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The Pen of Inspiration – A Lesson for Mothers

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For forty years the children of Israel were constantly harassed [by the Philistines], and at times completely subjugated, by this cruel and warlike nation. They had mingled with these idolaters, uniting with them in commerce, in pleasure, and even in worship, until they seemed to be identified with them in spirit and interest. Then these professed friends became their bitterest enemies, and sought by every means to accomplish their destruction. . . .

Manoah’s Wife

At this time the Lord appeared to the wife of Manoah, an Israelite of the tribe of Dan, and told her that she should have a son. He gave her special instruction concerning her own habits, and also for the treatment of her child. “Beware, I pray thee,” he said, “and drink not wine nor strong drink, and eat not any unclean thing.” [Judges 13:4.] He also directed that no razor should come on the head of the child; for he was to be consecrated to God as a Nazarite from his birth, and through him the Lord would begin to deliver Israel from the Philistines.

The woman sought her husband, and after describing the heavenly messenger she repeated his words. Then, fearful lest they should make some mistake in the important work committed to them, the husband prayed earnestly, “Let the man of God which Thou didst send come again unto us, and teach us what we shall do unto the child that shall be born.” [Verse 8.]

In answer to this petition the angel again appeared, and Manoah’s anxious inquiry was, “How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?” [Verse 12.] The previous instruction was repeated,¾“Of all that I said unto the woman let her beware. She may not eat of anything that cometh of the vine, neither let her drink wine or strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing; all that I commanded her let her observe.” [Verses 13, 14.]

Let Her Beware

The words spoken to the wife of Manoah contain a truth that the mothers of today would do well to study. In speaking to this one mother, the Lord spoke to all the anxious, sorrowing mothers of that time, and to all the mothers of succeeding generations. Yes, every mother may understand her duty. She may know that the character of her children will depend vastly more upon her habits before their birth and her personal efforts after their birth, than upon external advantages or disadvantages.

“Let her beware,” the angel said. Let her stand prepared to resist temptation. Her appetites and passions are to be controlled by principle. Of every mother it may be said, “Let her beware.” There is something for her to shun, something for her to work against, if she fulfils God’s purpose for her in giving her a child. If before the birth of her child she is unstable, if she is selfish, peevish, and exacting, the disposition of her child will bear the marks of her wrong course. Thus many children have received as a birthright almost unconquerable tendencies to evil.

But if she unswervingly adheres to the right, if she is kind, gentle, and unselfish, she will give her child these traits of character.

Very explicit was the command prohibiting the use of wine by the mother. Every drop of strong drink taken by her to gratify appetite endangers the physical, mental, and moral health of her offspring, and is a direct sin against her Creator. The command forbidding the use of strong drink was made by the One who made man, and who knows what is for his best good. Dare any one regard it with indifference?

The Only Hope

Unwise advisers will urge upon the mother the gratification of every wish and impulse as essential to the well-being of her offspring. Such advice is false and mischievous. By the command of God Himself the mother is placed under the most solemn obligation to exercise self-control. Whose voice shall we heed¾the voice of divine wisdom, or the voice of human superstition?

The mother who is a fit teacher for her children must, before their birth, form habits of self-denial and self-control; for she transmits to them her own qualities, her own strong or weak traits of character. The enemy of souls understands this matter much better than do many parents. He will bring temptation upon the mother, knowing that if she does not resist him, he can through her affect her child. The mother’s only hope is in God. She may flee to Him for grace and strength. She will not seek help in vain. He will enable her to transmit to her offspring qualities that will help them to gain success in this life and to win eternal life.

Fathers as well as mothers are involved in this responsibility, and they too should seek earnestly for divine grace, that their influence may be such as God can approve. The inquiry of every father and mother should be, “What shall we do unto the child that shall be born?” By many the effect of prenatal influence has been lightly regarded; but the instruction sent from heaven to those Hebrew parents, and twice repeated in the most explicit and solemn manner, shows how the matter is looked upon by the Creator.

Careful Training

It was not enough that the child who was to deliver Israel should receive a good legacy from his parents. This must be followed by careful training. From infancy he was to be trained to habits of strict temperance. From his birth he was to be a Nazarite. Thus he was placed under a perpetual prohibition against the use of wine and strong drink.

So today lessons of temperance, self-denial, and self-control are to be taught to children from babyhood. It should be the constant effort of every mother to conform her habits to God’s will, that she may work in harmony with Him in the training of her children. Let mothers place themselves in right relation to their Creator, that by His grace they may build round their children a bulwark against intemperance. If they would but follow the course God has outlined for them, they would see their children reaching a high standard in moral and intellectual attainments, see them becoming a blessing to society and an honor to their Creator.

If mothers studied the Scriptures more and the magazines of fashion less, if they realized that their course affects the destiny of hundreds and perhaps of thousands, how different would be the condition of society. The cause of reform is suffering for want of men and women of integrity and steadfastness, men and women whose lives are an illustration of the self-denial and self-control that bar the way against intemperance.

Can we look upon the unbelief, the intemperance, the crime, that seem to be deluging the earth, without feeling our souls stirred to their very depths? Infidelity is rearing its proud head, saying, “There is no God.” Intemperance marches boldly through the land, carrying with it degradation, desolation, and death. Ere long the cry of men and nations that have forsaken God, and have been forsaken by God, will rend the heavens. What can hinder the crime, what stay the woe, that is filling the world? The evil might have been prevented, had past generations been trained to fear, love, and obey God. Let us now do what we can to bring about the change that needs to be made. Explicit instruction has been given in the Word of God. Let these principles be carried out by the mother with the co-operation and support of the father. Let children be trained from infancy to habits of self-control. Let them be taught that the object of life is to bring blessing to one another and honor to God.

Fathers and mothers, labor earnestly and faithfully, trusting in God for wisdom. Let your aim be the highest good of your children and then require obedience. Keep yourselves constantly under the control of the Spirit of God. Then indeed may we hope to see our sons “as plants grown up in their youth,” and our daughters “as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace.” [Psalm 144:12.]

The Signs of the Times, February 26, 1902; March 5, 1902.

The Pen of Inspiration – Home Duties of the Father

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Few fathers are fitted for the responsibility of training their children. They, themselves, need strict discipline that they may learn self-control, forbearance, and sympathy. Until they possess these attributes they are not capable of properly teaching their children. What can we say to awaken the moral sensibilities of fathers, that they may understand and undertake their duty to their offspring? The subject is of intense interest and importance, having a bearing upon the future welfare of our country. We would solemnly impress upon fathers, as well as mothers, the grave responsibility they have assumed in bringing children into the world. It is a responsibility from which nothing but death can free them. True the chief care and burden rests upon the mother during the first years of her children’s lives, yet even then the father should be her stay and counsel, encouraging her to lean upon his large affections, and assisting her as much as possible.

First Interest

The father’s duty to his children should be one of his first interests. It should not be set aside for the sake of acquiring a fortune, or of gaining a high position in the world. In fact, those very conditions of affluence and honor frequently separate a man from his family, and cut off his influence from them more than anything else. If the father would have his children develop harmonious characters, and be an honor to him and a blessing to the world, he has a special work to do. God holds him responsible for that work. In the great day of reckoning it will be asked him: Where are the children that I intrusted [sic] to your care to educate for me, that their lips might speak my praise, and their lives be as a diadem of beauty in the world, and they live to honor me through all eternity?

In some children the moral powers strongly predominate. They have power of will to control their minds and actions. In others the animal passions are almost irresistible. To meet these diverse temperaments, which frequently appear in the same family, fathers, as well as mothers, need patience and wisdom from the divine Helper. There is not so much to be gained by punishing children for their transgressions, as by teaching them the folly and heinousness of their sin, understanding their secret inclinations, and laboring to bend them toward the right. . . .

Know Individual Characteristics

The father should frequently gather his children around him, and lead their minds into channels of moral and religious light. He should study their different tendencies and susceptibilities, and reach them through the plainest avenues. Some may be best influenced through veneration and the fear of God; others through the manifestation of his benevolence and wise providence, calling forth their deep gratitude; others may be more deeply impressed by opening before them the wonders and mysteries of the natural world, with all its delicate harmony and beauty, which speak to their souls of Him who is the Creator of the heavens and the earth, and all the beautiful things therein.

Children who are gifted with the talent or love of music may receive impressions that will be life-long, by the judicious use of those susceptibilities as the medium for religious instruction. They may be taught that if they are not right with God they are like a discord in the divine harmony of creation, like an instrument out of tune, giving forth discordant strains more grievous to God than harsh, inharmonious notes are to their own fine musical ear.

Many may be reached best through sacred pictures, illustrating scenes in the life and mission of Christ. By this means truths may be vividly imprinted upon their minds, never to be effaced. The Roman Catholic Church understands this fact, and appeals to the senses of the people through the charm of sculpture and paintings. While we have no sympathy for image worship, which is condemned by the law of God, we hold that it is proper to take advantage of that almost universal love of pictures in the young, to fasten in their minds valuable moral truths, to bind the gospel to their hearts by beautiful imagery illustrating the great moral principles of the Bible. Even so our Saviour illustrated his sacred lessons by the imagery found in God’s created works.

Tailored Discipline

It will not do to lay down an iron rule by which every member of the family is forced into the same discipline. It is better to exert a milder sway, and, when any special lesson is required, to reach the consciences of the youth through their individual tastes, and marked points of character. While there should be a uniformity in the family discipline, it should be varied to meet the wants of different members of the family. It should be the parents’ study not to arouse the combativeness of their children, not to excite them to anger and rebellion, but to interest them, and inspire them with a desire to attain to the highest intelligence and perfection of character. This can be done in a spirit of Christian sympathy and forbearance, the parents realizing the peculiar dangers of their children, and firmly, yet kindly, restraining their propensities to sin.

The parents, especially the father, should guard against the danger of their children learning to look upon him as a detective, peering into all their actions, watching and criticising [sic] them, ready to seize upon and punish them for every misdemeanor. The father’s conduct upon all occasions should be such that the children will understand that his efforts to correct them spring from a heart full of love for them. When this point is gained, a great victory has been accomplished. Fathers should have a sense of their children’s human want and weakness, and his sympathy and sorrow for the erring ones should be greater than any sorrow they can feel for their own misdeeds. This will be perceived by the corrected child, and will soften the most stubborn heart.

Self-Control

The father, as priest and house-band of the family circle, should stand to them as nearly in the place of Christ as possible—a sufferer for those who sin, one who, though guiltless, endures the pains and penalty of his children’s wrongs, and, while he inflicts punishment upon them, suffers more deeply under it than they do.

But if the father exhibits a want of self-control before his children, how can he teach them to govern their wrong propensities? If he displays anger or injustice, or evidence that he is the slave of any evil habit, he loses half his influence over them. Children have keen perceptions, and draw sharp conclusions; precept must be followed by example to have much weight with them. If the father indulges in the use of any hurtful stimulant, or falls into any other degrading habit, how can he maintain his moral dignity before the watchful eyes of his children? . . .

The father, above all others, should have a clear, active mind, quick perceptions, calm judgment, physical strength to support him in his arduous duties, and most of all the help of God to order his acts aright. He should therefore be entirely temperate, walking in the fear of God, and the admonition of his law, mindful of all the small courtesies and kindnesses of life, the support and strength of his wife, a perfect pattern for his sons to follow, a counselor and authority for his daughters. He should stand forth in the moral dignity of a man free from the slavery of evil habits and appetites, qualified for the sacred responsibilities of educating his children for the higher life.

The Health Reformer, October 1, 1877.

Escaping Shipwreck of the Home

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The devil wants us to make shipwreck of our homes! This is a special temptation to young people, and, thus, we need to understand very clearly how we can avoid this, because a shipwrecked home can lead to the most unhappiness in this world and, many times, to shipwreck of eternity.

How can we have a sure anchor in our homes? Paul’s shipwreck experience, as recorded in Acts 27, has a great deal of information for us as we are studying this subject: “Now when much time was spent, and when sailing was now dangerous, because the fast was now already past, Paul admonished [them], And said unto them, Sirs, I perceive that this voyage will be with hurt and much damage, not only of the lading and ship, but also of our lives. Nevertheless the centurion believed the master and the owner of the ship, more than those things which were spoken by Paul.” Verses 9−11. We read in this passage that the time for sailing had past. Consequently, Paul was admonishing the shipmaster that the voyage was going to be disastrous. He counseled him not to go, and he warned that a voyage would result in disaster, not only to the ship and the cargo, but also to life.

But the captain did not listen. After all, Paul was a prisoner trying to tell the captain what he should do. The chain of command certainly does not generally work that way! Normally, prisoners do not tell captains what to do, but Paul was a unique prisoner.

How was Paul unique? He had not committed any crimes, and he was privileged to be a messenger from God. This prisoner, this messenger from God gave instruction to not sail, because doing so would result in shipwreck. What happened? The captain ignored the messenger from God and sailed, and they were shipwrecked.

Take note that the centurion decided to believe “the master and the owner of the ship.” We might say that he accepted and believed worldly counselors instead of God’s messenger. He accepted the knowledge of people who had degrees in these types of things, of professional people who should have known what they were doing.

There were two other reasons why the centurion accepted the worldly counsel and rejected the counsel of God’s messenger: “And because the haven was not commodious to winter in, the more part advised to depart thence also, if by any means they might attain to Phenice, [and there] to winter; [which is] an haven of Crete, and lieth toward the south west and north west.” Verse 12. What does it mean that “the haven was not commodious to winter in”? It was not comfortable enough; it was not convenient enough. It would not have been the best location, we might say. And what was the other reason given? “The more part advised to depart.” The majority spoke against what Paul had said, so the centurion, instead of accepting what the messenger from God had said, followed worldly counselors. He took into consideration what was convenient or comfortable and followed the majority.

Are either of those good reasons to reject what God is trying to tell us through His messenger? No, they are not, yet we find these very reasons being used today to reject what God has told of how to escape shipwreck.

We all have homes, and we know that as young people enter their later teen years and older, there is a desire to establish a home of their own. That is natural; there is nothing wrong with that desire. As they mature, their emotions become more active, and it is easy to become attracted to and to develop not just a friendship but a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. This is natural too; this is a desire that God has put into us, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Unfortunately, in many situations this desire leads to shipwreck, and lives are ruined because of wrong or unwise choices that are made. The same reasons for which the centurion rejected God’s messenger are used today. The worldly counselors say it is a good thing to do, or it is more convenient or more comfortable to not follow what God’s messenger has revealed to us. Or they say that everybody is doing it so it cannot be that bad, but if everybody shipwrecks, do you want to shipwreck too? No, the only safety for us as young people to escape shipwreck in our homes is to follow implicitly what God has revealed through His messengers, through the Bible, and through the Spirit of Prophecy.

The Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible that I have enjoyed studying since I have become a Seventh-day Adventist. The Bible used by the church of which I was formerly a member does not contain this book written by the wisest of men. They simply removed it from their version of the Bible. So when I became a Seventh-day Adventist and began to study it, I discovered that it teaches a number of very important principles. We will look at just one; this is repeated three times in the book. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please.”

Look at the last part of the text, “stir not up, nor awake [my] love.” If you read this verse from the King James Version, you will notice that the word my is in italics. What does that mean? It means that it is supplied by the translators in an attempt to make the wording flow better. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is more literal—and sometimes it helps us to understand the verse better—if we recognize that a supplied word is not in the original Greek or Hebrew.

So, the text would actually read, “that you stir not up, nor awake love, until it pleases.” That is telling us that there is a time to love and a time not to love. It says that we are not to stir it up until it is the right time. Many, many young people are shipwrecked by not following the counsel of this verse. Many are shipwrecked by allowing love to awaken before it is time.

We see this so often today. Even in first grade, children just five and six years of age are pairing off. As they go from five and six to maybe nine or ten years old, the same thing is happening, and that is not beneficial, because the Bible says to not stir love up until he please.

Consider the following points as to when it is safe to enter into a relationship.

Know the Creator

If we simply understand the principle of not allowing our emotions to control us and of waiting until it is the right time for love, it would save hundreds and thousands of young people from shipwreck. You can no doubt see that, because all around us are shipwrecked homes and many of these shipwrecked homes are the direct result of not following these principles.

Let us look at the first marriage and see what we can understand about this first relationship that developed. Genesis 2:21, 22 says, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” In the Garden of Eden, on the sixth day of creation, before the Sabbath, God first made Adam. God could have made Adam and Eve together; it would have been no problem. He spoke, and all the animals came forth; all the plants came forth; but He did not make Adam and Eve together.

Adam was made first so he could become acquainted with God. God wanted Adam to develop a relationship with Him first. It is feasible that if God had made Adam and Eve together, instead of developing a relationship with their Creator, their eyes would have locked on each other, and then they would not have had that relationship with their Creator. So God made Adam first, and He put Adam in the garden where he could become acquainted with his Creator before anyone else.

Then, after Adam had named all the animals, he realized that they all had partners, but he did not, so God put Adam to sleep. God could have made Eve without putting Adam to sleep. He could have just formed the dust of the ground and breathed into Eve, and there Adam’s mate would have been. But God put Adam to sleep, and as He took the rib from Adam, formed Eve, and breathed into Eve the breath of life. Who was the first one with whom Eve developed a relationship? With her Creator—because Adam was asleep! I believe that God put Adam to sleep so that Eve could develop a relationship with her Creator before she did with Adam.

We must, before we contemplate an earthly relationship, have a relationship with our Creator. Anything else is in danger of leading us to shipwreck in our homes, which frequently results in shipwreck of eternity as well. The story of Adam and Eve shows that both the man and the woman need to have a relationship with their Creator before any romantic relationship is developed. Did Adam lead Eve to the Creator? No, that is not how it happened, because if Adam had led Eve to the Creator, her first allegiance would have been to Adam rather than to her Creator.

At times, there may be somebody who has an interest in someone who is not a Seventh-day Adventist; he or she may not even be a Christian. So the individual may start a Bible study course with the person in whom he is interested. Bible studies are a good thing, but it is very dangerous to try to lead someone in whom you are interested to the Lord. Why? Because their first allegiance would be to you rather than to the Lord. I know you may disagree, but I have seen such a situation more than once. I have seen people who seem to be solid in the faith; then something happens to the person in whom they are interested and they go out of the faith. Both individuals need to have a relationship with their Creator before they are prepared for a relationship with each other.

Lifework

“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:15, 19, 20.

This account is very instructive. Here we find that Adam was created, but he was not just introduced to his Creator and then given Eve. God first gave to Adam a way to live. God gave to Adam his lifework before he gave him his life companion. We need to know and to be prepared for our lifework before we enter into a relationship. Why do you think this would be a good idea?

What if you believe God is calling you to be a missionary to a foreign country, but before you prepare for your life calling, you develop an interest in someone who believes that his or her life calling is to be a doctor or to be a businessman or businesswoman in your home country? There is nothing wrong with being a physician or a businessperson. As long as the biblical principles are followed, their work is very honest and commendable. But if God has called you to be a missionary to another country and has called your person of interest to be a businessperson in the home field, there is a serious conflict of interest. It is hard for both of you to do your lifework, so one or the other has to give up on his or her life calling. God’s plan is that we know and that we are prepared for our lifework before entering into a relationship.

By the way, Adam could prepare for his lifework better and could probably work better if he was not thinking about Eve. So often, young people begin to prepare for their lifework, but instead of preparing for their lifework, they are developing an interest in someone, and that takes all their time. The relationship detracts from what their preparation needs to be.

Financial Responsibility

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8. Do you want to be worse than an infidel? An infidel is someone who is not a Christian, such as an atheist or an agnostic. An infidel has no interest in religion whatsoever and is usually opposed to Christianity.

If we do not provide for our own, we have denied the faith and are worse than an infidel! So, is it a very wise thing to get married if we have no way to support a family? Financial stresses are ranked as one of the highest causes of divorce. I am not saying that we must own our own business or have to own a house, but we need to have some way to support a family.

Godly Counselors

A very difficult story for us in this day and age in which we live is given in Genesis 24. “And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Verses 2−4.

Here was Abraham, and he was arranging for the marriage of his 40-year-old son Isaac. If we were 40, would we think that our parents would have the right to direct so intimately in our affairs? But Isaac trusted his father’s judgment, and it does not seem that Isaac was involved at all.

Now, I am not saying that is exactly the way it must be, but a principle is revealed here. Isaac listened to godly counselors. Our parents, if they are in the Lord, are the best counselors we have. Isaac listened to godly counselors, and Isaac escaped shipwreck.

Counselors are important, because love is blind. Even if we follow all these principles, a degree of blindness still exists. It is very hard when someone counsels against what our heart wants. God has made it plain that there is an important place for godly counselors, because many times when our emotions get stirred up, it is hard for us to think rationally. It is much easier for godly counselors to see the situation rationally. We need to seek advice from godly counselors, even if we are 40 years old!

Poor Judge

God’s messenger, Ellen White, stated: “A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.” Messages to Young People, 452. Now, you may look at me and say that I am out of my teens, so that is easy for me to read, but I read that when I was a teenager. And when I read that, and I decided that if it said that a youth not out of his teens is not a fit judge, then I did not want to enter into a relationship until I was out of my teens.

I realize that when you are a teen, that seems like a very difficult thing. I was there! But although that was written 100 years ago, the statistics today reveal that if that statement were followed today, there would be a lot fewer shipwrecked homes. Some Internet statistics for marriages in the United States show that the divorce rate is 50 percent for those who marry and are under the age of 18. For those who marry and are under the age of 20, the divorce rate is 40 percent, and for those who wait until they are 25 or older, the divorce rate is 25 percent. You can see from the statistics that what we were told 100 years ago was wise counsel, because as we mature, we change.

Looking back to when I was 17, which was not that long ago, I know my personality was much different then than what it is now. For those of you who struggle with timidity, I think I was as timid as any person could possibly be, but as we grow and mature, we change. Many people, when they marry young, start separating as they mature and change, resulting in a shipwrecked home. That is why the Lord gave us this counsel.

Allow God to Lead

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21–23.

Does it appear as though Adam was searching under every leaf in the garden to try to find a mate? No, Adam allowed God to lead. If we do not want to shipwreck our homes, we must allow God to lead. I do not believe it is safe to enter into a relationship unless both persons involved know that God is leading. Many times young people enter into a relationship because they think the person is cute or has a funny personality. They say that they are not making a commitment yet, and that may be true, but as they enter into a relationship and the hearts start to grow together, it is much harder to see God’s leading. It is much more difficult to objectively consider the relationship, and frequently what happens is that two people get married without a knowledge of God’s direct guidance and leading. We need to know, before we enter into any relationship, whether or not God is leading. Adam did; Eve did; they knew that God was leading.

Passed By

Oh but we may think that we are going to get passed by. God does not withhold any good thing from us, and the Lord promises that if we commit our ways to Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 84:11; 37:4.)

Ellen White wrote, “Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him.” The Adventist Home, 43.

We need to come to that point of total and complete surrender and say, “Lord, I do not want to choose; that decision is too big for me. Please choose for me.” When we come to that point of complete surrender, God can work, and God can lead.

I believe if we follow these simple steps that God gives, He will guide us, and we will escape shipwreck in our homes. In summary, the steps are:

  1. both individuals in a relationship must have a knowledge of the Creator;
  2. both individuals must know and be prepared for their lifework;
  3. we must be prepared to support a family even before entering into a relationship;
  4. we should follow godly counselors; and
  5. we should allow God to lead.

Do you want to escape shipwreck? I do; I do not want to have a home that is dashed against the rocks without an anchor. That could lead to the loss of eternity as well. I want God to be my captain and my pilot, that He may bring me safely to the harbor.

May we each one follow the principles God has given to us that we might escape shipwreck, that we might have a sure and a solid anchor.

Cody Francis is currently engaged in public evangelism for Mission Projects International. He also pastors the Remnant Church of Seventh-day Adventist Believers in Renton, Washington. He may be contacted by e-mail at: cody@missionspro.org.

The Essence of Heaven, Part I

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What is heaven all about? When I was a child, the pastor of the church my family attended told me the following true story.

During World War II, he was a preacher in Europe. A Christian family he knew had a daughter who was not interested in Christianity. She was not interested in going to heaven. This preacher wanted to try to help this young lady; he wanted to arouse in her a desire to be a Christian and a desire to go to heaven. So he engaged her in conversation one day about this subject. She emphatically stated that she was not interested in Christianity, and why, if she did not want to go to heaven anyway, should she be a Christian? What was the point?

This girl told him, “I have heard about heaven. I have heard that it is a place where people float around on clouds, and they play harps.” And, she continued, “I am not interested. I do not even care for harp music! I certainly am not interested in floating around on a cloud, so I do not want to go there.” You see, she had no idea what heaven was really about.

There are many people like her. Even many Protestant Christians who go to church every week, if asked, “What is heaven? Please describe it to me,” could tell you almost nothing.

Abodes of Bliss

Many Seventh-day Adventist preachers, when talking about heaven, just tell people what it is not like. There is nothing wrong with this, because the Bible probably has more texts telling us what heaven is not like than any other thing.

For instance, it says in Isaiah, concerning that place, that no violence will be there. In Isaiah 33:24, we are told, “The inhabitants of that place will not say, ‘I am sick.’ ” Is that nice to know?

Revelation 21 gives us a number of descriptions in the first four verses. It says that in that place there is no sorrow, crying, or death. When we are in heaven, we will never attend a funeral. We will never go to a mortuary or pick out a tombstone or a casket. We will never go to a hospital; there will be no surgery there, because it is not needed.

There will be no pain in heaven. This is a great comfort to many people, such as drug addicts. Those who are trying to get off an
addictive substance experience extreme withdrawal pain. I have never been addicted to a substance like that, so I cannot explain or understand exactly how they feel, but one of their greatest pleasures is to read in the Bible that when they get to heaven, there will be no pain.

So, this is what preachers usually do. We tell people what heaven is by telling them what it is not¾there is no war; there is no crime; there are no prisons; there is no sickness. This is all good to know, but have you ever stopped to analyze the situation and think through that even if all those things were taken away, you would not necessarily be happy?

Heaven is a place described by Ellen White as having “the abodes of bliss.” (See Testimonies, vol. 8, 140.) Bliss! Do you know what bliss is? Bliss is an extreme, intense state of happiness. The angels, the intelligences in heaven, are in this bliss or this extreme, intense state of happiness all the time. The redeemed are going to be the same. Isaiah 35:10 says, “The redeemed of the Lord will come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads. They will obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”

They are going to have joy. They are going to have intense happiness. You see, that actually is the essence of what heaven is about. It is this intense happiness that everybody has all the time that makes heaven heaven.

Self-Sacrificing Love

You see, heaven actually has more to do with something that is internal in your mind than something that is external. It is not just golden streets and music, although there is beautiful music, and there are golden streets. There is also wonderful food, but that is not what heaven is.

So, here is the question: What makes heaven heaven? We can answer that in one sentence: “The spirit of Christ’s self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven and is the very essence of its bliss.” Steps to Christ, 77.

What is the very essence of the bliss, the intense happiness that is in heaven? What is the very core of it? It is the spirit of self-sacrificing love. Somehow this is a concept that it is very difficult for people in this world to comprehend, because we have had an opposite education of which the devil has been in charge. It is throughout all the educational system, it is in all the philosophy of man, and it is in our language. Have you ever heard someone talking about “taking care of No. 1”? When they refer to “taking care of No. 1,” of whom are they speaking? Self. In the devil’s program, I am No. 1, and you are to make me happy.

There are many illustrations that would help us understand this concept, but I will share just one. About 30 years ago, a beautiful, young, married lady was driving her car, and she had neglected to put on her seat belt. Unfortunately, she was in a collision, and because she did not have her seat belt on, she was thrown forward headfirst through the windshield of the car. As she went through the shattered glass, her face was terribly lacerated. When her husband came to see her in the hospital, can you imagine what happened? This man had married that beautiful face. That beautiful face made him happy, but when that beautiful face did not exist any more, there was nothing to hold that marriage together, so he divorced her. (By the way, men are not the only ones who do things like that. I could tell you other stories where women did almost the identical same thing, but we will not go there. You get the point.)

If I am No. 1, then you are to make me happy, and when the time comes that you do not make me happy anymore, then we are going to separate. This is one of the reasons there is such a huge divorce rate today. This is the devil’s philosophy, the devil’s program that has taken over almost the entire world.

Jesus came into this world to show us that this is a wrong idea, to show us that we are to sacrifice ourselves for the good of somebody else. They are not to sacrifice themselves for our good; we are to sacrifice ourselves for their good. If we could ever get it learned, we would see the divorce rate bottom out.

Jesus’ Mission

Let us read a few Scriptures so you can see that this is exactly what the New Testament teaches that Jesus came to do.

“On behalf of all He died, in order that those living no longer might live for themselves, but on behalf of Him who died and was raised again.” 11 Corinthians 5:15. What was the purpose of Jesus’ coming and of His death on the cross? So I would no longer live for myself.

Jesus Himself talked about this in Matthew 10:34-39. Verse 39 reads, “The one who finds his soul will lose it.” Who is the one who finds his soul? That is the one, I am No. 1; I actually do get what I want! The text continues, “The one who loses his life for My sake will find it.”

What does it mean to lose your life? That means your life is sacrificed for somebody else, and if you learn that principle, Jesus says that you are going to find eternal life. If you do not learn that principle, you are not going to find eternal life.

John 12:25 says, “The one who loves his soul will lose it, and the one who hates his soul in this world will keep it unto life eter-nal.” Of what is Jesus talking? One person makes his own life  No. 1; the other person sacrifices his whole life for somebody else. The one who gains his soul and loves his soul will lose it, but the one who hates his soul and sacrifices all of his soul for somebody else will keep it. This is what Jesus taught.

Some Rain Must Fall

I have many cousins, but of all my relatives, two male cousins were much more handsome than were any of the rest of us. Both of them had very pleasing personalities and were very popular wherever they went.

One of these cousins, as a young man in the late 1950s, decided that he was going to join the Navy. He wanted to become a Navy pilot. I remember that as he was traveling from Washington State to Pensacola, Florida, he stopped to visit my family, who was living in Colorado, on a Saturday afternoon. He was going to Florida to join the Navy; then he went to flying school there, and realized his dream of becoming a Navy pilot.

While he was in Florida, he married an absolutely beautiful woman. Not only was she beautiful, but she was intelligent. She was a psychologist. After they married, he was stationed in Hawaii. He became one of the chief pilots for the DC7 that took the Rear Admiral of the United States Navy all over the world visiting bases, but especially over the South Pacific.

So, he had the job of flying the Rear Admiral of the United States Navy all over the South Pacific; his wife was a professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii; they were stationed in Honolulu; they had it made! I mean, he had the kind of job, the kind of wife, the kind of life that men all over the world dream about but almost none of them ever have high status, high income, lots of friends, lots of official functions, lots of parties. But the saying goes, “Into each life, some rain must fall.”

One time when he was stateside, he was in a dreadful automobile accident. He was injured so badly that he was unconscious when he was taken to the Intensive Care Unit. Of course, his wife came to the hospital and talked with the physicians. They told her they did not know what would happen; they did not know if he would ever come to consciousness again, and if he did, whether or not he would have his faculties or if he would be a vegetable.

This beautiful, talented, intelligent lady knew lots of psychology, but she was not prepared for a situation like this. She could not handle it, so she divorced him. After the divorce, he did regain consciousness and improved, though he never could fly an airplane again because of the injuries he received.

This is what happens in this world when we make ourselves No. 1, but Jesus said, “If you gain your life, if you gain everything, you are going to lose it. But if you lose everything, if you lose your life, if you sacrifice your life for somebody else, you are going to keep your life unto life eternal.”

As a Mosquito

The greatest example of this is Jesus Himself. The more I study the story of Jesus, the more astonished I become. I am in absolute awe. I believe, personally, that I will tiptoe and walk in awe in His presence through all eternity, because I do not understand what He left. Talk about self-sacrifice! He did have everything. He had the whole universe, and He was not forced to come down here to earth. He was not ordered to come down here. He went to His Father and pled to come down here. He left everything¾the power and the glory.

There is no way to explain it. The best illustration I have ever heard is if you were to ask someone, “Do you want to become a mosquito?” That is pretty crude, I suppose. We just do not have any way to help people to understand what we are talking about when we talk about what He left behind to come down here to earth.

Jesus Christ is the only Person born in this world who planned out every detail of His life before He was born, with His Father. Every detail of His life was planned out before He ever came! It was not an accident that He was born in a stable. It was not an accident that He was born into a poor family.
It was not an accident that He was poor all of His life. Until He went to Jerusalem to die on the cross, He was one of the poorest men in Jerusalem. All He had left were His clothes, and they took those from Him. What was this all about? It was to teach us the principle that you sacrifice yourself for somebody else. Jesus said, “If you do not learn this, you will not have eternal life.”

A Happy Place

Now, what happens if you do learn the lesson? If you go to heaven, friend, here is what will happen. In this world, everybody is looking out for No. 1 first and, then, other people after that. But, in heaven, everybody is looking out for the happiness of somebody else. They get their joy and happiness from bringing joy and happiness to somebody else. So, everybody in the whole place will be interested in making someone else happy. It is a happy place!

When you are around somebody whose greatest desire is to give anything that they have to make you happy, then you are in a position to start to learn what heaven is about.

Ellen White said, concerning Jesus, that when He was here, “It was heaven to be in His presence.”
The Ministry of Healing, 18. Have you ever tried to analyze that? What was it that made it like heaven to be in His presence? Now, the road is going to get a little bit rough as we study this, so get your seat belt on!

The only people who are going to go to heaven are the people who are like Jesus Christ. Read Revelation 14:1-5; read 11 Corinthians 3:18; read 1 John 3:1-3. Now, Jesus Christ was a person, and it was heaven to be in His presence because of the self-sacrificing love that was in His heart. Remember, the spirit of self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven, and it is the very essence of its bliss.

Now, notice carefully where we are going. Self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven and is the very essence of its bliss. It was like heaven to be in Jesus’ presence, because He had that self-sacrificing love, and all the people who go to heaven will be people who are Christlike. They will have the spirit of self-sacrificing love like He had. Now, if we really have the spirit of self-sacrificing love like Jesus had, what will it be like to be in our presence? If you and I have become Christlike, it is going to be like heaven to be in our presence, because we have the spirit of self-sacrificing love inside.

The road is going to get rougher yet.

A Little Heaven

If the husband has the spirit of self-sacrificing love so that he is Christlike, it is going to be like heaven to be in his presence. If the wife has the spirit of self-sacrificing love like Jesus has, it is going to be like heaven to be in her presence. If both of them have the spirit of self-sacrificing love in their hearts, what is it going to be like in their home? Why, friend, it is going to be like heaven on earth!

I am glad Ellen White was so specific on this. “We may have a little heaven to go to heaven in, if Christ breathes upon us his Holy Spirit. His love will be with us, and we shall be acquainted with him, and can bring him into our families.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891.

At another time, Mrs. White counseled: “Parents, make your home a little heaven on earth. You can do this, if you so choose. You can make home so pleasant and cheerful that it will be the most attractive place on earth to your children. Let them receive all the blessings of the household. You can so relate yourselves to God that His Spirit will abide in your home. Come close to the bleeding side of the Man of Calvary. Those who are partakers with Him in His sufferings will at last be partakers with Him in His glory.” Sermons and Talks, vol. 2, 200.

Now the road is going to get really hard.

Consequences

What if your home is not like a little heaven to go to heaven in? Oh, friend, this is what we did not want to hear. If your home is not like that, if your home is not a little heaven to go to heaven in, at least one of the people in that home cannot go to heaven in the condition in which they are right now. Something to think about, is it not?

This spirit of self-sacrificing love cannot be forced on anybody. A husband cannot force his wife to love him; a wife cannot force her husband to love her; parents cannot force their children to love them. You cannot force it. It cannot be commanded.

Ellen White wrote, “The exercise of force is contrary to the principles of God’s government; He desires only the service of love; and love cannot be commanded; it cannot be won by force or authority. Only by love is love awakened. To know God is to love Him; His character must be manifested in contrast to the character of Satan. This work only one Being in all the universe could do. Only He who knew the height and depth of the love of God could make it known.” The Desire of Ages, 22.

Let us consider this in a very practical way for a moment. Some of you will be able to relate to this because you have children. A human baby is born to be loved, but the baby does not understand very much about love. The mother is supposed to know about love, and if the mother knows about love, the mother starts giving love to the baby. It is a wonderful thing to see. Every day, several times a day, the mother gives love to the baby. It is expressed in many different ways¾by touching, by stroking, by the expression on the face, by the tone of the voice, by giving food, by giving water, by making the baby comfortable. There is a reason that God made human babies so they require a lot of care. It is in the process of receiving that care that they learn what love is.

But the time comes when the baby starts to really respond to the mother’s love. It is very interesting to see this response. Why is the baby responding to the mother’s love? Because the baby has received so much love from the mother that now this baby has love to give back to the mother.

Now, let me ask you a serious question, albeit an awful question, but we need to face reality. What if the baby is born to a woman who is angry and bitter and does not have very much love to give? Do you know what will happen?

Let us read about it: “The reason why there are so many hard-hearted men and women in our world, is because true affection has been regarded as weakness, and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of those of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hard-hearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886.

How awful this is! Their happiness is buried forever, unless divine love can break through that ice.

“If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when he was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.” Ibid.

There are people all around us (I do not say this to judge anyone) especially in our time much more so than 50 years ago, who are spiritually and emotionally crippled, and they will be spiritually and emotionally crippled until Jesus comes, because of the spiritual and emotional damage that was inflicted on them from babyhood up through childhood.

I am not saying that those people cannot be saved. God can save people whether or not they are physically crippled or spiritually and emotionally crippled, but the fact remains that in this world they are spiritually and emotionally crippled.

I mention these things to hopefully be a little bit of help to those of you who are parents of small children. Do not repress or neglect
to give affection to your small children. If you do, they will grow up to be hard-hearted men and women. They will be emotionally crippled for the rest of their lives in this world.

To be continued . . .

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor John Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

The Essence of Heaven, Part II

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Ellen White counseled: “Parents, make your home a little heaven on earth. You can do this, if you so choose. . . . You can so relate yourselves to God that His Spirit will abide in your home. Come close to the bleeding side of the Man of Calvary. Those who are partakers with Him in His sufferings will at last be partakers with Him in His glory.” Sermons and Talks, vol. 2, 200. If your home is not a little heaven to go to heaven in, at least one of the people in that home cannot go to heaven in the condition in which they are right now.

Love Not Forced

The spirit of self-sacrificing love cannot be forced on anybody. A husband cannot force his wife to love him; a wife cannot force her husband to love her; parents cannot force children to love them. You cannot force it. It cannot be commanded.

Ellen White wrote, “The exercise of force is contrary to the principles of God’s government; He desires only the service of love; and love cannot be commanded; it cannot be won by force or authority. Only by love is love awakened. To know God is to love Him; His character must be manifested in contrast to the character of Satan. This work only one Being in all the universe could do. Only He who knew the height and depth of the love of God could make it known.” The Desire of Ages, 22.

Let us consider this in a very practical way for a moment. Some of you will be able to relate to this because you have children. Now, a human baby is born to be loved, but the baby does not understand very much about love. Some of the babies you see today you would think know nothing about love. Be that as it may be, no baby knows very much about love, but the mother is supposed to know about love, and if the mother knows about love, the mother starts giving love to the baby. It is a wonderful thing to see. Every day, several times a day, the mother gives love to the baby. It is expressed in many different ways¾by touching, by stroking, by the expression on the face, by the tone of the voice, by giving food, by giving water, by making the baby comfortable. There is a reason that God made human babies so they require a lot of care. It is in the process of receiving that care that they learn what love is.

But the time comes when the baby starts to really respond to the mother’s love. It is very interesting to see this response. Why is the baby responding to the mother’s love? Because the baby has received so much love from the mother that now this baby has love to give back to the mother.

Now, let me ask you a serious question, albeit an awful question, but we need to face reality. What if the baby is born to a woman who is angry and bitter and does not have very much love to give? Do you know what will happen?

Let us read about it: “The reason why there are so many hard-hearted men and women in our world, is because true affection has been regarded as weakness, and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of those of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hard-hearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886.

How awful this is! Their happiness is buried forever, unless Divine love can break through that ice.

“If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when he was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.” Ibid.

There are people all around us¾I do not say this to judge anyone¾especially in our time much more so than 50 years ago who are spiritually and emotionally crippled, and they will be spiritually and emotionally crippled until Jesus comes, because of the spiritual and emotional damage that was inflicted on them from babyhood up through childhood.

I am not saying that those people cannot be saved. God can save people whether or not they are physically crippled or spiritually and emotionally crippled, but the fact remains that in this world they are spiritually and emotionally crippled.

I mention these things to hopefully be a little bit of help to those of you who are parents of small children. Do not repress or neglect to give affection to your small children. If you do, they will grow up to be hard-hearted men and women. They will be emotionally crippled for the rest of their lives in this world.

Feminist Movement

The principle of sacrificing yourself for the good of others has special meaning and implications when discussing the marriage institution. Through my studies, I understand a little bit about what has happened in society since ancient Rome.

In the world today is something that is called the Feminist Movement. Most Seventh-day Adventist preachers seem to delight in condemning and criticizing the Feminist Movement. I am not saying that it is good; I am not trying to promote it, but I think it is right to recognize that it came as a reaction to a different extreme. What was the different extreme? Men said to their wives, “I am the head of the house; you do whatever I say.”

In my studies, I was shocked to see how different society was in the time of John Wesley (1703-1791). A man and his wife came to Wesley, the wife saying that her husband had been beating her. Wesley had a lady examine her, and sure enough, she was black and blue from her neck down to her feet. The husband declared, “I was full of faith while I was doing it,” and he was excused. His actions were considered to be all right. As an outgrowth of such action, some of the Methodist Christians decided that they needed to make a rule. This just shows you how far the human mind can go astray¾they decided that a man should not beat his wife with a rod that was thicker than his thumb. What kind of society was that?

It was in reaction to this kind of thinking that the Feminist Movement arose. The Feminist Movement, of course, goes to a different extreme. This whole idea of who is the boss, who is the greatest, and all this, is something that destroys the homes and marriages. It can destroy the whole universe if it gets out of hand.

Who Is In Control?

You see, that is part of the original controversy. Who is going to be boss? Jesus addressed this problem in Matthew 20:20-23, “Then there approached Him the mother of the sons of Zebedee with her sons, worshipping and desiring a certain thing from Him. And He said to her, ‘What do you want?’ She said to Him, ‘Grant in order that these my two sons may sit one at Your right hand and one at Your left in Your kingdom.’ Jesus answering said, ‘You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink of the cup that I am about to drink of, and the baptism that I am about to be baptized with?’ They say, ‘We are able.’ And He says to them, ‘You shall indeed drink of My cup and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with; but to sit on My right hand and on My left is not Mine to give, but it shall be given to those for whom it is prepared by My Father.’ ”

At the time Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, suffering in terrible agony, if He had gone to James and John and asked them, “Are you able to drink the cup that I am drinking, and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?” they would not have been so self-confident. But now, although He did not promise that He was going to give this honor to them, it still aroused trouble in the church. The apostles got very angry about it. We are told in verse 24, “And the ten, hearing, were indignant concerning the two brothers.”

Why were they angry? Because they wanted the top position too! This is the same thing that happens in the family. The husband and wife are fighting about who is going to get the final say on something.

Just Great or No. 1

Matthew 20 continues: “Jesus called them and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the nations lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. But it shall not be like this among you, but whoever wishes among you to be great, let him be your deacon.’ ” Verse 25. (A deacon is a middle-class servant.)

What if you do not want to be just great; what if you want to be No. 1? Jesus said, “If you want to be great, become a servant,” but then He goes on to say, in verse 27, “And whoever wishes among you to be first, let him be your doulos.” Now, a doulos was not a middle-class servant; a doulos was a slave or a bondservant. That was the lowest level of servanthood.

If you want to be great, Christ said that you should be a diakonos, a deacon. But if you want to be first, be a doulos, a bondservant. Are you catching on to what Jesus is saying? If you just want to be great, you can be a servant, but if you really want to be great, then you need to go even lower in servanthood.

Jesus demonstrated this in His own life. Who was the Majesty of heaven? Jesus Christ. He was the Majesty of heaven. The Father called Him, My One and only One¾He is Mine, and I am well pleased with Him. (11 Peter 1:17.)

Christ was the Majesty of heaven. He was equal with God the Father. There are still Christians arguing about this today. I am not interested in arguing about it, if somebody does not believe it. Inspired writings are very clear, in my understanding, that Jesus Christ is equal with the Father. (See Philippians 2:6.)

The One that is in first place in the universe left it all, and He came down to this earth for a wretch like me. And then, after He came down, He went to the cross for me. When He died on the cross, He had gone as low as anybody could go. You cannot go lower than that in servanthood.

If you read the New Testament in the Greek language, you will find that when Paul addresses the Christian churches, he refers to himself as a doulos of Jesus Christ every time except one—when he refers to himself as a deacon. He considered himself to be a bondservant, a slave of Jesus Christ.

If you and I do not learn the lesson being given here, we will never be in the kingdom of heaven. We can keep the Sabbath; we can pay tithe; but if we do not learn this, we will not be in the kingdom of heaven. This is the very essence of heaven. This is the essence of its bliss.

I do not know about you, but when I studied this subject, I recognized that I am not ready to go to heaven. I need a change inside; do you? Before we are ever going to have heaven on the outside, we have to have heaven on the inside.

Our Great Need

I would like to illustrate for you our great need and the great lack that we have of learning this principle in Adventism, because I know that we do not have it. I am not judging anybody, but I am going to show you now how I know we do not have it. Consider the words of Ellen White:

“We, living far down the passage of ages, have the privilege of studying the Old Testament in connection with the New. Our faith and courage should be strong as we see prophecies fulfilling. But how many there are who are unbelieving. How many there are who reveal selfishness and unkindness in their dealings with one another. How many professing Christians seem never to be satisfied unless they are engaged in strife. How many home circles are broken because the members receive and act upon Satan’s suggestions.

“No unpleasant words are spoken in heaven. There no unkind thoughts are cherished. There envy, evil surmising, hatred, and strife find no place. Perfect harmony pervades the heavenly courts.

“Well does Satan know what heaven is, and what the influence of the angels is. His work is to bring into every family the cruel elements of self-will, harshness, selfishness. Thus he seeks to destroy the happiness of the family. He knows that the spirit governing in the home will be brought into the church.

“Let the father and mother always be guarded in their words and actions. The husband is to treat his wife, the mother of his children, with due respect, and the wife is to love and reverence her husband. How can she do this if he treats her like a servant, to be dictated to, ordered about, scolded, found fault with before the children? He is forcing her to dislike him and even to hate him.

“May God help fathers and mothers to open the windows of the soul heavenward and let the sunshine of Christ into the homelife. Unless they do this, they will be surrounded by a mist and fog most injurious to spirituality.

“Fathers and mothers, bring sweetness and brightness and hopefulness into the lives of your children. Kindness and love will work wonders. Never punish a child in anger. When you do this, you are acting like grown-up children, who have not left behind them the unreasonableness of childhood. Will you strive earnestly to be able to say, ‘When I became a man, I put away childish things’?” The Upward Look, 163.

In every family the devil is trying to do something. He is trying to bring in dissension and the cruel principles of selfishness, because he knows that if he can bring his principles in¾that includes the principle where I am No. 1, and you have to make me happy—it will destroy the happiness of the family.

Devil’s Success

As a pastor, I visit families all over when I travel. I am sorry to tell you that the devil has been very successful among Seventh-day Adventist Christians. He has been so successful that the divorce rate among Seventh-day Adventists is about the same as it is in the world. (<en.allexperts.com/q/Seventh-Day-Adventists-2318/biblical-inquiry.htm> June 4, 2007.) If your home is a little heaven to go to heaven in, do you suppose divorce is going to happen? No, it will not.

Why is the devil so hard at work in every single family to bring in the cruel principles of selfishness, dissension, arguing and strife, and destroy the happiness of the family?

Ellen White, as we read in the book The Upward Look, has told us exactly what his goal and his objective is. He is not trying to bring in dissension and the cruel principles of selfishness and strife just because he wants to destroy your family. He has something much bigger in mind. She says that the devil knows that the same principles worked out in people’s families will be worked out in the church.

Now, let us think this through. If every family in the church has a little heaven to go to heaven in, because they are practicing the principles of self-sacrificing love with each other, then when all the families get together, is it going to be like hell or heaven? Of course, it is going to be like heaven! But the devil knows that whatever principles are acted out at home will be acted out in church.

As I travel and preach at different churches, I find that the churches are experiencing terrible trouble with strife and dissension. What does that tell us? We do not have to be real intelligent; we do not have to have a college education to figure it out; we do not have to be prophets. If there is strife and dissension in the church, that tells us that there is strife and dissension in the homes of the people in that church. What does that mean? It means we are not yet ready to go to heaven.

Prayer Needed

We have some praying to do. We need to pray that the Holy Spirit will come in and change our hearts. There is a passage from Ellen White’s writings that I repeat to myself every day: “The part of the Christian is to persevere in overcoming every fault. Constantly he is to pray to the Saviour to heal the disorders of his sin-sick soul.” The Acts of the Apostles, 532. I have told the Lord that if He has told me to pray that constantly, I am going to do it.

Do you want the disorders of your sin-sick soul to be healed? Oh, I want to tell you that when the disorder of the sin-sick soul of the wife is healed and when the disorder of the sin-sick soul of the husband is healed, something will change in the family. It will no longer be like purgatory in the home.

There will be a change within the church too. We are going to experience what the early believers called “the fellowship of the saints.” “We are to engage earnestly in a spiritual warfare which we do not consider as we should, and we fail to appreciate what it means. The confederacy of evil is arrayed against those who would fight the battles of the Lord.

“But we battle not alone. The fellowship of the saints in light is ours, the championship of the hosts of heaven is ours, and more than angels are on our side; for leading the ranks of his armies is the Captain of the Lord’s hosts. He is Commander of the battle, and as he leads his army to the fields of action, his voice is heard above the din of the battle and the strife, ‘Be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.’ [John 16:33.] Our leader is a conqueror. Advance, then, to victory.” Review and Herald, March 14, 1893.

May we learn the lesson of self-sacrificing love, which is the very essence of the bliss of heaven.

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor John Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Bible Study Guides – Planning Victorious Families

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May 19, 2019 – May 25, 2019

Key Text

“How shall we order the child, and how shall we do unto him?” (Judges 13:12).

Study Help: The Ministry of Healing, 371–378; Selected Messages, Book 2, 420–433.

Introduction

“In cultivating that which is best in themselves, parents are exerting an influence to mold society and to uplift future generations. …

“Even before the birth of the child, the preparation should begin that will enable it to fight successfully the battle against evil.” The Ministry of Healing, 371.

Sunday

GUIDANCE FOR BOTH PARENTS

  • What was the instruction given by the angel of the Lord to Manoah’s wife, and how did she and her husband both reveal their zeal to honor the Lord? Judges 13:2–12.

Note: “Let every mother go often to her Saviour with the prayer, ‘Teach us, how shall we order the child, and what shall we do unto him?’ Let her heed the instruction which God has given in His word, and wisdom will be given her as she shall have need.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 573.

“Upon fathers as well as mothers rests a responsibility for the child’s earlier as well as its later training, and for both parents the demand for careful and thorough preparation is most urgent. Before taking upon themselves the possibilities of fatherhood and motherhood, men and women should become acquainted with the laws of physical development—with physiology and hygiene, with the bearing of prenatal influences, with the laws of heredity, sanitation, dress, exercise, and the treatment of disease; they should also understand the laws of mental development and moral training.” Education, 276.

Monday

A SOLEMN RESPONSIBILITY

  • What counsel was repeated to both parents? Why? Judges 13:13, 14, 24.

Note: “The well-being of the child will be affected by the habits of the mother. Her appetites and passions are to be controlled by principle. There is something for her to shun, something for her to work against, if she fulfills God’s purpose for her in giving her a child. If before the birth of her child she is self-indulgent, if she is selfish, impatient, and exacting, these traits will be reflected in the disposition of the child. Thus many children have received as a birthright almost unconquerable tendencies to evil.

“But if the mother unswervingly adheres to right principles, if she is temperate and self-denying, if she is kind, gentle, and unselfish, she may give her child these same precious traits of character.” The Ministry of Healing, 372, 373.

“It was not enough that Samson, the child who was to deliver Israel, should have a good legacy at his birth. This was to be followed by careful training. From infancy he was to be trained to habits of strict temperance.” Ibid., 379.

  • Why is the privilege of parenthood a very solemn matter? Psalm 127:3.

Note: “The father should bear in mind that the treatment of his wife before the birth of his offspring will materially affect the disposition of the mother during that period, and will have very much to do with the character developed by the child after its birth. Many fathers have been so anxious to obtain property fast that higher considerations have been sacrificed, and some men have been criminally neglectful of the mother and her offspring, and too frequently the lives of both have been sacrificed to the strong desire to accumulate wealth. Many do not immediately suffer this heavy penalty for their wrong doing, and are asleep as to the result of their course. The condition of the wife is sometimes no better than that of a slave, and sometimes she is equally guilty with the husband, of squandering physical strength, to obtain means to live fashionably. It is a crime for such to have children, for their offspring will often be deficient in physical, mental, and moral worth, and will bear the miserable, close, selfish impress of their parents, and the world will be cursed with their meanness.” Selected Messages, Book 2, 428, 429.

Tuesday

LABORING FOR SPIRITUAL SUCCESS

  • Name some keys to enjoying greater peace in family life. Philippians 4:5–8.

Note: “The mother, before the birth of her children, is often permitted to labor beyond her strength. Her burdens and cares are seldom lessened, and that period, which should be to her of all others, a time of rest, is one of fatigue, sadness, and gloom. By too great exertion on her part, she deprives her offspring of that nutrition which nature has provided for it, and by heating her blood, she imparts to it, a bad quality of blood. The offspring is robbed of its vitality, robbed of physical and mental strength. The father should study how to make the mother happy. He should not allow himself to come to his home with a clouded brow.” Selected Messages, Book 2, 427, 428.

“It is the duty of men and women to act with reason in regard to their labor. They should not exhaust their energies unnecessarily, for by doing this, they not only bring suffering upon themselves but, by their errors, bring anxiety, weariness, and suffering upon those they love. What calls for such an amount of labor? Intemperance in eating, and in drinking, and the desire for wealth have led to this intemperance in labor.” Ibid., 429.

“Mothers, let your countenance be full of sunshine. Smile, if you can, and the infant’s mind and heart will reflect the light of your countenance.” The Adventist Home, 436.

  • Why did Israel urgently need to produce valiant men, and how does a similar need exist today? Judges 13:1; Jeremiah 2:12–14; 1 Corinthians 3:3.

Note: “The greatest want of the world is the want of men—men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.

“But such a character is not the result of accident; it is not due to special favors or endowments of Providence. A noble character is the result of self-discipline, of the subjection of the lower to the higher nature—the surrender of self for the service of love to God and man.” Education, 57.

Wednesday

THE INFLUENCE OF ASSOCIATION

  • What request did Samson make of his parents? Judges 14:1–3. Despite their good intentions, what perils might Samson’s parents have overlooked? 1 Corinthians 15:33.

 Note: “The town of Zorah being near the country of the Philistines, Samson came to mingle with them on friendly terms. Thus in his youth intimacies sprang up, the influence of which darkened his whole life.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 562.

“Great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions. Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of your service to God, and many souls are ruined by unhappy unions … with those who can never elevate or ennoble.” Messages to Young People, 436.

“Fathers and mothers should feel that a duty devolves upon them to guide the affections of the youth, that they may be placed upon those who will be suitable companions. They should feel it a duty, by their own teaching and example, with the assisting grace of God, to so mold the character of the children from their earliest years that they will be pure and noble, and will be attracted to the good and true. Like attracts like; like appreciates like. Let the love for truth and  purity and goodness be early implanted in the soul, and the youth will seek the society of those who possess these characteristics.” Ibid., 466.

“While we shall not cease to warn and entreat and try to present the truth to the parents who are unbelievers, to mix and mingle with them in association will be to the ruin of your children.” Manuscript Releases, vol. 9, 74.

“Fathers and mothers, do you realize the importance of the responsibility resting on you? Do you allow your children to associate with other children without being present to know what kind of education they are receiving? Do not allow them to be alone with other children.” Child Guidance, 114.

  • Who was responsible for the unhappiness in Samson’s life? Galatians 6:5, 7.

Note: “Had Samson as faithfully obeyed the divine commands as faithfully as his parents had done, his would have been a nobler and happier destiny. But association with idolaters corrupted him.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 562.

Thursday

GUIDANCE AVAILABLE

  • Why does God forbid marriage of believers to unbelievers? What have been the results of such alliances? Judges 3:5–8; Deuteronomy 7:3; Nehemiah 13:23–26.

Note: “Never marry an unbeliever.” Our High Calling, 257.

“The Lord has in His word plainly instructed His people not to unite themselves with those who have not His love and fear before them. Such companions will seldom be satisfied with the love and respect which are justly theirs. They will constantly seek to gain from the God-fearing wife or husband some favor which shall involve a disregard of the divine requirements. To a godly man, and to the church with which he is connected, a worldly wife or a worldly friend is as a spy in the camp, who will watch every opportunity to betray the servant of Christ, and expose him to the enemy’s attacks.” The Signs of the Times, October 6, 1881.

  • What should Christians prayerfully consider when seeking a spouse? 2 Corinthians 6:14–18; 1 Corinthians 7:39.

Note: “In ancient times marriage engagements were generally made by the parents, and this was the custom among those who worshiped God. None were required to marry those whom they could not love; but in the bestowal of their affections the youth were guided by the judgment of their experienced, God-fearing parents. It was regarded as a dishonor to parents, and even a crime, to pursue a course contrary to this.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 171.

Friday

PERSONAL REVIEW QUESTIONS

1     What knowledge better equips future parents to give children a strong foundation?

2    What types of circumstances make childbearing inadvisable?

3    Explain the secret of how God-fearing integrity is developed.

4    Why is it so important to be vigilant about associations formed in youth?

5    What guidelines are important in choosing a spouse?

 

© 2018, Reformation Herald Publishing Association, 5240 Hollins Road, Roanoke, Virginia 24019-5048, U.S.A.

The Self-Recrimination of a Mother

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My daughters often give me tokens of their love and appreciation. As I write this article I have a lovingly-made, hand-crafted piece of art hanging on my refrigerator that says, “Mom, you are the best mother in the whole world!” My two-year-old son has a multi-sensory approach to sharing his love—smiles, giggles and kisses.

Not only do I have devoted admirers in my children, but my husband has told me that I am the best wife and mother in the world. Being the honest soul that he is, he did qualify his statement. He said that it is theoretically possible that there could be a better wife and mother somewhere in the world, but he certainly did not know who it would be. And if there were someone, or even a few women who might be better, I would certainly be in a very select group.

Imperfect and Inadequate

One would expect that with such affection from my loving family (who clearly wear rose-colored glasses), I would be quite confident of my abilities to be a successful wife and mother. But often I find myself painfully aware of my inadequacies and defects.

Likely, not a day goes by that I do not wish I were better able to fulfill my duties as a wife and mother. My thoughts run along the lines of: “If only I could better organize our home. If only I had more time for Bible study. If only I were more patient. If only I could be a better example for my children. If only I would bring a more cheerful atmosphere into the home. If only I were more efficient. If only. Yes, if only I could be a better wife and mother.”

There are days I do not experience feelings of accomplishment or success. Survival seems to be the sought-after achievement of these “if only” days. Endeavoring to train my children for the service of God; trying to keep up with feeding, clothing, bathing, educating, and loving my children; as well as managing our money, trying to be a good wife, helping at church, trying to be a good neighbor and witnessing in the community sometimes feels like plugging the leaks in a breaking dam! Why is it that I cannot seem to do it all and do it well? Is this really what Christian motherhood is supposed to be like? Why do I never feel good enough no matter what my children and husband say?

The Cause of Self-recrimination

Recently, I read from a chapter about teachers out of the treasured volume, Education. I thought I should read it, due to the fact that I homeschool our children; because I am not only their mother, but also their teacher. After reading about the qualities and characteristics of the ideal teacher, my heart sank. It presented such a high ideal, one that I do not come close to reaching. At the end of the chapter, however, I read an insight that helped me understand why I struggle with self-recrimination. It is written for teachers, but it is just as applicable to mothers, who, after all, are a child’s first teacher.

“The deeper the sense of responsibility, and the more earnest the effort for self-improvement, the more clearly will the teacher perceive and the more keenly regret the defects that hinder his usefulness. As he beholds the magnitude of his work, its difficulties and possibilities, often will his heart cry out, ‘Who is sufficient for these things?’ ” Education, 281, 282.

Why are we, as mothers, so acutely sensitive of our faults and imperfections? The answer is that we feel so keenly because we care so deeply. We crave to be the best for our children.

My fellow mother, if you are intensely aware of your shortcomings, if you struggle with self-recrimination, take heart. God knows the desires of your heart. He knows how much you want to please Him. He knows how you long to do better work and how you want to lead your children into a saving relationship with Him.

The Cure for Self-recrimination

I continued reading in Education and found that God not only understands the cause of my feelings of inadequacy, but He also longs to give me His power to look past those feelings. He wants me to continue my earnest endeavor for self-improvement, but He wants me to look outside of myself, beyond my faultiness, to Him and the power in His promises.

“… As you consider your need of strength and guidance,—need that no human source can supply … consider the promises of Him who is the wonderful Counselor.” Education, 282.

I have found the most valuable and practical instruction regarding motherhood in the Spirit of Prophecy. I believe in studying Bible prophecy and Bible doctrines. I enjoy reading from devotionals. But as mothers, we should regularly be studying what the inspired writings teach about motherhood. God knows the challenges of mothers. The role of mothers is the most important in the world. And because it is so important, God has left specific counsel just for mothers. From that counsel, we should glean the precious promises. They will cheer our hearts and give us courage.

There is power in God’s promises. It is real power. It is physical power to accomplish a day’s work. It is mental power to think and work efficiently. It is spiritual power to overcome our character defects. It is transferable power that works through us to mold and shape the hearts and minds of our children. In short, it is power to reflect the character of Jesus.

Results of Using the Cure

The chapter in Education that gave me insight into the cause of self-recrimination, as well as the cure, closes with a wonderful promise of secret power to those who implement the sure remedy.

“… As the highest preparation for your work, I point you to the words, the life, the methods, of the Prince of teachers. I bid you consider Him. Here is your true ideal. Behold it, dwell upon it, until the Spirit of the divine Teacher shall take possession of your heart and life.

“ ‘Reflecting as a mirror the glory of the Lord,’ you will be ‘transformed into the same image.’ II Corinthians 3:18, R.V.

“This is the secret of power over your pupils [children]. Reflect Him. …” Education, 282.

Mothers, I challenge you to implement the cure for self-recrimination. In the daily struggle of motherhood, take time to focus on the promises of God and less on your defects and unworthiness. Claim God’s promises as your own. Trust Him with all your shortcomings. Dwell on Jesus’ perfect character. As you trust Him, as you dwell on His character, your children will see Jesus’ power working through you. A secret power will come over them—a power that will work to fulfill your greatest desire—the salvation of your children.

Teresa Grosboll writes from her home in Camas, Washington, where she lives with her supportive husband, their two loving daughters and energetic two-year-old son. She may be contacted via e-mail at grosbolls@yahoo.com.

Pen of Inspiration – Foundations

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Parental Government to Be a Study

The work of the parent is seldom done as it should be. … Parents, have you studied parental government that you may wisely train the will and impulse of your children? Teach the young tendrils to entwine about God for support. It is not enough that you say, Do this, or, Do that, and then become utterly regardless and forgetful of what you have required, and the children are not careful to do your commands. Prepare the way for your child to obey your commands cheerfully; teach the tendrils to cling to Jesus. … Teach them to ask the Lord to help them in the little things of life; to be wide awake to see the small duties which need to be done; to be helpful in the home. If you do not educate them, there is one who will, for Satan is watching his opportunity to sow the seeds of tares in the heart.

Approach Task With Restful Spirit and Loving Heart

My sister, has God entrusted you with the responsibilities of a mother? … You need to learn right methods and acquire tact for the training of your little ones, that they may keep the way of the Lord. You need to seek constantly the highest culture of mind and soul, that you may bring to the education and training of your children a restful spirit, a loving heart; that you may imbue them with pure aspirations, and cultivate in them a love for things honest and pure and holy. As a humble child of God, learn in the school of Christ; seek constantly to improve your powers, that you may do the most perfect, thorough work at home, by both precept and example.

The Effect of a Quiet, Gentle Manner

Few realize the effect of a mild, firm manner, even in the care of an infant. The fretful, impatient mother or nurse creates peevishness in the child in her arms, whereas a gentle manner tends to quiet the nerves of the little one.

Theories Are to Be Tested

The study of books will be of little benefit, unless the ideas gained can be carried out in practical life. And yet the most valuable suggestions of others should not be adopted without thought and discrimination. They may not be equally adapted to the circumstances of every mother, or to the peculiar disposition or temperament of each child in the family. Let the mother study with care the experience of others, note the difference between their methods and her own, and carefully test those that appear to be of real value.

Methods Employed in Ancient Times

From the earliest times the faithful in Israel had given much attention to the matter of education. The Lord had directed that the children, even from babyhood, should be taught of His goodness and His greatness, especially as revealed in His law and shown in the history of Israel. Through song and prayer, and lessons from the Scriptures, adapted to the opening mind, fathers and mothers were to instruct their children that the law of God is an expression of His character, and that as they received the principles of the law into the heart, the image of God was traced on mind and soul. In both the school and the home, much of the teaching was oral, but the youth also learned to read the Hebrew writings; and the parchment rolls of the Old Testament Scriptures were open to their study.

Teach With Kindliness and Affection

It is the special work of fathers and mothers to teach their children with kindliness and affection. They are to show that as parents they are the ones to hold the lines, to govern, and not to be governed by their children. They are to teach that obedience is required of them.

The restless spirit naturally inclines to mischief; the active mind, if left unoccupied with better things, will give heed to that which Satan may suggest. The children need … to be instructed, to be guided in safe paths, to be kept from vice, to be won by kindness, and be confirmed in well-doing.

Fathers and mothers, you have a solemn work to do. The eternal salvation of your children depends upon your course of action. How will you successfully educate your children? Not by scolding, for it will do no good. Talk to your children as if you had confidence in their intelligence. Deal with them kindly, tenderly, lovingly. Tell them what God would have them do. Tell them that God would have them educated and trained to be laborers together with Him. When you act your part, you can trust the Lord to act His part.

Take Time to Reason

Every mother should take time to reason with her children, to correct their errors, and patiently teach them the right way.

Vary the Manner of Instruction

The greatest care should be taken in the education of youth, to vary the manner of instruction so as to call forth the high and noble powers of the mind. … There are very few who realize the most essential wants of the mind, and how to direct the developing intellect, the growing thoughts and feelings of youth.

Teach the First Lessons in the Out-of-doors

Mothers, let the little ones play in the open air; let them listen to the songs of the birds and learn the love of God as expressed in His beautiful works. Teach them simple lessons from the book of nature and the things about them; and as their minds expand, lessons from books may be added and firmly fixed in their memory.

The cultivation of the soil is good work for children and youth. It brings them into direct contact with nature and nature’s God. And that they may have this advantage, there should be, as far as possible, in connection with our schools, large flower gardens and extensive lands for cultivation.

An education amid such surroundings is in accordance with the directions which God has given for the instruction of youth. …

To the nervous child or youth, who finds lessons from books exhausting and hard to remember, it will be especially valuable. There is health and happiness for him in the study of nature; and the impressions made will not fade out of his mind, for they will be associated with objects that are continually before his eyes.

Make Lessons Short and Interesting

When parents thoroughly act their part, giving them line upon line, and precept upon precept, making their lessons short and interesting, and teaching them not only by precept but by example, the Lord will work with their efforts and make them efficient teachers.

Say It Simply; Say It Often

Those who instruct children should avoid tedious remarks. Short remarks and to the point will have a happy influence. If much is to be said, make up for briefness by frequency. A few words of interest, now and then, will be more beneficial than to have it all at once. Long speeches burden the small minds of children. Too much talk will lead them to loathe even spiritual instruction, just as overeating burdens the stomach and lessens the appetite, leading even to a loathing of food. The minds of the people may be glutted with too much speechifying.

Encourage Independent Thinking

While the children and youth gain a knowledge of facts from teachers and textbooks, let them learn to draw lessons and discern truth for themselves. In their gardening, question them as to what they learn from the care of their plants. As they look on a beautiful landscape, ask them why God clothed the fields and woods with such lovely and varied hues. Why was not all colored a somber brown? When they gather the flowers, lead them to think why He spared us the beauty of these wanderers from Eden. Teach them to notice the evidences everywhere manifest in nature of God’s thought for us, the wonderful adaptation of all things to our need and happiness.

Direct Childhood Activity

Parents need not feel that it is necessary to repress the activity of their children, but they are to understand that it is essential to guide and train them in right and proper directions. These active impulses are like the vines, that, if untrained, will run over every stump and brush, and fasten their tendrils upon low supports. If the vines are not trained about some proper support, they waste their energies to no purpose. So it is with children. Their activities must be trained in the right direction. Give their hands and minds something to do that will advance them in physical and mental attainments.

Teach Helpfulness at an Early Age

Very early the lesson of helpfulness should be taught the child. As soon as strength and reasoning power are sufficiently developed, he should be given duties to perform in the home. He should be encouraged in trying to help father and mother, encouraged to deny and to control himself, to put others’ happiness and convenience before his own, to watch for opportunities to cheer and assist brothers and sisters and playmates, and to show kindness to the aged, the sick, and the unfortunate. The more fully the spirit of true ministry pervades the home, the more fully it will be developed in the lives of the children. They will learn to find joy in service and sacrifice for the good of others.

Parents, help your children to do the will of God by being faithful in the performance of the duties which really belong to them as members of the family. This will give them a most valuable experience. It will teach them that they are not to center their thoughts upon themselves, to do their own pleasure, or to amuse themselves. Patiently educate them to act their part in the family circle.

Fashion Character by Little Attentions, Often Repeated

Parents, in the training of your children, study the lessons that God has given in nature. If you would train a pink, or rose, or lily, how would you do it? Ask the gardener by what process he makes every branch and leaf to flourish so beautifully, and to develop in symmetry and loveliness. He will tell you that it was by no rude touch, no violent effort; for this would only break the delicate stems. It was by little attentions, often repeated. He moistened the soil and protected the growing plants from the fierce blasts and from the scorching sun, and God caused them to flourish and to blossom into loveliness. In dealing with your children, follow the method of the gardener. By gentle touches, by loving ministrations, seek to fashion their characters after the pattern of the character of Christ.

Give Attention to Little Things

What a great mistake is made in the education of children and youth, in favoring, indulging, and petting them! They become selfish and inefficient, and lack energy in the little things of life. They are not trained to acquire strength of character by the performance of everyday duties, lowly though they may be. …

No one is qualified for great and important work, unless he has been faithful in the performance of little duties. It is by degrees that the character is formed, and that the soul is trained to put forth effort and energy proportionate to the task which is to be accomplished.

Talented Children Require Greater Care

We should imprint upon our children’s minds that they are not their own, to go, and to come, and dress, and act, as they please. … If they possess personal attractions and rare natural abilities, greater care should be taken in their education, lest these endowments be turned to a curse, and are so used as to disqualify them for the sober realities of this life, and, through flattery and vanity and love of display, unfit them for the better life.

Refrain From Undue Notice or Flattery

Give children but little notice. Let them learn to amuse themselves. Do not put them on exhibition before visitors as prodigies of wit or wisdom, but leave them as far as possible to the simplicity of their childhood. One great reason why so many children are forward, bold, and impertinent is they are noticed and praised too much, and their smart, sharp sayings repeated in their hearing. Endeavor not to censure unduly, nor to overwhelm with praise and flattery. Satan will all too soon sow evil seed in their young hearts, and you should not aid him in his work.

Read to Your Children

Fathers and mothers, obtain all the help you can from the study of our books and publications. Take time to read to your children. … Form a home reading circle, in which every member of the family shall lay aside the busy cares of the day, and unite in study. Especially will the youth who have been accustomed to reading novels and cheap storybooks receive benefit from joining in the evening family study.

“Train,” Not “Tell”

To parents is committed the great work of educating and training their children for the future, immortal life. Many fathers and mothers seem to think that if they feed and clothe their little ones, and educate them according to the standard of the world, they have done their duty. They are too much occupied with business or pleasure to make the education of their children the study of their lives. They do not seek to train them so that they will employ their talents for the honor of their Redeemer. Solomon did not say, “Tell a child the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” But, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Educate for Self-control

No work ever undertaken by man requires greater care and skill than the proper training and education of youth and children. There are no influences so potent as those which surround us in our early years. … The nature of man is threefold, and the training enjoined by Solomon comprehends the right development of the physical, intellectual, and moral powers. To perform this work aright, parents and teachers must themselves understand “the way the child should go.” This embraces more than a knowledge of books or the learning of the schools. It comprehends the practice of temperance, brotherly kindness, and godliness; the discharge of our duty to ourselves, to our neighbors, and to God.

The training of children must be conducted on a different principle from that which governs the training of irrational animals. The brute has only to be accustomed to submit to its master, but the child must be taught to control himself. The will must be trained to obey the dictates of reason and conscience. A child may be so disciplined as to have, like the beast, no will of its own, his individuality being lost in that of his teacher. Such training is unwise, and its effect disastrous. Children thus educated will be deficient in firmness and decision. They are not taught to act from principle; the reasoning powers are not strengthened by exercise. So far as possible, every child should be trained to self-reliance. By calling into exercise the various faculties, he will learn where he is strongest, and in what he is deficient. A wise instructor will give special attention to the development of the weaker traits, that the child may form a well-balanced, harmonious character. Child Guidance, 31–39.

Raise up a Child

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Family—the standards of society are set by its members. In turn, the members of society stem from individual families, and it is in the family that the individual has learned to live. The standard of his morals are largely developed and integrated by the habits he has formed due to the influence of his home environment.

At the present time, our world is suffering from a downfall of morals. Children and adults are just what they think, say and do, which is all a product of what they put into their minds. They are listening to pagan music, looking at pictures of people sparsely dressed, and watching TV programs of murders and immorality. Their minds are damaged by what they see and hear; then their words and actions fall into line with what they allow themselves to dwell upon. A home that has a TV for children to look at, even if the parents think it is governed, allows influences that will produce undesirable results.

One of the most blessed things the Lord did for humanity was to create the family. It was made for joy, for the accomplishment of goals in life and, most important of all, to teach us of the love of God and how to fit into society. We are in need today of just such homes, homes where children are trained to love and fear God and to love their fellow men. We are told by the pen of inspiration that, “The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to mankind. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities.

“Every home should be a place of love, a place where the angels of God abide, working with softening, subduing influence upon the hearts of parents and children.

“Our homes must be made a Bethel, our hearts a shrine. Wherever the love of God is cherished in the soul, there will be peace, there will be light and joy. Spread out the word of God before your families in love, and ask, ‘What hath God spoken?’ ” The Adventist Home, 18, 19.

“The greatest evidence of the power of Christianity that can be presented to the world is a well-ordered, well-disciplined family. This will recommend the truth as nothing else can, for it is a living witness of its practical power upon the heart. … The best test of the Christianity of a home is the type of character begotten by its influence. Actions speak louder than the most positive profession of godliness. … A well-ordered, a well-disciplined family in the sight of God is more precious than fine gold, even than the golden wedge of Ophir.” Ibid., 32.

Now we need a few tips on how we might accomplish such an arduous task. Every child is born with its own mind, its own will and stamina, its own personality; and it is up to the parents to understand. Parents must pattern their home and teaching after the principles laid out in the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy.

“Mothers, take your rightful position as a loving teacher of your children. Remember that the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that moves the world. Never give expression to words of anger. Keep a cheerful countenance. Children are very susceptible to expressions of joy and sorrow.” Sermons and Talks, vol. 2,198.

There was once a mother who had three children. She nursed those babies. She read to them from the Spirit of Prophecy, and by the time the oldest one was six months old, he had heard the entire book, The Desire of Ages. These children grew up loving to read Ellen White’s writings.

Children need to be guided and restricted in many things, but it is very important that as soon as a child begins to think, he or she is given the opportunity to do some choosing for himself or herself, and after the child has been given the privilege of choosing, do not deny him his choice. He needs to learn to make decisions, so you must allow his little mind to work with proper guidance.

Another tip about raising children is that they should never be told that they are naughty or that they are bad. They may have done some naughty thing or something that is bad, but never, never tell them that they are bad. Always point them to something better and let them know that what they did was bad or naughty. But don’t tell the child that he is bad or naughty. You may tell him or her that he or she is too good to do such a naughty thing. Let him know that when he makes a mistake he has to pay for it. And when disciplining a child, never speak in an angry tone of voice. Offer up a silent prayer for the Lord to help you not to lose your temper, as children can be very trying at times. These trying experiences are to help us learn the patience that is needed if we are ever to hear the words, “Here is the patience of the saints” [Revelation 14:12.] spoken to us.

Another caution that is important is to never tell a child a lie, such as, “Santa Clause is coming,” or “A big black bear will get you if you are naughty,” or such stories as “Little Red Riding Hood.” She never existed, and they don’t need to know about her. Tell the children the truth; when they are older they will thank you for that.

The most important element in the home is love. Parents, if you think you don’t love each other, go to the Lord in prayer. A very dear family once struggled with this very issue. The wife said that after they were married she found that she really didn’t love her husband and detested having him around; she would have run away from it all, but she did want to be a true Christian, so she began to pray about the situation. At the time she was telling me about this, she said, “You know, Jesus answered my prayers and now I love my husband dearly.” All true love comes from God.

Our children need to see love, and they need to experience love in the home. They also need to know that they are individuals with their own personality, and are forming their own habits, and are responsible for the things they do.

A member of Steps to Life staff, Ruth Grosboll is a retired registered nurse. She worked for many years with her husband in the mission field. She may be contacted by e-mail at: ruthgrosboll@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

The Ten Commandments, Part IV: Idol Worship is Bad News

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“You shall not make for your self a carved image [an idol]—any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth.” (Deuteronomy 5:8.)

The created is not to become the object of worship. The sun, the moon, and the stars in the heavens have been made objects of worship. The creatures of the earth and the creatures in the water have been made objects of worship, but God said, “No!” The reason is spelled out in the next verse, which says, “For I, the Lord thy God, [am] a jealous God.” Deuteronomy 5:9. (What it means for God to be a jealous God was discussed in the first article of this series.)

The second commandment is enforced by a threatened penalty and sustained by a precious promise. “I the Lord thy God [am] a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth [generation] of them that hate me, And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments.” Verses 9, 10.

Sins of the Parents

This is a very troubling statement to many people. They feel that it is an arbitrary decree, but it is not. It is the unalterable, eternal law of heredity and environment that the sins and the faults of the parents are handed down to their children and, in many ways, cannot be escaped.

Many children who have grown up in an alcoholic home hate alcoholism. But the environment, the setting, the passions, and the attitudes are passed on to those children, and, usually, 80 percent of children who grow up in alcoholic homes will become alcoholics. It is just the way it works. We grow up in a home with certain kinds of attitudes—whatever those attitudes may be—and those things are handed down to us, to our children, and to our children’s children. This is why the old story of the Hatfields and the McCoys is perpetual. The hatreds are passed on from generation to generation, and, many times, the current generation does not even realize why they have the hatreds.

The Christian call is for us to come to God’s Word, learn what He asks and requires of us, and then look at ourselves in the mirror of His Law. Are we then to ask, “What is my life all about? I see that I am a sinner, but I am incapable of dealing with this issue. Am I to be eternally lost? Should I just fall down in a pool of discouragement and say, ‘There is no help for me’?” No! In 11 Corinthians 5:17, we read: “If anyone [is] in Christ, [he is] a new creation.” We have another chance by being born again and growing up into the full stature and the measure of a person in Christ Jesus, as we are told in Ephesians 4:15.

This life changing experience can happen at the age of 12 years, or it can happen at 80 years. Even in older years, we can still go through this process of changing and maturing in the person of the Lord Jesus Christ. If you are young, God will allow the miracle to grow slower. If you are old, He will pour a lot of “fertilizer” on it, and you will grow very quickly. God has an answer for everything!

These sinful tendencies, which parents have passed on to the children, will be passed on and on, unless Christ intervenes in the lives. This is one of the reasons we hear little sayings such as, “He is acting just like his father,” or, “She is following in her mother’s footsteps.” But it does not have to be that way.

Idol of Fashion

Fashion, in its broadest sense, embraces idolatry. The word fashion means, “to conform to the prevailing modes, practices, and customs of the world.” Worldly fashions have to do chiefly with garments and ornaments with which the body is clothed and bedecked. Usually, we find that all exhibitions of pride and dress, which are contrary to the Word of God, constitute a species of idolatry, and God’s Word declares it so. This is why we, as Seventh-day Adventists, have special counsel relative to the areas of fashion, dress, and adornment. Those things constitute a species of idolatry, which is a transgression of the second commandment.

It is upon the Ten Commandments that hang all the law and the prophets. This second commandment is very profound. Women, as well as men, can be slaves to the idol of fashion. Your adornment should not be an outward thing; it should not be a display of ornaments and articles of dress.

Casebook/Codebook

When I attended Walla Walla College in Walla Walla, Washington, I had a professor by the name of Alden Thompson. Several years after I graduated, he wrote a book entitled, God’s Word: Casebook or Codebook? Codebook meaning that the Bible is just a code of laws and prohibitions, a code of “Thou shalt nots.” Casebook meaning the case histories of how God relates to the sinner through all the failings and difficulties that man encounters. Both aspects are found in the Bible. It is indeed a codebook, and it is indeed a casebook as well!

Nothing New

While studying recently, in the Book of Exodus, I came across something very interesting, in regard to the concept of casebook. Let us see if we can figure out what it was that was so displeasing to God, as we read this passage: “And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for [as for] this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.” Exodus 32:1.

What struck my interest is the next recorded event: “And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which [are] in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring [them] unto me.” Verse 2.

When I read this, I thought, “Surely there is nothing new under the sun!” Idolatry is a perpetual kind of thing that keeps reaping generation after generation after generation. I do not know about you, but I was very dismayed when I first saw an earring in a male’s ear. Then they began showing up in women’s noses; I have witnessed women with multiple earrings from the tops to the bottoms of their ears. From this text in Exodus, take note that this kind of ornamentation is a form of idolatry.

One Sin Leads to Another

“And all the people brake off the golden earrings which [were] in their ears, and brought [them] unto Aaron. And he received [them] at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These [be] thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt. And when Aaron saw [it], he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, To morrow [is] a feast to the Lord.” Verses 3–5. Here was this object, fashioned by their hands, and they held it up before the children of Israel as that which represented Jehovah God! Is it not almost incomprehensible? Yet it took place.

“And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings;”—you can imagine—“and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.” Verse 6. One thing leads to another. If you break one of the commandments, you have broken them all. “He who willfully breaks one commandment, does not, in spirit and truth, keep any of them. ‘Whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.’ James 2:10.” Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, 51.

“And the Lord said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted [themselves]: They have turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them: they have made them a molten calf, and have worshipped it, and have sacrificed thereunto, and said, These [be] thy gods, O Israel, which have brought thee up out of the land of Egypt. And the Lord said unto Moses, I have seen this people, and, behold, it [is] a stiffnecked people: Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them: and I will make of thee a great nation. And Moses besought the Lord his God, and said, Lord, why doth thy wrath wax hot against thy people, which thou hast brought forth out of the land of Egypt with great power, and with a mighty hand? Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people. Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, thy servants, to whom thou swarest by thine own self, and saidst unto them, I will multiply your seed as the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have spoken of will I give unto your seed, and they shall inherit [it] for ever. And the Lord repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people. And Moses turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony [were] in his hand: the tables [were] written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other [were] they written. And the tables [were] the work of God, and the writing [was] the writing of God, graven upon the tables. And when Joshua heard the noise of the people as they shouted, he said unto Moses, [There is] a noise of war in the camp.” Exodus 32:7–17.

Do you know what was taking place? They were shouting and singing and dancing. Verse 18 continues, “And he said, [It is] not the voice of [them that] shout for mastery, neither [is it] the voice of [them that] cry for being overcome: [but] the noise of [them that] sing do I hear.”

Then it goes on to tell how they not only became involved in the breaking of the second commandment but also got involved in singing and drinking and dancing, finally stripping off their clothes! “Moses saw that the people [were] naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto [their] shame among their enemies.)” Verse 25.

The second commandment is very deep. It is so deep that we will deal with more aspects of it in another article. God has a message for His people, as far as the second commandment is concerned. It was not just for the Old Testament Jews, because we can see that many of the issues to which the second commandment speaks are very relevant to us today. It is only as we come up to the standard to which God calls us that we will find His acceptance.

To be continued . . .