be prepared for the courts above. Let their words be right words. No words which their children should not hear are to escape their lips. Let the spirit be kept free from irritation. Parents, during the week live as in the sight of a holy God, who has given you children to train for Him. Train for Him the little church in your home, that on the Sabbath all may be prepared to worship in the Lord’s sanctuary. Each morning and evening present your children to God as His blood-bought heritage. Teach them that it is their highest duty and privilege to love and serve God.

“Parents should be particular to make the worship of God an object lesson for their children. Passages of Scripture should be more often on their lips, especially those passages that prepare the heart for religious service. The precious words might well be often repeated: ‘My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.’ Psalm 62:5.” Ibid.

“Explain your work and its purpose to your children, and let them help themselves and their parents in their preparation to keep the Sabbath according to the commandment. Lead your children to consider the Sabbath a delight, the day of days, the holy of the Lord, honorable.” Manuscript Releases, vol. 13, 293.

Daily morning and evening worship is very, very important for not only spending time with God, but for teaching our children the importance of reverence, not just in family worship but also in the Sabbath school and church services.

“While preparation for the Sabbath is to be made all through the week, Friday is to be the special preparation day.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 354.

Scriptural Example

Let us look at an example from the Bible as to how we must prepare for the Sabbath. “And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which [is] between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of the land of Egypt. And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, [and] when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger. Then said the Lord unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no. And it shall come to pass, that on the sixth day they shall prepare [that] which they bring in; and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily.” Exodus 16:1–5. God instructed them to pick up and prepare their food daily, but on the sixth they were to pick up a double portion and prepare it also for the Sabbath.

“And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, I have heard the murmurings of the children of Israel: speak unto them, saying, At even ye shall eat flesh, and in the morning ye shall be filled with bread; and ye shall know that I [am] the Lord your God. And it came to pass, that at even the quails came up, and covered the camp: and in the morning the dew lay round about the host. And when the dew that lay was gone up, behold, upon the face of the wilderness [there lay] a small round thing, [as] small as the hoar frost on the ground. And when the children of Israel saw [it], they said one to another, It [is] manna: for they wist not what it [was]. And Moses said unto them, This [is] the bread which the Lord hath given you to eat. This [is] the thing which the Lord hath commanded, Gather of it every man according to his eating, an omer for every man, [according to] the number of your persons; take ye every man for [them] which [are] in his tents.” Verses 11–16.

“And Moses said, Let no man leave of it till the morning. Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto Moses; but some of them left of it until the morning, and it bred worms, and stank: and Moses was wroth with them. And they gathered it every morning, every man according to his eating: and when the sun waxed hot, it melted. And it came to pass, [that] on the sixth day they gathered twice as much bread, two omers for one [man]: and all the rulers of the congregation came and told Moses. And he said unto them, This [is that] which the Lord hath said, To morrow [is] the rest of the holy sabbath unto the Lord: bake [that] which ye will bake [to day], and seethe that ye will seethe; and that which remaineth over lay up for you to be kept until the morning. And they laid it up till the morning, as Moses bade: and it did not stink, neither was there any worm therein. And Moses said, Eat that to day; for to day [is] a sabbath unto the Lord: to day ye shall not find it in the field. Six days ye shall gather it; but on the seventh day, [which is] the Sabbath, in it there shall be none. And it came to pass, [that] there went out [some] of the people on the seventh day for to gather, and they found none.” Verses 19–27.

“[And] the people went about, and gathered [it], and ground [it] in mills, or beat [it] in a mortar, and baked [it] in pans, and made cakes of it: and the taste of it was as the taste of fresh oil.” Numbers 11:8.

Preparation Includes . . .

“There was something to be done in preparing the heaven-sent bread for the children of Israel. The Lord told them that this work must be done on Friday, the preparation day. This was a test to them. God desired to see whether or not they would keep the Sabbath holy.

“This direction from the lips of Jehovah is for our instruction. The Bible is a perfect guide, and if its pages are prayerfully studied by hearts willing to understand, none need err upon this question.

“Many need instruction as to how they should appear in the assembly for worship on the Sabbath. They are not to enter the presence of God in the common clothing worn during the week. All should have a special Sabbath suit, to be worn when attending service in God’s house. While we should not conform to worldly fashions, we are not to be indifferent in regard to our outward appearance. We are to be neat and trim, though without adornment. The children of God should be pure within and without.

“On Friday let the preparation for the Sabbath be completed. See that all the clothing is in readiness and that all the cooking is done. Let the boots be blacked and the baths be taken. It is possible to do this. If you make it a rule you can do it. The Sabbath is not to be given to the repairing of garments, to the cooking of food, to pleasure seeking, or to any other worldly employment. Before the setting of the sun let all secular work be laid aside and all secular papers be put out of sight. Parents, explain your work and its purpose to your children, and let them share in your preparation to keep the Sabbath according to the commandment.

“We should jealously guard the edges of the Sabbath. Remember that every moment is consecrated, holy time.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 356.

Do not miss the Blessing

“The Sabbath should be as sacredly observed on the campground as it is in our homes. We should not let the bustle and excitement around us detract from its sacred dignity. No cooking should be done on that day. The instruction which God gave to Israel should not be disregarded: ‘Bake that which ye will bake today, and seethe that ye will seethe’: ‘Tomorrow is the rest of the holy Sabbath unto the Lord’ [Exodus 16:23]. God meant what He said when He gave these directions, and shall we, who are presenting to the people the claims of the divine law, break that law ourselves, merely to please the appetite? God forbid. There has sometimes been almost as much cooking done on the Sabbath as on other days; and the blessing of God has been shut out by our failure to honor Him in keeping the Sabbath according to the commandment.—Undated Manuscript 88.” Manuscript Releases, vol. 13, 293, 294.

“Speak not lightly of the restrictions placed upon Israel in Sinai regarding the cooking of manna. The Lord has placed barriers around His Sabbath, that it may not be regarded with the least carelessness or irreverence. When the Lord said, ‘Tomorrow is the rest of the holy Sabbath; bake that which ye will bake today, and seethe that which ye will seethe,’ He means that Friday shall be our preparation day, in which we are to do all our cooking.

“The Sabbath is not to be a day when tidbits shall be prepared or cooked. If it is really essential to have beans on the Sabbath, let them be cooked on Friday, and kept warm in the oven. They need not be eaten cold unless preferred. But let no remarks be made as though it is a very light thing whether we regard the special requirements of God in regard to the Sabbath or not. It is not left for any man or woman to venture to disregard any commandment of God—Manuscript 21, 1897.” Ibid., 294, 295.

The preparation of food on the Sabbath is breaking God’s precepts, and this is not to be lightly regarded by commandment-keepers.

“All needful preparation should be made beforehand. On Sabbath morning, if the weather is cool, let hot gruel, or something equally simple, be provided, and for dinner some kind of food may be warmed. Further than this, all cooking should be avoided as a violation of the Sabbath command.” The Gospel of Health, April 1, 1898.

Avoid Intemperance

Do we eat more on the Sabbath day than we normally do on the other days? Is this not wrong of us?

“We should not provide for the Sabbath a more liberal supply or a greater variety of food than for other days. Instead of this the food should be more simple, and less should be eaten, in order that the mind may be clear and vigorous to comprehend spiritual things. Overeating befogs the brain. The most precious words may be heard and not appreciated, because the mind is confused by an improper diet. By overeating on the Sabbath, many have done more than they think to dishonor God.

“While cooking upon the Sabbath should be avoided, it is not necessary to eat cold food. In cold weather let the food prepared the day before be heated. And let the meals, though simple, be palatable and attractive. Provide something that will be regarded as a treat, something the family do not have every day.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 357.

“I see no question in this matter as to what we shall have on the Sabbath day. The food which we have provided on the preparation day can be placed on the table warm, especially in cold weather. In traveling, persons eat cold lunches for days together, and realize no inconvenience or harm. We want palatable, healthful food every day of the week; but upon the Sabbath, let your cook have her day of rest, in the place of cooking for a family. Let every provision be made on Friday. But do not let the Sabbath be regarded as a day in which to get something especially gratifying to eat. Educate your children and every member of the family to enjoy plain, simple food, and to be ready to receive the blessing which the Lord of the Sabbath is waiting to bestow upon all who are in an attitude to receive it. He has this for every one who shows his love for God in keeping holy the Sabbath day, God’s great memorial of creation. Speak softly, walk softly. Let not a word of lightness or trifling come from your lips. This is God’s day. He has blessed the seventh day, as His Sabbath, to be sacredly observed.” Review and Herald, June 8, 1897.

Put Away Differences

Another special instruction has been given to us. All difference between brothers and sisters in the church of Christ, and even those not of our faith, should be put away. There should be a close examination of the heart of the past week, a confessing of sin before the Sabbath begins.

“There needs to be much more close investigation of the week past. Review it and see if, as a branch of the living Vine, you have drawn nourishment from the parent Vine to bear much fruit to the glory of God. If there has been feverish excitement, if hasty words have been spoken, if passion has been revealed, these have surely been the working on Satan’s side of the question. Clear the heart by confession. Sincerely make everything right before the Sabbath. Examine your own selves, whether ye be in the faith. We need to guard our own souls constantly, lest we make a great profession but, like the flourishing fig tree spreading its branches in pretentious foliage, reveal no precious fruit. Christ is hungering to see and receive fruit. Leaves of profession without fruit are to Christ just as worthless as those of the fig tree which He cursed. . . .” That I May Know Him, 147.

“There is another work that should receive attention on the preparation day. On this day all differences between brethren, whether in the family or in the church, should be put away. Let all bitterness and wrath and malice be expelled from the soul. In a humble spirit, ‘confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.’ James 5:16.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 356.

“When difficulties arise among church-members, let them be cleared away before the Sabbath comes. This should be regarded as a Christian duty by every church-member. ‘Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, and be ye thankful.’ Are you troubled and perplexed? Sweep away the rubbish that has been accumulating before the door of the heart, and open the door, inviting Jesus to come in and abide as an honored Guest. Bring peace and comfort into your own hearts and the hearts of others.” Australasian Union Conference Record, April 15, 1903.

To be continued . . .

First Things First

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[Editor’s Note: This sermon was presented at the Steps to Life Camp Meeting, July 2003. The conversational style of the speaker has been preserved.]

In case you do not know it, homes in America have been falling apart by the hundreds and thousands. That is not new. Homes have been under siege since the Garden of Eden. We find that almost every day we are assaulted with news stories about mothers drowning their children so they can run off with their lovers. Husbands and wives are killing each other; fathers and mothers are locking their children in dingy, stinky closets where the children live in filth.

We have to ask ourselves, What is really going on in the minds of human beings today? Well, we would say it is the signs of the times. Yes, it is the signs of the times. Jesus could see what would happen near the end of time, and He prophetically gave us insight into those things. He gave us this insight so when we would see these things come to pass, we would begin to understand that the Bible is true, and we would prepare our lives to meet Jesus when He returns.

I really believe, and I have been a pastor long enough to know, that in the heart of every one of us there are troubles in our families that we wish were not there. Maybe not in our immediate family but in the extended family. Why are so many homes experiencing troubles? There is an answer, and it, too, is very basic.

Failure to Obey

It all boils down to the failure to abide by the Law of God, to our failure to teach it properly in our homes. The first commandment says, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3. On a spiritual level, God is the only god that is to be recognized. Jehovah, Yahweh, the Lord, is His name. He is the only one. He is a jealous God, and He said, “I am the only one who is to be worshipped.” He is the creator of all things. The responsibilities to God are spelled out in the first table of the law.

The second table also has its first commandment, which is really the fifth commandment of the total law. The first commandment deals with the respect for the Creator of human life. The second table, in reality, is connected very carefully and is a part of the first table. The first table lays out the spiritual relationship that we are to have; the second table deals with human relationships. They are all tied together. The second table, I believe, helps us to understand the relationship of the first table.

Childhood Influence

How many times I have had people tell me about their childhood—how they are the way they are today because of how they were raised. Some of those comments have been positive, but usually most have been negative. “My dad did not like me.” “My mother whipped me too much.” “I had chores to do.” I had this and I had that as a bad experience in my life.

All that might be true, but we do not have to stay there. Growing evidence suggests that the structural and functional brain reserves, thought to develop in childhood and adolescence, may be crucial in determining when cognitive impairment begins. A leading researcher, Robert Abbott, says that there is a whole constellation of diseases out there that occur in later years that are associated with how children are treated early in life.

Foundation of the Home

The fifth law of God’s Ten Commandments is terribly important. The fifth law, in reality, is the whole foundation of the home. Do you think that we have need of restoring the family? I think it is one of the most crucial needs that we have in Adventism today. A lot of times it is easy for us to point out into the world and say, You know, this is taking place in the world, and the world really needs to come to grips with its problems and resolve those things. I would like to suggest that we need to resolve some problems within the church, and we have the tools with which to do that.

Exodus 20:12, the fifth commandment, says, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

This is the first commandment that is foundational in understanding who God is. I say this, because where does a child learn about God? By reading the first commandment that says, “I am the Lord thy God”? No. They learn it from mom and dad. The fifth commandment is foundational in understanding every other relationship that we have on this earth. I think that this is where we have gone astray. This is where we have failed, as Seventh-day Adventists. We claim to be the people of the Book; we claim to be the repairers of the breach, the restorer of paths to walk in, and yet have we really understood the law ourselves so that we can teach it to our children in the right and proper way?

Absolute

Previous commandments to the fifth law have dealt with the object and the manner of worship—God and the Sabbath. This commandment deals with the nursery and the school of worship. Where is the discrimination taught to really discern between good and evil? This commandment, I believe, would solve all those problems, if it was rightly understood and rightly taught, because it is profoundly deep in its concepts.

Let us consider what this commandment teaches. First of all, it is absolute. Parents are to be honored, whether they are living or dead, known or unknown, good or evil. Now that is kind of a big order, is it not? But I did not write the Ten Commandments, God did, and God does not qualify His commandments. He does not say, Honor thy father and thy mother, if they treat you right, and they do not spank you very often. Honor your father and your mother if they are sober and if they are good, upstanding citizens. That is not what the commandment says. It is absolute.

I am the first one to confess that this can be hard. Yet there is one thing that I know about God’s Law; it is always possible to keep it. God never asks us to do something that is impossible. Perhaps we were raised in a home where we have carried a lot of “extra baggage”; we have had a lot of problems; we cannot relate to our parents in the right way. Then we read God’s Law, and we come to the fifth commandment that says, “Honour thy father and thy mother . . . .” We swallow hard and say, “I do not think I can do that.” Know for a certainty that through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can do it. There are consequences for not doing it, and there are consequences for doing it—one has good consequences and the other has bad consequences.

Present Society

Today, the society in which we live does not promote honoring father and mother. For years, there have been many television programs that have depicted the father as a buffoon and the mother as incompetent, that family life in the home is nothing but a joke, and that the children are petted and allowed to do just about anything and everything they want. We have grown up on those kinds of examples that have come to bear on our lives. So when we come to a church setting and a spiritual teaching that we are to honor our father and our mother, it kind of flies over our head because of how we have been trained.

We can honor our parents, though, from the standpoint of a child, even those who may be despicable. A father may be a reprobate, guilty of all sorts of crime, but God, in His wisdom, sees how that can make children better for the honor they pay to their parents. It is kind of designed as a two-edged sword. The Bible talks about a two-edged sword that cuts both ways. This commandment deals not only with parents, but it deals with children and with children and parents.

There is damage that can come because of disrespect of parents. There is nothing honorable about being ashamed of one’s own parentage. A lot of times we think it is smart to be ashamed, especially as young people growing up. I remember what it was like when I was growing up; we thought it was cute and cool to talk about our parents as “the old man” and “the old lady.” Maybe some of you have been there, too. I am ashamed of that kind of thing, as I understand now exactly what God requires of me, but there are still some young people today who have that kind of disrespect in their heart relative to their parents. Somehow we, as Seventh-day Adventists, need to tighten the screws down a little bit in our thinking as to how we need to understand God’s Law, because whether you are as old as I am or much younger, this still applies to us in a multitude of ways. There is never an excuse to continue being disrespectful or dishonorable of our parents. People see us. People watch us. They watch how we relate to our family. They watch how we relate to other positions of authority around us. They watch how we relate to God.

No Respect, No Reverence

We preach reverence in the church sanctuary, and rightfully so. When we come into the house of God, there should be an attitude of reverent awe that we are coming into the presence of the Lord. I would like to suggest that this same honorableness needs to be in the home as well. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the parent. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the teacher. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the police officer. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the minister. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the President of the United States. You do not have to agree with everything, but do you realize that all those attitudes stem right back to this fifth commandment? Look at the irreverence that is displayed by young people today to the school, to the government, to the neighbor, to the environment by throwing trash out onto the road. The children displaying such disrespect have not been taught how to honor their parents, to be obedient to their parents. If they are not taught how to be obedient to their parents, they are not going to be obedient or respectful to anyone else.

As a little child grows, that little child, looking to the earthly parent, sees the only God he can understand. Worship, like other things, comes by practice and experience, and those first lessons are taught in the home. This is why Ellen White makes such an important point about bringing the nature of that little child into harmony with God’s plan of salvation while it is still an infant in arms. (See Spiritual Gifts, vol. 4b, 132, 133.) Many times children are petted and allowed to do whatever they want. Oh, someone may say, they are just babies; they cannot learn. That is not true; what they say is not according to God’s plan. Children need to learn, from the time they are just little infants in arms, how they are to relate to God through the parent. Now that puts parents in a very awesome position, does it not? Practically speaking, God is revealed through the parent to the child. If there is no reverence, no respect for the parents, there will be no reverence for God.

Restore the Home

How do we restore the home? How do we accomplish restoring the home and restoring the family? Malachi 4:4 says, “Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, [with] the statutes and judgements.”

God is saying, through the prophet Malachi, remember the Ten Commandments. I gave those to Moses in the mount, along with the statutes and the judgments.

Continuing in verse 5, we read, “Behold I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.” What is being spoken of here? This is the Second Coming, is it not? Elijah was long off the scene, but Elijah was manifest in John the Baptist, in the Elijah message John the Baptist preached. The Elijah message has come again in the person of Ellen White, through the gift of prophecy.

The coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord is the Day of Judgment. We are living in the time of the judgment. God is saying that there is going to come a reform. In the last days, just before Jesus comes, that work is going to be under the Spirit of Prophecy. This Elijah message will be of such a nature, “He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Verse 6.

What a message we have here! The last message is going to be a message of restoring the family. I am thankful for the gift of prophecy that sets us in a proximity where we can know every truth that God has for us to develop our characters, so we can meet Him with peace in our hearts. In those messages there is the concept that is going to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children. Do you think that needs to take place today? It most certainly does. And it is going to turn the hearts of the children to the fathers. This is a message that we, as Seventh-day Adventists, need to understand, to put into practice, so we can be the light that God wants us to be.

The Elijah Message

The Elijah message is to do a special work. If we are ever going to be ready for Jesus to come, we can know about all the prophecies, and we can speak all the mysteries, and we can understand all these things, but if we do not have love, we are nothing. Where is love learned? Love is learned in the home. As a Seventh-day Adventist, we can draw out the chart of the 2300 days, with all its intricate inner portions, the 1260 days, and all the rest of that. We can understand all of those things, but if we do not have our own family with us, what is it really all worth?

I know that many of you have reached out to your families. You are praying for them right now. My wife and I are the only Seventh-day Adventists on either side of our family. We were converts to this faith. It is hard reaching out to families. The one thing that we have discovered is that we really cannot say much to them. We have to live the message, and then leave the rest with the Lord.

God has a plan. He says, “I am going to turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to the fathers,” and that is going to have to be an accomplished fact before I can come back again. (Malachi 4:6.)

So in reality, what God is waiting for is for the Seventh-day Adventist message, through the Spirit of Prophecy, to sink into the hearts and the minds of those He has called to be His children. It needs to sink in to such an extent that the home base will change and there will be folks who will come to Him as changed people. Someone may say, “You do not know how I was raised. I do not know whether I would ever be able to change.” Do you think your battles are any more severe than anyone else’s? No, they are not. God can help you. God can take this message, and He can put it down in your heart and teach you to love that message so that it just kind of oozes out your pores.

If that happens, there is going to be a whole new set of circumstances that will begin to take place. The battle that we face individually will no longer be our battle but the Lord’s. It is His battle, and we can rest assured that whatever the consequences are, God will take care of it. That takes off a whole lot of pressure.

The Bible says that if you honor your father and your mother, your days upon the land are going to be long. Needless friction wears the life out. God knows that, so here is a blessing that can come to those who obey His command. They will not only build relationships but they will also have a long life because of the peace of mind they have.

Carryovers

There are carryovers to this, and I alluded to this earlier, about how what is done in the home affects the nation. Now, I realize that we are not in the game of politics, but at the same time, we have to live in the country, and the apostle Paul makes it very, very plain that we are to honor the governor and that we are to deal with civil matters in a right way. (See Romans 13:1–4.)

The reason why, when young people go to ball games and their team loses, they begin to riot and burn the town down, is because of the violation of the fifth commandment. They have not had any honor of the family at home, and as a result, they have no honor for anything in civil society either. In reality, home is linked with heaven, and God has ordained it so.

Linked With Heaven

We come together for worship, and we want the worship to be “just so.” How is it with our home? Do we want our home to be “just so”? Are we ordering the events in our home so reverence for God can take place when we go to church?

God has a message. He wants the home linked with heaven. The earthly parent He wants linked with the Father of eternity. Would you reach Heaven? Then reverence the home. Would you worship God? Then honor your parents, living or dead.

Back to Basics

“Hear me, O Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem; Believe in the Lord your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper.” 11 Chronicles 20:20. “Here me, O Seventh-day Adventists, and ye inhabitants of Wichita, Kansas, or Denver, Colorado, or Portland, Oregon, or Seattle, Washington, or where ever it might be that you live.” In reality that is what it is saying. Unless we personalize it, we are going to miss the point.

This test of prosperity is tied right in with the law. It says, “Honour thy father and thy mother.” We need to start with first things first. We are never going to be able to accomplish anything that is good unless we come back to the basics of Scripture. We must learn them, make the application of them into our lives, and allow them to be lived out in our lives. But so often we, in our own wisdom, try to do these things apart from God, and we fail. Maybe because we have failed so many times, it is now time for us to go back to the basics, back to the home, back to the instruction that God has given concerning the home. He says that He is going to restore the home before He comes.

If not us, then who? If not now, when? It has to start somewhere. I, like you, get older each year, and the older I get, I wonder, When is Jesus going to come? I believe that Jesus can come in my lifetime, and I want to do all in my power to hasten that day. I know that you do, too. I hope that by sharing some things old that it will help you to reflect a little bit more of perhaps where we have failed. There is nothing wrong in looking back where we have failed, but we must learn from it and go forward in the strength and the power that God gives to us.

Pastor Mike Baugher is Associate Speaker for Steps to Life Ministries. He may be contacted by e-mail at: mikebaugher@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Bible Study Guides – A Christian Home

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May 15, 2004 – May 21, 2004

Memory Verse

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” Proverbs 1:8

Suggested Reading: The Acts of the Apostles, 203, 204; Testimonies, vol. 1, 697–706; vol. 2, 414–419; vol. 3, 527–534.

Introduction

“Upon fathers and mothers rest to a large degree the responsibility for the mold of character that their children receive. . . . If parents will teach their children to conduct themselves according to the principles of the Word of God, these children will unconsciously teach others what it means to be Christians. Let parents maintain true Christian dignity before their children, and they will be greatly aided in their work of upbuilding the kingdom of Christ.” This Day With God, 307.

1 What instruction is given to the husband and wife in the home? Ephesians 5:22–25, 28–33.

note: “Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . .” The Adventist Home, 95.

2 What admonition is given parents in reference to their children? Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21.

note: “The children in every family are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Evil propensities are to be controlled, evil tempers subdued; and the children are to be instructed that they are the Lord’s property, bought with His own precious blood, and that they cannot live a life of pleasure and vanity, have their own will and carry out their own ideas, and yet be numbered among the children of God. The children are to be instructed with kindness and patience. . . . Let the parents teach them of the love of God in such a way that it will be a pleasant theme in the family circle, and let the church take upon them the responsibility of feeding the lambs as well as the sheep of the flock.” Child Guidance, 42.

3 What instruction is given children concerning their duty toward their parents? Exodus 20:12; Colossians 3:20. Compare Ephesians 6:1, 2.

note: “Our obligation to our parents never ceases. Our love for them, and theirs for us, is not measured by years or distance, and our responsibility can never be set aside. . . .

“Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. . . . The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission, and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in old age.” My Life Today, 278.

4 What further admonition is given children in this matter by Solomon? Proverbs 1:8; 13:1.

note: “This young man has made light of his father’s authority, and despised restraint. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It lies at the foundation of a proper education. Those who, having a favorable opportunity, have failed to learn this first great lesson, are not only disqualified for service in the cause of God, but are a positive injury to the community in which they live.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 208.

“Patiently and perseveringly will the godly mother instruct her children, giving them line upon line, and precept upon precept, not in a harsh, compelling manner, but in love; and in tenderness will she win them. They will consider her lessons of love, and will happily listen to her words of instruction.” Review and Herald, August 8, 1899.

5 What example of obedience to and care of parents is left by the Saviour? Luke 2:51; John 19:25–27.

note: “Notwithstanding the sacred mission of Christ, His exalted relationship with God, of which He was fully aware, He was not above performing the practical duties of life. He was the Creator of the world, and yet He acknowledged His obligation to His earthly parents, and at the call of duty, in compliance with the wishes of His parents, He returned with them from Jerusalem after the Passover, and was subject unto them.” Lift Him Up, 32.

“The eyes of Jesus wandered over the multitude that had collected together to witness His death, and He saw at the foot of the cross John supporting Mary, the mother of Christ. . . . The last lesson of Jesus was one of filial love. He looked upon the grief-stricken face of His mother, and then upon John; said He, addressing the former: ‘Woman, behold thy son!’ Then, to the disciple: ‘Behold thy mother!’ John 19:27. John well understood the words of Jesus, and the sacred trust which was committed to him. . . . The perfect example of Christ’s filial love shines forth with undimmed luster from the mist of ages. While enduring the keenest torture, He was not forgetful of His mother, but made all provision necessary for her future.” The Story of Redemption, 224.

6 How should the youth regard the aged? Leviticus 19:32; 1 Timothy 5:1. Compare 11 Kings 2:23, 24.

note: “God has especially enjoined tender respect toward the aged. He says, ‘The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.’ Proverbs 16:31. It tells of battles fought, and victories gained; of burdens borne, and temptations resisted. It tells of weary feet nearing their rest, of places soon to be vacant. Help the children to think of this, and they will smooth the path of the aged by their courtesy and respect, and will bring grace and beauty into their young lives . . . .” Education, 244.

“We have in our ranks too many who are restless, talkative, self-commending, and who take the liberty to put themselves forward, having no reverence for age, experience, or office. The church is suffering today for help of an opposite character—modest, quiet, God-fearing men, who will bear disagreeable burdens when laid upon them, not for the name, but to render service to their Master, who died for them. Persons of this character do not think it detracts from their dignity to rise up before the ancient and to treat gray hairs with respect. Our churches need weeding out. Too much self-exaltation and self-sufficiency exists among the members.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 340.

7 What important counsel is given the young in Ecclesiastes 12:1? See also Lamentations 3:27.

note: “Teach your children that youth is the best time to seek the Lord. Then the burdens of life are not heavy upon them, and their young minds are not harassed with care, and while so free they should devote the best of their strength to God.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 397.

“Children and youth should begin early to seek God; for early habits and impressions will frequently exert a powerful influence upon the life and character. Therefore the youth who would be like Samuel, John, and especially like Christ, must be faithful in the things which are least, turning away from the companions who plan evil and who think that their life in the world is to be one of pleasure and selfish indulgence. Many of the little home duties are overlooked as of no consequence; but if the small things are neglected, the larger duties will be also. You want to be whole men and women, with pure, sound, noble characters. Begin the work at home; take up the little duties and do them with thoroughness and exactness. When the Lord sees you are faithful in that which is least, He will entrust you with larger responsibilities. Be careful how you build, and what kind of material you put into the building. The characters you are now forming will be lasting as eternity.” The Adventist Home, 297.

8 What reminder is also given to the youth? Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10; 12:14.

note: “Dear young friends, that which you sow, you will also reap. Now is the sowing time for you. What will the harvest be? What are you sowing? Every word you utter, every act you perform, is a seed which will bear good or evil fruit and will result in joy or sorrow to the sower. As is the seed sown, so will be the crop. God has given you great light and many privileges. After this light has been given, after your dangers have been plainly presented before you, the responsibility becomes yours. The manner in which you treat the light that God gives you will turn the scale for happiness or woe. You are shaping your destinies for yourselves.” Testimonies, vol. 3, 363.

“A little time spent in sowing your wild oats, dear young friends, will produce a crop that will embitter your whole life; an hour of thoughtlessness, once yielding to temptation, may turn the whole current of your life in the wrong direction. You can have but one youth; make that useful. When once you have passed over the ground you can never return to rectify your mistakes. He who refuses to connect with God, and puts himself in the way of temptation, will surely fall. God is testing every youth.” Ibid., vol. 4, 622, 623.

9 What will aid the young to live a Christian life? Psalm 119:9, 11.

note: “We know the dangers and temptations that beset the youth at the present time are not few or small. . . . We live in an age when to resist evil calls for constant watchfulness and prayer. God’s precious Word is the standard for youth who would be loyal to the King of heaven. Let them study the Scriptures. Let them commit text after text to memory, and acquire a knowledge of what the Lord has said. . . . And in trial let the youth spread out the Word of God before them, and with humble hearts, and in faith, seek the Lord for wisdom to find out His way, and for strength to walk in it. . . .” My Life Today, 315.

10 How may all obtain true knowledge? Proverbs 2:1–6.

note: “We must turn away from a thousand topics that invite attention. There are matters that consume time and arouse inquiry, but end in nothing. The highest interests demand the close attention and energy that are so often given to comparatively insignificant things.

“Accepting new theories does not in itself bring new life to the soul. Even an acquaintance with facts and theories important in themselves is of little value unless put to a practical use. We need to feel our responsibility to give our souls food that will nourish and stimulate spiritual life. [Proverbs 2:2–11, A.R.V.; 3:18 quoted.]

“The question for us to study is, ‘What is truth—the truth that is to be cherished, loved, honored, and obeyed?’ ” The Ministry of Healing, 456.

11 What does the Lord ask of the young? Proverbs 23:26.

note: “The Saviour of the world loves to have children and youth give their hearts to Him. There may be a large army of children who shall be found faithful to God, because they walk in the light, as Christ is in the light. They will love the Lord Jesus, and it will be their delight to please Him. They will not be impatient if reproved; but will make glad the heart of father and mother by their kindness, their patience, their willingness to do all they can in helping to bear the burdens of daily life. Through childhood and youth, they will be found faithful disciples of our Lord.” Messages to Young People, 333.

12 What great work is to be wrought in homes before the Lord comes? Malachi 4:5, 6.

note: “I [Ellen White] am instructed to urge upon our people most earnestly the necessity of religion in the home. Among the members of the household there is ever to be a kind, thoughtful consideration. Morning and evening let all hearts be united in reverent worship. At the season of evening worship, let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If, during the day, one has wronged another, or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured. Often grievances are cherished in the mind, and misunderstandings and heartaches are created that need not be. If the one who is suspected of wrong be given an opportunity, he might be able to make explanations that would bring relief to other members of the family.

“ ‘Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,’ that ye may be healed of all spiritual infirmities, that sinful dispositions may be changed. Make diligent work for eternity. Pray most earnestly to the Lord, and hold fast to the faith. Trust not in the arm of flesh, but trust implicitly in the Lord’s guidance.” Review and Herald, November 8, 1906.

Words, Part I

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In Hebrews 4:2, the apostle Paul says, “For the gospel is preached to us as well as them, but the word did not profit them, not being mixed with faith.” Friends, I need to forewarn you. What we will be studying in this article could be very discouraging, if you do not have enough faith. But if you realize that for everything God has told us to do or not to do, He will give us the grace and power to do it—if we trust in Him and choose to follow Him—then what we are going to study can be very exciting.

Heaven Talk

Have you ever wondered how people talk in heaven? Do you talk in your home the way people talk in heaven? When do you think you should learn to talk like people talk in heaven? Now? Yes, now!

In the Book of James, we are told that the one who controls his tongue is a perfect man. (James 3:2.) If you are not yet perfect, do not be discouraged. Just take hold of the Lord by faith and say, “Lord, this is the way you want me to speak, and I am determined, by Your grace, to talk the way You want me to talk.” If you follow the principles, the Lord will give you the power and the grace to talk His way. Of course, we need to understand how God wants us to talk.

As I have studied the Spirit of Prophecy writings, I have been interested to discover how much Ellen White wrote on the subject of speech in reference to the family. We are going to look at some of these principles, and I hope they will be as great a blessing to you as they have been to me.

Plan Each Morning

One of the first principles is that we need to plan in the morning what we are going to say.

“The first missionary work is to see that love, light, and joy come into the home circle. Let us not be looking for some great temperance or missionary work to do until we have first done the duties at home. Every morning we should think, What kind act can I do today? What tender word can I speak? Kind words at home are blessed sunshine. The husband needs them, the wife needs them, the children need them.” Review and Herald, December 23, 1884.

What do you suppose, friends, would happen in our homes if every morning, every husband, before he got out of bed, was thinking to himself, “What kind word, what tender word, what kind act can I do today for my wife or for my children?” If every wife was thinking before she got out of bed, “What kind word can I speak to my husband today? What tender act could I do for him or for my children?” If we started making plans the first thing in the morning, like the Lord has instructed us, would that make a difference in our homes?

We need the sunshine of kind and tender words in our homes, but that is going to take some planning. Have you noticed that anything worthwhile does not just happen? Someone has to make plans. If we want our speech to be right, the time to start is before we ever get out of bed in the morning. We need to start making plans then—“What kind and tender word could I speak to my spouse today? What act could I do for my spouse today or for my children?” If we start making plans each morning, like the Lord has told us to do, it will have a tremendous influence in our homes. Who knows? We might even think of something kind and tender to say before breakfast!

How We Should Speak

How should we speak? In The Signs of the Times, November 14, 1911, Ellen White advised that we should “cultivate soft tones.” What is the opposite of soft? Harsh—so we want to avoid all harshness of expression.

Mrs. White also said, “We should accustom ourselves to speak in pleasant tones.” Ibid., February 22, 1905. We all like to be spoken to with pleasant tones. She also told us what to avoid: “Never let a frown gather upon your brow.” Testimonies, vol. 3, 532. That is a high standard! Did you know that people do not frown in heaven? They do not, and we are to cultivate a heavenly atmosphere in our homes.

She continued, “Never let a frown gather upon your brow or a harsh word escape your lips. Harsh words sour the temper and wound the hearts of children, and in some cases these wounds are difficult to heal. Children are sensitive . . . .” Ibid. Are your children sensitive? I have known for a long time that my children are sensitive, but I have learned, as I have studied this subject, that all children are sensitive. “Children are sensitive to the least injustice, and some become discouraged under it and will neither heed the loud, angry voice of command nor care for threatenings of punishment.” Ibid. Some become discouraged and may finally decide they do not care whether they are punished or not; they will do what pleases them. We do not want our children to develop that frame of mind, so we must avoid all harsh words and not let frowns develop on our brows.

Passionate Words

We are all tempted to speak passionately at times. What should we do when we realize passionate feelings are arising, and we are about to really let somebody have it? There are all kinds of expressions for this in our language. Have you heard anyone say that they are going to give somebody “a piece of their mind”? Usually they do not mean a good piece!

What should we do when such feelings start to develop? “When about to speak passionately, close your mouth. Don’t utter a word. Pray before you speak, and heavenly angels will come to your assistance and drive back the evil angels, who would lead you to dishonor God, reproach His cause, and weaken your own soul.” Ibid., vol. 2, 82.

When we are tempted to speak passionately, it is time not to speak. It is time to close our mouths. If we are really heated up, we might even need to seek a private place, get down on our knees, and have a session of prayer, asking the Lord to calm our souls so our spirits will not be chaffed. We cannot avoid speaking passionately if our spirits are chaffed. That irritableness in our spirits has to be taken away. The Lord has to take it away, or no matter what we say, our words will not be right. Friends, if we ask, God will give us victory over the passion of spirit. We must have that. Otherwise, when we open our mouths, no matter how good are our intentions, we will have a lot of apologizing to do, to say the least.

Begins in the Home

“The work of sanctification begins in the home. . . .

“In the home the spirit of criticism and faultfinding should have no place. . . .

“No harsh, passionate word is ever spoken without grieving the Lord Jesus, and hurting the heart of speaker and of hearer. From the Christian home all angry or trifling speeches will be excluded; for in the home above nothing of this character finds place.” The Signs of the Times, February 17, 1904.

We are to avoid all angry, trifling, passionate speeches. In the Christian home, those must be excluded, along with the spirit of criticism and faultfinding. That does not mean we are to close our eyes and not be aware of what is going wrong, but we are not to have a spirit of trying to tear down.

Have you ever noticed how sensitive we are to having our faults exposed? I have been amazed, over and over again, at how sensitive we as human beings are. We may have a hundred things wrong, but to have someone point out even one fault, just about tears us to pieces. Have you ever wondered about your children? Since we as adults are sensitive to having someone point out any fault that we have, do you suppose our children might be sensitive to having their faults pointed out? If you keep that in mind, it will be a great help to you.

We need to do a lot of praying, friends, before we seek to point out a fault in our children. Remember, they are just as sensitive as we are, maybe more so. It takes great tact and love and kindness to be able to point out a fault and have it received in the right way so that the child will be drawn to Jesus and be determined to correct it. Mrs. White talked about this: “When you are obliged to correct a child, do not raise the voice to a high key . . . .” Ibid.

Some of us have this problem. I personally have to do a lot of praying about this. It is easy for me to raise my voice to a high key. What happens when we do that? “Do not raise the voice to a high key bringing into it that which will arouse the worst passions of the child’s heart.” Ibid. When the voice is raised to a high key, what is a natural response for the listener? It is easy for the child to feel like he or she is getting scolded, and that might be exactly what is happening.

Hasty Speech

“Restrain every hasty speech that struggles for utterance. Before you speak that fretful, impatient word, stop and think of the influence which, if spoken, it will exert. Remember that children are quick to hear every word, and to mark every intonation of the voice.” Ibid.

I have tested this out on our dog. I did not want to test it on my children. I have found that I can speak the most severe reproofs, commands, and awful things to our dog, and if I speak softly, with a smile on my voice, she just wags her tail. But if I yell at her, telling her that I love her and that she is a good dog, she starts to cower. Children will respond just as dogs do. They recognize the tone of our voices. That is why we are to accustom ourselves to always speaking in pleasant tones.

Should we not reprove our children? God has commanded us to not allow the faults of our children to pass by without being corrected. Notice what Mrs. White wrote about this: “Under all circumstances reproof should be spoken in love. . . .

“Not one word is to be spoken unadvisedly.” Ibid., February 22, 1905.

Corrupt Communication

The Bible talks about corrupt communication in 1 Corinthians. What is corrupt communication? “No evil speaking, no frivolous talk, no fretful repining or impure suggestions, will escape the lips of him who is following Christ. . . . A corrupt communication does not mean only words that are vile. It means any expression contrary to holy principles and pure, undefiled religion. It includes impure hints and covert insinuations of evil. Unless instantly resisted, these lead to great sin.

“Upon every family, upon every individual Christian, is laid the duty of barring the way against corrupt speech. When in the company of those who indulge in foolish talk, it is our duty to change the subject of conversation if possible.” Ibid.

We do not want corrupt communication in our homes. We cannot have it in our homes if we are getting ready to go to heaven, because people do not talk like that in heaven.

False Witness

Mrs. White also gave the definition of false witness: “We think with horror of the cannibal who feasts on the still warm and trembling flesh of his victim; but are the results of even this practice more terrible than are the agony and ruin caused by misrepresenting motive, blackening reputation, dissecting character? . . .

“God’s Word condemns also the use of those meaningless phrases and expletives that border on profanity.” Ibid., March 1, 1905.

Do you know what an expletive is? An expletive is a word that is not used according to its dictionary definition, but is used to express emotion. Unfortunately, many people use the characteristics of God as expletives, thereby breaking the third commandment. The characteristics of God are listed in Exodus 34:6. “And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth . . . .” Those are the characteristics of God.

One of the words used to describe His characteristics is the word merciful. Have you ever heard the word mercy used as an expletive? That is a name for God, friends. It is part of His character. To use that word just to express emotion is to break the third commandment. Part of His Name is the word gracious. To use that word in a flippant way is to break the third commandment.

There are all sorts of words that I do not want to repeat and develop bad habits of speaking by repeating them, but you know what I am talking about. Have you ever heard somebody say, “Oh, _____”? There are several words that could follow that. Some of them men’s names—and they are not used to refer to any man. They are just used to express emotion. Those are expletives. Mrs. White calls them “meaningless phrases.” Jesus never used those. You will not find any expletives that He ever used in the entire Gospel account, and He is our example.

Deceptive Compliments

The Bible condemns the deceptive compliments, meaningless phrases, and expletives that border on profanity. Oh, friends, this bothers me. This is a problem, friends, for Christians. We have a big problem in giving deceptive compliments, trying to make people feel good in saying something to them that we do not really believe. That is breaking the ninth commandment.

“The evasions of truth, the exaggerations . . .” You know, some people have become so used to exaggerating that in their common, everyday speech—whatever they are talking about—they exaggerate. That will not happen in heaven, friends. They do not make understatements or give exaggerations there. Since I have studied this, I am trying to correct my own speech. We need to be careful that our speech is accurate.

“Closely allied to gossip is the covert [hidden] insinuation, the sly innuendo, by which the unclean in heart seek to insinuate the evil they dare not openly express. Every approach to these practices the youth should be taught to shun as we would shun the leprosy.” Ibid.

Friends, if we are getting ready for heaven, we must train our children to not speak the way they hear other people speaking. Other people are not to be our guides. Jesus is our Guide. We must train our children from babyhood that they must not say anything that they hear other people speaking. This is one of the reasons we as parents need to take time to talk with our children. We need to know how they speak and what they are saying. If they are picking up phrases and expressions from someone else that are not suitable, not understanding what they mean, we must correct their speech and teach them how to speak appropriately. This is also a reason for being careful with whom our children associate.

Quarreling Children

What do you do with children in the home who are quarreling? Ellen White gave counsel regarding that. “Parents, do all in your power to keep disagreements out of the home circle. If the children quarrel, remind them that God has said, ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.’ Teach them never to let the sun go down on angry feelings or sin unconfessed. Teach them that harmony should reign in the home, even as it reigns in heaven. . . .

“Repress every harsh word. Remember that fretting and scolding are as injurious to your children as profanity, and that too much management is as bad as no management at all. Be firm, but let no loud, angry words escape your lips. [There, again, are two kinds of speech we are to avoid—harsh words and loud, angry words.] Rule your children with tenderness and compassion, remembering that ‘their angels do always behold the face of My Father which is in heaven.’ . . . Work with loving tenderness; for this is the way Christ works.” The Signs of the Times, April 23, 1902.

Of what are we to remind the children? Not to let the sun go down on their wrath. That is a very literal expression from the Bible. (Ephesians 4:26.) We are to tell our children to not let the sun go down before they have made things right—to not let the sun go down on unconfessed sin or angry feelings.

Self-Control

“God looks into every secret thing of life. By some a constant battle is maintained for self-control.” The Signs of the Times, August 23, 1899. Perhaps you have a constant battle with your tongue. God knows that, friend. You may have to keep up a constant battle your whole life, but God will give you the victory. “Daily they [those battling for self-control] strive silently and prayerfully against harshness of speech and temper. These strivings may never be appreciated by human beings. They may get no praise from human lips for keeping back the hasty words which sought for utterance. The world will never see these conquests, and if it could, it would only despise the conquerors. But in heaven’s record they are registered as overcomers. There is One who witnesses every secret combat and every silent victory, and He says, ‘He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.’ [Proverbs 16:32.]” Ibid.

Scolding

A few statements about scolding have already been addressed, but in the following statement, we are given some counsel on dealing with children who are in trouble. Now, children from the earliest ages get into troubles of various kinds. Their feelings are aroused; maybe they are angry or depressed or hurt or discouraged. Children have all of these kinds of problems just as do adults. To them, their trials are just as severe as our trials are to us. How do we deal with these?

“The little ones must be carefully soothed when in trouble. Children between babyhood and manhood and womanhood do not generally receive the attention they should have. Mothers are needed who will so guide their children that they will regard themselves as a part of the family. Let the mother talk with her children regarding their hopes and their perplexities. Let parents remember that their children are to be cared for in preference to strangers. They are to be kept in a sunny atmosphere, under the mother’s guidance. Be careful that you are not rude to your children, either in speech or in temper. Require obedience, and do not allow yourself to speak carelessly to your children, because your manners and your words are their lesson-book. Help them gently, tenderly, over this period of their life. Let the sunshine of your presence make sunshine in their hearts. These growing boys and girls feel very sensitive, and by roughness you may mar their whole life. Be careful, mothers. Never scold; for that never helps.” Ibid., August 23, 1899. We do not want to do something that would never help, do we? That does not mean, however, that we should not be firm. The very next sentence says, “Firmness is ever to be united with love in the home life.” Ibid.

Harmony

How much harmonious speech in the home means to the children! “Allow in the home nothing that savors of cheapness or commonness. You are preparing your children for entrance into the City of God, and nothing that defiles can enter there.

“Be pleasant and cheerful. Remember that love is the power that binds your children to you.” Ibid., September 16, 1903. We should always remember that sentence. It is the power of love that binds our children to us.

“Keep your words and actions free from anger. Do nothing that will destroy the harmony of the home. Let the sharp words [there is another type of word to avoid] that you are tempted to speak die unspoken. Such words wound and bruise the hearts of the hearers.” Ibid.

To be continued . . .

Pastor Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Words, Part II

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A statement in The Signs of the Times, November 11, 1903, speaks of the power of love: “Never treat your children harshly; for harshness arouses stubbornness and resistance. You will find that they are most easily and successfully governed by kindness and gentleness.” Kindness and gentleness is what we need. “Love breaks down all barriers, and gentleness subdues the most stubborn will. Treat your children as you would wish to be treated were you in their place. Let there be no scolding, no loud-voiced, angry commands.” Ibid. Do not be discouraged, friends. Remember to have faith and say, “Lord, this is how You have told me to speak. I am choosing to follow Your counsel. Give me the grace to speak this way.” Friends, the Lord will do it. The Lord will answer your prayer. If you keep praying, the Lord will keep answering.

No Disagreements

Counsel is also given that the father and mother, in reference to their speech, should not have verbal disagreements between themselves in the children’s presence. Mrs. White says, “Not a particle of variance should be shown by parents in the management of their children. Parents are to work together as a unit. There must be no division. But many parents work at cross-purposes, and thus the children are spoiled by mismanagement. If parents do not agree, let them absent themselves from the presence of their children until an understanding can be arrived at.” Review and Herald, March 30, 1897. Oh friends, if parents would honor this, it would save so much trouble in the home.

As parents, we must have a united front. We must not have the father saying one thing and the mother saying another. That will destroy harmony, and it will ruin the child. Having said this, it does not mean we are to be wishy-washy. When we say, “No,” it has to mean no, and when we say, “Yes,” it has to mean yes.

“Scolding, loud-voiced commands, or threatenings should never be heard. Parents should keep the atmosphere of the home pure and fragrant with kind words, with tender sympathy and love; but at the same time, they are to be firm and unyielding in principle.” Ibid. If a principle is involved, we are not to give way. “If you are firm with your children [this simply means that when you say, ‘No,’ it means no], they may think that you do not love them.” They may think this way for a while, but Mrs. White says, “This you may expect; but never manifest harshness. Justice and mercy must clasp hands; there must be no wavering or impulsive movements.” Ibid.

True Words

Counsel has been given on a subject about which you would think Christians would never need to be counseled, but Ellen White spent considerable time on this subject. Our words at home are always to be true. Oh friends, one of my cherished memories of my own home is that I can never, ever remember either my father or my mother, at any time, telling me something that was not true. My parents did not have to explain to me, as I grew up, that there was not a Santa Claus, because they had never told me that there was a Santa Claus. Neither did they have to explain to me that there was no real Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse or a hundred other things that some children believe. If you tell your children fictitious or untrue stories or speak anything that is untrue, someday their confidence in you is going to be weakened, because a child believes everything that their parents tell them—until they find out their parents do not always tell the truth. Then they flip the other way, and they do not believe anything their parents say.

Mrs. White says, “Never let your children have the semblance of an excuse for saying, Mother does not tell the truth. Father does not tell the truth.” Review and Herald, April 13, 1897. Children, from their earliest years, should have confidence that if mommy said it, it is so. If daddy said it, it is so. We often do not realize how our words affect whether or not our children are going to believe what they hear in Sabbath School or church.

Criticism

Ellen White also speaks about criticism. She wrote, “We should abstain from all evil-speaking and evil-surmising.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891. Do you know what evil surmising is? I suppose it is something that every individual has been tempted to do at some time or another. Have you ever had suspicions about someone or something—you did not yet have the facts, but things just did not seem right to you? When this happens, you may have suspicions, and you may have to watch things develop, but it is dangerous to talk about your suspicions. This is evil surmising. You think something is bad; you do not yet have the facts; you do not yet have the evidence, but it looks bad. You think there is something awry, so you start talking about it, which starts all kinds of trouble in homes and churches and institutions and everywhere else.

“We should abstain from all evil-speaking and evil-surmising. Our children will be in danger of losing all respect for religion if we indulge in criticism of others.” Ibid.

I have thought about this so many times. How would I feel if someone who knew me really well began telling everybody all of the mistakes I have made? I have made so many mistakes that if anyone but the Lord knew them all, I suppose they would think that I am a bad person. I would prefer that all of the mistakes I have made not be publicized to everybody. Do you suppose that there are other people who feel the same way? When we are talking about the subject of criticism, people think that we are talking about something that is not true, but this is not the case. We can destroy each other while telling the truth! We can destroy our neighbors, and in the process, we will destroy our children. Ellen White says that they will lose all respect for religion.

Respect Those Older

The relationship of our children with the elderly has become very painful in America today. Our young people do not respect older people. Ellen White wrote: “Teach your children to be kind and courteous to all, and especially to respect the old. If you do all that God has given you to do, you will have no time to criticize your neighbor.” Ibid.

Jesting and Joking

I was once acquainted with a person who told a lot of jokes. He was one of the funniest persons I ever knew. When I was with him, I laughed and laughed and laughed, and everybody else did, too. He was a religious person, but when he would give a testimony in church, the young people did not give it much account. Our words need to be true.

When I was in academy, I learned how to tell jokes. I was very fortunate that about the time I started learning how to tell jokes, I read some statements in the Spirit of Prophecy stating that if I jested and joked, I would lose the Holy Spirit. When I found that out, I had to make a decision whether I was going to be a jester and a joker and a popular person, or whether I was going to have the Holy Spirit.

In the same article, it says, “Instead of indulging in jesting and joking, suppose you begin to exalt Jesus, talking of his wonderful charms.” Ibid. Oh friends, that is what we need in our homes. That is what we need in our churches. We need to be exalting Jesus and talking of His wonderful charms, the unsearchable riches of Christ.

The Way Jesus Spoke

One of the main facets of the unsearchable riches of Christ is the way that He spoke. When the people that were sent to arrest Jesus returned without Him, the rulers and the Pharisees asked, “Why did you not bring Him?” They said, “Never a man spoke like this Man.” (John 7:45, 46.)

Friends, if we would learn to speak in our homes as did Jesus, the Christian religion would have an irresistible power, a charm over our children. They would go out from home, telling whomever they meet that the Christian religion is true. They would know it is true, because they have seen the image of Christ demonstrated by their father or their mother. The way we speak at home can mean the salvation of our children. It could be one of the most powerful Christian influences on our children, if we learn to speak to each other in our homes like Christ spoke. You know the children are listening to the way that we as parents speak to each other.

“If you had good home religion, you would be a bright and shining light, and represent Christ to a lost world.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891.

“In the parable of the virgins, five were found wise, and five foolish. Can it be possible that half of us will be found without the oil of grace in our lamps?” Ibid. The apostle Paul said that our speech is always to be with grace. (Colossians 4:6.) “Shall we come to the marriage feast too late? We have slept too long; shall we sleep on, and be lost at last? Are there those here who have been sinning and repenting, sinning and repenting, and will they continue to do so till Christ shall come?” Ibid.

Mothers’ Words

Ellen White had some special words of counsel to speak to mothers concerning their words. These are some of the most beautiful statements in all of the Spirit of Prophecy, in my opinion, in relation to speech.

She says, “It is the heart that needs culture; for it is with the heart-life that women have to do. . . . The precious, finer feelings are to be carefully nourished that they may bloom into actions of goodness, truth, and holiness. . . . The words that are spoken by a mother should be choice words.” The Signs of the Times, March 23, 1891. God will give you the power to do it. He will give you the grace to do it.

“The mother should keep herself under perfect control, doing nothing that will arouse in the child a spirit of defiance. She is to give no loud-voiced commands. She will gain much by keeping the voice low and gentle. . . . If she is a wise Christian, she will not attempt to force the child to submit. She prays earnestly, and as she prays, she is conscious of a renewal of spiritual power. She sees that the same power that is working in her is working also in the child. He becomes more gentle, more submissive. The battle is won.” Ibid., April 1, 1903.

Our Child’s Faults

We are not to mention our children’s faults in the presence of others. “Remember that your child has rights which should be respected. Be very careful never to bring against him an unjust charge. Never punish him [now read this carefully] without giving him an opportunity to explain. Listen patiently to his troubles and perplexities. Never tell others in his hearing of his faults, or his clever sayings or doings. Even in the presence of his brothers and sisters these things should not be spoken of.” Ibid., April 23, 1902.

She goes on to say, “By speaking of his bright words and acts, you encourage self-confidence. By speaking of his faults, you humiliate him without softening him. Hatred springs up in his heart against your course, which he regards as cruel and unjust.” Ibid.

Heaven Talk

Friends, the things we have been studying are the way in which people talk in heaven. They do not speak any unpleasant words there. There are no loud, angry-voiced commands there, no angry, passionate words. They do not utter any unpleasant words there. In fact, a statement from Upward Look, 163, says, “No unpleasant words are spoken in heaven. There no unkind thoughts are cherished. There envy, evil surmising, hatred, and strife find no place.” We are to learn here how to speak, so we will be able to go to heaven. We are to learn it here, and the place we learn it, friends, is in our homes.

Confession

When I was a boy, I thought that everybody in the Adventist Church understood this, but I have had cause to wonder. The apostle James says, “He that does not offend in word is a perfect man.” James 3:2.

I do not know about you, but I have had to go to many people a number of times in my life and confess that what I had said was either not so or not right. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9.

Friends, the Lord wants to cleanse us from our improper speech. He wants to cleanse us from all the things that we have said in the past to our wives or our husbands or our children that have been wrong. But He cannot do it if we do not confess. This is so simple and basic; I was a minister for a number of years before I realized that there were many Christians who did not understand this.

Confession of sin is not just kneeling down by your bed at night and saying, “Lord, I confess my sins.” That is not proper confession; it is not wrong, but Ellen White states, in the chapter “Confession,” in Steps to Christ, that true confession is specific. Friends, if the Holy Spirit is speaking to your heart right now and telling you that you have something to confess to someone about words you have spoken, I want to appeal to you to not forget it. Write it down right now. Do not let the day go by—maybe you need to write a letter or make a long-distance telephone call.

If we want to reform our speech, one of the first steps is to confess what we have spoken that has injured or damaged someone else or is untrue or is unkind. That is a first step in procuring the kind of speech we desire in our homes.

Maybe you need to confess something to your children. Your child will never turn away from the Christian religion because you decided to confess your sins, because you decided to say to him or her, “I am sorry I said or did this to you and I want you to forgive me.” Your child will not turn away from the Christian religion when you do that.

Unless we confess our sins, the Holy Spirit cannot come into our lives and give us the power that we need to change. “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes [them] will have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13. That is talking about eternal prosperity, not just temporal prosperity.

Friends, I stand myself in very great need of mercy, do you? I know that if I am going to receive the mercy of God in my life, I must confess, and then I must forsake. Do you want that experience? Decide right now you are not going to let the day go by before making whatever confession to whomever you need to make it. It may take you more than one day.

When I first became convicted on this subject, it was as a result of a sermon I listened to by a retired Adventist minister who said that when he became a Christian, he had to write 726 letters of confession. I hope that you do not have to write that many, but I would write however many letters I need to write or call however many people I need to call, to have a clear conscience.

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

The Pen of Inspiration – Home Duties of the Father

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Few fathers are fitted for the responsibility of training their children. They, themselves, need strict discipline that they may learn self-control, forbearance, and sympathy. Until they possess these attributes they are not capable of properly teaching their children. What can we say to awaken the moral sensibilities of fathers, that they may understand and undertake their duty to their offspring? The subject is of intense interest and importance, having a bearing upon the future welfare of our country. We would solemnly impress upon fathers, as well as mothers, the grave responsibility they have assumed in bringing children into the world. It is a responsibility from which nothing but death can free them. True the chief care and burden rests upon the mother during the first years of her children’s lives, yet even then the father should be her stay and counsel, encouraging her to lean upon his large affections, and assisting her as much as possible.

First Interest

The father’s duty to his children should be one of his first interests. It should not be set aside for the sake of acquiring a fortune, or of gaining a high position in the world. In fact, those very conditions of affluence and honor frequently separate a man from his family, and cut off his influence from them more than anything else. If the father would have his children develop harmonious characters, and be an honor to him and a blessing to the world, he has a special work to do. God holds him responsible for that work. In the great day of reckoning it will be asked him: Where are the children that I intrusted [sic] to your care to educate for me, that their lips might speak my praise, and their lives be as a diadem of beauty in the world, and they live to honor me through all eternity?

In some children the moral powers strongly predominate. They have power of will to control their minds and actions. In others the animal passions are almost irresistible. To meet these diverse temperaments, which frequently appear in the same family, fathers, as well as mothers, need patience and wisdom from the divine Helper. There is not so much to be gained by punishing children for their transgressions, as by teaching them the folly and heinousness of their sin, understanding their secret inclinations, and laboring to bend them toward the right. . . .

Know Individual Characteristics

The father should frequently gather his children around him, and lead their minds into channels of moral and religious light. He should study their different tendencies and susceptibilities, and reach them through the plainest avenues. Some may be best influenced through veneration and the fear of God; others through the manifestation of his benevolence and wise providence, calling forth their deep gratitude; others may be more deeply impressed by opening before them the wonders and mysteries of the natural world, with all its delicate harmony and beauty, which speak to their souls of Him who is the Creator of the heavens and the earth, and all the beautiful things therein.

Children who are gifted with the talent or love of music may receive impressions that will be life-long, by the judicious use of those susceptibilities as the medium for religious instruction. They may be taught that if they are not right with God they are like a discord in the divine harmony of creation, like an instrument out of tune, giving forth discordant strains more grievous to God than harsh, inharmonious notes are to their own fine musical ear.

Many may be reached best through sacred pictures, illustrating scenes in the life and mission of Christ. By this means truths may be vividly imprinted upon their minds, never to be effaced. The Roman Catholic Church understands this fact, and appeals to the senses of the people through the charm of sculpture and paintings. While we have no sympathy for image worship, which is condemned by the law of God, we hold that it is proper to take advantage of that almost universal love of pictures in the young, to fasten in their minds valuable moral truths, to bind the gospel to their hearts by beautiful imagery illustrating the great moral principles of the Bible. Even so our Saviour illustrated his sacred lessons by the imagery found in God’s created works.

Tailored Discipline

It will not do to lay down an iron rule by which every member of the family is forced into the same discipline. It is better to exert a milder sway, and, when any special lesson is required, to reach the consciences of the youth through their individual tastes, and marked points of character. While there should be a uniformity in the family discipline, it should be varied to meet the wants of different members of the family. It should be the parents’ study not to arouse the combativeness of their children, not to excite them to anger and rebellion, but to interest them, and inspire them with a desire to attain to the highest intelligence and perfection of character. This can be done in a spirit of Christian sympathy and forbearance, the parents realizing the peculiar dangers of their children, and firmly, yet kindly, restraining their propensities to sin.

The parents, especially the father, should guard against the danger of their children learning to look upon him as a detective, peering into all their actions, watching and criticising [sic] them, ready to seize upon and punish them for every misdemeanor. The father’s conduct upon all occasions should be such that the children will understand that his efforts to correct them spring from a heart full of love for them. When this point is gained, a great victory has been accomplished. Fathers should have a sense of their children’s human want and weakness, and his sympathy and sorrow for the erring ones should be greater than any sorrow they can feel for their own misdeeds. This will be perceived by the corrected child, and will soften the most stubborn heart.

Self-Control

The father, as priest and house-band of the family circle, should stand to them as nearly in the place of Christ as possible—a sufferer for those who sin, one who, though guiltless, endures the pains and penalty of his children’s wrongs, and, while he inflicts punishment upon them, suffers more deeply under it than they do.

But if the father exhibits a want of self-control before his children, how can he teach them to govern their wrong propensities? If he displays anger or injustice, or evidence that he is the slave of any evil habit, he loses half his influence over them. Children have keen perceptions, and draw sharp conclusions; precept must be followed by example to have much weight with them. If the father indulges in the use of any hurtful stimulant, or falls into any other degrading habit, how can he maintain his moral dignity before the watchful eyes of his children? . . .

The father, above all others, should have a clear, active mind, quick perceptions, calm judgment, physical strength to support him in his arduous duties, and most of all the help of God to order his acts aright. He should therefore be entirely temperate, walking in the fear of God, and the admonition of his law, mindful of all the small courtesies and kindnesses of life, the support and strength of his wife, a perfect pattern for his sons to follow, a counselor and authority for his daughters. He should stand forth in the moral dignity of a man free from the slavery of evil habits and appetites, qualified for the sacred responsibilities of educating his children for the higher life.

The Health Reformer, October 1, 1877.

Escaping Shipwreck of the Home

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The devil wants us to make shipwreck of our homes! This is a special temptation to young people, and, thus, we need to understand very clearly how we can avoid this, because a shipwrecked home can lead to the most unhappiness in this world and, many times, to shipwreck of eternity.

How can we have a sure anchor in our homes? Paul’s shipwreck experience, as recorded in Acts 27, has a great deal of information for us as we are studying this subject: “Now when much time was spent, and when sailing was now dangerous, because the fast was now already past, Paul admonished [them], And said unto them, Sirs, I perceive that this voyage will be with hurt and much damage, not only of the lading and ship, but also of our lives. Nevertheless the centurion believed the master and the owner of the ship, more than those things which were spoken by Paul.” Verses 9−11. We read in this passage that the time for sailing had past. Consequently, Paul was admonishing the shipmaster that the voyage was going to be disastrous. He counseled him not to go, and he warned that a voyage would result in disaster, not only to the ship and the cargo, but also to life.

But the captain did not listen. After all, Paul was a prisoner trying to tell the captain what he should do. The chain of command certainly does not generally work that way! Normally, prisoners do not tell captains what to do, but Paul was a unique prisoner.

How was Paul unique? He had not committed any crimes, and he was privileged to be a messenger from God. This prisoner, this messenger from God gave instruction to not sail, because doing so would result in shipwreck. What happened? The captain ignored the messenger from God and sailed, and they were shipwrecked.

Take note that the centurion decided to believe “the master and the owner of the ship.” We might say that he accepted and believed worldly counselors instead of God’s messenger. He accepted the knowledge of people who had degrees in these types of things, of professional people who should have known what they were doing.

There were two other reasons why the centurion accepted the worldly counsel and rejected the counsel of God’s messenger: “And because the haven was not commodious to winter in, the more part advised to depart thence also, if by any means they might attain to Phenice, [and there] to winter; [which is] an haven of Crete, and lieth toward the south west and north west.” Verse 12. What does it mean that “the haven was not commodious to winter in”? It was not comfortable enough; it was not convenient enough. It would not have been the best location, we might say. And what was the other reason given? “The more part advised to depart.” The majority spoke against what Paul had said, so the centurion, instead of accepting what the messenger from God had said, followed worldly counselors. He took into consideration what was convenient or comfortable and followed the majority.

Are either of those good reasons to reject what God is trying to tell us through His messenger? No, they are not, yet we find these very reasons being used today to reject what God has told of how to escape shipwreck.

We all have homes, and we know that as young people enter their later teen years and older, there is a desire to establish a home of their own. That is natural; there is nothing wrong with that desire. As they mature, their emotions become more active, and it is easy to become attracted to and to develop not just a friendship but a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. This is natural too; this is a desire that God has put into us, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Unfortunately, in many situations this desire leads to shipwreck, and lives are ruined because of wrong or unwise choices that are made. The same reasons for which the centurion rejected God’s messenger are used today. The worldly counselors say it is a good thing to do, or it is more convenient or more comfortable to not follow what God’s messenger has revealed to us. Or they say that everybody is doing it so it cannot be that bad, but if everybody shipwrecks, do you want to shipwreck too? No, the only safety for us as young people to escape shipwreck in our homes is to follow implicitly what God has revealed through His messengers, through the Bible, and through the Spirit of Prophecy.

The Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible that I have enjoyed studying since I have become a Seventh-day Adventist. The Bible used by the church of which I was formerly a member does not contain this book written by the wisest of men. They simply removed it from their version of the Bible. So when I became a Seventh-day Adventist and began to study it, I discovered that it teaches a number of very important principles. We will look at just one; this is repeated three times in the book. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please.”

Look at the last part of the text, “stir not up, nor awake [my] love.” If you read this verse from the King James Version, you will notice that the word my is in italics. What does that mean? It means that it is supplied by the translators in an attempt to make the wording flow better. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is more literal—and sometimes it helps us to understand the verse better—if we recognize that a supplied word is not in the original Greek or Hebrew.

So, the text would actually read, “that you stir not up, nor awake love, until it pleases.” That is telling us that there is a time to love and a time not to love. It says that we are not to stir it up until it is the right time. Many, many young people are shipwrecked by not following the counsel of this verse. Many are shipwrecked by allowing love to awaken before it is time.

We see this so often today. Even in first grade, children just five and six years of age are pairing off. As they go from five and six to maybe nine or ten years old, the same thing is happening, and that is not beneficial, because the Bible says to not stir love up until he please.

Consider the following points as to when it is safe to enter into a relationship.

Know the Creator

If we simply understand the principle of not allowing our emotions to control us and of waiting until it is the right time for love, it would save hundreds and thousands of young people from shipwreck. You can no doubt see that, because all around us are shipwrecked homes and many of these shipwrecked homes are the direct result of not following these principles.

Let us look at the first marriage and see what we can understand about this first relationship that developed. Genesis 2:21, 22 says, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” In the Garden of Eden, on the sixth day of creation, before the Sabbath, God first made Adam. God could have made Adam and Eve together; it would have been no problem. He spoke, and all the animals came forth; all the plants came forth; but He did not make Adam and Eve together.

Adam was made first so he could become acquainted with God. God wanted Adam to develop a relationship with Him first. It is feasible that if God had made Adam and Eve together, instead of developing a relationship with their Creator, their eyes would have locked on each other, and then they would not have had that relationship with their Creator. So God made Adam first, and He put Adam in the garden where he could become acquainted with his Creator before anyone else.

Then, after Adam had named all the animals, he realized that they all had partners, but he did not, so God put Adam to sleep. God could have made Eve without putting Adam to sleep. He could have just formed the dust of the ground and breathed into Eve, and there Adam’s mate would have been. But God put Adam to sleep, and as He took the rib from Adam, formed Eve, and breathed into Eve the breath of life. Who was the first one with whom Eve developed a relationship? With her Creator—because Adam was asleep! I believe that God put Adam to sleep so that Eve could develop a relationship with her Creator before she did with Adam.

We must, before we contemplate an earthly relationship, have a relationship with our Creator. Anything else is in danger of leading us to shipwreck in our homes, which frequently results in shipwreck of eternity as well. The story of Adam and Eve shows that both the man and the woman need to have a relationship with their Creator before any romantic relationship is developed. Did Adam lead Eve to the Creator? No, that is not how it happened, because if Adam had led Eve to the Creator, her first allegiance would have been to Adam rather than to her Creator.

At times, there may be somebody who has an interest in someone who is not a Seventh-day Adventist; he or she may not even be a Christian. So the individual may start a Bible study course with the person in whom he is interested. Bible studies are a good thing, but it is very dangerous to try to lead someone in whom you are interested to the Lord. Why? Because their first allegiance would be to you rather than to the Lord. I know you may disagree, but I have seen such a situation more than once. I have seen people who seem to be solid in the faith; then something happens to the person in whom they are interested and they go out of the faith. Both individuals need to have a relationship with their Creator before they are prepared for a relationship with each other.

Lifework

“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:15, 19, 20.

This account is very instructive. Here we find that Adam was created, but he was not just introduced to his Creator and then given Eve. God first gave to Adam a way to live. God gave to Adam his lifework before he gave him his life companion. We need to know and to be prepared for our lifework before we enter into a relationship. Why do you think this would be a good idea?

What if you believe God is calling you to be a missionary to a foreign country, but before you prepare for your life calling, you develop an interest in someone who believes that his or her life calling is to be a doctor or to be a businessman or businesswoman in your home country? There is nothing wrong with being a physician or a businessperson. As long as the biblical principles are followed, their work is very honest and commendable. But if God has called you to be a missionary to another country and has called your person of interest to be a businessperson in the home field, there is a serious conflict of interest. It is hard for both of you to do your lifework, so one or the other has to give up on his or her life calling. God’s plan is that we know and that we are prepared for our lifework before entering into a relationship.

By the way, Adam could prepare for his lifework better and could probably work better if he was not thinking about Eve. So often, young people begin to prepare for their lifework, but instead of preparing for their lifework, they are developing an interest in someone, and that takes all their time. The relationship detracts from what their preparation needs to be.

Financial Responsibility

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8. Do you want to be worse than an infidel? An infidel is someone who is not a Christian, such as an atheist or an agnostic. An infidel has no interest in religion whatsoever and is usually opposed to Christianity.

If we do not provide for our own, we have denied the faith and are worse than an infidel! So, is it a very wise thing to get married if we have no way to support a family? Financial stresses are ranked as one of the highest causes of divorce. I am not saying that we must own our own business or have to own a house, but we need to have some way to support a family.

Godly Counselors

A very difficult story for us in this day and age in which we live is given in Genesis 24. “And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Verses 2−4.

Here was Abraham, and he was arranging for the marriage of his 40-year-old son Isaac. If we were 40, would we think that our parents would have the right to direct so intimately in our affairs? But Isaac trusted his father’s judgment, and it does not seem that Isaac was involved at all.

Now, I am not saying that is exactly the way it must be, but a principle is revealed here. Isaac listened to godly counselors. Our parents, if they are in the Lord, are the best counselors we have. Isaac listened to godly counselors, and Isaac escaped shipwreck.

Counselors are important, because love is blind. Even if we follow all these principles, a degree of blindness still exists. It is very hard when someone counsels against what our heart wants. God has made it plain that there is an important place for godly counselors, because many times when our emotions get stirred up, it is hard for us to think rationally. It is much easier for godly counselors to see the situation rationally. We need to seek advice from godly counselors, even if we are 40 years old!

Poor Judge

God’s messenger, Ellen White, stated: “A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.” Messages to Young People, 452. Now, you may look at me and say that I am out of my teens, so that is easy for me to read, but I read that when I was a teenager. And when I read that, and I decided that if it said that a youth not out of his teens is not a fit judge, then I did not want to enter into a relationship until I was out of my teens.

I realize that when you are a teen, that seems like a very difficult thing. I was there! But although that was written 100 years ago, the statistics today reveal that if that statement were followed today, there would be a lot fewer shipwrecked homes. Some Internet statistics for marriages in the United States show that the divorce rate is 50 percent for those who marry and are under the age of 18. For those who marry and are under the age of 20, the divorce rate is 40 percent, and for those who wait until they are 25 or older, the divorce rate is 25 percent. You can see from the statistics that what we were told 100 years ago was wise counsel, because as we mature, we change.

Looking back to when I was 17, which was not that long ago, I know my personality was much different then than what it is now. For those of you who struggle with timidity, I think I was as timid as any person could possibly be, but as we grow and mature, we change. Many people, when they marry young, start separating as they mature and change, resulting in a shipwrecked home. That is why the Lord gave us this counsel.

Allow God to Lead

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21–23.

Does it appear as though Adam was searching under every leaf in the garden to try to find a mate? No, Adam allowed God to lead. If we do not want to shipwreck our homes, we must allow God to lead. I do not believe it is safe to enter into a relationship unless both persons involved know that God is leading. Many times young people enter into a relationship because they think the person is cute or has a funny personality. They say that they are not making a commitment yet, and that may be true, but as they enter into a relationship and the hearts start to grow together, it is much harder to see God’s leading. It is much more difficult to objectively consider the relationship, and frequently what happens is that two people get married without a knowledge of God’s direct guidance and leading. We need to know, before we enter into any relationship, whether or not God is leading. Adam did; Eve did; they knew that God was leading.

Passed By

Oh but we may think that we are going to get passed by. God does not withhold any good thing from us, and the Lord promises that if we commit our ways to Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 84:11; 37:4.)

Ellen White wrote, “Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him.” The Adventist Home, 43.

We need to come to that point of total and complete surrender and say, “Lord, I do not want to choose; that decision is too big for me. Please choose for me.” When we come to that point of complete surrender, God can work, and God can lead.

I believe if we follow these simple steps that God gives, He will guide us, and we will escape shipwreck in our homes. In summary, the steps are:

  1. both individuals in a relationship must have a knowledge of the Creator;
  2. both individuals must know and be prepared for their lifework;
  3. we must be prepared to support a family even before entering into a relationship;
  4. we should follow godly counselors; and
  5. we should allow God to lead.

Do you want to escape shipwreck? I do; I do not want to have a home that is dashed against the rocks without an anchor. That could lead to the loss of eternity as well. I want God to be my captain and my pilot, that He may bring me safely to the harbor.

May we each one follow the principles God has given to us that we might escape shipwreck, that we might have a sure and a solid anchor.

Cody Francis is currently engaged in public evangelism for Mission Projects International. He also pastors the Remnant Church of Seventh-day Adventist Believers in Renton, Washington. He may be contacted by e-mail at: cody@missionspro.org.

The Essence of Heaven, Part II

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Ellen White counseled: “Parents, make your home a little heaven on earth. You can do this, if you so choose. . . . You can so relate yourselves to God that His Spirit will abide in your home. Come close to the bleeding side of the Man of Calvary. Those who are partakers with Him in His sufferings will at last be partakers with Him in His glory.” Sermons and Talks, vol. 2, 200. If your home is not a little heaven to go to heaven in, at least one of the people in that home cannot go to heaven in the condition in which they are right now.

Love Not Forced

The spirit of self-sacrificing love cannot be forced on anybody. A husband cannot force his wife to love him; a wife cannot force her husband to love her; parents cannot force children to love them. You cannot force it. It cannot be commanded.

Ellen White wrote, “The exercise of force is contrary to the principles of God’s government; He desires only the service of love; and love cannot be commanded; it cannot be won by force or authority. Only by love is love awakened. To know God is to love Him; His character must be manifested in contrast to the character of Satan. This work only one Being in all the universe could do. Only He who knew the height and depth of the love of God could make it known.” The Desire of Ages, 22.

Let us consider this in a very practical way for a moment. Some of you will be able to relate to this because you have children. Now, a human baby is born to be loved, but the baby does not understand very much about love. Some of the babies you see today you would think know nothing about love. Be that as it may be, no baby knows very much about love, but the mother is supposed to know about love, and if the mother knows about love, the mother starts giving love to the baby. It is a wonderful thing to see. Every day, several times a day, the mother gives love to the baby. It is expressed in many different ways¾by touching, by stroking, by the expression on the face, by the tone of the voice, by giving food, by giving water, by making the baby comfortable. There is a reason that God made human babies so they require a lot of care. It is in the process of receiving that care that they learn what love is.

But the time comes when the baby starts to really respond to the mother’s love. It is very interesting to see this response. Why is the baby responding to the mother’s love? Because the baby has received so much love from the mother that now this baby has love to give back to the mother.

Now, let me ask you a serious question, albeit an awful question, but we need to face reality. What if the baby is born to a woman who is angry and bitter and does not have very much love to give? Do you know what will happen?

Let us read about it: “The reason why there are so many hard-hearted men and women in our world, is because true affection has been regarded as weakness, and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of those of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hard-hearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886.

How awful this is! Their happiness is buried forever, unless Divine love can break through that ice.

“If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when he was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.” Ibid.

There are people all around us¾I do not say this to judge anyone¾especially in our time much more so than 50 years ago who are spiritually and emotionally crippled, and they will be spiritually and emotionally crippled until Jesus comes, because of the spiritual and emotional damage that was inflicted on them from babyhood up through childhood.

I am not saying that those people cannot be saved. God can save people whether or not they are physically crippled or spiritually and emotionally crippled, but the fact remains that in this world they are spiritually and emotionally crippled.

I mention these things to hopefully be a little bit of help to those of you who are parents of small children. Do not repress or neglect to give affection to your small children. If you do, they will grow up to be hard-hearted men and women. They will be emotionally crippled for the rest of their lives in this world.

Feminist Movement

The principle of sacrificing yourself for the good of others has special meaning and implications when discussing the marriage institution. Through my studies, I understand a little bit about what has happened in society since ancient Rome.

In the world today is something that is called the Feminist Movement. Most Seventh-day Adventist preachers seem to delight in condemning and criticizing the Feminist Movement. I am not saying that it is good; I am not trying to promote it, but I think it is right to recognize that it came as a reaction to a different extreme. What was the different extreme? Men said to their wives, “I am the head of the house; you do whatever I say.”

In my studies, I was shocked to see how different society was in the time of John Wesley (1703-1791). A man and his wife came to Wesley, the wife saying that her husband had been beating her. Wesley had a lady examine her, and sure enough, she was black and blue from her neck down to her feet. The husband declared, “I was full of faith while I was doing it,” and he was excused. His actions were considered to be all right. As an outgrowth of such action, some of the Methodist Christians decided that they needed to make a rule. This just shows you how far the human mind can go astray¾they decided that a man should not beat his wife with a rod that was thicker than his thumb. What kind of society was that?

It was in reaction to this kind of thinking that the Feminist Movement arose. The Feminist Movement, of course, goes to a different extreme. This whole idea of who is the boss, who is the greatest, and all this, is something that destroys the homes and marriages. It can destroy the whole universe if it gets out of hand.

Who Is In Control?

You see, that is part of the original controversy. Who is going to be boss? Jesus addressed this problem in Matthew 20:20-23, “Then there approached Him the mother of the sons of Zebedee with her sons, worshipping and desiring a certain thing from Him. And He said to her, ‘What do you want?’ She said to Him, ‘Grant in order that these my two sons may sit one at Your right hand and one at Your left in Your kingdom.’ Jesus answering said, ‘You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink of the cup that I am about to drink of, and the baptism that I am about to be baptized with?’ They say, ‘We are able.’ And He says to them, ‘You shall indeed drink of My cup and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with; but to sit on My right hand and on My left is not Mine to give, but it shall be given to those for whom it is prepared by My Father.’ ”

At the time Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, suffering in terrible agony, if He had gone to James and John and asked them, “Are you able to drink the cup that I am drinking, and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?” they would not have been so self-confident. But now, although He did not promise that He was going to give this honor to them, it still aroused trouble in the church. The apostles got very angry about it. We are told in verse 24, “And the ten, hearing, were indignant concerning the two brothers.”

Why were they angry? Because they wanted the top position too! This is the same thing that happens in the family. The husband and wife are fighting about who is going to get the final say on something.

Just Great or No. 1

Matthew 20 continues: “Jesus called them and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the nations lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. But it shall not be like this among you, but whoever wishes among you to be great, let him be your deacon.’ ” Verse 25. (A deacon is a middle-class servant.)

What if you do not want to be just great; what if you want to be No. 1? Jesus said, “If you want to be great, become a servant,” but then He goes on to say, in verse 27, “And whoever wishes among you to be first, let him be your doulos.” Now, a doulos was not a middle-class servant; a doulos was a slave or a bondservant. That was the lowest level of servanthood.

If you want to be great, Christ said that you should be a diakonos, a deacon. But if you want to be first, be a doulos, a bondservant. Are you catching on to what Jesus is saying? If you just want to be great, you can be a servant, but if you really want to be great, then you need to go even lower in servanthood.

Jesus demonstrated this in His own life. Who was the Majesty of heaven? Jesus Christ. He was the Majesty of heaven. The Father called Him, My One and only One¾He is Mine, and I am well pleased with Him. (11 Peter 1:17.)

Christ was the Majesty of heaven. He was equal with God the Father. There are still Christians arguing about this today. I am not interested in arguing about it, if somebody does not believe it. Inspired writings are very clear, in my understanding, that Jesus Christ is equal with the Father. (See Philippians 2:6.)

The One that is in first place in the universe left it all, and He came down to this earth for a wretch like me. And then, after He came down, He went to the cross for me. When He died on the cross, He had gone as low as anybody could go. You cannot go lower than that in servanthood.

If you read the New Testament in the Greek language, you will find that when Paul addresses the Christian churches, he refers to himself as a doulos of Jesus Christ every time except one—when he refers to himself as a deacon. He considered himself to be a bondservant, a slave of Jesus Christ.

If you and I do not learn the lesson being given here, we will never be in the kingdom of heaven. We can keep the Sabbath; we can pay tithe; but if we do not learn this, we will not be in the kingdom of heaven. This is the very essence of heaven. This is the essence of its bliss.

I do not know about you, but when I studied this subject, I recognized that I am not ready to go to heaven. I need a change inside; do you? Before we are ever going to have heaven on the outside, we have to have heaven on the inside.

Our Great Need

I would like to illustrate for you our great need and the great lack that we have of learning this principle in Adventism, because I know that we do not have it. I am not judging anybody, but I am going to show you now how I know we do not have it. Consider the words of Ellen White:

“We, living far down the passage of ages, have the privilege of studying the Old Testament in connection with the New. Our faith and courage should be strong as we see prophecies fulfilling. But how many there are who are unbelieving. How many there are who reveal selfishness and unkindness in their dealings with one another. How many professing Christians seem never to be satisfied unless they are engaged in strife. How many home circles are broken because the members receive and act upon Satan’s suggestions.

“No unpleasant words are spoken in heaven. There no unkind thoughts are cherished. There envy, evil surmising, hatred, and strife find no place. Perfect harmony pervades the heavenly courts.

“Well does Satan know what heaven is, and what the influence of the angels is. His work is to bring into every family the cruel elements of self-will, harshness, selfishness. Thus he seeks to destroy the happiness of the family. He knows that the spirit governing in the home will be brought into the church.

“Let the father and mother always be guarded in their words and actions. The husband is to treat his wife, the mother of his children, with due respect, and the wife is to love and reverence her husband. How can she do this if he treats her like a servant, to be dictated to, ordered about, scolded, found fault with before the children? He is forcing her to dislike him and even to hate him.

“May God help fathers and mothers to open the windows of the soul heavenward and let the sunshine of Christ into the homelife. Unless they do this, they will be surrounded by a mist and fog most injurious to spirituality.

“Fathers and mothers, bring sweetness and brightness and hopefulness into the lives of your children. Kindness and love will work wonders. Never punish a child in anger. When you do this, you are acting like grown-up children, who have not left behind them the unreasonableness of childhood. Will you strive earnestly to be able to say, ‘When I became a man, I put away childish things’?” The Upward Look, 163.

In every family the devil is trying to do something. He is trying to bring in dissension and the cruel principles of selfishness, because he knows that if he can bring his principles in¾that includes the principle where I am No. 1, and you have to make me happy—it will destroy the happiness of the family.

Devil’s Success

As a pastor, I visit families all over when I travel. I am sorry to tell you that the devil has been very successful among Seventh-day Adventist Christians. He has been so successful that the divorce rate among Seventh-day Adventists is about the same as it is in the world. (<en.allexperts.com/q/Seventh-Day-Adventists-2318/biblical-inquiry.htm> June 4, 2007.) If your home is a little heaven to go to heaven in, do you suppose divorce is going to happen? No, it will not.

Why is the devil so hard at work in every single family to bring in the cruel principles of selfishness, dissension, arguing and strife, and destroy the happiness of the family?

Ellen White, as we read in the book The Upward Look, has told us exactly what his goal and his objective is. He is not trying to bring in dissension and the cruel principles of selfishness and strife just because he wants to destroy your family. He has something much bigger in mind. She says that the devil knows that the same principles worked out in people’s families will be worked out in the church.

Now, let us think this through. If every family in the church has a little heaven to go to heaven in, because they are practicing the principles of self-sacrificing love with each other, then when all the families get together, is it going to be like hell or heaven? Of course, it is going to be like heaven! But the devil knows that whatever principles are acted out at home will be acted out in church.

As I travel and preach at different churches, I find that the churches are experiencing terrible trouble with strife and dissension. What does that tell us? We do not have to be real intelligent; we do not have to have a college education to figure it out; we do not have to be prophets. If there is strife and dissension in the church, that tells us that there is strife and dissension in the homes of the people in that church. What does that mean? It means we are not yet ready to go to heaven.

Prayer Needed

We have some praying to do. We need to pray that the Holy Spirit will come in and change our hearts. There is a passage from Ellen White’s writings that I repeat to myself every day: “The part of the Christian is to persevere in overcoming every fault. Constantly he is to pray to the Saviour to heal the disorders of his sin-sick soul.” The Acts of the Apostles, 532. I have told the Lord that if He has told me to pray that constantly, I am going to do it.

Do you want the disorders of your sin-sick soul to be healed? Oh, I want to tell you that when the disorder of the sin-sick soul of the wife is healed and when the disorder of the sin-sick soul of the husband is healed, something will change in the family. It will no longer be like purgatory in the home.

There will be a change within the church too. We are going to experience what the early believers called “the fellowship of the saints.” “We are to engage earnestly in a spiritual warfare which we do not consider as we should, and we fail to appreciate what it means. The confederacy of evil is arrayed against those who would fight the battles of the Lord.

“But we battle not alone. The fellowship of the saints in light is ours, the championship of the hosts of heaven is ours, and more than angels are on our side; for leading the ranks of his armies is the Captain of the Lord’s hosts. He is Commander of the battle, and as he leads his army to the fields of action, his voice is heard above the din of the battle and the strife, ‘Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.’ [John 16:33.] Our leader is a conqueror. Advance, then, to victory.” Review and Herald, March 14, 1893.

May we learn the lesson of self-sacrificing love, which is the very essence of the bliss of heaven.

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor John Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.