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The Ten Commandments, Part XII – It Will Go Well With You

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In this series on the Ten Commandments, we have previously studied the first four commandments (Exodus 20:3–11), and we are ready to begin the second table of the Ten Commandment Law. The first table deals with the vertical relationship between God and us. The second table of the law deals with the horizontal relationship between our fellowmen and us. As mentioned in a previous article, the first table of the law came into practical application when God created Adam. The second table of the law came into practical application when God created Eve. The second table of the law is a very important aspect as we deal with our horizontal relationships.

The first table tells us how we are to worship God; the six commandments of the second table teach us how we are to treat one another. So often, religious people concentrate on the first table. Many theological discussions take place about how we are to worship God, but there are not many that make the application as to how we are to treat one another. It is part of God’s plan to regulate human relationships so we will be able to appreciate and love one another, as we love God and ourselves.

The first commandment of the second table reads: “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Deuteronomy 5:16.

Reading this commandment in Exodus 20, we see that it is a little bit different, just as the Sabbath commandment is a little bit different between Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12. Do you see the difference? The difference is that Deuteronomy 5 says that if you honor your father and your mother, not only are your days going to be prolonged, but also it will go well with you.

Falling Apart

In my ministry as a pastor, I have observed that a lot of fracturing is taking place in families today. Once stable and strong relationships are no longer as strong as they once were. There is a little saying, “The family is falling apart at the seams,” and, certainly, this is true.

What is the reason for this dissolution? The reason is that we are in violation of the fifth commandment. As we go through this study, we hopefully will be able to better understand what is involved with this commandment that says, “Honor thy father and thy mother.”

Respect for parental authority and obedience to parental law is the foundation of all order and organization. The fifth commandment deals with this. Another old saying that holds an abundance of truth is this: “As goes the home, so goes society, the nation, and the world.”

The family is the most important and fundamental unit in society and in government. In a speech given over two years ago, President George W. Bush, the forty-third president of the United States of America, emphasized the importance of the family and the home, and the significance that it consist of one man and one woman, a husband and a wife. He is determined to see that this is established and set, even going so far as endorsing a Constitutional Convention to pass an Amendment to the Constitution to establish it. This belief is in harmony with Scripture.

Families today are falling apart. I do not believe that there has been a time in earth’s history when there have been such large Social Service Departments to take care of homes that are falling apart at the seams.

Obedience to Lawful Authority

The first commandment of the second table, or the fifth commandment of the ten, is in a special position in the order of the total ten. Surely this placement is no accident, but divinely placed. Family relationships constitute the beginning of all human relationships that are set forth in the second division of God’s Law. In its broadest application, it deals with obedience to all lawful authority, in that formative part of life when characters are molded and destinies are determined.

Considering the nature of parenthood, parents, in many ways, stand in the place of God to their children until they reach the age of accountability. Then the children can transfer their accountability to God because He is ultimately the One to whom they are responsible in the final end of all things. Yet, there is still the force of the commandment that says to “Honor your father and your mother all the days of your life, so it will go well with you.”

In the earlier years of a child’s life, the parent is to that child what God is to the parent—the Lawgiver, the Overseer, and the Provider. The fact that the attitude of the child toward the parent determines his attitude toward God in later years gives the fifth commandment a double significance.

A Broader Application

When the home life is Christ-centered, the children are almost certain to fulfill both tables of the law and to respect both divine and human authority. This commandment has not just a literal application to mom and dad, but it has a spiritual application that forms the attitudes and the characters of how people relate to life from childhood to adulthood.

If children are brought up in a home where proper parental authority is exercised and where good and righteous commandments from the parents are handed down to the children, they will incorporate those into their lifestyles. They are going to relate to all other issues of authority in their lives in the right way.

This is why the commandment says, “Honor thy father and thy mother, so that it will go well with you.” Not only will it “go well with you,” but also your days will be prolonged. This is a promise from God! This is the first commandment with a promise.

Another evidence of the importance of this commandment is the fact that parenthood is a co-partnership with God in the work of creation. Reproduction is a form of creation. What greater honor could God bestow upon human beings than to share with them the power to perpetuate His creative works? If you stop and think about this, you realize that parenthood is an awesome responsibility. This is something that is not being taught to young people today.

Holy Function of Parenthood

One of the reasons, I personally believe, that God called the Seventh-day Adventist Church into existence was to bestow upon its members insights and situations where they could teach their children how to become better parents. It had to start at some point in time.

If you actually look at what was transpiring in the days when God called the Seventh-day Adventist Church into existence, you will see that parenthood and the kinds of relationships between fathers and their children that would give a right example to the children was almost nonexistent. So the children grew up with a very warped understanding of what it meant to be a parent.

So God gave counsels for us so the next generation, having exercised those counsels, could put them into practice and be better equipped to be parents. If the fifth commandment was understood, as God wanted it to be understood, not only would it affect children, but it would affect parents as well.

The realization of the holy function of parenthood will place marriage on a moral elevation that is seldom recognized in this world of sin. It will give sacredness to family relationships that will ennoble and dignify the marriage institution.

Human Relationships

While the law is divided into two tables of Ten Commandments, it is really still one law, the Law of God. Even though the second table deals with human relationships, its commands are nevertheless the commands of God, and we need to understand that the commands of God do not deal with just the first four commandments. They deal with the last six commandments also.

When we are called to give an account in the judgment, according to Matthew 25, one of the questions that will be asked is, “How have you related to those around you?” This commandment establishes that on a firm foundation.

Whole Duty of Man

Since this command is the command of God, it carries the same penalty for violation. Violation or transgression of the Law of God, the Bible says, is sin, and the wages of sin is death. (1 John 3:4; Romans 6:23.) Anytime we sin against man, we also sin against God who created man. Our ultimate responsibility, then, is to be obedient to God as defined in these ten principles.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 says, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this [is] the whole [duty] of man.” If we could really understand the first commandment and the fifth commandment, our lives would be revolutionized. We would have greater insight. We would have greater courage. We would have greater determination in our service to God and in our service to our fellowman. This is the whole duty of man.

A Matter of Being Perfect

Because the true relationship between parents and their children is based on the relationship between God and the human family, children should honor their parents, who symbolize God to them during the earlier years of their lives. While no parents in this world of sin are entirely perfect, they are usually more perfect than their children, if for no other reason than maturity. If parents are not a notch above their children in terms of maturity and righteousness, they have disqualified themselves as parents. They should always be better than their children because they have to set an example to their children.

Under most circumstances, parents are usually more perfect than their children, and that is a reason they deserve respect and courtesy from their children. Children owe their very existence to their parents. I have heard children say, “Well, I did not ask to be born.” No, they did not, but if they can ever get beyond this stage of development, they will appreciate life for what it is. They will find meaning and purpose in service, not only to God, but also to their fellowman.

My father once told me, “If you can just get a child past 17 years of age and keep him or her stabilized, he or she will usually come out on the other end pretty well.” There is a lot of wisdom in that.

One of the best ways to keep a child stabilized is to be an honorable parent. It is quite a responsibility, but a number of people do not even understand what it means to be a parent, let alone an honorable parent. In spite of this, children still owe their very existence to their parents; they are made in their image, inherit their characteristics, and depend upon them for things that sustain life.

Included with Honor

How could there be a more binding obligation of honor than that which children owe to their parents? Honor involves much more than just being obedient and doing the parent’s will. It includes affection as well.

Do you realize that there are many residents in nursing homes who never have a visitor? Oh, how I wish that was not the case. I wish that every child who has a parent in a nursing home would go to visit him or her on a regular basis.

Honor includes affection. Honor includes respect. Honor includes human reverence. Honor means to hold in high esteem because of recognition of superiority. Can you see how God placed these concepts in this commandment?

Magnify the Law

Jesus came, the Bible says, to magnify the law and to make it honorable. (Isaiah 42:21.) In the days of Jesus, there was no honor, no recognition, and no reverence of parents when they became old. They were just put away. There was given no high esteem or recognition of superiority.

Parenthood has been established by God and is, therefore, divinely ordained. He has placed this command concerning parents in the Ten Commandments because it is something that God foresaw as a need for the human family.

Family Government

As God’s representatives, parents are given divine authority to rule the family government.

Many people have problems with the Federal Government or their State Government. They do not want this or any other authority over them. Do you know why? Because they never had the proper government at home as a child. They were never taught the proper relationship to authority at home.

The lack of regard for authority, whether parental, civil, or divine, is the greatest evil of this modern world. One reason for this is the fact that ministers have preached for so long that the law was nailed to the cross. The prevalent message has been, we do not have to keep the commandments anymore; they were nailed to the cross. Now, after decades and decades of time, people believe this message, and we are reaping the results of this erroneous preaching.

There was a time when the Ten Commandments were strongly upheld and believed by the Protestant world. Every missionary sent out to other lands had the desire to not only present God but also to present the plan of salvation and God’s requirements of His people. They taught that the Ten Commandments were binding upon every soul in the world because that would be the standard of the judgment.

Then Seventh-day Adventists began to preach that the law is still binding, and specifically so as it is centered in the fourth commandment that says, “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.” When the Protestant preachers, who had been upholding the law all these years, heard this preaching and felt the guilt and condemnation that came from their breaking the Sabbath day, they began to search for an answer, some solution that would soothe their own conscience and allow them to continue on as they always had. The only solution, the only answer, they had was that the law has been done away with, nailed to the cross. Truth was replaced with error. And as this philosophy began to be accepted, we can see that the next generation began to slip, and the words of the apostle Paul rang out loud and clear: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, . . . .” 11 Timothy 3:1, 2. In what time are we living? We are living in the last days.

We must guard ourselves very carefully that we do not find ourselves beholding and becoming like the maxims of the world, following the world’s traditions where we are taught that God’s Law no longer makes a difference; we should just do the nice thing. Situational ethics reign. We must guard ourselves against that, so we do not fulfill the prophecy we just read, given by the apostle Paul.

Respect for All

While the fifth commandment applies primarily to the honoring of parents by their children, in a broader sense it includes respect for all that are in positions of leadership and authority. Children should be taught to respect their schoolteachers. This is something that is on the skids today. The teachers know it, and the children know it. When children at large get into trouble at school today, they tell their teachers that they do not have to mind them because this is what their mothers tell them.

What example is shown to such a child? What is the home setting of such a child? This is the child that will ultimately find himself or herself incarcerated behind bars. Any sociological investigation will reveal that most individuals are in prison today because they have had faulty parental guidance in their formative and early years. They have not learned to honor authority and respect the laws.

Children should be trained to respect their teachers because, in fact, the teachers stand in the place of the parents while they have the children under their tutelage. Teachers also have superior knowledge and experience in thought, speech, attitude, and conduct. Honor is to be shown to whom honor is due, which includes all who are superior in position, in experience, and senior in age.

Hoary Heads

The Bible speaks of the hoary head, the white hairs. “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I [am] the Lord.” “The hoary head [is] a crown of glory, [if] it be found in the way of righteousness.” Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 16:31. There is something that comes with white hair—more than wrinkles. There is wisdom that comes just by virtue of length of life.

Children need to understand this, but in many instances we do not see this concept being practiced in the world. We do not see it being taught in the school. We do not see it being worked out in business, in government, or in the church. Instead, there seems to be an “anything goes” policy. No honor is given to anything or anyone.

Rebellious Music

Much of the music that young people are allowed to listen to today is music that incites rebellion against not only parental authority but also any authority. That is totally contrary to the experience that God desires to bring into the lives of people.

Music with words that incite rebellion is usually accompanied by a rhythm that thrills the flesh. Many of the young claim that they do not listen to the words; in fact, they cannot even hear the words, but they do like the music. Do not think for a moment that the devil is not at work. He is attacking the fifth commandment because he knows that if God can get His point across, if He can successfully bring a reformation in the homes and in the families through the power of His Holy Spirit, the devil’s power is broken. The devil knows this, so he is working overtime and double time against the two commandments that bridge the law between the divine and the human—the Sabbath and the home.

If importance of the commandments could be rated, these two commandments should have more importance than the others because with these two there, the others are going to be naturally and automatically understood and obeyed.

The Cornerstone

Home government is the cornerstone of all government. The peace and prosperity of all people depend upon the recognition of all constituted authority, and this comes through the proper discipline in the home. There are times that a child needs to be told no and under no circumstances should it turn into a yes.

You know of situations, as do I, where a child is told no, but the child whines or cajoles until the parent finally changes it to, “just this once,” or “okay, under these circumstances.” This is the very worst thing that can ever happen.

Parents, even if you have made a mistake in saying no, you had better bite the bullet and let it remain no. If you give in to your child, your position of authority drops down a notch or two in your child’s mind. The honor your position deserves has been compromised. Do not think for a moment that the devil will not take advantage of such a situation. When you say no, mean no!

Power of Example

Parents should remember that a good example is always more powerful for good than just saying yes or no. The honor parents receive from their children depends to a large extent on their own conduct and their own discipline.

Through His messenger, Ellen White, God has given counsel to parents on the raising of children in books such as, Child Guidance and Fundamentals of Christian Education. The Adventist Home was also given as counsel for the adult sector. God has shown how we are to order our lives so that the whole movement can move together. That is what God intended should take place—reform not only from the standpoint of the young people, but also from the standpoint of the older people.

Parents need to remember that they must provide a proper example. The more honorable parents are, the more honor they will receive from their children.

Train up a Child

The promise is given, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. This text not only has a positive promise, but it has a negative promise as well. If you train up a child in the wrong way, when he is old, he is not going to depart from it either.

Statistics show us that the greatest time of reaping for souls is when people are young. The older an individual grows, the less likely it is that there is going to be any change because they become so set in their ways. This is why we are told that today is the day of salvation. (Luke 19:9.)

If you train up a child to go in the right way, when he is old, he is not going to depart from it. I have seen children who have been raised in God-fearing homes go over “Fool’s Hill.” Sometimes, years later, the Holy Spirit is able to draw these wanderers back to the path of salvation because their roots are in God’s Law. I have seen it happen over and over again.

On the other hand, I have watched undisciplined children who have been allowed to grow up as wild animals. They have not been disciplined or taught how they should relate to people or have respect and honor for their teachers and people in positions over them. When these children go out into the world, many of them will be lost to the kingdom because they were never taught how to respect or to honor anything or anybody but themselves. They have no roots in the law that the Holy Spirit can draw upon to bring them back into the fold.

It takes hard work to love and to train children. Nobody knows that any better than God does. In an effort to provide the right kind of foundation for our homes, He wrote His Law on tables of stone with His own finger and said, “These principles are going to last for eternity.”

Heaven on Earth

In this age, when nothing seems secure and love is empty, parents need to make the home as attractive, secure, and filled with God’s love as possible. The home can be a little heaven on earth when its atmosphere is filled with love and fellowship. This is why the apostle Paul concludes, in 1 Corinthians 13—that we are instructed to read every day—“The greatest of these is love.”

When love is the controlling principle in the home, it will be the most wonderful place in the world, and the children will delight to honor their parents, not only as they are being raised by them but as they enter into their elder years as well. The promise will be sure. It will be fulfilled as they move down through the years that if you honor your father and your mother, it will go well with you.

To be continued . . .

A retired minister of the gospel, Pastor Mike Baugher may be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org.

Parenting

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The home is the heart and foundation of society. “Society is composed of families, and is what the heads of families make it. Out of the heart are ‘the issues of life’ [Proverbs 4:23]; and the heart of the community, of the church, and of the nation is the household. The well-being of society, the success of the church, the prosperity of the nation, depend upon home influences.

“The elevation or deterioration of the future of society will be determined by the manners and morals of the youth growing up around us. As the youth are educated, and as their characters are molded in their childhood to virtuous habits, self-control, and temperance, so will their influence be upon society. If they are left unenlightened and uncontrolled, and as the result become self-willed, intemperate in appetite and passion, so will be their future influence in molding society.” The Adventist Home, 15.

“To a large extent parents create the atmosphere of the home circle,” and “there are weighty responsibilities devolving upon the parents to guard carefully the future happiness and interest of their children.” Ibid., 16, 21.

Since the home is the heart and foundation of society, the Word of God declares, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” “For out of it [are] the issues of life.” Psalm 11:3; Proverbs 4:23. If the family be destroyed, what shall the world do? We cannot underestimate the power of the role of the fathers and mothers in quelling the tide of evil.

Direction Needed

In the book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, the author, Tedd Tripp, makes the following observation regarding parenting in our modern culture: “By age ten to twelve, scores of children have already left home. I am not referring to tragic ‘Times Square kids’ in New York City or your community. I refer to numbers of children who, by age ten to twelve, have effectively left Mom and Dad as an authority or reference point for their lives. Our culture has lost its way with respect to parenting. We are a rudderless ship without a compass. We lack both a sense of direction and the capacity to direct ourselves.” (Shepherd Press, Wapwallopen, Pennsylvania, 1998, “Introduction,” xvii.)

In the light of the above observation, where do we look to find direction, the tools, and the ability for parenting in this contemporary world? As usual, the Holy Scriptures do not lack an answer to the crisis. The only safe guide is the Bible. It is the revelation of God who has infinite knowledge and can therefore give us absolute truth. God has given us a revelation that is powerful and complete. It presents an accurate and comprehensive picture of children, parents, family life, values, training and nurture, and discipline—all we need to be equipped for the task of parenting.

Special Promise

For in these last days of earth’s history, God gives a special promise regarding the family: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:5, 6. [Emphasis added.] The message of Elijah will and has come. But where do you say it is? You do not have far to look. In the words of life, the Holy Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy, are outlined the restoration of all the institutions given to bless and uplift man. True education spells out with eloquent simplicity the story of our restoration and redemption.

The promise is that God will, by His Spirit and Word, unite the heart of the children and their fathers (parents). Once again I quote from Tedd Tripp’s book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, “God is concerned with the heart—the well spring of life (Proverbs 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the ‘what’ of behavior than the ‘why.’ Accordingly, most of us spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behavior. To the degree and extent to which our focus is on behavior, we miss the heart.

“When we miss the heart, we miss the subtle idols of the heart. Romans 1 makes it clear that all human beings are worshipers; either we worship and serve God, or we make an exchange and worship and serve substitutes for god—created things rather than the Creator (Romans 1:18–25). When parenting short circuits to behavior we miss the opportunity to help our kids understand that straying behavior displays a straying heart. Our kids are always serving something, either God or a substitute for God—an idol of the heart.” Tripp, “Preface,” vi.

Tripp further states, “When we miss the heart, we miss the gospel. If the goal of parenting is no more profound than securing appropriate behavior, we will never help our children understand the internal things, the heart issues that push and pull behavior. Those internal issues—self-love, rebellion, anger, bitterness, envy, and pride of the heart—show our children how profoundly they need grace. If the problem with children is deeper than inappropriate behavior, if the problem is the overflow of the heart, then the need for grace is established. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life and died as an infinite sacrifice so that children (and their parents) can be forgiven, transformed, liberated and empowered to love God and love others.

“When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. The need of children (or adults) who have fallen into various forms of personal idolatry is not only to tear down the high places of the alien gods, but to enthrone God. Children are spring-loaded for worship. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and the glory of the God for whom they are made. Parents have the opportunity, through word and deed, to show children the one true object of worship—the God of the Bible. We know that the greatest delights our children can experience are found in delighting in the God who has made them for His glory.” Tripp, “Preface,” Second Edition, vii.

Let Him Hear

With that said, let us comprehend the poignant messages written for us in the greatest love letters ever given to man. “He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.” Revelation 2:7.

Proverbs 17:6 declares that “the glory of children are their fathers.”

What, then, should be the picture of the father? Isaiah 40:11 is not silent on this. He:

  1. “Feeds his flock.” He provides spiritual and physical food, priestly and practical sustenance.
  2. “Gathers the lambs in his arms.” The arm denotes strength and protection. “The husband and father is the head of the household. The wife looks to him for love and sympathy, and for aid in the training of the children; and this is right. The children are his as well as hers, and he is equally interested in their welfare. The children look to their father for support and guidance; he needs to have a right conception of life and of the influences and associations that should surround his family; above all, he should be controlled by the love and fear of God and by the teaching of His word, that he may guide the feet of his children in the right way.” The Ministry of Healing, 390.
  3. “And carries them in his bosom.” “Fathers, do not discourage your children. Combine affection with authority, kindness and sympathy with firm restraint. Give some of your leisure hours to your children; become acquainted with them; associate with them in their work and in their sports, and win their confidence. Cultivate friendship with them, especially with your sons. In this way you will be a strong influence for good.” Ibid., 391.
  4. “Gently leads those that are with young.” The father needs a right regard for his children, a resolve to hold them close to his heart, reminiscent of the priest’s girdle with the children of Israel over his breast.

In Proverbs 4, still greater detail is given the father in how to wisely instruct his children. “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, . . . for I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law,” teaches:

  1. The “good doctrine” of the word.
  2. Avoidance of needless pain. (Verses 13–18.)
  3. How to reason from cause to effect. “Ponder the path of thy feet.” Verse 26.
  4. How to order their speech. “Put away from thee a froward” that is, deceitful “mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.” Verse 24.

Commandment of Promise

Malachi says that the father’s heart would be turned to the children. It is easier for the fifth commandment to be kept when children have this type of father. Remember that this is the first commandment with promise—long life is added to the child. Consider what might have happened if Adam had been obedient to his Father. Nine hundred thirty years would only have been, as it were, a drop in the bucket. Unfortunately, we are seeing the ill effects on children today who have not come to honor and love their parents.

“It is by the youth and children of today that the future of society is to be determined, and what these youth and children shall be depends upon the home. To the lack of right home training may be traced the larger share of the disease and misery and crime that curse humanity. If the home life were pure and true, if the children who went forth from its care were prepared to meet life’s responsibilities and dangers, what a change would be seen in the world!” Ibid., 351.

Best Gift

Last, but not least, “The best gift that a man can give his children is to love their mother.” This is a sermon with which few words have to be spoken. In this equation, sweet mother is not to be forgotten. Her role is quintessential to a well-balanced and lovely home where her children desire to be.

“Our homes should be a place of refuge for the tempted youth. Many there are who stand at the parting of the ways. Every influence, every impression, is determining the choice that shapes their destiny both here and hereafter. Evil invites them. Its resorts are made bright and attractive. They have a welcome for every comer. All about us are youth who have no home, and many whose homes have no helpful, uplifting power, and the youth drift into evil. They are going down to ruin within the very shadow of our own doors.” Ibid., 354.

“The home should be to the children the most attractive place in the world, and the mother’s presence should be its greatest attraction. Children have sensitive, loving natures. They are easily pleased and easily made unhappy. By gentle discipline, in loving words and acts, mothers may bind their children to their hearts.

“Young children love companionship and can seldom enjoy themselves alone. They yearn for sympathy and tenderness. That which they enjoy they think will please mother also, and it is natural for them to go to her with their little joys and sorrows. The mother should not wound their sensitive hearts by treating with indifference matters that, though trifling to her, are of great importance to them. Her sympathy and approval are precious. An approving glance, a word of encouragement or commendation, will be like sunshine in their hearts, often making the whole day happy.

“Instead of sending her children from her, that she may not be annoyed by their noise or troubled by their little wants, let the mother plan amusement or light work to employ the active hands and minds.

“By entering into their feelings and directing their amusements and employments, the mother will gain the confidence of her children, and she can the more effectually correct wrong habits, or check the manifestations of selfishness or passion. A word of caution or reproof spoken at the right time will be of great value. By patient, watchful love, she can turn the minds of the children in the right direction, cultivating in them beautiful and attractive traits of character.” Ibid., 388, 389.

Biblical Example

In the life of Timothy, we see a wonderful illustration of the advantage that he had in a correct example of piety and true godliness. “Religion was the atmosphere of his home. The manifest spiritual power of the piety in the home kept him pure in speech, and free from all corrupting sentiments.” Conflict and Courage, 345.

The Bible declares, “From a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” 11 Timothy 3:15.

“God had commanded the Hebrews to teach their children His requirements and to make them acquainted with all His dealings with their fathers. This was one of the special duties of every parent—one that was not to be delegated to another. In the place of stranger lips the loving hearts of the father and mother were to give instruction to their children. Thoughts of God were to be associated with all the events of daily life. The mighty works of God in the deliverance of His people and the promises of the Redeemer to come were to be often recounted in the homes of Israel. . . . The great truths of God’s providence and of the future life were impressed on the young mind. It was trained to see God alike in the scenes of nature and the words of revelation. The stars of heaven, the trees and flowers of the field, the lofty mountains, the rippling brooks—all spoke of the Creator. The solemn service of sacrifice and worship at the sanctuary and the utterances of the prophets were a revelation of God.

“Such was the training of Moses in the lowly cabin home in Goshen; of Samuel, by the faithful Hannah; of David, in the hill dwelling at Bethlehem; of Daniel, before the scenes of the captivity separated him from the home of his fathers. Such, too, was the early life of Christ at Nazareth; such the training by which the child Timothy learned from the lips of his grandmother Lois, and his mother Eunice, the truths of Holy Writ.

“Parents, there is a great work for you to do for Jesus. . . . Satan seeks to bind the children to himself as with bands of steel, and you can attain success in bringing them to Jesus only through determined personal effort.” Ibid.

Divine Reflection

Let us hear the conclusion of the matter: “Great efforts are put forth, time and money and labor almost without limit are expended, in enterprises and institutions for reforming the victims of evil habits. And even these efforts are inadequate to meet the great necessity. Yet how small is the result! How few are permanently reclaimed!” The Ministry of Healing, 351.

The family led by the Good Shepherd, with its tender ties of love, is a great tool to combat the ills of society. “Happy are the parents whose lives are a true reflection of the divine, so that the promises and commands of God awaken in the child gratitude and reverence; the parents whose tenderness and justice and long-suffering interpret to the child the love and justice and long-suffering of God; and who, by teaching the child to love and trust and obey them, are teaching him to love and trust and obey his Father in heaven. Parents who impart to a child such a gift have endowed him with a treasure more precious than the wealth of all the ages—a treasure as enduring as eternity.” Ibid., 375, 376.

Thomas Jackson, Ph.D., is Director and co-founder of Missionary Education and Evangelistic Training (M.E.E.T.) Ministry, a gospel medical ministry institute in Huntingdon, Tennessee. Dawn Jenkins is a lifestyle educator and therapist at M.E.E.T. They may be contacted by e-mail at: godsplan@meetministry.org or by telephone at: 731-986-3518.

The Pen of Inspiration – A Lesson for Mothers

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For forty years the children of Israel were constantly harassed [by the Philistines], and at times completely subjugated, by this cruel and warlike nation. They had mingled with these idolaters, uniting with them in commerce, in pleasure, and even in worship, until they seemed to be identified with them in spirit and interest. Then these professed friends became their bitterest enemies, and sought by every means to accomplish their destruction. . . .

Manoah’s Wife

At this time the Lord appeared to the wife of Manoah, an Israelite of the tribe of Dan, and told her that she should have a son. He gave her special instruction concerning her own habits, and also for the treatment of her child. “Beware, I pray thee,” he said, “and drink not wine nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing.” [Judges 13:4.] He also directed that no razor should come on the head of the child; for he was to be consecrated to God as a Nazarite from his birth, and through him the Lord would begin to deliver Israel from the Philistines.

The woman sought her husband, and after describing the heavenly messenger she repeated his words. Then, fearful lest they should make some mistake in the important work committed to them, the husband prayed earnestly, “Let the man of God which Thou didst send come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born.” [Verse 8.]

In answer to this petition the angel again appeared, and Manoah’s anxious inquiry was, “How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?” [Verse 12.] The previous instruction was repeated,¾“Of all that I said unto the woman let her beware. She may not eat of anything that cometh of the vine, neither let her drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing; all that I commanded her let her observe.” [Verses 13, 14.]

Let Her Beware

The words spoken to the wife of Manoah contain a truth that the mothers of today would do well to study. In speaking to this one mother, the Lord spoke to all the anxious, sorrowing mothers of that time, and to all the mothers of succeeding generations. Yes, every mother may understand her duty. She may know that the character of her children will depend vastly more upon her habits before their birth and her personal efforts after their birth, than upon external advantages or disadvantages.

“Let her beware,” the angel said. Let her stand prepared to resist temptation. Her appetites and passions are to be controlled by principle. Of every mother it may be said, “Let her beware.” There is something for her to shun, something for her to work against, if she fulfils God’s purpose for her in giving her a child. If before the birth of her child she is unstable, if she is selfish, peevish, and exacting, the disposition of her child will bear the marks of her wrong course. Thus many children have received as a birthright almost unconquerable tendencies to evil.

But if she unswervingly adheres to the right, if she is kind, gentle, and unselfish, she will give her child these traits of character.

Very explicit was the command prohibiting the use of wine by the mother. Every drop of strong drink taken by her to gratify appetite endangers the physical, mental, and moral health of her offspring, and is a direct sin against her Creator. The command forbidding the use of strong drink was made by the One who made man, and who knows what is for his best good. Dare any one regard it with indifference?

The Only Hope

Unwise advisers will urge upon the mother the gratification of every wish and impulse as essential to the well-being of her offspring. Such advice is false and mischievous. By the command of God Himself the mother is placed under the most solemn obligation to exercise self-control. Whose voice shall we heed¾the voice of divine wisdom, or the voice of human superstition?

The mother who is a fit teacher for her children must, before their birth, form habits of self-denial and self-control; for she transmits to them her own qualities, her own strong or weak traits of character. The enemy of souls understands this matter much better than do many parents. He will bring temptation upon the mother, knowing that if she does not resist him, he can through her affect her child. The mother’s only hope is in God. She may flee to Him for grace and strength. She will not seek help in vain. He will enable her to transmit to her offspring qualities that will help them to gain success in this life and to win eternal life.

Fathers as well as mothers are involved in this responsibility, and they too should seek earnestly for divine grace, that their influence may be such as God can approve. The inquiry of every father and mother should be, “What shall we do unto the child that shall be born?” By many the effect of prenatal influence has been lightly regarded; but the instruction sent from heaven to those Hebrew parents, and twice repeated in the most explicit and solemn manner, shows how the matter is looked upon by the Creator.

Careful Training

It was not enough that the child who was to deliver Israel should receive a good legacy from his parents. This must be followed by careful training. From infancy he was to be trained to habits of strict temperance. From his birth he was to be a Nazarite. Thus he was placed under a perpetual prohibition against the use of wine and strong drink.

So today lessons of temperance, self-denial, and self-control are to be taught to children from babyhood. It should be the constant effort of every mother to conform her habits to God’s will, that she may work in harmony with Him in the training of her children. Let mothers place themselves in right relation to their Creator, that by His grace they may build round their children a bulwark against intemperance. If they would but follow the course God has outlined for them, they would see their children reaching a high standard in moral and intellectual attainments, see them becoming a blessing to society and an honor to their Creator.

If mothers studied the Scriptures more and the magazines of fashion less, if they realized that their course affects the destiny of hundreds and perhaps of thousands, how different would be the condition of society. The cause of reform is suffering for want of men and women of integrity and steadfastness, men and women whose lives are an illustration of the self-denial and self-control that bar the way against intemperance.

Can we look upon the unbelief, the intemperance, the crime, that seem to be deluging the earth, without feeling our souls stirred to their very depths? Infidelity is rearing its proud head, saying, “There is no God.” Intemperance marches boldly through the land, carrying with it degradation, desolation, and death. Ere long the cry of men and nations that have forsaken God, and have been forsaken by God, will rend the heavens. What can hinder the crime, what stay the woe, that is filling the world? The evil might have been prevented, had past generations been trained to fear, love, and obey God. Let us now do what we can to bring about the change that needs to be made. Explicit instruction has been given in the Word of God. Let these principles be carried out by the mother with the co-operation and support of the father. Let children be trained from infancy to habits of self-control. Let them be taught that the object of life is to bring blessing to one another and honor to God.

Fathers and mothers, labor earnestly and faithfully, trusting in God for wisdom. Let your aim be the highest good of your children and then require obedience. Keep yourselves constantly under the control of the Spirit of God. Then indeed may we hope to see our sons “as plants grown up in their youth,” and our daughters “as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.” [Psalm 144:12.]

The Signs of the Times, February 26, 1902; March 5, 1902.

The Pen of Inspiration – Home Duties of the Father

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Few fathers are fitted for the responsibility of training their children. They, themselves, need strict discipline that they may learn self-control, forbearance, and sympathy. Until they possess these attributes they are not capable of properly teaching their children. What can we say to awaken the moral sensibilities of fathers, that they may understand and undertake their duty to their offspring? The subject is of intense interest and importance, having a bearing upon the future welfare of our country. We would solemnly impress upon fathers, as well as mothers, the grave responsibility they have assumed in bringing children into the world. It is a responsibility from which nothing but death can free them. True the chief care and burden rests upon the mother during the first years of her children’s lives, yet even then the father should be her stay and counsel, encouraging her to lean upon his large affections, and assisting her as much as possible.

First Interest

The father’s duty to his children should be one of his first interests. It should not be set aside for the sake of acquiring a fortune, or of gaining a high position in the world. In fact, those very conditions of affluence and honor frequently separate a man from his family, and cut off his influence from them more than anything else. If the father would have his children develop harmonious characters, and be an honor to him and a blessing to the world, he has a special work to do. God holds him responsible for that work. In the great day of reckoning it will be asked him: Where are the children that I intrusted [sic] to your care to educate for me, that their lips might speak my praise, and their lives be as a diadem of beauty in the world, and they live to honor me through all eternity?

In some children the moral powers strongly predominate. They have power of will to control their minds and actions. In others the animal passions are almost irresistible. To meet these diverse temperaments, which frequently appear in the same family, fathers, as well as mothers, need patience and wisdom from the divine Helper. There is not so much to be gained by punishing children for their transgressions, as by teaching them the folly and heinousness of their sin, understanding their secret inclinations, and laboring to bend them toward the right. . . .

Know Individual Characteristics

The father should frequently gather his children around him, and lead their minds into channels of moral and religious light. He should study their different tendencies and susceptibilities, and reach them through the plainest avenues. Some may be best influenced through veneration and the fear of God; others through the manifestation of his benevolence and wise providence, calling forth their deep gratitude; others may be more deeply impressed by opening before them the wonders and mysteries of the natural world, with all its delicate harmony and beauty, which speak to their souls of Him who is the Creator of the heavens and the earth, and all the beautiful things therein.

Children who are gifted with the talent or love of music may receive impressions that will be life-long, by the judicious use of those susceptibilities as the medium for religious instruction. They may be taught that if they are not right with God they are like a discord in the divine harmony of creation, like an instrument out of tune, giving forth discordant strains more grievous to God than harsh, inharmonious notes are to their own fine musical ear.

Many may be reached best through sacred pictures, illustrating scenes in the life and mission of Christ. By this means truths may be vividly imprinted upon their minds, never to be effaced. The Roman Catholic Church understands this fact, and appeals to the senses of the people through the charm of sculpture and paintings. While we have no sympathy for image worship, which is condemned by the law of God, we hold that it is proper to take advantage of that almost universal love of pictures in the young, to fasten in their minds valuable moral truths, to bind the gospel to their hearts by beautiful imagery illustrating the great moral principles of the Bible. Even so our Saviour illustrated his sacred lessons by the imagery found in God’s created works.

Tailored Discipline

It will not do to lay down an iron rule by which every member of the family is forced into the same discipline. It is better to exert a milder sway, and, when any special lesson is required, to reach the consciences of the youth through their individual tastes, and marked points of character. While there should be a uniformity in the family discipline, it should be varied to meet the wants of different members of the family. It should be the parents’ study not to arouse the combativeness of their children, not to excite them to anger and rebellion, but to interest them, and inspire them with a desire to attain to the highest intelligence and perfection of character. This can be done in a spirit of Christian sympathy and forbearance, the parents realizing the peculiar dangers of their children, and firmly, yet kindly, restraining their propensities to sin.

The parents, especially the father, should guard against the danger of their children learning to look upon him as a detective, peering into all their actions, watching and criticising [sic] them, ready to seize upon and punish them for every misdemeanor. The father’s conduct upon all occasions should be such that the children will understand that his efforts to correct them spring from a heart full of love for them. When this point is gained, a great victory has been accomplished. Fathers should have a sense of their children’s human want and weakness, and his sympathy and sorrow for the erring ones should be greater than any sorrow they can feel for their own misdeeds. This will be perceived by the corrected child, and will soften the most stubborn heart.

Self-Control

The father, as priest and house-band of the family circle, should stand to them as nearly in the place of Christ as possible—a sufferer for those who sin, one who, though guiltless, endures the pains and penalty of his children’s wrongs, and, while he inflicts punishment upon them, suffers more deeply under it than they do.

But if the father exhibits a want of self-control before his children, how can he teach them to govern their wrong propensities? If he displays anger or injustice, or evidence that he is the slave of any evil habit, he loses half his influence over them. Children have keen perceptions, and draw sharp conclusions; precept must be followed by example to have much weight with them. If the father indulges in the use of any hurtful stimulant, or falls into any other degrading habit, how can he maintain his moral dignity before the watchful eyes of his children? . . .

The father, above all others, should have a clear, active mind, quick perceptions, calm judgment, physical strength to support him in his arduous duties, and most of all the help of God to order his acts aright. He should therefore be entirely temperate, walking in the fear of God, and the admonition of his law, mindful of all the small courtesies and kindnesses of life, the support and strength of his wife, a perfect pattern for his sons to follow, a counselor and authority for his daughters. He should stand forth in the moral dignity of a man free from the slavery of evil habits and appetites, qualified for the sacred responsibilities of educating his children for the higher life.

The Health Reformer, October 1, 1877.

The Self-Recrimination of a Mother

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My daughters often give me tokens of their love and appreciation. As I write this article I have a lovingly-made, hand-crafted piece of art hanging on my refrigerator that says, “Mom, you are the best mother in the whole world!” My two-year-old son has a multi-sensory approach to sharing his love—smiles, giggles and kisses.

Not only do I have devoted admirers in my children, but my husband has told me that I am the best wife and mother in the world. Being the honest soul that he is, he did qualify his statement. He said that it is theoretically possible that there could be a better wife and mother somewhere in the world, but he certainly did not know who it would be. And if there were someone, or even a few women who might be better, I would certainly be in a very select group.

Imperfect and Inadequate

One would expect that with such affection from my loving family (who clearly wear rose-colored glasses), I would be quite confident of my abilities to be a successful wife and mother. But often I find myself painfully aware of my inadequacies and defects.

Likely, not a day goes by that I do not wish I were better able to fulfill my duties as a wife and mother. My thoughts run along the lines of: “If only I could better organize our home. If only I had more time for Bible study. If only I were more patient. If only I could be a better example for my children. If only I would bring a more cheerful atmosphere into the home. If only I were more efficient. If only. Yes, if only I could be a better wife and mother.”

There are days I do not experience feelings of accomplishment or success. Survival seems to be the sought-after achievement of these “if only” days. Endeavoring to train my children for the service of God; trying to keep up with feeding, clothing, bathing, educating, and loving my children; as well as managing our money, trying to be a good wife, helping at church, trying to be a good neighbor and witnessing in the community sometimes feels like plugging the leaks in a breaking dam! Why is it that I cannot seem to do it all and do it well? Is this really what Christian motherhood is supposed to be like? Why do I never feel good enough no matter what my children and husband say?

The Cause of Self-recrimination

Recently, I read from a chapter about teachers out of the treasured volume, Education. I thought I should read it, due to the fact that I homeschool our children; because I am not only their mother, but also their teacher. After reading about the qualities and characteristics of the ideal teacher, my heart sank. It presented such a high ideal, one that I do not come close to reaching. At the end of the chapter, however, I read an insight that helped me understand why I struggle with self-recrimination. It is written for teachers, but it is just as applicable to mothers, who, after all, are a child’s first teacher.

“The deeper the sense of responsibility, and the more earnest the effort for self-improvement, the more clearly will the teacher perceive and the more keenly regret the defects that hinder his usefulness. As he beholds the magnitude of his work, its difficulties and possibilities, often will his heart cry out, ‘Who is sufficient for these things?’ ” Education, 281, 282.

Why are we, as mothers, so acutely sensitive of our faults and imperfections? The answer is that we feel so keenly because we care so deeply. We crave to be the best for our children.

My fellow mother, if you are intensely aware of your shortcomings, if you struggle with self-recrimination, take heart. God knows the desires of your heart. He knows how much you want to please Him. He knows how you long to do better work and how you want to lead your children into a saving relationship with Him.

The Cure for Self-recrimination

I continued reading in Education and found that God not only understands the cause of my feelings of inadequacy, but He also longs to give me His power to look past those feelings. He wants me to continue my earnest endeavor for self-improvement, but He wants me to look outside of myself, beyond my faultiness, to Him and the power in His promises.

“… As you consider your need of strength and guidance,—need that no human source can supply … consider the promises of Him who is the wonderful Counselor.” Education, 282.

I have found the most valuable and practical instruction regarding motherhood in the Spirit of Prophecy. I believe in studying Bible prophecy and Bible doctrines. I enjoy reading from devotionals. But as mothers, we should regularly be studying what the inspired writings teach about motherhood. God knows the challenges of mothers. The role of mothers is the most important in the world. And because it is so important, God has left specific counsel just for mothers. From that counsel, we should glean the precious promises. They will cheer our hearts and give us courage.

There is power in God’s promises. It is real power. It is physical power to accomplish a day’s work. It is mental power to think and work efficiently. It is spiritual power to overcome our character defects. It is transferable power that works through us to mold and shape the hearts and minds of our children. In short, it is power to reflect the character of Jesus.

Results of Using the Cure

The chapter in Education that gave me insight into the cause of self-recrimination, as well as the cure, closes with a wonderful promise of secret power to those who implement the sure remedy.

“… As the highest preparation for your work, I point you to the words, the life, the methods, of the Prince of teachers. I bid you consider Him. Here is your true ideal. Behold it, dwell upon it, until the Spirit of the divine Teacher shall take possession of your heart and life.

“ ‘Reflecting as a mirror the glory of the Lord,’ you will be ‘transformed into the same image.’ II Corinthians 3:18, R.V.

“This is the secret of power over your pupils [children]. Reflect Him. …” Education, 282.

Mothers, I challenge you to implement the cure for self-recrimination. In the daily struggle of motherhood, take time to focus on the promises of God and less on your defects and unworthiness. Claim God’s promises as your own. Trust Him with all your shortcomings. Dwell on Jesus’ perfect character. As you trust Him, as you dwell on His character, your children will see Jesus’ power working through you. A secret power will come over them—a power that will work to fulfill your greatest desire—the salvation of your children.

Teresa Grosboll writes from her home in Camas, Washington, where she lives with her supportive husband, their two loving daughters and energetic two-year-old son. She may be contacted via e-mail at grosbolls@yahoo.com.

Restoring the Temple – Healthful Cookery

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Cooking may be regarded as less desirable than some other lines of work, but in reality it is a science in value above all other sciences. Thus God regards the preparation of healthful food. He places a high estimate on those who do faithful service in preparing wholesome, palatable food. The one who understands the art of properly preparing food, and who uses this knowledge, is worthy of higher commendation than those engaged in any other line of work. This talent should be regarded as equal in value to ten talents; for its right use has much to do with keeping the human organism in health. Because so inseparably connected with life and health, it is the most valuable of all gifts.” Counsels on Diet and Foods, 251.

“The cook fills an important place in the household. She is preparing food to be taken into the stomach, to form brain, bone, and muscle. The health of all members of the family depends largely upon her skill and intelligence. . . .

Every Woman’s Duty

“There are very many girls who have married and have families, who have but little practical knowledge of the duties devolving upon a wife and mother. They can read, and play upon an instrument of music; but they cannot cook. They cannot make good bread, which is very essential to the health of the family. . . . To cook well, to present healthful food upon the table in an inviting manner, requires intelligence and experience. The one who prepares the food that is to be placed in our stomachs, to be converted into blood to nourish the system, occupies a most important and elevated position. . . .

“Our sisters often do not know how to cook. To such I would say, I would go to the very best cook that could be found in the country, and remain there, if necessary, for weeks, until I had become mistress of the art,—an intelligent, skillful cook. I would pursue this course if I were forty years old. It is your duty to know how to cook, and it is your duty to teach your daughters to cook. . . .

“In order to learn how to cook, women should study, and then patiently reduce what they learn to practice. People are suffering because they will not take the trouble to do this. I say to such, It is time for you to rouse your dormant energies, and inform yourselves. Do not think the time wasted which is devoted to obtaining a thorough knowledge and experience in the preparation of healthful, palatable food. No matter how long an experience you have had in cooking, if you still have the responsibilities of a family, it is your duty to learn how to care for them properly.

Not Just for Women

“Many who adopt the health reform complain that it does not agree with them; but after sitting at their tables I come to the conclusion that it is not the health reform that is at fault, but the poorly prepared food. I appeal to men and women to whom God has given intelligence: Learn how to cook. I make no mistake when I say ‘men,’ for they, as well as women, need to understand the simple, healthful preparation of food. . . . If they have the knowledge, they can use it to good purpose.” Ibid., 252, 253.

Study Health Journals

“Those who do not know how to cook hygienically should learn to combine wholesome, nourishing articles of food in such a way as to make appetizing dishes. Let those who desire to gain knowledge in this line subscribe for our health journals. They will find information on this point in them. . . .

“Without continually exercising ingenuity, no one can excel in healthful cookery, but those whose hearts are open to impressions and suggestions from the Great Teacher will learn many things, and will be able also to teach others; for He will give them skill and understanding.

Develop Individual Talent

“It is the Lord’s design that in every place men and women shall be encouraged to develop their talents by preparing healthful foods from the natural products of their own section of the country. If they look to God, exercising their skill and ingenuity under the guidance of His Spirit, they will learn how to prepare natural products into healthful foods. Thus they will be able to teach the poor how to provide themselves with foods that will take the place of flesh meat. Those thus helped can in turn instruct others. Such a work will yet be done with consecrated zeal and energy. If it had been done before, there would today be many more people in the truth, and many more who could give instruction. Let us learn what our duty is, and then do it. We are not to be dependent and helpless, waiting for others to do the work that God has committed to us.

Cooking Schools

“There should be cooking schools, where instruction is given on the proper preparation of food. In all our schools there should be those who are fitted to educate the students, both young men and women, in the art of cooking. Women especially should learn how to cook.” Ibid., 253, 254.

Health Reform and Good Cooking

“One reason why many have become discouraged in practicing health reform is that they have not learned how to cook so that proper food, simply prepared, would supply the place of the diet to which they have been accustomed. They become disgusted with the poorly prepared dishes, and next we hear them say that they have tried the health reform, and cannot live in that way. Many attempt to follow out meager instructions in health reform, and make such sad work that it results in injury to digestion, and in discouragement to all concerned in the attempt. You profess to be health reformers, and for this very reason you should become good cooks. Those who can avail themselves of the advantages of properly conducted hygienic cooking schools, will find it a great benefit, both in their own practice and in teaching others.” Ibid., 255.

Cause of Disease

“For want of knowledge and skill in regard to cooking, many a wife and mother daily sets before her family ill-prepared food, which is steadily and surely impairing the digestive organs, and making a poor quality of blood; the result is, frequent attacks of inflammatory disease, and sometimes death. . . .

“We can have a variety of good, wholesome food, cooked in a healthful manner, so that it will be palatable to all. It is of vital importance to know how to cook. Poor cooking produces disease and bad tempers; the system becomes deranged, and heavenly things cannot be discerned. There is more religion in good cooking than you have any idea of. . . .

“Scanty, ill-cooked food depraves the blood by weakening the blood-making organs. It deranges the system, and brings on disease, with its accompaniment of irritable nerves and bad tempers. The victims of poor cookery are numbered by thousands and tens of thousands. Over many graves might be written: ‘Died because of poor cooking;’ ‘Died of an abused stomach.’

“It is a sacred duty for those who cook to learn how to prepare healthful food. Many souls are lost as the result of poor cookery. It takes thought and care to make good bread; but there is more religion in a loaf of good bread than many think.” Ibid., 256, 257.

The Pen of Inspiration – The Mother’s Work

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I wish to arouse parents to see the importance of their position. Few parents take time to think of how much depends on the instruction and training a child receives during the early years of its life. It is at this time that the foundation of a child’s character is laid. “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it,” are the words of the wise man. [Proverbs 22:6.] The lessons a child learns at the mother’s knee determine its future experience.

How few parents realize this as they should. As I have called mothers’ attention to the wrong habits they were encouraging in their little ones, some have listened indifferently, while others have said, with a smile, “I can not bear to cross my children. They will do better as they grow older. They will then be ashamed of these passionate outbursts. It is not well to be too strict with little ones. They will outgrow the inclination to tell untruths, to meddle, to be indolent and selfish.”

A very easy way truly to dispose of the matter, but a way that is not in harmony with the will of God. If a field is left uncultivated, a crop of weeds is sure to appear. So it is with children. If the soil of the heart is uncultivated, Satan sows his seeds of anger and hatred, selfishness and pride, and they quickly spring up, to bear a harvest that parents reap with bitter regret. Too late they see their terrible mistake. The wrong they have done can never be wholly undone. Even if the child, by patient, untiring care, is at last won to the Saviour, his character will always bear the marks of Satan’s seed-sowing.

Children left to themselves grow up selfish, exacting, unlovable. Unable to enjoy their own society or the society of others, their lives are filled with discontent.

Aided by the grace of Christ, mothers have it in their power to do a great and grand work. This Satan knows, and he works with all his power to prevent them from doing this work. He seeks to fill the mind with thoughts of fashionable dress. Thus he absorbs the time and strength of even Christian mothers so that they have no time to give to the training of their children or to self-improvement. When the enemy thus secures the attention of the mother, he rejoices; for he knows how much he has gained. He looks on the children as an easy prey; for he has won the mother. She thinks more of display, more of what others think and say of her, than she does of the training of the precious souls in her care. As she sets her feet in the path of fashion, she becomes infatuated. In order to keep pace with the demands of the bondage in which she has sold herself, she works early and late, overtaxing mind and body. She becomes so wearied with remodeling unfashionable garments and making new ones, that she has no heart to read her Bible or to pray. She is too tired to give time to her children. She becomes perplexed and distressed. The yoke that she is trying to bear is very galling; but she imagines that it must be borne, and martyr-like she toils on, struggling under her self-imposed burden. Jesus is calling, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. . . . My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28, 30.] But she does not hear the gracious invitation. The Saviour’s voice is drowned by the clamorous demands of fashion.

Mothers, do not forget that God requires you to give your children constant, loving care. He does not want you to be a slave to your children, but he does want you to teach them to live for him. Day by day give them lessons that will prepare them for future usefulness. One lesson that you will have to repeat over and over again is the lesson of obedience. Teach your children that they are not to rule, that they are to respect your wishes, and yield to your authority. Thus you are teaching them self-control. Give them nothing for which they cry, even though your tender heart would lead you to indulge them. If they gain the victory once by crying, they will expect to do so again, and the next time they will be harder to control.

Children inherit inclinations to wrong, but they also have many lovely traits of character. These should be strengthened and developed, while the tendencies to evil should be carefully guarded against and repressed. Children should never be flattered, for flattery is poison to them; but parents should show a sanctified, tender regard for them, thus gaining their confidence and love.

When children lose their self-control, and speak passionate words, the parents should for a time keep silent, neither reproving nor condemning. At such times silence is golden, and will do more to bring repentance than any words that can be uttered. Satan is well pleased when parents irritate their children by speaking harsh, angry words. Paul has given a caution on this point: “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” [Colossians 3:21.] They may be very wrong, but you can not lead them to the right by losing patience with them. Let your calmness help to restore them to a proper frame of mind.

Jesus loves children and youth. He rejoices when he sees Satan repulsed in his efforts to overcome them. Many a youth is in imminent peril through manifold temptations, but the Saviour has the tenderest sympathy for him, and sends his angels to guard and protect him. He is the good shepherd, ever ready to go into the wilderness to seek for the lost, straying sheep.

Mothers, do you sigh for a missionary field? In your home you have a missionary field in which you may labor with untiring energy and unflagging zeal, knowing that the results of your work will endure through all eternity. Are not the souls of your children of as much value as the souls of the heathen? Then tend them with loving care, bringing God into their thoughts.

Who can do this work so well as a God-fearing mother? The work of the mother who has a close connection with Christ is of infinite worth. Her ministry of love makes the home a Bethel. Christ works with her, turning the common water of life into the wine of heaven.

Christian parents, you are charged with the responsibility of showing the world the power and excellency of home religion. Be controlled by principle, not by impulse. Work with the consciousness that God is your helper. Allow nothing to divert you from your God-given mission. Be true to your trust. God will help you. Guided by him, your children will grow up to bless and honor you in this life and in the life to come.

Review and Herald, January 24, 1907.

Ellen G. White (1827–1915) wrote more than 5,000 periodical articles and 40 books during her lifetime. Today, including compilations from her 50,000 pages of manuscript, more than 100 titles are available in English. She is the most translated woman writer in the entire history of literature, and the most translated American author of either gender. Seventh-day Adventists believe that Mrs. White was appointed by God as a special messenger to draw the world’s attention to the Holy Scriptures and help prepare people for Christ’s second advent.

The Blessing of the Fifth Commandment

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If I were to ask a child if there is a favorite rule that he or she likes to obey, chances are that the response would be a facial expression that says, “Are you serious?” As ridiculous as my question may be, I can confidently recall the time when I had a favorite commandment. My favorite commandment was “honor your father and mother.” (Exodus 20:12.) And as far as I can remember, I tried to keep that commandment with all my strength. The reason for my ambition, I must admit, was not because I loved my parents. Even though I did love them, the real reason I tried to keep that commandment was because I heard that if I kept it, I would live a long life. This appeal had a strong impact on my heart, so beginning around the age of five, my attitude toward my parents was ruled by this commandment. More specifically, however, was the way I treated my mother. I would always make sure that she was happy; I would ask how she was doing or if anything was troubling her. We held close communication and shared many secrets. And when she asked or ordered me to do something, I made sure that it was done. Yes, I considered it my duty to make her happy; I considered it a blessing to obey the fifth commandment.

As the years went by and I grew older, my attitude towards the fifth commandment began to change. When I was eleven, my mother, siblings, and I moved to New York City. It was here that I began to see myself as an individual of society. Prior to this, most of my time away from school was spent with family. Not anymore! The city was big and attractive, so I began to explore. In addition, my restraining stepfather was no longer a part of my life. Since he was no longer there to dictate my coming and going, I felt free to roam. In all of this, however, I continually made an effort to honor my mother. When she called, I answered. When she ordered, I obeyed. But though I answered and obeyed, my heart began to dread restrictions. And because I wanted to be like others, I slowly began to disregard the fifth commandment.

One day, an incident occurred which, to this day, is one of the most memorable events of my youth. Instead of going home after school as my mother ordered, I decided to hang out in the school yard with some of the other students. We were playing basketball when all of a sudden another student approached me. I was surprised at this because he was one of the popular students of the school. He was around my age, but he had a reputation of being a hard little boy, one who was accustomed to the streets. When he approached me, I was not prepared for what he had to say. In a demanding tone, he asked me to help him steal a puppy. Yes, to steal! I immediately became uneasy, but because I wanted to be accepted, I tried so hard to hide my fears, and I began to make excuses. “It’s getting late.” “Oh, my mother is waiting for me.” “I need to catch the next bus home.” I gave so many appeals hoping to set myself free, but he was not persuaded. Instead, he began to persuade me with violent threats. He threatened to get his older brother to hurt me if I did not comply. Since I knew a little about his brother’s reputation, I concluded that he was not to be offended. Therefore, I submitted to the little boy’s demand and followed him to where the puppy was.

He took me to an alley located around three blocks away from the school. There the puppy was, locked in a fence which faced a position that made it impossible for us to open the gate. Once he realized this, my comrade suddenly changed his plans. No longer was I to help him steal the puppy; I was told to steal it myself while he just watched out. So there I was struggling with this extremely secured fence. I pulled, I pushed, I twisted, and I turned. I could not get it opened. In the process, a noise was made that caused me and my comrade to run and hide. When we arrived at our hiding spot, he suddenly became very violent. He cursed me. He grabbed me. He held me up against the wall. I shook. I trembled. I began to cry. In his anger he made more violent threats, and out of fear I promised to try harder. So when the scene was clear, we went back to get the puppy. Once again I pulled, I pushed, I twisted, and I turned. This time the fence gave way, and I was able to grab the poor little creature. Immediately, I brought the puppy to my anxious little comrade. Now that he had his object, he became cheerful and happy. And after giving me a brief, halfhearted apology, he departed with a smile on his face. As for me, I went home with a frightened heart and a trembling body.

This event is so important because of the two lessons I have learned from it. First, it causes me to recognize the blessing of the fifth commandment. Had I followed my mother’s order and gone straight home after school that day, this awful experience would have been completely avoided. Because of my disobedience, I found myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a result, Satan was able to use this little boy as an instrument to lead me even further into disobedience. Not only was I dishonoring my mother, but now I was dishonoring my neighbors and stealing from them. And as my teenage years progressed, I committed more and more crimes against my neighbors until I was almost destroyed. All of this happened because I abandoned the blessing of the fifth commandment.

The second lesson I have learned from this experience is that it is better for me to be alone and obey than to join the crowd and disobey. Before I tried to fit in with other students, I was honoring my mother, getting good grades, and staying out of trouble. But because I wanted to be accepted, I started to disregard my mother’s orders. When I was alone, I was obedient and peaceful, but in the crowd I was rebellious and causing trouble. All of this happened because I abandoned the blessing of the fifth commandment.

So to help you to avoid making the same unwise decision I made, here is a poem for you to remember:

Obey your parents, this is right,

for this will bring eternal life.

Rebel and you will find for sure,

that death is waiting at your door.

A member of Steps to Life staff, Demario Carter works in the Mail Order Services Department. He can be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Children’s Story – The Best Mother

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He was pruning the plants in the posh gardens of an international school. Heat and dust didn’t seem to affect him.

“Ganga Das, Principal Ma’am wants to see you–right now!”

The last two words to the peon had lots of emphasis on them, trying to make it sound like an urgency.

He quickly got up, washed and wiped his hands and headed towards the principal’s chamber.

The walk from the garden to the office seemed never ending. His heart was almost jumping out of his chest. He was trying all the permutation and combination, figuring out as to what has gone wrong that she wants to see him urgently.

He was a sincere worker and never shirked from his duties. Knock, knock!

“Madam, you called me?”

“Come inside…” uttered an authoritative voice laced with crispness which made him further nervous.

She had salt and pepper hair, tied neatly in a french knot, a designer sari-sober and very classic, glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. She pointed out towards a paper kept on the table. “Read this.”

“B…but Ma’am, I am an illiterate person. I cannot read English. Ma’am please forgive me if I have done anything wrong. Give me another chance. I am forever indebted to you for allowing my daughter to study in this school, free of cost. I could have never ever dreamt of such a life for my child.” And he broke down almost trembling.

“Hold on, you assume a lot. We allowed your daughter because she is very bright and you have been our sincere worker. Let me call a teacher in, she will read it out and translate it to you. This is written by your daughter and I want you to read this.”

Soon enough the teacher was called and she started reading it, translating each line in Hindi.

It read: “Today we are asked to write about Mother’s Day.

“I belong to a village in Bihar, a tiny village where medical and education still seem like a far fetched dream. Many women die every now and then while giving birth. My mother was one of them too, she could not even hold me in her arms. My father was the first person to hold me, or perhaps the only person.

“Everyone was sad as I was a girl and I had ‘eaten up’ my own mother. My dad was instantly asked to remarry but he refused. My grandparents forced him by giving all logical, illogical and emotional reasons but he didn’t budge.

“My grandparents wanted a grandson, they threatened him to remarry else he will be disowned. He didn’t think twice. He left everything, his acres of land, a good living, comfortable house, cattles and everything that counts for a good lifestyle in a village.

“He came to this huge city with absolutely nothing – but me in his arms. Life was tough. He worked hard day and night and raised me with tender love and utmost care.

“Now I understand why suddenly he developed a dislike for things that I would love to eat when there was only one piece left in the platter. He would say that he hates eating it and I would finish it considering that he does not like it, but as I grew older I realised the reason and what sacrifice is all about. He gave me the best possible comforts beyond his capacity.

“This school gave him a shelter, respect and the biggest gift—an admission to his daughter.

“If love and care defines a mother, then my father fits in there.

“If compassion defines a mother, my father fits in well in that category too.

“If sacrifice defines a mother, my father dominates that category.

“So, in nut shell, if a mother is made of love, care, sacrifice, and compassion,

My Father is the best mother on earth then.

“On Mother’s Day, I would like to thank my father for being the best parent on earth. I salute him and say it with pride that the hardworking gardener working in this school is my father.

“I know I may fail this test after my teacher reads this – but this would be a very small price one would pay towards an ode to the selfless love of my father. Thanks.”

There was a deafening silence in the room. One could only hear soft sobbing of Ganga Das. The harsh sun could not wet his clothes with sweat, but soft words of his daughter had soaked his chest with tears. He was standing there with hands folded. He took the paper from teacher’s hands, held it close to his heart and sobbed.

Principal got up, offered him a chair, glass of water and said something, but strangely, the crispness of her voice was taken over by a surprising warmth and sweetness.

“Ganga Das, your daughter is given 10/10 marks for this essay. This is the best essay ever written about Mother’s Day in the history of this school. We are having the Mother’s Day gala event tomorrow and the entire School Management has decided to invite you as the Chief Guest for the event.

“This is to honour all the love and sacrifice a man can do to raise his children, to show that you do not have to be a woman to be the perfect parent. And most importantly, this is to reinforce, appreciate, acknowledge the strong belief of your daughter in you to make her feel proud and to make the entire school feel proud that we have the best parent on earth, as stated by your daughter.

“You are a ‘true gardener,’ who is not only looking after the gardens, but also nurturing the most precious flower of your life in such a beautiful way. So, Ganga Das, will you be our Chief Guest for the event?”

Honor your Parents

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The Ten Commandments are not a very popular topic these days. Judges get in trouble for trying to put the Ten Commandments in the courtroom. The Ten Commandments are not extremely popular. The truth is that the Ten Commandments are not a legalistic set of regulations for us. These commandments were written by the finger of God. He wrote them as an expression of His character so that we might know Him. It is more important to view the commandments in that way than any other.

What does this tell me about the Father? What does this tell me about God? I find that God is very interested in your relationship because the first four commandments have to do with your relationship with God. The fifth Commandment is where it turns. People say that the last six commandments have to do with our relationship with others. I would like to give a third division. The first four pertain to our relationship with God. The last five involve our relationships with others. But the fifth commandment is specifically focused on the home.

The fifth commandment is concerned with your relationship with father and mother, with children, with the family, because the family is the core of society. In fact, it is good to view this as concentric circles; it begins with our love for God in the inner circle. From there we expand to another circle which is family. We need to love God; we need to love family. Then we go one more circle and that is to love everyone else as well.

We see this same pattern in the gospel commission. Jesus told His disciples they were to start at Jerusalem (The Acts of the Apostles, 32) which is where they lived, where the first church was established. Start in Jerusalem and spread the word throughout the city. Then go to Judea, which is the country in which they live, and then to Samaria, their closest neighboring country, and then to the uttermost parts of the world. We start with God and then we move out like concentric circles. The gospel begins at home and then we move out. That seems to be God’s plan.

He asks how you could love others if you don’t even love the people He gave you to live with on a day-to-day basis. We have here God’s pattern for relationships. God says that good relationships have boundaries. A relationship without boundaries is codependent and extremely unhealthy. There are boundaries in my relationship with you.

All human relationships must have boundaries. My wife has commandments that I did not realize until I got married. One commandment is, Thou shalt have no other girlfriends before me. Another commandment is, Thou shalt not take my name in vain, either in my presence or away from me—talk nice about me is what she is saying. Those commandments are not a burden to me. I have more joy keeping those commandments because I love her and they are not a burden or a legalistic requirement of me at all.

Our relationship has boundaries. She has boundaries for me and I have boundaries for her and without those boundaries we would have an unhealthy relationship. There needs to be a set of expectations that we have in relationships. That is what the Ten Commandments are all about. God tells us that the Ten Commandments are boundaries for your relationship with me. There are boundaries for your family and boundaries for the rest of the world—it would be nice if you do not kill the people you love.

Don’t take from the people you love the things that belong to them; respect their property. These are boundaries for relationships. Don’t bear false witness; don’t trash their character. Every relationship must be governed by boundaries or the relationship becomes unhealthy. When you are raising children, you have boundaries for them. There are things you are trying to teach them because you want them to grow up and become responsible human beings. You want them to understand what a healthy relationship is all about.

One of those boundaries is found in Exodus 20:12. It says, “Honour your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you.” One of the things God does is to put men and women on the same level. This was a new thought for that time because it was a very male dominated society.

In order to understand this passage better we need to understand a concept of the Eastern mind, especially the ancient Eastern mind, and it still exists today. This commandment could also be translated as, “Be sure you don’t shame your father and your mother.” A very strong motivating force in the Eastern mind is the idea of shame avoidance—saving face. It is difficult to understand any of the parables that Jesus taught without an understanding of this basic concept of shame avoidance. We will do anything to avoid shame personally and also collectively as a society. That was a key in the Eastern thought.

Remember the parable of the man who received guests into his home late, unexpectedly, and he had nothing in the house to feed them? He goes over to his neighbor and he bangs on the door and he says, “Give me some bread so I can feed my guests.” The man says, “Leave me alone; I am in bed; I have my children in bed with me” (Luke 11:5–7). We really don’t understand that parable here in the West. We think it means that God is reluctant to answer our prayers, but if we keep knocking on the door, eventually He will answer. That is not what the parable says.

In the East, when someone came to your home, not only were they the guests in your home but they were the guests in the entire community. It would be a point of shame, not just for the man who received him into his home, but for the entire community to not meet the needs of the guests. For this man to go to his neighbor and knock on the door and say I have a guest; I have nothing to feed him; help me out, Jesus was saying, Who would not get out of bed and give him the bread? After all, he would bring shame on himself, upon his neighbor and the entire community. Of course, he is going to defend his name; he is going to honor his reputation; he is going to honor his community by getting out of bed, getting the bread so that he will have something to feed his neighbor. By the way, what the man was asking for was primarily utensils. In those days the food was put into a common pot, usually a stew, and they would take flat bread and dip in the common pot, so the bread became the utensil. So for one man to refuse to do that would bring shame upon the entire community, and no one in their right mind would do that.

The point of Jesus’ parable was when you ask for something in His name, God will always honor His name. He would not think of doing otherwise because of the concept in the Eastern mind of shame avoidance. I am going to avoid shame. That is what the fifth Commandment is based on; do not allow your parents to experience shame. Do not shame your mother and your father.

One way in which your mother or father could be shamed in their old age is especially through poverty. Poverty was seen in that mindset as a point of shame. Don’t allow your mother or father to be impoverished in their old age; you take care of their needs. Do not bring shame upon their gray heads.

Do you remember when Saddam Hussein was captured? The allies understood the importance of villages, especially in the Eastern culture. They understood the importance of shame and shame avoidance. In the photographs we saw of him being examined by a doctor and checking his hair and beard for lice, he looked old and tired and he was opening his mouth as they peered in for opium. It was to make this god-like figure experience shame in the eyes of those people he ruled over. It was a mental image they wanted to place in the Eastern mind. They were very intentional about that because they understood the concept of shame avoidance because now he looked like an old, poor, haggard man, filled with vermin. It was all about shame avoidance.

How shameful would it be for your father or mother to not have enough food to eat or to live in poverty while you have enough to eat? The commandment is telling you that you have a responsibility for your father and mother. You are to take care of them in their old age and make sure they have exactly what they need. You do not shame them. Why do you do this? The family is the core of society, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God has given you. That promise does not mean that if you take care of them and be respectful to them that you will live to a ripe old age. It says that your community or your society will be established and you will keep the land that God has given you as a community. I will keep the core of your community strong as long as the family values are strong.

We see the disintegration of the family today. We can see that society is crumbling and standards are melting away. Anything seems to go and it starts with the home. This is why God said that the very first commandment that deals with human relationship is, “Honor your father and your mother.” Take care of the family relationships and make sure that they are in good shape and if you will do that, your society will remain strong. Your community will remain strong.

Another way in which we are to honor our father and our mother is by the way we talk to them. When our children were small, we wanted to make sure that we did not get any back talk. I have been to the store and I have seen children smart mouthing their mother and I want to go over and take the child by the nap of the neck. When our children were small, I remember one of them saying something smart to her mother and it was my job when I heard that to intervene and my wife would intervene when they spoke that way to me. When I heard her speak that way to her mother I told her to wait just a minute, that I would not allow any man on the street to speak to her mother in that way and why on earth would I allow my own daughter to speak that way. You will not speak to your mother in that way. We had no problems after that. I also spoke to her mother with gentleness and kindness and our children were respectful. They did not grow up with mother and father screaming at each other. We wanted our children to be able to emulate our response to each other. Everybody gets irritated but we need to choose our words well. Remember that every word you say trains someone else.

I wanted my children to learn to honor their mother, so I had to honor her. I wanted them to learn to honor their grandparents so I had to honor them. I wanted my children to honor men and women who are older than they and to treat them with gentleness and respect, which means that I have to model that. What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear a word you say. If you say one thing and do another, no one spots a hypocrite faster than a child. All of our children need to learn how to honor father and mother. That does not stop when they leave the house.

I have seen people treat their parents who are in their 50s, 60s and older as if they were children. I have seen them speak disrespectfully to them as if this was just a child with no sense. I have seen them roll their eyes when they take so long to get up or to move from one place to another. There was a time when you were pretty slow too. There was a time when you messed your britches and when you drooled and someone took care of you. We have a responsibility to care for father and mother and to show them dignity and respect regardless of their age.

A man and a woman live their lives searching for some manner of dignity and respect in the world. They do business, they hold a job, they raise a family, participate hopefully in church and at the end of their lives when they should have earned all of this respect, all of a sudden their children treat them as if they do not have a lick of sense. The parents have lost all of the respect they spent their lives trying to earn. This is a society that worships youth and hates old age.

I remember hearing an actor answer a question about who his hero was. He said his son, who was four years old, was his hero. His son had not battled some dread disease and survived or was not a child prodigy. He was just a normal four year old. He spoke of that child as being his ideal and he did not want to teach his child anything because he thought he might spoil that purity. He wanted to be like that child. This is life upside down. Your boy needs a hero and that should be you, dad, because you teach him values. You show him the way to live as a man. You show your daughter what it is to have a man love her appropriately. You don’t worship youth; you train youth.

We respect our elders by recognizing that they have something of value to give us. Honor your father and your mother.

We honor our father and mother by living lives of dignity, respect, purity, truth and honesty. When you are a man or woman of integrity, you give honor to your father and mother. I met a young man who was sharp, well-spoken and he seemed to live by good values. He seemed to have his head together and he seemed to know where he was going in this life. He knew what he wanted to do and what he wanted to accomplish. He knew who he was and what life was all about.

I was so impressed with him that I made a comment to my wife that someone had taught this young man well and that he must have come from a good home. When I had an opportunity to talk with this young man, particularly about his family, I found out just the opposite was true. His father, when he was a child, had been very abusive of the boy and before he had reached his teenage years, his father had abandoned him and he had not seen him in years. His mother was a drug addict and after his father left he saw a long procession of boyfriends move into the house and move out. They had taught him nothing but yet, somewhere along the line, someone had influenced him so that he had become a young man of integrity and dignity. Do you realize that the choices this young man made honored his father and mother who really did not deserve it or may not even be aware of it? And as you have chosen to live lives that honor God this will bring honor to your father and mother.

Honor comes from a root word for heavy or weighty, giving weight to. This can be taken in a positive way. When you consider a weighty matter, it would be something of significance, some substance or value. So when you add weight to this matter you are adding significance, substance and value. That is a positive way of looking at honor. The negative way of looking at honor is when it becomes a heavy burden to carry.

If you grew up in a home where father and mother did their best to care for you and raise you right and they made their mistakes along the way just like any other parent, then this matter of adding weightiness and substance to their lives is a positive command. Now you can respect them, their wisdom, their stories and their history and that becomes a part of your story and adds credence and value to your life, weight to your life. You are honored to give significance to their life at the time of anniversaries, birthdays, retirement and by visiting them. You are there to give honor to your father and your mother.

My family used to run a nursing home and there are a lot of people who were simply placed there and abandoned until they died. You never saw son or daughter or grandchildren; nobody came by until we sent the notice that they had died and they needed to pick up their things. To treat them positively is to add weight to their life and to show up, to be there and to love them and celebrate the moments with them and to thank them for what they have done for you. That is the positive way of looking at the commandment.

There is also a negative side to this. Not everybody grew up in a loving home. Many grew up in homes that were extremely abusive; they were abandoned or molested. This happens in American homes with far too great a frequency. What about those people whose lives have been negatively impacted by a dysfunctional family, a family that told them they were not good enough or abused them? What do you do with a father and mother in that circumstance? That is when the weight of honoring father and mother becomes heavy.

The commandment does not say to honor your father and mother unless your father was a louse, worthless or abusive. How do you honor that father? A work of reconciliation has to be done in your heart first. You need to not gloss over the pain in your life as though it never happened, but to acknowledge it. The only Christian option is to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that what they did didn’t matter, or what they did was right, or that it did not hurt you. Forgiveness means that what you did was wrong, it hurt me and destroyed my life but I have chosen not to carry the resentment or anger around with me anymore. I lay it at the foot of the cross and I extend to you the same grace that was extended to me. I choose to forgive you. Forgiveness is not an emotion but a decision.

Ephesians 6:1–4 tells us that there is a second side to this: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise); That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Do you see the principle here? God never gives privilege without responsibility. Fathers and mothers have the privilege of having God command that our children honor us. The responsibility is that we live lives of integrity and be honorable people.

Jesus will give you the strength that is necessary to honor your father and your mother and to be a father or mother of integrity that your children can honor and love. This is God’s law, not a legalistic requirement. It is a glorious privilege that He wants us to have appropriate boundaries for healthy relationships, relationships with Himself, relationships with the greater community and relationships at home.

Michael Tucker’s sermon was taken from the Ten Commandment Weekend, 2008 series aired on 3ABN. For more information contact www.3ABN.org.