family

First Things First

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[Editor’s Note: This sermon was presented at the Steps to Life Camp Meeting, July 2003. The conversational style of the speaker has been preserved.]

In case you do not know it, homes in America have been falling apart by the hundreds and thousands. That is not new. Homes have been under siege since the Garden of Eden. We find that almost every day we are assaulted with news stories about mothers drowning their children so they can run off with their lovers. Husbands and wives are killing each other; fathers and mothers are locking their children in dingy, stinky closets where the children live in filth.

We have to ask ourselves, What is really going on in the minds of human beings today? Well, we would say it is the signs of the times. Yes, it is the signs of the times. Jesus could see what would happen near the end of time, and He prophetically gave us insight into those things. He gave us this insight so when we would see these things come to pass, we would begin to understand that the Bible is true, and we would prepare our lives to meet Jesus when He returns.

I really believe, and I have been a pastor long enough to know, that in the heart of every one of us there are troubles in our families that we wish were not there. Maybe not in our immediate family but in the extended family. Why are so many homes experiencing troubles? There is an answer, and it, too, is very basic.

Failure to Obey

It all boils down to the failure to abide by the Law of God, to our failure to teach it properly in our homes. The first commandment says, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3. On a spiritual level, God is the only god that is to be recognized. Jehovah, Yahweh, the Lord, is His name. He is the only one. He is a jealous God, and He said, “I am the only one who is to be worshipped.” He is the creator of all things. The responsibilities to God are spelled out in the first table of the law.

The second table also has its first commandment, which is really the fifth commandment of the total law. The first commandment deals with the respect for the Creator of human life. The second table, in reality, is connected very carefully and is a part of the first table. The first table lays out the spiritual relationship that we are to have; the second table deals with human relationships. They are all tied together. The second table, I believe, helps us to understand the relationship of the first table.

Childhood Influence

How many times I have had people tell me about their childhood—how they are the way they are today because of how they were raised. Some of those comments have been positive, but usually most have been negative. “My dad did not like me.” “My mother whipped me too much.” “I had chores to do.” I had this and I had that as a bad experience in my life.

All that might be true, but we do not have to stay there. Growing evidence suggests that the structural and functional brain reserves, thought to develop in childhood and adolescence, may be crucial in determining when cognitive impairment begins. A leading researcher, Robert Abbott, says that there is a whole constellation of diseases out there that occur in later years that are associated with how children are treated early in life.

Foundation of the Home

The fifth law of God’s Ten Commandments is terribly important. The fifth law, in reality, is the whole foundation of the home. Do you think that we have need of restoring the family? I think it is one of the most crucial needs that we have in Adventism today. A lot of times it is easy for us to point out into the world and say, You know, this is taking place in the world, and the world really needs to come to grips with its problems and resolve those things. I would like to suggest that we need to resolve some problems within the church, and we have the tools with which to do that.

Exodus 20:12, the fifth commandment, says, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

This is the first commandment that is foundational in understanding who God is. I say this, because where does a child learn about God? By reading the first commandment that says, “I am the Lord thy God”? No. They learn it from mom and dad. The fifth commandment is foundational in understanding every other relationship that we have on this earth. I think that this is where we have gone astray. This is where we have failed, as Seventh-day Adventists. We claim to be the people of the Book; we claim to be the repairers of the breach, the restorer of paths to walk in, and yet have we really understood the law ourselves so that we can teach it to our children in the right and proper way?

Absolute

Previous commandments to the fifth law have dealt with the object and the manner of worship—God and the Sabbath. This commandment deals with the nursery and the school of worship. Where is the discrimination taught to really discern between good and evil? This commandment, I believe, would solve all those problems, if it was rightly understood and rightly taught, because it is profoundly deep in its concepts.

Let us consider what this commandment teaches. First of all, it is absolute. Parents are to be honored, whether they are living or dead, known or unknown, good or evil. Now that is kind of a big order, is it not? But I did not write the Ten Commandments, God did, and God does not qualify His commandments. He does not say, Honor thy father and thy mother, if they treat you right, and they do not spank you very often. Honor your father and your mother if they are sober and if they are good, upstanding citizens. That is not what the commandment says. It is absolute.

I am the first one to confess that this can be hard. Yet there is one thing that I know about God’s Law; it is always possible to keep it. God never asks us to do something that is impossible. Perhaps we were raised in a home where we have carried a lot of “extra baggage”; we have had a lot of problems; we cannot relate to our parents in the right way. Then we read God’s Law, and we come to the fifth commandment that says, “Honour thy father and thy mother . . . .” We swallow hard and say, “I do not think I can do that.” Know for a certainty that through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can do it. There are consequences for not doing it, and there are consequences for doing it—one has good consequences and the other has bad consequences.

Present Society

Today, the society in which we live does not promote honoring father and mother. For years, there have been many television programs that have depicted the father as a buffoon and the mother as incompetent, that family life in the home is nothing but a joke, and that the children are petted and allowed to do just about anything and everything they want. We have grown up on those kinds of examples that have come to bear on our lives. So when we come to a church setting and a spiritual teaching that we are to honor our father and our mother, it kind of flies over our head because of how we have been trained.

We can honor our parents, though, from the standpoint of a child, even those who may be despicable. A father may be a reprobate, guilty of all sorts of crime, but God, in His wisdom, sees how that can make children better for the honor they pay to their parents. It is kind of designed as a two-edged sword. The Bible talks about a two-edged sword that cuts both ways. This commandment deals not only with parents, but it deals with children and with children and parents.

There is damage that can come because of disrespect of parents. There is nothing honorable about being ashamed of one’s own parentage. A lot of times we think it is smart to be ashamed, especially as young people growing up. I remember what it was like when I was growing up; we thought it was cute and cool to talk about our parents as “the old man” and “the old lady.” Maybe some of you have been there, too. I am ashamed of that kind of thing, as I understand now exactly what God requires of me, but there are still some young people today who have that kind of disrespect in their heart relative to their parents. Somehow we, as Seventh-day Adventists, need to tighten the screws down a little bit in our thinking as to how we need to understand God’s Law, because whether you are as old as I am or much younger, this still applies to us in a multitude of ways. There is never an excuse to continue being disrespectful or dishonorable of our parents. People see us. People watch us. They watch how we relate to our family. They watch how we relate to other positions of authority around us. They watch how we relate to God.

No Respect, No Reverence

We preach reverence in the church sanctuary, and rightfully so. When we come into the house of God, there should be an attitude of reverent awe that we are coming into the presence of the Lord. I would like to suggest that this same honorableness needs to be in the home as well. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the parent. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the teacher. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the police officer. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the minister. Never should a child be allowed to be disrespectful to the President of the United States. You do not have to agree with everything, but do you realize that all those attitudes stem right back to this fifth commandment? Look at the irreverence that is displayed by young people today to the school, to the government, to the neighbor, to the environment by throwing trash out onto the road. The children displaying such disrespect have not been taught how to honor their parents, to be obedient to their parents. If they are not taught how to be obedient to their parents, they are not going to be obedient or respectful to anyone else.

As a little child grows, that little child, looking to the earthly parent, sees the only God he can understand. Worship, like other things, comes by practice and experience, and those first lessons are taught in the home. This is why Ellen White makes such an important point about bringing the nature of that little child into harmony with God’s plan of salvation while it is still an infant in arms. (See Spiritual Gifts, vol. 4b, 132, 133.) Many times children are petted and allowed to do whatever they want. Oh, someone may say, they are just babies; they cannot learn. That is not true; what they say is not according to God’s plan. Children need to learn, from the time they are just little infants in arms, how they are to relate to God through the parent. Now that puts parents in a very awesome position, does it not? Practically speaking, God is revealed through the parent to the child. If there is no reverence, no respect for the parents, there will be no reverence for God.

Restore the Home

How do we restore the home? How do we accomplish restoring the home and restoring the family? Malachi 4:4 says, “Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, [with] the statutes and judgements.”

God is saying, through the prophet Malachi, remember the Ten Commandments. I gave those to Moses in the mount, along with the statutes and the judgments.

Continuing in verse 5, we read, “Behold I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.” What is being spoken of here? This is the Second Coming, is it not? Elijah was long off the scene, but Elijah was manifest in John the Baptist, in the Elijah message John the Baptist preached. The Elijah message has come again in the person of Ellen White, through the gift of prophecy.

The coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord is the Day of Judgment. We are living in the time of the judgment. God is saying that there is going to come a reform. In the last days, just before Jesus comes, that work is going to be under the Spirit of Prophecy. This Elijah message will be of such a nature, “He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Verse 6.

What a message we have here! The last message is going to be a message of restoring the family. I am thankful for the gift of prophecy that sets us in a proximity where we can know every truth that God has for us to develop our characters, so we can meet Him with peace in our hearts. In those messages there is the concept that is going to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children. Do you think that needs to take place today? It most certainly does. And it is going to turn the hearts of the children to the fathers. This is a message that we, as Seventh-day Adventists, need to understand, to put into practice, so we can be the light that God wants us to be.

The Elijah Message

The Elijah message is to do a special work. If we are ever going to be ready for Jesus to come, we can know about all the prophecies, and we can speak all the mysteries, and we can understand all these things, but if we do not have love, we are nothing. Where is love learned? Love is learned in the home. As a Seventh-day Adventist, we can draw out the chart of the 2300 days, with all its intricate inner portions, the 1260 days, and all the rest of that. We can understand all of those things, but if we do not have our own family with us, what is it really all worth?

I know that many of you have reached out to your families. You are praying for them right now. My wife and I are the only Seventh-day Adventists on either side of our family. We were converts to this faith. It is hard reaching out to families. The one thing that we have discovered is that we really cannot say much to them. We have to live the message, and then leave the rest with the Lord.

God has a plan. He says, “I am going to turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to the fathers,” and that is going to have to be an accomplished fact before I can come back again. (Malachi 4:6.)

So in reality, what God is waiting for is for the Seventh-day Adventist message, through the Spirit of Prophecy, to sink into the hearts and the minds of those He has called to be His children. It needs to sink in to such an extent that the home base will change and there will be folks who will come to Him as changed people. Someone may say, “You do not know how I was raised. I do not know whether I would ever be able to change.” Do you think your battles are any more severe than anyone else’s? No, they are not. God can help you. God can take this message, and He can put it down in your heart and teach you to love that message so that it just kind of oozes out your pores.

If that happens, there is going to be a whole new set of circumstances that will begin to take place. The battle that we face individually will no longer be our battle but the Lord’s. It is His battle, and we can rest assured that whatever the consequences are, God will take care of it. That takes off a whole lot of pressure.

The Bible says that if you honor your father and your mother, your days upon the land are going to be long. Needless friction wears the life out. God knows that, so here is a blessing that can come to those who obey His command. They will not only build relationships but they will also have a long life because of the peace of mind they have.

Carryovers

There are carryovers to this, and I alluded to this earlier, about how what is done in the home affects the nation. Now, I realize that we are not in the game of politics, but at the same time, we have to live in the country, and the apostle Paul makes it very, very plain that we are to honor the governor and that we are to deal with civil matters in a right way. (See Romans 13:1–4.)

The reason why, when young people go to ball games and their team loses, they begin to riot and burn the town down, is because of the violation of the fifth commandment. They have not had any honor of the family at home, and as a result, they have no honor for anything in civil society either. In reality, home is linked with heaven, and God has ordained it so.

Linked With Heaven

We come together for worship, and we want the worship to be “just so.” How is it with our home? Do we want our home to be “just so”? Are we ordering the events in our home so reverence for God can take place when we go to church?

God has a message. He wants the home linked with heaven. The earthly parent He wants linked with the Father of eternity. Would you reach Heaven? Then reverence the home. Would you worship God? Then honor your parents, living or dead.

Back to Basics

“Hear me, O Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem; Believe in the Lord your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper.” 11 Chronicles 20:20. “Here me, O Seventh-day Adventists, and ye inhabitants of Wichita, Kansas, or Denver, Colorado, or Portland, Oregon, or Seattle, Washington, or where ever it might be that you live.” In reality that is what it is saying. Unless we personalize it, we are going to miss the point.

This test of prosperity is tied right in with the law. It says, “Honour thy father and thy mother.” We need to start with first things first. We are never going to be able to accomplish anything that is good unless we come back to the basics of Scripture. We must learn them, make the application of them into our lives, and allow them to be lived out in our lives. But so often we, in our own wisdom, try to do these things apart from God, and we fail. Maybe because we have failed so many times, it is now time for us to go back to the basics, back to the home, back to the instruction that God has given concerning the home. He says that He is going to restore the home before He comes.

If not us, then who? If not now, when? It has to start somewhere. I, like you, get older each year, and the older I get, I wonder, When is Jesus going to come? I believe that Jesus can come in my lifetime, and I want to do all in my power to hasten that day. I know that you do, too. I hope that by sharing some things old that it will help you to reflect a little bit more of perhaps where we have failed. There is nothing wrong in looking back where we have failed, but we must learn from it and go forward in the strength and the power that God gives to us.

Pastor Mike Baugher is Associate Speaker for Steps to Life Ministries. He may be contacted by e-mail at: mikebaugher@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Music in the Home

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[Editor’s Note: This sermon was presented at the Steps to Life Camp Meeting, July 2003. The conversational style of the speaker has been preserved.]

God has made parents responsible for their children. Parents, you are responsible to feed, clothe, and house your children. You are responsible to raise them correctly. You are responsible to keep them safe. You would know what to do to protect your child if he or she ran out in front of a car, wouldn’t you? Would you just ask, “What can I do?” Of course, you would not. If your child started to drink a glass of poison or if he or she started to smoke a cigarette or started to drink a can of beer, you would not hesitate to take action immediately, because you are responsible. You are also responsible, and it is just as important, to protect your children from the music from below, whether it is a bedlam of noise or pretty, schmaltzy music, which is a mockery of Christ.

You must not hesitate to take proper action, if your child is in danger. No excuses! Do not tell your child that it is all right for him to listen to strange music as long as he wears earphones or goes to his bedroom and shuts his door so you don’t have to hear it. Teach him that he must avoid it even at his friends’ houses, and that is hardest of all. Teach him to be bold and to stand up and say to his friends, “I can’t listen to music like this. If you have to listen to it, I can’t stay.” Do whatever it takes. It shouldn’t be any harder than to say, “No, I won’t smoke a cigarette,” or “No, I will not take a drug.”

My great-grandson, Adam, went with his mother and grandfather to eat in a Turkish restaurant. While Adam was ordering his meal, he noticed that there was terrible rock music playing, so he said to the waiter, “Will you please play some Turkish music? We are in a Turkish restaurant.”

The waiter said, “We don’t have any Turkish music.”

Adam, speaking in a voice like he was some kind of royalty and expected to be obeyed, said, “Well, then, I want classical music, please.” The waiter found a radio station that had classical music, and Adam’s mother said it was the best music she had ever heard in a restaurant in all of her life. Teach your children to stand up boldly for what is right.

Musical Opportunities

Give your children musical opportunities. Acquire small, inexpensive instruments for them to have at home when they are very young. If they are interested, provide music lessons for them when they are a little older, but please, don’t force your child to take lessons. As a music teacher, I know force doesn’t work. Take your children to good music concerts. What kind of concerts? Good ones! There are a lot of bad ones; don’t go there.

What kinds of songs should our children listen to at home and in Sabbath School? Don’t give your children little repetitious ditties. They don’t need that any more than you do. Don’t use songs set to secular music. If your children happen to know the secular songs, when they sing the tune—even with religious words—they will think about the secular words. Even if they don’t know the secular words, secular music is not appropriate for sacred songs. That’s not why it was written. If the music is appropriate for the words you are using, chances are the words aren’t spiritual, either. This applies to adult music as well. You cannot legitimately mix sacred and secular music.

Teach children real songs—not entertainment. You may be surprised. Teach them songs like, “O Worship the King.” It has meaning—teach it to them. Teach them what the words mean. Make sure they understand.

Don’t downplay children’s capabilities. Teach them Seventh-day Adventist songs. Teach them to sing like the angels sing. How do the angels sing? Ellen White tells us: “Their [the angels’] singing does not grate upon the ear. It is soft and melodious . . . . It is not forced and strained . . . .” Selected Messages, Book 3, 333. Isn’t that wonderful? It should be soft singing, not shouting, not a bedlam of noise. Angels sing softly.

“Some think that the louder they sing the more music they make; but noise is not music. Good singing is like the music of the birds—subdued and melodious.” Evangelism, 510. Don’t forget that! Don’t think you have to sing loudly.

Musical Movement

The best kind of movement you can use with the children singing is to teach them some songs with signs. Do not use raucous, boisterous movement. If they need exercise, go outside and play. A religious meeting is not the place to get exercise. There are quite a few songs that you can sign with. One such song is, “Kum Bah Ya.” Another nice song with signage is, “To My Father’s House.” The lyrics say, in part, “Oh come and go with me to my Father’s house.” Children really enjoy these songs.

Hymnals

Perhaps you would like to make a personal, family hymnal for use in your home. Your church may have decided it is not satisfied with the Church Hymnal that is being used. Although it contains many wonderful hymns, there may be some songs that make you uncomfortable. You may not know why you feel ill at ease, but you would really rather not sing them.

A gentleman by the name of Dr. Oliver Beltz once told me that he was on the committee to choose the songs for the earlier (1941) Church Hymnal. Years later, another gentleman, John Thurber, shared with me that he was on the committee to choose the songs for the (1985) Seventh-day Adventist Hymnal. [Both hymnals are published by Review and Herald Publishing Association, Washington, DC.] So I have a little insight into the choosing of the songs for each of these hymnals.

Both men told me similar stories. Each said that there were times when the people on the committee wanted to include songs that they knew he would not approve. So, not notifying him, they called a committee meeting and put the songs in while he wasn’t there. Both committees did that! You can’t take either of these hymnals and think that everything in it is good.

I promise you that putting your own hymnal together is a very difficult job, but you may find it well worthwhile. I will never give anyone a list of songs and say, “These are good, use them.” I don’t believe in that, but I will give principles and ideas and as much help as I can.

Guidelines

If you do decide to make your own hymnal, let’s look at some guidelines to help you in your selection of songs.

1 Choose music that is worship-centered. What does that mean? Worship-centered means that you are worshipping. Who do you worship? There are only two beings in the world and in the universe to worship—God or Satan. A person chooses music that is centered towards worship-ping either one being or the other. That’s the choice you make.

2 Choose music that is Christ-centered and not I-centered. Many people have difficulty with this concept, but as you study the hymns, in time, you will get a feel for it. As you examine a song, ask these questions: Who is the center of this song? About whom am I singing? Am I singing about myself, or am I singing about Christ? An example of a song that may be a challenge to judge is the song, “Not I, but Christ.” It has the word I in it a number of times, but the message of the words is centered on Christ.

I once presented a music seminar in a church in West Virginia. A man came to the meeting primed for an argument with me. He wanted to prove to me that it is all right to sing I-centered songs. In the seminar, we were discussing a number of songs, and regarding one of them, I said, “You know, I’m quite uncomfortable with this song. Although the music seems to sound all right, the words seem very I-centered to me.”

This man said, “We must have songs about our experience.” Do we? Do you need to have a song about your experience? We all have experiences, and they are I-centered!

The devil doesn’t want me to share all these things with you. For several months prior to camp meeting, he has been pouring out his whole arsenal on me. I have nearly gotten to the end of my rope. I knew God was taking care of me, but it still had an affect inside my body. It was affecting me both physically and emotionally. Since arriving at camp, we have had trouble with the computer. It had been working beautifully when I left home. We have spent one whole afternoon trying to get the computer to work and have been on the telephone with the computer service desk for a solid hour. That’s how much the devil has been working! Do you think I am going to write a song about my experience with the computer? No! I am so happy and joyful that God is the Victor, though, that I am going to be singing, “Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow,” and other songs of praise.

3 Don’t choose music that is harmful. Yes, music can harm you. It can hurt your body; it can hurt your mind; it can hurt your spirituality. Don’t choose that kind of music.

4 Choose music that will allow the angels to join in with the singing, music that is subdued and melodious like the song of the birds, as stated in the Ellen White quote cited previously. Do you have birds around your house? At our house, we feed the birds, so we are really, really surrounded with them. I love to hear them sing. We should sound like birds singing. I don’t think we could have any higher ambition than that. Birds sing softly and melodiously.

5 Do not choose music meant for entertainment. What does this include? Pop music; nightclub, crooning music; music with warm fuzzies—that’s entertainment music.

6 Do not choose music that is only emotion-based or sensual. I have had this theory for a long time, and I was so happy when I discovered it in the Spirit of Prophecy. I think that all of our talks, all of our sermons, and all of our music should include both emotion and intellect. I think if you leave out one or the other, or overbalance one way or the other, you’ll be getting into trouble.

I know of a very prominent pastor who preaches such emotional sermons. I heard him preach about heaven one time, and it was so wonderful. That sermon really affected me, but you know, those sermons don’t last very long. You go away from church realizing that it was just emotion in the sermon. There was no intellect in it at all. You don’t really remember what was in it, and you feel let down, perhaps empty, because you were not spiritually fed. That is why Mrs. White so often refers to the need of balance in our lives. [See Sons and Daughters of God, 161-163.]

7 Do not choose music with false theology. Review all the words carefully.

8 Choose songs in which the words and the music match. Don’t mix secular and sacred. Beyond that, don’t choose a real happy, uplifting kind of tune to sing about something that is very serious and solemn. For instance, don’t sing a song about Marching to Zion when the words are saying something about the love of God. It doesn’t fit.

9 Choose music that will draw each individual and the congregation closer to God.

Juanita McElwain earned her PhD in Music Therapy from Florida State University. She has taught music on all levels from preschool to college graduate. She has worked as a music therapy clinician with the mentally retarded. Her areas of expertise in research include the effects of music on brain waves and the effects of music on headache. She has given numerous seminars on the power of music, which include good and bad effects of music, rock music, sensual music, music in worship and mind control through music throughout the United States and in Europe. She and her husband are presently retired in West Virginia. She may be contacted by e-mail at: juamce@meer.net. Additional articles from Dr. McElwain’s camp meeting presentations will be printed in forthcoming issues of LandMarks.

Bible Study Guides – A Christian Home

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May 15, 2004 – May 21, 2004

Memory Verse

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” Proverbs 1:8

Suggested Reading: The Acts of the Apostles, 203, 204; Testimonies, vol. 1, 697–706; vol. 2, 414–419; vol. 3, 527–534.

Introduction

“Upon fathers and mothers rest to a large degree the responsibility for the mold of character that their children receive. . . . If parents will teach their children to conduct themselves according to the principles of the Word of God, these children will unconsciously teach others what it means to be Christians. Let parents maintain true Christian dignity before their children, and they will be greatly aided in their work of upbuilding the kingdom of Christ.” This Day With God, 307.

1 What instruction is given to the husband and wife in the home? Ephesians 5:22–25, 28–33.

note: “Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . .” The Adventist Home, 95.

2 What admonition is given parents in reference to their children? Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21.

note: “The children in every family are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Evil propensities are to be controlled, evil tempers subdued; and the children are to be instructed that they are the Lord’s property, bought with His own precious blood, and that they cannot live a life of pleasure and vanity, have their own will and carry out their own ideas, and yet be numbered among the children of God. The children are to be instructed with kindness and patience. . . . Let the parents teach them of the love of God in such a way that it will be a pleasant theme in the family circle, and let the church take upon them the responsibility of feeding the lambs as well as the sheep of the flock.” Child Guidance, 42.

3 What instruction is given children concerning their duty toward their parents? Exodus 20:12; Colossians 3:20. Compare Ephesians 6:1, 2.

note: “Our obligation to our parents never ceases. Our love for them, and theirs for us, is not measured by years or distance, and our responsibility can never be set aside. . . .

“Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. . . . The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission, and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in old age.” My Life Today, 278.

4 What further admonition is given children in this matter by Solomon? Proverbs 1:8; 13:1.

note: “This young man has made light of his father’s authority, and despised restraint. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It lies at the foundation of a proper education. Those who, having a favorable opportunity, have failed to learn this first great lesson, are not only disqualified for service in the cause of God, but are a positive injury to the community in which they live.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 208.

“Patiently and perseveringly will the godly mother instruct her children, giving them line upon line, and precept upon precept, not in a harsh, compelling manner, but in love; and in tenderness will she win them. They will consider her lessons of love, and will happily listen to her words of instruction.” Review and Herald, August 8, 1899.

5 What example of obedience to and care of parents is left by the Saviour? Luke 2:51; John 19:25–27.

note: “Notwithstanding the sacred mission of Christ, His exalted relationship with God, of which He was fully aware, He was not above performing the practical duties of life. He was the Creator of the world, and yet He acknowledged His obligation to His earthly parents, and at the call of duty, in compliance with the wishes of His parents, He returned with them from Jerusalem after the Passover, and was subject unto them.” Lift Him Up, 32.

“The eyes of Jesus wandered over the multitude that had collected together to witness His death, and He saw at the foot of the cross John supporting Mary, the mother of Christ. . . . The last lesson of Jesus was one of filial love. He looked upon the grief-stricken face of His mother, and then upon John; said He, addressing the former: ‘Woman, behold thy son!’ Then, to the disciple: ‘Behold thy mother!’ John 19:27. John well understood the words of Jesus, and the sacred trust which was committed to him. . . . The perfect example of Christ’s filial love shines forth with undimmed luster from the mist of ages. While enduring the keenest torture, He was not forgetful of His mother, but made all provision necessary for her future.” The Story of Redemption, 224.

6 How should the youth regard the aged? Leviticus 19:32; 1 Timothy 5:1. Compare 11 Kings 2:23, 24.

note: “God has especially enjoined tender respect toward the aged. He says, ‘The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.’ Proverbs 16:31. It tells of battles fought, and victories gained; of burdens borne, and temptations resisted. It tells of weary feet nearing their rest, of places soon to be vacant. Help the children to think of this, and they will smooth the path of the aged by their courtesy and respect, and will bring grace and beauty into their young lives . . . .” Education, 244.

“We have in our ranks too many who are restless, talkative, self-commending, and who take the liberty to put themselves forward, having no reverence for age, experience, or office. The church is suffering today for help of an opposite character—modest, quiet, God-fearing men, who will bear disagreeable burdens when laid upon them, not for the name, but to render service to their Master, who died for them. Persons of this character do not think it detracts from their dignity to rise up before the ancient and to treat gray hairs with respect. Our churches need weeding out. Too much self-exaltation and self-sufficiency exists among the members.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 340.

7 What important counsel is given the young in Ecclesiastes 12:1? See also Lamentations 3:27.

note: “Teach your children that youth is the best time to seek the Lord. Then the burdens of life are not heavy upon them, and their young minds are not harassed with care, and while so free they should devote the best of their strength to God.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 397.

“Children and youth should begin early to seek God; for early habits and impressions will frequently exert a powerful influence upon the life and character. Therefore the youth who would be like Samuel, John, and especially like Christ, must be faithful in the things which are least, turning away from the companions who plan evil and who think that their life in the world is to be one of pleasure and selfish indulgence. Many of the little home duties are overlooked as of no consequence; but if the small things are neglected, the larger duties will be also. You want to be whole men and women, with pure, sound, noble characters. Begin the work at home; take up the little duties and do them with thoroughness and exactness. When the Lord sees you are faithful in that which is least, He will entrust you with larger responsibilities. Be careful how you build, and what kind of material you put into the building. The characters you are now forming will be lasting as eternity.” The Adventist Home, 297.

8 What reminder is also given to the youth? Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10; 12:14.

note: “Dear young friends, that which you sow, you will also reap. Now is the sowing time for you. What will the harvest be? What are you sowing? Every word you utter, every act you perform, is a seed which will bear good or evil fruit and will result in joy or sorrow to the sower. As is the seed sown, so will be the crop. God has given you great light and many privileges. After this light has been given, after your dangers have been plainly presented before you, the responsibility becomes yours. The manner in which you treat the light that God gives you will turn the scale for happiness or woe. You are shaping your destinies for yourselves.” Testimonies, vol. 3, 363.

“A little time spent in sowing your wild oats, dear young friends, will produce a crop that will embitter your whole life; an hour of thoughtlessness, once yielding to temptation, may turn the whole current of your life in the wrong direction. You can have but one youth; make that useful. When once you have passed over the ground you can never return to rectify your mistakes. He who refuses to connect with God, and puts himself in the way of temptation, will surely fall. God is testing every youth.” Ibid., vol. 4, 622, 623.

9 What will aid the young to live a Christian life? Psalm 119:9, 11.

note: “We know the dangers and temptations that beset the youth at the present time are not few or small. . . . We live in an age when to resist evil calls for constant watchfulness and prayer. God’s precious Word is the standard for youth who would be loyal to the King of heaven. Let them study the Scriptures. Let them commit text after text to memory, and acquire a knowledge of what the Lord has said. . . . And in trial let the youth spread out the Word of God before them, and with humble hearts, and in faith, seek the Lord for wisdom to find out His way, and for strength to walk in it. . . .” My Life Today, 315.

10 How may all obtain true knowledge? Proverbs 2:1–6.

note: “We must turn away from a thousand topics that invite attention. There are matters that consume time and arouse inquiry, but end in nothing. The highest interests demand the close attention and energy that are so often given to comparatively insignificant things.

“Accepting new theories does not in itself bring new life to the soul. Even an acquaintance with facts and theories important in themselves is of little value unless put to a practical use. We need to feel our responsibility to give our souls food that will nourish and stimulate spiritual life. [Proverbs 2:2–11, A.R.V.; 3:18 quoted.]

“The question for us to study is, ‘What is truth—the truth that is to be cherished, loved, honored, and obeyed?’ ” The Ministry of Healing, 456.

11 What does the Lord ask of the young? Proverbs 23:26.

note: “The Saviour of the world loves to have children and youth give their hearts to Him. There may be a large army of children who shall be found faithful to God, because they walk in the light, as Christ is in the light. They will love the Lord Jesus, and it will be their delight to please Him. They will not be impatient if reproved; but will make glad the heart of father and mother by their kindness, their patience, their willingness to do all they can in helping to bear the burdens of daily life. Through childhood and youth, they will be found faithful disciples of our Lord.” Messages to Young People, 333.

12 What great work is to be wrought in homes before the Lord comes? Malachi 4:5, 6.

note: “I [Ellen White] am instructed to urge upon our people most earnestly the necessity of religion in the home. Among the members of the household there is ever to be a kind, thoughtful consideration. Morning and evening let all hearts be united in reverent worship. At the season of evening worship, let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If, during the day, one has wronged another, or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured. Often grievances are cherished in the mind, and misunderstandings and heartaches are created that need not be. If the one who is suspected of wrong be given an opportunity, he might be able to make explanations that would bring relief to other members of the family.

“ ‘Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,’ that ye may be healed of all spiritual infirmities, that sinful dispositions may be changed. Make diligent work for eternity. Pray most earnestly to the Lord, and hold fast to the faith. Trust not in the arm of flesh, but trust implicitly in the Lord’s guidance.” Review and Herald, November 8, 1906.

Words, Part I

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In Hebrews 4:2, the apostle Paul says, “For the gospel is preached to us as well as them, but the word did not profit them, not being mixed with faith.” Friends, I need to forewarn you. What we will be studying in this article could be very discouraging, if you do not have enough faith. But if you realize that for everything God has told us to do or not to do, He will give us the grace and power to do it—if we trust in Him and choose to follow Him—then what we are going to study can be very exciting.

Heaven Talk

Have you ever wondered how people talk in heaven? Do you talk in your home the way people talk in heaven? When do you think you should learn to talk like people talk in heaven? Now? Yes, now!

In the Book of James, we are told that the one who controls his tongue is a perfect man. (James 3:2.) If you are not yet perfect, do not be discouraged. Just take hold of the Lord by faith and say, “Lord, this is the way you want me to speak, and I am determined, by Your grace, to talk the way You want me to talk.” If you follow the principles, the Lord will give you the power and the grace to talk His way. Of course, we need to understand how God wants us to talk.

As I have studied the Spirit of Prophecy writings, I have been interested to discover how much Ellen White wrote on the subject of speech in reference to the family. We are going to look at some of these principles, and I hope they will be as great a blessing to you as they have been to me.

Plan Each Morning

One of the first principles is that we need to plan in the morning what we are going to say.

“The first missionary work is to see that love, light, and joy come into the home circle. Let us not be looking for some great temperance or missionary work to do until we have first done the duties at home. Every morning we should think, What kind act can I do today? What tender word can I speak? Kind words at home are blessed sunshine. The husband needs them, the wife needs them, the children need them.” Review and Herald, December 23, 1884.

What do you suppose, friends, would happen in our homes if every morning, every husband, before he got out of bed, was thinking to himself, “What kind word, what tender word, what kind act can I do today for my wife or for my children?” If every wife was thinking before she got out of bed, “What kind word can I speak to my husband today? What tender act could I do for him or for my children?” If we started making plans the first thing in the morning, like the Lord has instructed us, would that make a difference in our homes?

We need the sunshine of kind and tender words in our homes, but that is going to take some planning. Have you noticed that anything worthwhile does not just happen? Someone has to make plans. If we want our speech to be right, the time to start is before we ever get out of bed in the morning. We need to start making plans then—“What kind and tender word could I speak to my spouse today? What act could I do for my spouse today or for my children?” If we start making plans each morning, like the Lord has told us to do, it will have a tremendous influence in our homes. Who knows? We might even think of something kind and tender to say before breakfast!

How We Should Speak

How should we speak? In The Signs of the Times, November 14, 1911, Ellen White advised that we should “cultivate soft tones.” What is the opposite of soft? Harsh—so we want to avoid all harshness of expression.

Mrs. White also said, “We should accustom ourselves to speak in pleasant tones.” Ibid., February 22, 1905. We all like to be spoken to with pleasant tones. She also told us what to avoid: “Never let a frown gather upon your brow.” Testimonies, vol. 3, 532. That is a high standard! Did you know that people do not frown in heaven? They do not, and we are to cultivate a heavenly atmosphere in our homes.

She continued, “Never let a frown gather upon your brow or a harsh word escape your lips. Harsh words sour the temper and wound the hearts of children, and in some cases these wounds are difficult to heal. Children are sensitive . . . .” Ibid. Are your children sensitive? I have known for a long time that my children are sensitive, but I have learned, as I have studied this subject, that all children are sensitive. “Children are sensitive to the least injustice, and some become discouraged under it and will neither heed the loud, angry voice of command nor care for threatenings of punishment.” Ibid. Some become discouraged and may finally decide they do not care whether they are punished or not; they will do what pleases them. We do not want our children to develop that frame of mind, so we must avoid all harsh words and not let frowns develop on our brows.

Passionate Words

We are all tempted to speak passionately at times. What should we do when we realize passionate feelings are arising, and we are about to really let somebody have it? There are all kinds of expressions for this in our language. Have you heard anyone say that they are going to give somebody “a piece of their mind”? Usually they do not mean a good piece!

What should we do when such feelings start to develop? “When about to speak passionately, close your mouth. Don’t utter a word. Pray before you speak, and heavenly angels will come to your assistance and drive back the evil angels, who would lead you to dishonor God, reproach His cause, and weaken your own soul.” Ibid., vol. 2, 82.

When we are tempted to speak passionately, it is time not to speak. It is time to close our mouths. If we are really heated up, we might even need to seek a private place, get down on our knees, and have a session of prayer, asking the Lord to calm our souls so our spirits will not be chaffed. We cannot avoid speaking passionately if our spirits are chaffed. That irritableness in our spirits has to be taken away. The Lord has to take it away, or no matter what we say, our words will not be right. Friends, if we ask, God will give us victory over the passion of spirit. We must have that. Otherwise, when we open our mouths, no matter how good are our intentions, we will have a lot of apologizing to do, to say the least.

Begins in the Home

“The work of sanctification begins in the home. . . .

“In the home the spirit of criticism and faultfinding should have no place. . . .

“No harsh, passionate word is ever spoken without grieving the Lord Jesus, and hurting the heart of speaker and of hearer. From the Christian home all angry or trifling speeches will be excluded; for in the home above nothing of this character finds place.” The Signs of the Times, February 17, 1904.

We are to avoid all angry, trifling, passionate speeches. In the Christian home, those must be excluded, along with the spirit of criticism and faultfinding. That does not mean we are to close our eyes and not be aware of what is going wrong, but we are not to have a spirit of trying to tear down.

Have you ever noticed how sensitive we are to having our faults exposed? I have been amazed, over and over again, at how sensitive we as human beings are. We may have a hundred things wrong, but to have someone point out even one fault, just about tears us to pieces. Have you ever wondered about your children? Since we as adults are sensitive to having someone point out any fault that we have, do you suppose our children might be sensitive to having their faults pointed out? If you keep that in mind, it will be a great help to you.

We need to do a lot of praying, friends, before we seek to point out a fault in our children. Remember, they are just as sensitive as we are, maybe more so. It takes great tact and love and kindness to be able to point out a fault and have it received in the right way so that the child will be drawn to Jesus and be determined to correct it. Mrs. White talked about this: “When you are obliged to correct a child, do not raise the voice to a high key . . . .” Ibid.

Some of us have this problem. I personally have to do a lot of praying about this. It is easy for me to raise my voice to a high key. What happens when we do that? “Do not raise the voice to a high key bringing into it that which will arouse the worst passions of the child’s heart.” Ibid. When the voice is raised to a high key, what is a natural response for the listener? It is easy for the child to feel like he or she is getting scolded, and that might be exactly what is happening.

Hasty Speech

“Restrain every hasty speech that struggles for utterance. Before you speak that fretful, impatient word, stop and think of the influence which, if spoken, it will exert. Remember that children are quick to hear every word, and to mark every intonation of the voice.” Ibid.

I have tested this out on our dog. I did not want to test it on my children. I have found that I can speak the most severe reproofs, commands, and awful things to our dog, and if I speak softly, with a smile on my voice, she just wags her tail. But if I yell at her, telling her that I love her and that she is a good dog, she starts to cower. Children will respond just as dogs do. They recognize the tone of our voices. That is why we are to accustom ourselves to always speaking in pleasant tones.

Should we not reprove our children? God has commanded us to not allow the faults of our children to pass by without being corrected. Notice what Mrs. White wrote about this: “Under all circumstances reproof should be spoken in love. . . .

“Not one word is to be spoken unadvisedly.” Ibid., February 22, 1905.

Corrupt Communication

The Bible talks about corrupt communication in 1 Corinthians. What is corrupt communication? “No evil speaking, no frivolous talk, no fretful repining or impure suggestions, will escape the lips of him who is following Christ. . . . A corrupt communication does not mean only words that are vile. It means any expression contrary to holy principles and pure, undefiled religion. It includes impure hints and covert insinuations of evil. Unless instantly resisted, these lead to great sin.

“Upon every family, upon every individual Christian, is laid the duty of barring the way against corrupt speech. When in the company of those who indulge in foolish talk, it is our duty to change the subject of conversation if possible.” Ibid.

We do not want corrupt communication in our homes. We cannot have it in our homes if we are getting ready to go to heaven, because people do not talk like that in heaven.

False Witness

Mrs. White also gave the definition of false witness: “We think with horror of the cannibal who feasts on the still warm and trembling flesh of his victim; but are the results of even this practice more terrible than are the agony and ruin caused by misrepresenting motive, blackening reputation, dissecting character? . . .

“God’s Word condemns also the use of those meaningless phrases and expletives that border on profanity.” Ibid., March 1, 1905.

Do you know what an expletive is? An expletive is a word that is not used according to its dictionary definition, but is used to express emotion. Unfortunately, many people use the characteristics of God as expletives, thereby breaking the third commandment. The characteristics of God are listed in Exodus 34:6. “And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth . . . .” Those are the characteristics of God.

One of the words used to describe His characteristics is the word merciful. Have you ever heard the word mercy used as an expletive? That is a name for God, friends. It is part of His character. To use that word just to express emotion is to break the third commandment. Part of His Name is the word gracious. To use that word in a flippant way is to break the third commandment.

There are all sorts of words that I do not want to repeat and develop bad habits of speaking by repeating them, but you know what I am talking about. Have you ever heard somebody say, “Oh, _____”? There are several words that could follow that. Some of them men’s names—and they are not used to refer to any man. They are just used to express emotion. Those are expletives. Mrs. White calls them “meaningless phrases.” Jesus never used those. You will not find any expletives that He ever used in the entire Gospel account, and He is our example.

Deceptive Compliments

The Bible condemns the deceptive compliments, meaningless phrases, and expletives that border on profanity. Oh, friends, this bothers me. This is a problem, friends, for Christians. We have a big problem in giving deceptive compliments, trying to make people feel good in saying something to them that we do not really believe. That is breaking the ninth commandment.

“The evasions of truth, the exaggerations . . .” You know, some people have become so used to exaggerating that in their common, everyday speech—whatever they are talking about—they exaggerate. That will not happen in heaven, friends. They do not make understatements or give exaggerations there. Since I have studied this, I am trying to correct my own speech. We need to be careful that our speech is accurate.

“Closely allied to gossip is the covert [hidden] insinuation, the sly innuendo, by which the unclean in heart seek to insinuate the evil they dare not openly express. Every approach to these practices the youth should be taught to shun as we would shun the leprosy.” Ibid.

Friends, if we are getting ready for heaven, we must train our children to not speak the way they hear other people speaking. Other people are not to be our guides. Jesus is our Guide. We must train our children from babyhood that they must not say anything that they hear other people speaking. This is one of the reasons we as parents need to take time to talk with our children. We need to know how they speak and what they are saying. If they are picking up phrases and expressions from someone else that are not suitable, not understanding what they mean, we must correct their speech and teach them how to speak appropriately. This is also a reason for being careful with whom our children associate.

Quarreling Children

What do you do with children in the home who are quarreling? Ellen White gave counsel regarding that. “Parents, do all in your power to keep disagreements out of the home circle. If the children quarrel, remind them that God has said, ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.’ Teach them never to let the sun go down on angry feelings or sin unconfessed. Teach them that harmony should reign in the home, even as it reigns in heaven. . . .

“Repress every harsh word. Remember that fretting and scolding are as injurious to your children as profanity, and that too much management is as bad as no management at all. Be firm, but let no loud, angry words escape your lips. [There, again, are two kinds of speech we are to avoid—harsh words and loud, angry words.] Rule your children with tenderness and compassion, remembering that ‘their angels do always behold the face of My Father which is in heaven.’ . . . Work with loving tenderness; for this is the way Christ works.” The Signs of the Times, April 23, 1902.

Of what are we to remind the children? Not to let the sun go down on their wrath. That is a very literal expression from the Bible. (Ephesians 4:26.) We are to tell our children to not let the sun go down before they have made things right—to not let the sun go down on unconfessed sin or angry feelings.

Self-Control

“God looks into every secret thing of life. By some a constant battle is maintained for self-control.” The Signs of the Times, August 23, 1899. Perhaps you have a constant battle with your tongue. God knows that, friend. You may have to keep up a constant battle your whole life, but God will give you the victory. “Daily they [those battling for self-control] strive silently and prayerfully against harshness of speech and temper. These strivings may never be appreciated by human beings. They may get no praise from human lips for keeping back the hasty words which sought for utterance. The world will never see these conquests, and if it could, it would only despise the conquerors. But in heaven’s record they are registered as overcomers. There is One who witnesses every secret combat and every silent victory, and He says, ‘He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.’ [Proverbs 16:32.]” Ibid.

Scolding

A few statements about scolding have already been addressed, but in the following statement, we are given some counsel on dealing with children who are in trouble. Now, children from the earliest ages get into troubles of various kinds. Their feelings are aroused; maybe they are angry or depressed or hurt or discouraged. Children have all of these kinds of problems just as do adults. To them, their trials are just as severe as our trials are to us. How do we deal with these?

“The little ones must be carefully soothed when in trouble. Children between babyhood and manhood and womanhood do not generally receive the attention they should have. Mothers are needed who will so guide their children that they will regard themselves as a part of the family. Let the mother talk with her children regarding their hopes and their perplexities. Let parents remember that their children are to be cared for in preference to strangers. They are to be kept in a sunny atmosphere, under the mother’s guidance. Be careful that you are not rude to your children, either in speech or in temper. Require obedience, and do not allow yourself to speak carelessly to your children, because your manners and your words are their lesson-book. Help them gently, tenderly, over this period of their life. Let the sunshine of your presence make sunshine in their hearts. These growing boys and girls feel very sensitive, and by roughness you may mar their whole life. Be careful, mothers. Never scold; for that never helps.” Ibid., August 23, 1899. We do not want to do something that would never help, do we? That does not mean, however, that we should not be firm. The very next sentence says, “Firmness is ever to be united with love in the home life.” Ibid.

Harmony

How much harmonious speech in the home means to the children! “Allow in the home nothing that savors of cheapness or commonness. You are preparing your children for entrance into the City of God, and nothing that defiles can enter there.

“Be pleasant and cheerful. Remember that love is the power that binds your children to you.” Ibid., September 16, 1903. We should always remember that sentence. It is the power of love that binds our children to us.

“Keep your words and actions free from anger. Do nothing that will destroy the harmony of the home. Let the sharp words [there is another type of word to avoid] that you are tempted to speak die unspoken. Such words wound and bruise the hearts of the hearers.” Ibid.

To be continued . . .

Pastor Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Words, Part II

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A statement in The Signs of the Times, November 11, 1903, speaks of the power of love: “Never treat your children harshly; for harshness arouses stubbornness and resistance. You will find that they are most easily and successfully governed by kindness and gentleness.” Kindness and gentleness is what we need. “Love breaks down all barriers, and gentleness subdues the most stubborn will. Treat your children as you would wish to be treated were you in their place. Let there be no scolding, no loud-voiced, angry commands.” Ibid. Do not be discouraged, friends. Remember to have faith and say, “Lord, this is how You have told me to speak. I am choosing to follow Your counsel. Give me the grace to speak this way.” Friends, the Lord will do it. The Lord will answer your prayer. If you keep praying, the Lord will keep answering.

No Disagreements

Counsel is also given that the father and mother, in reference to their speech, should not have verbal disagreements between themselves in the children’s presence. Mrs. White says, “Not a particle of variance should be shown by parents in the management of their children. Parents are to work together as a unit. There must be no division. But many parents work at cross-purposes, and thus the children are spoiled by mismanagement. If parents do not agree, let them absent themselves from the presence of their children until an understanding can be arrived at.” Review and Herald, March 30, 1897. Oh friends, if parents would honor this, it would save so much trouble in the home.

As parents, we must have a united front. We must not have the father saying one thing and the mother saying another. That will destroy harmony, and it will ruin the child. Having said this, it does not mean we are to be wishy-washy. When we say, “No,” it has to mean no, and when we say, “Yes,” it has to mean yes.

“Scolding, loud-voiced commands, or threatenings should never be heard. Parents should keep the atmosphere of the home pure and fragrant with kind words, with tender sympathy and love; but at the same time, they are to be firm and unyielding in principle.” Ibid. If a principle is involved, we are not to give way. “If you are firm with your children [this simply means that when you say, ‘No,’ it means no], they may think that you do not love them.” They may think this way for a while, but Mrs. White says, “This you may expect; but never manifest harshness. Justice and mercy must clasp hands; there must be no wavering or impulsive movements.” Ibid.

True Words

Counsel has been given on a subject about which you would think Christians would never need to be counseled, but Ellen White spent considerable time on this subject. Our words at home are always to be true. Oh friends, one of my cherished memories of my own home is that I can never, ever remember either my father or my mother, at any time, telling me something that was not true. My parents did not have to explain to me, as I grew up, that there was not a Santa Claus, because they had never told me that there was a Santa Claus. Neither did they have to explain to me that there was no real Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse or a hundred other things that some children believe. If you tell your children fictitious or untrue stories or speak anything that is untrue, someday their confidence in you is going to be weakened, because a child believes everything that their parents tell them—until they find out their parents do not always tell the truth. Then they flip the other way, and they do not believe anything their parents say.

Mrs. White says, “Never let your children have the semblance of an excuse for saying, Mother does not tell the truth. Father does not tell the truth.” Review and Herald, April 13, 1897. Children, from their earliest years, should have confidence that if mommy said it, it is so. If daddy said it, it is so. We often do not realize how our words affect whether or not our children are going to believe what they hear in Sabbath School or church.

Criticism

Ellen White also speaks about criticism. She wrote, “We should abstain from all evil-speaking and evil-surmising.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891. Do you know what evil surmising is? I suppose it is something that every individual has been tempted to do at some time or another. Have you ever had suspicions about someone or something—you did not yet have the facts, but things just did not seem right to you? When this happens, you may have suspicions, and you may have to watch things develop, but it is dangerous to talk about your suspicions. This is evil surmising. You think something is bad; you do not yet have the facts; you do not yet have the evidence, but it looks bad. You think there is something awry, so you start talking about it, which starts all kinds of trouble in homes and churches and institutions and everywhere else.

“We should abstain from all evil-speaking and evil-surmising. Our children will be in danger of losing all respect for religion if we indulge in criticism of others.” Ibid.

I have thought about this so many times. How would I feel if someone who knew me really well began telling everybody all of the mistakes I have made? I have made so many mistakes that if anyone but the Lord knew them all, I suppose they would think that I am a bad person. I would prefer that all of the mistakes I have made not be publicized to everybody. Do you suppose that there are other people who feel the same way? When we are talking about the subject of criticism, people think that we are talking about something that is not true, but this is not the case. We can destroy each other while telling the truth! We can destroy our neighbors, and in the process, we will destroy our children. Ellen White says that they will lose all respect for religion.

Respect Those Older

The relationship of our children with the elderly has become very painful in America today. Our young people do not respect older people. Ellen White wrote: “Teach your children to be kind and courteous to all, and especially to respect the old. If you do all that God has given you to do, you will have no time to criticize your neighbor.” Ibid.

Jesting and Joking

I was once acquainted with a person who told a lot of jokes. He was one of the funniest persons I ever knew. When I was with him, I laughed and laughed and laughed, and everybody else did, too. He was a religious person, but when he would give a testimony in church, the young people did not give it much account. Our words need to be true.

When I was in academy, I learned how to tell jokes. I was very fortunate that about the time I started learning how to tell jokes, I read some statements in the Spirit of Prophecy stating that if I jested and joked, I would lose the Holy Spirit. When I found that out, I had to make a decision whether I was going to be a jester and a joker and a popular person, or whether I was going to have the Holy Spirit.

In the same article, it says, “Instead of indulging in jesting and joking, suppose you begin to exalt Jesus, talking of his wonderful charms.” Ibid. Oh friends, that is what we need in our homes. That is what we need in our churches. We need to be exalting Jesus and talking of His wonderful charms, the unsearchable riches of Christ.

The Way Jesus Spoke

One of the main facets of the unsearchable riches of Christ is the way that He spoke. When the people that were sent to arrest Jesus returned without Him, the rulers and the Pharisees asked, “Why did you not bring Him?” They said, “Never a man spoke like this Man.” (John 7:45, 46.)

Friends, if we would learn to speak in our homes as did Jesus, the Christian religion would have an irresistible power, a charm over our children. They would go out from home, telling whomever they meet that the Christian religion is true. They would know it is true, because they have seen the image of Christ demonstrated by their father or their mother. The way we speak at home can mean the salvation of our children. It could be one of the most powerful Christian influences on our children, if we learn to speak to each other in our homes like Christ spoke. You know the children are listening to the way that we as parents speak to each other.

“If you had good home religion, you would be a bright and shining light, and represent Christ to a lost world.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891.

“In the parable of the virgins, five were found wise, and five foolish. Can it be possible that half of us will be found without the oil of grace in our lamps?” Ibid. The apostle Paul said that our speech is always to be with grace. (Colossians 4:6.) “Shall we come to the marriage feast too late? We have slept too long; shall we sleep on, and be lost at last? Are there those here who have been sinning and repenting, sinning and repenting, and will they continue to do so till Christ shall come?” Ibid.

Mothers’ Words

Ellen White had some special words of counsel to speak to mothers concerning their words. These are some of the most beautiful statements in all of the Spirit of Prophecy, in my opinion, in relation to speech.

She says, “It is the heart that needs culture; for it is with the heart-life that women have to do. . . . The precious, finer feelings are to be carefully nourished that they may bloom into actions of goodness, truth, and holiness. . . . The words that are spoken by a mother should be choice words.” The Signs of the Times, March 23, 1891. God will give you the power to do it. He will give you the grace to do it.

“The mother should keep herself under perfect control, doing nothing that will arouse in the child a spirit of defiance. She is to give no loud-voiced commands. She will gain much by keeping the voice low and gentle. . . . If she is a wise Christian, she will not attempt to force the child to submit. She prays earnestly, and as she prays, she is conscious of a renewal of spiritual power. She sees that the same power that is working in her is working also in the child. He becomes more gentle, more submissive. The battle is won.” Ibid., April 1, 1903.

Our Child’s Faults

We are not to mention our children’s faults in the presence of others. “Remember that your child has rights which should be respected. Be very careful never to bring against him an unjust charge. Never punish him [now read this carefully] without giving him an opportunity to explain. Listen patiently to his troubles and perplexities. Never tell others in his hearing of his faults, or his clever sayings or doings. Even in the presence of his brothers and sisters these things should not be spoken of.” Ibid., April 23, 1902.

She goes on to say, “By speaking of his bright words and acts, you encourage self-confidence. By speaking of his faults, you humiliate him without softening him. Hatred springs up in his heart against your course, which he regards as cruel and unjust.” Ibid.

Heaven Talk

Friends, the things we have been studying are the way in which people talk in heaven. They do not speak any unpleasant words there. There are no loud, angry-voiced commands there, no angry, passionate words. They do not utter any unpleasant words there. In fact, a statement from Upward Look, 163, says, “No unpleasant words are spoken in heaven. There no unkind thoughts are cherished. There envy, evil surmising, hatred, and strife find no place.” We are to learn here how to speak, so we will be able to go to heaven. We are to learn it here, and the place we learn it, friends, is in our homes.

Confession

When I was a boy, I thought that everybody in the Adventist Church understood this, but I have had cause to wonder. The apostle James says, “He that does not offend in word is a perfect man.” James 3:2.

I do not know about you, but I have had to go to many people a number of times in my life and confess that what I had said was either not so or not right. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9.

Friends, the Lord wants to cleanse us from our improper speech. He wants to cleanse us from all the things that we have said in the past to our wives or our husbands or our children that have been wrong. But He cannot do it if we do not confess. This is so simple and basic; I was a minister for a number of years before I realized that there were many Christians who did not understand this.

Confession of sin is not just kneeling down by your bed at night and saying, “Lord, I confess my sins.” That is not proper confession; it is not wrong, but Ellen White states, in the chapter “Confession,” in Steps to Christ, that true confession is specific. Friends, if the Holy Spirit is speaking to your heart right now and telling you that you have something to confess to someone about words you have spoken, I want to appeal to you to not forget it. Write it down right now. Do not let the day go by—maybe you need to write a letter or make a long-distance telephone call.

If we want to reform our speech, one of the first steps is to confess what we have spoken that has injured or damaged someone else or is untrue or is unkind. That is a first step in procuring the kind of speech we desire in our homes.

Maybe you need to confess something to your children. Your child will never turn away from the Christian religion because you decided to confess your sins, because you decided to say to him or her, “I am sorry I said or did this to you and I want you to forgive me.” Your child will not turn away from the Christian religion when you do that.

Unless we confess our sins, the Holy Spirit cannot come into our lives and give us the power that we need to change. “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes [them] will have mercy.” Proverbs 28:13. That is talking about eternal prosperity, not just temporal prosperity.

Friends, I stand myself in very great need of mercy, do you? I know that if I am going to receive the mercy of God in my life, I must confess, and then I must forsake. Do you want that experience? Decide right now you are not going to let the day go by before making whatever confession to whomever you need to make it. It may take you more than one day.

When I first became convicted on this subject, it was as a result of a sermon I listened to by a retired Adventist minister who said that when he became a Christian, he had to write 726 letters of confession. I hope that you do not have to write that many, but I would write however many letters I need to write or call however many people I need to call, to have a clear conscience.

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

The Ten Commandments, Part XII – It Will Go Well With You

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In this series on the Ten Commandments, we have previously studied the first four commandments (Exodus 20:3–11), and we are ready to begin the second table of the Ten Commandment Law. The first table deals with the vertical relationship between God and us. The second table of the law deals with the horizontal relationship between our fellowmen and us. As mentioned in a previous article, the first table of the law came into practical application when God created Adam. The second table of the law came into practical application when God created Eve. The second table of the law is a very important aspect as we deal with our horizontal relationships.

The first table tells us how we are to worship God; the six commandments of the second table teach us how we are to treat one another. So often, religious people concentrate on the first table. Many theological discussions take place about how we are to worship God, but there are not many that make the application as to how we are to treat one another. It is part of God’s plan to regulate human relationships so we will be able to appreciate and love one another, as we love God and ourselves.

The first commandment of the second table reads: “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Deuteronomy 5:16.

Reading this commandment in Exodus 20, we see that it is a little bit different, just as the Sabbath commandment is a little bit different between Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5. “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12. Do you see the difference? The difference is that Deuteronomy 5 says that if you honor your father and your mother, not only are your days going to be prolonged, but also it will go well with you.

Falling Apart

In my ministry as a pastor, I have observed that a lot of fracturing is taking place in families today. Once stable and strong relationships are no longer as strong as they once were. There is a little saying, “The family is falling apart at the seams,” and, certainly, this is true.

What is the reason for this dissolution? The reason is that we are in violation of the fifth commandment. As we go through this study, we hopefully will be able to better understand what is involved with this commandment that says, “Honor thy father and thy mother.”

Respect for parental authority and obedience to parental law is the foundation of all order and organization. The fifth commandment deals with this. Another old saying that holds an abundance of truth is this: “As goes the home, so goes society, the nation, and the world.”

The family is the most important and fundamental unit in society and in government. In a speech given over two years ago, President George W. Bush, the forty-third president of the United States of America, emphasized the importance of the family and the home, and the significance that it consist of one man and one woman, a husband and a wife. He is determined to see that this is established and set, even going so far as endorsing a Constitutional Convention to pass an Amendment to the Constitution to establish it. This belief is in harmony with Scripture.

Families today are falling apart. I do not believe that there has been a time in earth’s history when there have been such large Social Service Departments to take care of homes that are falling apart at the seams.

Obedience to Lawful Authority

The first commandment of the second table, or the fifth commandment of the ten, is in a special position in the order of the total ten. Surely this placement is no accident, but divinely placed. Family relationships constitute the beginning of all human relationships that are set forth in the second division of God’s Law. In its broadest application, it deals with obedience to all lawful authority, in that formative part of life when characters are molded and destinies are determined.

Considering the nature of parenthood, parents, in many ways, stand in the place of God to their children until they reach the age of accountability. Then the children can transfer their accountability to God because He is ultimately the One to whom they are responsible in the final end of all things. Yet, there is still the force of the commandment that says to “Honor your father and your mother all the days of your life, so it will go well with you.”

In the earlier years of a child’s life, the parent is to that child what God is to the parent—the Lawgiver, the Overseer, and the Provider. The fact that the attitude of the child toward the parent determines his attitude toward God in later years gives the fifth commandment a double significance.

A Broader Application

When the home life is Christ-centered, the children are almost certain to fulfill both tables of the law and to respect both divine and human authority. This commandment has not just a literal application to mom and dad, but it has a spiritual application that forms the attitudes and the characters of how people relate to life from childhood to adulthood.

If children are brought up in a home where proper parental authority is exercised and where good and righteous commandments from the parents are handed down to the children, they will incorporate those into their lifestyles. They are going to relate to all other issues of authority in their lives in the right way.

This is why the commandment says, “Honor thy father and thy mother, so that it will go well with you.” Not only will it “go well with you,” but also your days will be prolonged. This is a promise from God! This is the first commandment with a promise.

Another evidence of the importance of this commandment is the fact that parenthood is a co-partnership with God in the work of creation. Reproduction is a form of creation. What greater honor could God bestow upon human beings than to share with them the power to perpetuate His creative works? If you stop and think about this, you realize that parenthood is an awesome responsibility. This is something that is not being taught to young people today.

Holy Function of Parenthood

One of the reasons, I personally believe, that God called the Seventh-day Adventist Church into existence was to bestow upon its members insights and situations where they could teach their children how to become better parents. It had to start at some point in time.

If you actually look at what was transpiring in the days when God called the Seventh-day Adventist Church into existence, you will see that parenthood and the kinds of relationships between fathers and their children that would give a right example to the children was almost nonexistent. So the children grew up with a very warped understanding of what it meant to be a parent.

So God gave counsels for us so the next generation, having exercised those counsels, could put them into practice and be better equipped to be parents. If the fifth commandment was understood, as God wanted it to be understood, not only would it affect children, but it would affect parents as well.

The realization of the holy function of parenthood will place marriage on a moral elevation that is seldom recognized in this world of sin. It will give sacredness to family relationships that will ennoble and dignify the marriage institution.

Human Relationships

While the law is divided into two tables of Ten Commandments, it is really still one law, the Law of God. Even though the second table deals with human relationships, its commands are nevertheless the commands of God, and we need to understand that the commands of God do not deal with just the first four commandments. They deal with the last six commandments also.

When we are called to give an account in the judgment, according to Matthew 25, one of the questions that will be asked is, “How have you related to those around you?” This commandment establishes that on a firm foundation.

Whole Duty of Man

Since this command is the command of God, it carries the same penalty for violation. Violation or transgression of the Law of God, the Bible says, is sin, and the wages of sin is death. (1 John 3:4; Romans 6:23.) Anytime we sin against man, we also sin against God who created man. Our ultimate responsibility, then, is to be obedient to God as defined in these ten principles.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 says, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this [is] the whole [duty] of man.” If we could really understand the first commandment and the fifth commandment, our lives would be revolutionized. We would have greater insight. We would have greater courage. We would have greater determination in our service to God and in our service to our fellowman. This is the whole duty of man.

A Matter of Being Perfect

Because the true relationship between parents and their children is based on the relationship between God and the human family, children should honor their parents, who symbolize God to them during the earlier years of their lives. While no parents in this world of sin are entirely perfect, they are usually more perfect than their children, if for no other reason than maturity. If parents are not a notch above their children in terms of maturity and righteousness, they have disqualified themselves as parents. They should always be better than their children because they have to set an example to their children.

Under most circumstances, parents are usually more perfect than their children, and that is a reason they deserve respect and courtesy from their children. Children owe their very existence to their parents. I have heard children say, “Well, I did not ask to be born.” No, they did not, but if they can ever get beyond this stage of development, they will appreciate life for what it is. They will find meaning and purpose in service, not only to God, but also to their fellowman.

My father once told me, “If you can just get a child past 17 years of age and keep him or her stabilized, he or she will usually come out on the other end pretty well.” There is a lot of wisdom in that.

One of the best ways to keep a child stabilized is to be an honorable parent. It is quite a responsibility, but a number of people do not even understand what it means to be a parent, let alone an honorable parent. In spite of this, children still owe their very existence to their parents; they are made in their image, inherit their characteristics, and depend upon them for things that sustain life.

Included with Honor

How could there be a more binding obligation of honor than that which children owe to their parents? Honor involves much more than just being obedient and doing the parent’s will. It includes affection as well.

Do you realize that there are many residents in nursing homes who never have a visitor? Oh, how I wish that was not the case. I wish that every child who has a parent in a nursing home would go to visit him or her on a regular basis.

Honor includes affection. Honor includes respect. Honor includes human reverence. Honor means to hold in high esteem because of recognition of superiority. Can you see how God placed these concepts in this commandment?

Magnify the Law

Jesus came, the Bible says, to magnify the law and to make it honorable. (Isaiah 42:21.) In the days of Jesus, there was no honor, no recognition, and no reverence of parents when they became old. They were just put away. There was given no high esteem or recognition of superiority.

Parenthood has been established by God and is, therefore, divinely ordained. He has placed this command concerning parents in the Ten Commandments because it is something that God foresaw as a need for the human family.

Family Government

As God’s representatives, parents are given divine authority to rule the family government.

Many people have problems with the Federal Government or their State Government. They do not want this or any other authority over them. Do you know why? Because they never had the proper government at home as a child. They were never taught the proper relationship to authority at home.

The lack of regard for authority, whether parental, civil, or divine, is the greatest evil of this modern world. One reason for this is the fact that ministers have preached for so long that the law was nailed to the cross. The prevalent message has been, we do not have to keep the commandments anymore; they were nailed to the cross. Now, after decades and decades of time, people believe this message, and we are reaping the results of this erroneous preaching.

There was a time when the Ten Commandments were strongly upheld and believed by the Protestant world. Every missionary sent out to other lands had the desire to not only present God but also to present the plan of salvation and God’s requirements of His people. They taught that the Ten Commandments were binding upon every soul in the world because that would be the standard of the judgment.

Then Seventh-day Adventists began to preach that the law is still binding, and specifically so as it is centered in the fourth commandment that says, “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.” When the Protestant preachers, who had been upholding the law all these years, heard this preaching and felt the guilt and condemnation that came from their breaking the Sabbath day, they began to search for an answer, some solution that would soothe their own conscience and allow them to continue on as they always had. The only solution, the only answer, they had was that the law has been done away with, nailed to the cross. Truth was replaced with error. And as this philosophy began to be accepted, we can see that the next generation began to slip, and the words of the apostle Paul rang out loud and clear: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, . . . .” 11 Timothy 3:1, 2. In what time are we living? We are living in the last days.

We must guard ourselves very carefully that we do not find ourselves beholding and becoming like the maxims of the world, following the world’s traditions where we are taught that God’s Law no longer makes a difference; we should just do the nice thing. Situational ethics reign. We must guard ourselves against that, so we do not fulfill the prophecy we just read, given by the apostle Paul.

Respect for All

While the fifth commandment applies primarily to the honoring of parents by their children, in a broader sense it includes respect for all that are in positions of leadership and authority. Children should be taught to respect their schoolteachers. This is something that is on the skids today. The teachers know it, and the children know it. When children at large get into trouble at school today, they tell their teachers that they do not have to mind them because this is what their mothers tell them.

What example is shown to such a child? What is the home setting of such a child? This is the child that will ultimately find himself or herself incarcerated behind bars. Any sociological investigation will reveal that most individuals are in prison today because they have had faulty parental guidance in their formative and early years. They have not learned to honor authority and respect the laws.

Children should be trained to respect their teachers because, in fact, the teachers stand in the place of the parents while they have the children under their tutelage. Teachers also have superior knowledge and experience in thought, speech, attitude, and conduct. Honor is to be shown to whom honor is due, which includes all who are superior in position, in experience, and senior in age.

Hoary Heads

The Bible speaks of the hoary head, the white hairs. “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I [am] the Lord.” “The hoary head [is] a crown of glory, [if] it be found in the way of righteousness.” Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 16:31. There is something that comes with white hair—more than wrinkles. There is wisdom that comes just by virtue of length of life.

Children need to understand this, but in many instances we do not see this concept being practiced in the world. We do not see it being taught in the school. We do not see it being worked out in business, in government, or in the church. Instead, there seems to be an “anything goes” policy. No honor is given to anything or anyone.

Rebellious Music

Much of the music that young people are allowed to listen to today is music that incites rebellion against not only parental authority but also any authority. That is totally contrary to the experience that God desires to bring into the lives of people.

Music with words that incite rebellion is usually accompanied by a rhythm that thrills the flesh. Many of the young claim that they do not listen to the words; in fact, they cannot even hear the words, but they do like the music. Do not think for a moment that the devil is not at work. He is attacking the fifth commandment because he knows that if God can get His point across, if He can successfully bring a reformation in the homes and in the families through the power of His Holy Spirit, the devil’s power is broken. The devil knows this, so he is working overtime and double time against the two commandments that bridge the law between the divine and the human—the Sabbath and the home.

If importance of the commandments could be rated, these two commandments should have more importance than the others because with these two there, the others are going to be naturally and automatically understood and obeyed.

The Cornerstone

Home government is the cornerstone of all government. The peace and prosperity of all people depend upon the recognition of all constituted authority, and this comes through the proper discipline in the home. There are times that a child needs to be told no and under no circumstances should it turn into a yes.

You know of situations, as do I, where a child is told no, but the child whines or cajoles until the parent finally changes it to, “just this once,” or “okay, under these circumstances.” This is the very worst thing that can ever happen.

Parents, even if you have made a mistake in saying no, you had better bite the bullet and let it remain no. If you give in to your child, your position of authority drops down a notch or two in your child’s mind. The honor your position deserves has been compromised. Do not think for a moment that the devil will not take advantage of such a situation. When you say no, mean no!

Power of Example

Parents should remember that a good example is always more powerful for good than just saying yes or no. The honor parents receive from their children depends to a large extent on their own conduct and their own discipline.

Through His messenger, Ellen White, God has given counsel to parents on the raising of children in books such as, Child Guidance and Fundamentals of Christian Education. The Adventist Home was also given as counsel for the adult sector. God has shown how we are to order our lives so that the whole movement can move together. That is what God intended should take place—reform not only from the standpoint of the young people, but also from the standpoint of the older people.

Parents need to remember that they must provide a proper example. The more honorable parents are, the more honor they will receive from their children.

Train up a Child

The promise is given, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. This text not only has a positive promise, but it has a negative promise as well. If you train up a child in the wrong way, when he is old, he is not going to depart from it either.

Statistics show us that the greatest time of reaping for souls is when people are young. The older an individual grows, the less likely it is that there is going to be any change because they become so set in their ways. This is why we are told that today is the day of salvation. (Luke 19:9.)

If you train up a child to go in the right way, when he is old, he is not going to depart from it. I have seen children who have been raised in God-fearing homes go over “Fool’s Hill.” Sometimes, years later, the Holy Spirit is able to draw these wanderers back to the path of salvation because their roots are in God’s Law. I have seen it happen over and over again.

On the other hand, I have watched undisciplined children who have been allowed to grow up as wild animals. They have not been disciplined or taught how they should relate to people or have respect and honor for their teachers and people in positions over them. When these children go out into the world, many of them will be lost to the kingdom because they were never taught how to respect or to honor anything or anybody but themselves. They have no roots in the law that the Holy Spirit can draw upon to bring them back into the fold.

It takes hard work to love and to train children. Nobody knows that any better than God does. In an effort to provide the right kind of foundation for our homes, He wrote His Law on tables of stone with His own finger and said, “These principles are going to last for eternity.”

Heaven on Earth

In this age, when nothing seems secure and love is empty, parents need to make the home as attractive, secure, and filled with God’s love as possible. The home can be a little heaven on earth when its atmosphere is filled with love and fellowship. This is why the apostle Paul concludes, in 1 Corinthians 13—that we are instructed to read every day—“The greatest of these is love.”

When love is the controlling principle in the home, it will be the most wonderful place in the world, and the children will delight to honor their parents, not only as they are being raised by them but as they enter into their elder years as well. The promise will be sure. It will be fulfilled as they move down through the years that if you honor your father and your mother, it will go well with you.

To be continued . . .

A retired minister of the gospel, Pastor Mike Baugher may be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org.

The Ten Commandments, Part XIV – ’Til Death Do us Part’

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In this series, we have been studying the Ten Commandments as recorded in Deuteronomy 5, and we have discovered that there are some changes and some additions in comparison to Exodus 20. Deuteronomy 5 is a pastoral rendering of the law by Moses in one of his Sabbath sermons to the children of Israel, just before they crossed over the Jordan River.

In this article, we will be studying the seventh commandment as found in Deuteronomy 5:18. In this text, it contains one extra word from that which is recorded in Exodus 20:14. “Neither shalt thou commit adultery.” The additional word is neither, which connects this text to the commandment that is given in verse 17: “Thou shalt not kill.”

The first three commandments given in the second table are very specific in their order. They center around the home and on the lives of those who make up the home. The fifth commandment, you may recall, tells us how we are to relate to that place, to those people, where life begins and where relationships have their origin—the home. The sixth commandment unfolds the sacredness of human life.

Just as the sixth commandment points to the value of human life, the seventh commandment points to the place of sexuality in human life. Writing on this commandment, one biblical scholar stated that sexuality is enormously wondrous and enormously dangerous. The danger of sexuality is that it is capable of evoking desires that are destructive of persons and of communal relations.

When the ancient Israelites interpreted the commandment about adultery, they understood it in a very limited sense: it was a prohibition against sexual relations with the wife of another man. The violation of another man’s wife was viewed so seriously that it was a capital offense. Leviticus 20:10 reads, “And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man’s wife, [even he] that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”

A Sacred Gift

Human life centers in more than just one person; it centers in two people—the male and the female. Each is uniquely different, but when they are brought together, the Bible tells us, they become “one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. They form a beautifully composed unit of oneness. Human sexuality is a gift from God that is sacred and that is meant to be reserved for nurturing the lives of a man and a woman together into the bonds of an everlasting unity. The seventh commandment deals with the guarding of that relationship of oneness from any outside source of interference, so that the happiness and the perpetuity of the home and the family can be maintained on the earth.

God made provision for everything that would affect the human family so as to promote the greatest safety and harmony. The most intimate, the most binding, the most sacred of all human relationships is marriage, and it is upon this relationship that the very existence and the perpetuity of the human race depend. Marriage is a divine ordinance, older than any other human institution. Marriage is older than man’s fall and sin. Marriage is as old as Eden and the creation of man and woman.

After God had finished the creation of all animal life on the sixth day, He saw that “it was very good.” Genesis 1:31. When God said that “it was very good,” this included everything about the human creation. It included the very fact that God has placed in His Law a commandment that deals with sexuality. Sexuality is very good, as far as God’s pronouncement is concerned. What has happened, however, is that sexuality, as a result of sin, has become something nasty and bad in the minds of many people, and it is taught and perpetuated that way.

Selfishness

In Genesis 1:28, God commands the first man and woman whom He created to “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” The process of obeying this command is a sexual process—man and woman, sperm and egg, coming together in union form a new creature, ordained by God, blessed by God through the sanctity of marriage. No problem was considered that would affect this process, until sin came on the scene. When sin entered the Garden of Eden, almost immediately a shame came upon Adam and Eve, the Bible says, because “they were naked.” Genesis 3:7. Selfishness set in, and the divine plan that God had ordained turned into human purpose and was driven by human emotions. Adultery is the supreme example of selfishness—I need this for me; my wife or my husband does not meet my needs.

Great changes began to take place in that which God had pronounced as “very good.” One of the human family became subjugated by the other. Man held the rule, and woman became subjugated by man. God’s plan was distorted. The earth became wicked and violent, and, as a result of that violence, God destroyed everything upon the earth except that which was contained in the ark.

God designed the commandment that forbids adultery for the human family to protect husband and wife and to safeguard the rearing of children who had respect for God and for the human race. The seventh commandment is in God’s Law for this purpose.

A Sensitive Subject

Sex is a very sensitive subject because we have been subjected to unbalanced and false information. Very early on, in the Christian church, tampering began to take place, as far as sexuality was concerned, in the human mind. The church began to tamper with other commandments, and we know the result of that as far as the Sabbath/Sunday issue is concerned. We, as Seventh-day Adventists, have focused on that aspect of the tampering of the commandments. But, in reality, even though the wording of the seventh commandment was not tampered with, the understanding and the application of sexuality in the human family was.

By the fifth century, a monk in the Catholic Church by the name of Augustine began to set the tone for Christian thinking that would continue for centuries. Orders of monks came into being as well as convents for nuns and a distorted view of what God had pronounced “very good.” They began to teach and believe that chastity was the most favored position that the human race could hold. Such beliefs were taught in the schools of the church. The leaders began to destroy any and all documents and arts that had any reference to sexual matters. This is why, to a large extent in the European areas where Catholic influence has been felt, we have very little understanding of sexuality in earlier centuries. We have to go into areas where the Catholic influence was not felt to really understand the teachings that were going on at that time.

Out of this period came the Victorian era. The Victorian era is responsible for negatively impacting more people psychologically than perhaps any other era that has come to pass in this earth’s history. Today, we are still feeling the results of the Victorian era concerning sexuality. Generally, the first references children hear regarding their sexual organs are terms such as icky pooh and nasty. That comes from the Victorian mentality, and such thoughts have messed up innumerable people.

So, sex is indeed a very sensitive subject, because we have never fully understood what the Bible has to say about sex. We have never been able to come completely out of the Victorian era, which contended that sex is wrong, that it should not be preached about or discussed.

In Your Heart

Jesus said, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:27, 28.

Jesus expands on these verses from the Sermon on the Mount telling what this commandment is prohibiting. It is not just the overt behavior of adultery that is being prohibited, but also the very disposition within us that underlies such behavior—the lust within us that gives rise to the kind of leers that veritably “undress” another person in order to feed the fires of our fantasized desires.

If you admire something long enough, you will soon want it. And if you want something long enough and bad enough, you will probably find a way to get it. We need to be careful, because sin starts in the mind. So the sin begins in looking and in thinking about that which is forbidden. The mind is the incubator of almost every deed that is done.

Ellen White counsels: “Our meditations should be such as will elevate the mind. ‘Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.’ [Philippians 4:8.] Here is a wide field in which the mind can safely range. If Satan seeks to turn it to low and sensual things, bring it back. When corrupt imaginings seek to gain possession of your mind, flee to the throne of grace, and pray for strength from heaven. By the grace of Christ it is possible for us to reject impure thoughts. Jesus will attract the mind, purify the thoughts, and cleanse the heart from every secret sin. ‘The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God; . . . casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.’ [11 Corinthians 10:4, 5.]” Christian Temperance and Bible Hygiene, 136.

Adultery Lifestyles

Adultery is more than living a Clinton lifestyle. There is long distance adultery; the Internet opens up the possibilities for cyber adultery. This is a sin. Imagine spending hours tantalizing and playing with another human. And how do you even know if you are talking to a male or a female? If a married person allows his or her mind to fantasize about another person, they are playing with a fire that might just burn up their marriage. Your marriage gets torched when you are in the chat room dabbling with another person. Do not play with fire unless you want to spend some time in the burn unit. You know, I am sure, when the burn unit will occur. The New Testament is just as clear as the Old Testament when it says that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Galatians 5:21.) Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers will be in the kingdom of heaven. The Bible is very plain on this.

Another kind of adultery is pornographic adultery. You get burned when you allow your mind to feast on pornographic images, which come onto your computer screen or into your mailbox. You need to avoid these temptations. Job had it figured out, when he said, “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” Job 31:1. That is a good covenant to make.

We need to eliminate anything that stirs us up with this type of temptation. Maybe we need to clean out the magazines in our houses. Maybe we need to get rid of some of the videos in our houses. Maybe we need to call the cable company and cancel certain channels, or, better yet, get rid of the television! We need to get our Bibles and read them.

Heed the counsel given in 1 Corinthians 7:2, 3: “Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”

And then there’s another type of adultery. We would call it premarital adultery, or fornication or cohabitation. Did you know that individuals who cohabit and then marry are 33 percent more likely to divorce than if they had not?

Purity is also expected if you are unmarried. Fornication includes those who live together before marriage. A girl who is shacked up with her boyfriend is very likely to suffer physical abuse. A child who lives in such a home with his or her mother’s boyfriend is 73 times more vulnerable to experience fatal abuse than a normal child. (See Maggie Gallagher, The Abolition of Marriage, Regnery Publishing, Washington, D.C., 1996, 31.)

Consequences

Adultery does have consequences that are not usually shown in the fictitious world of movies, television soaps, or make-believe stories and books. Those things teach us that adultery is all love and fun, and everything is fine. But, I will tell you that eternal life is certainly jeopardized. Health is endangered. Happiness is squandered. Your reputation is cheapened. Your marriage is often irreparably destroyed. Your children suffer the consequences for generations to come. Your family name will be dragged into the dirt. Can you really afford adultery?

Breaking the seventh commandment produces broken homes and poverty. Almost 75 percent of American children living in fatherless households will experience poverty before the age of 11, compared to only 20 percent of those raised by two parents. Such children tend to drop out of school and develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide and fall victim to child abuse or neglect. Males from such households are more likely to become violent criminals. In fact, men who have grown up without dads currently represent 70 percent of the prison population serving long-term sentences. (See Michael G. Moriarty, The Perfect 10, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1999, 113.)

Consider as well the other commandments that are broken when adultery occurs. Adultery is stealing; it steals the love from another; it steals someone’s spouse away. Adultery destroys trust, and jeopardizes the family. Adultery is a living lie. It is done without the knowledge of the spouse. Adultery is coveting someone who does not belong to you.

A Symbol

In faithful, lifelong committed relationships—those in which the partners say, and really mean, “ ’til death do us part”—we have the opportunity to mirror something that is divine. We have the opportunity to mirror in our own relationships that same quality of faithfulness with which, throughout our lives, God relates to us.

By being faithful to your spouse, you are enhancing your ability to be faithful to God. The purpose of the seventh commandment is to build an atmosphere where two people can experience the highest joy and deepest intimacy as they both grow more and more into the fullness of the image of Jesus Christ. God’s commitment and fidelity to us is eternal. He created us, too, for fidelity. God wants to protect that bond, but Satan works overtime to destroy the Christian home, because it represents that connection.

This seventh commandment is about chastity, faithfulness, and the overcoming of lust. Yet the truth of the matter is that these qualities in our relationships are too difficult for us to accomplish all on our own. You see, the rest of society is just too heavily invested in tempting us away from these. So to come anywhere near succeeding at them, we need to understand the value and worth of chastity, faithfulness, and the overcoming of lust, and ask God to help us obtain and maintain His virtue in our lives each day.

“Let every one who desires to be a partaker of the divine nature, appreciate the fact that he must escape the corruption that is in the world through lust. There must be a constant, earnest struggling of the soul against the evil imaginings of the mind. There must be a steadfast resistance of temptation to sin in thought or act.” Review and Herald, June 12, 1888.

The apostle Paul writes, in 1 Thessalonians 4:3: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.”

To be continued . . .

A retired minister of the gospel, Pastor Mike Baugher may be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org.

Recreation

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You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.” Matthew 5:14.

Jesus has called Seventh-day Adventists to be representatives in this world that has no moral rudder and is going to eternal ruin at lightning speed. As His representatives, we are to be holding back the tide of evil that is sweeping our world. Those who are standing for truth and righteousness will be “the salt of the earth.” Matthew 5:13. “In many different ways His grace is also acting as the salt of the earth; whithersoever this salt finds its way, to homes or communities, it becomes a preserving power to save all that is good, and to destroy all that is evil.” Review and Herald, August 22, 1899.

Glorify God

As God’s ambassadors, we are to glorify God in every activity in which we engage. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31. [Emphasis added.] I would like to examine this phrase, “whatever you do.” Would this include everything that I read? Watch? Listen to? Would it include every recreation in which my family and I engage? Yes, this phrase must encompass every activity in which I engage.

The Greek word for glory is doxa, which means, “to honor.” In other words, I am to promote the honor and glory of God in everything I do. Those things that would not bring honor to the name of God would need to be abandoned, so I do not fall even farther from the glory of God. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23.

“Seventh-day Adventists, above all people, should be patterns of piety, holy in heart and in conversation. To them have been entrusted the most solemn truths ever committed to mortals. Every endowment of grace and power and efficiency has been liberally provided. They look for the near return of Christ in the clouds of heaven. For them to give to the world the impression that their faith is not a dominating power in their lives is greatly to dishonor God.” Maranatha, 113. [Emphasis added.]

Temptations Abound

Because of the increasing power of Satan’s temptations on the people of God, we are in constant danger of having our faith overthrown by the enemy of souls. God’s people need to be constantly on their guard, watching to make sure that every step is in harmony
with our Great Pattern. We should be analyzing every activity in which we participate, making sure that what we are doing is in harmony with heaven, that angels may be by our side as protection from the enemy. Paul predicted, “that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be . . . lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” 11 Timothy 3:1, 2, 4.

The Natural Mind

It is necessary for God’s professed people to choose carefully the recreation in which we participate. “Satan is a persevering workman, an artful, deadly foe. . . . He is in every sense of the word a deceiver, a skilful charmer. He has many finely woven nets, which appear innocent, but which are skilfully prepared to entangle the young and unwary. The natural mind leans toward pleasure and self-gratification. It is Satan’s policy to manufacture an abundance of this. He seeks to fill the mind with a desire for worldly amusement, that there may be no time for the question, How is it with my soul?” Review and Herald, August 29, 1912.

Notice carefully that Satan is trying to entangle our souls in worldly amusements that will keep our minds occupied, so that we have no time to examine our hearts to see what our standing is before God in this judgment hour. “You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.” 11 Timothy 2:3, 4.

Satan wants to fill our minds with the amusements that control our world to divert our minds and to bring us down to a low level. “Everything that Satan can devise to divert the mind of man from its accountability to God he will devise. Look at the many amusements and pleasures he has set in operation to keep men from thinking.” The General Conference Bulletin, April 1, 1899.

Ellen White also stated, in the previous Review and Herald statement, “The natural mind leans toward pleasure and self-gratification.” This is spoken of the unconverted people, the ones whose affections are set on earthly pleasure. They love what the world loves and hate what God loves. They are unmindful of what pleases God. The gratification of self is their ultimate goal. “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh.” Romans 8:5. “Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind.” Ephesians 2:2, 3. “(For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, [that they are] the enemies of the cross of Christ: . . . who mind earthly things.)” Philippians 3:18, 19.

In order for us to choose amusements that are approved of God, we must first ask God for a true conversion in our lives. The unconverted will not be able to understand in what activity God would have him engage. “But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know [them], because they are spiritually discerned.” 1 Corinthians 2:14. Without being converted, we shall surely make the wrong choice in what activity we are to be engaging as individuals or families. Our only safeguard is to be converted daily.

Unsafe Amusements

What amusements are unsafe for our participation?

Ellen White provided counsel regarding the pursuit of pleasure and amusement centers in the cities: “Many parents who choose a city home for their children, thinking to give them greater advantages, meet with disappointment, and too late repent their terrible mistake. The cities of today are fast becoming like Sodom and Gomorrah. The many holidays encourage idleness. The exciting sports—theatergoing, horse racing, gambling, liquor-drinking, and reveling—stimulate every passion to intense activity. The youth are swept away by the popular current. Those who learn to love amusement for its own sake open the door to a flood of temptations. They give themselves up to social gaiety and thoughtless mirth, and their intercourse with pleasure lovers has an intoxicating effect upon the mind. They are led on from one form of dissipation to another, until they lose both the desire and the capacity for a life of usefulness. Their religious aspirations are chilled; their spiritual life is darkened. All the nobler faculties of the soul, all that link man with the spiritual world, are debased.” Christ’s Object Lessons, 54.

Since television was an invention of the future in Ellen White’s day, she wrote of the theaters. These were places where people went to watch the drama of their choice. The same principle would apply to television viewing as to theater attendance. The television is in nearly every home in the United States, bringing to the minds of its viewers its soul-destroying vice. The television is referred to by some as the “home hypnotist.”

“Television viewing, because of the time it takes, can keep us away from other meaningful activities and pursuits, including spending time with God. When we look at an average person’s weekly activities before and after the arrival of television, we see that the amount of time in church or in reading spiritual material such as the Bible, has noticeably decreased.” Joe L. Wheeler, Remote Controlled: How TV Affects You and Your Family, Review and Herald Publishing Association, Hagerstown, Maryland, 1993, 45–50.

If you are interested in learning more about the harmful effects of television, read “The Frontal Lobe,” chapter 12 of the book, Proof Positive. A detailed study of the adverse effects of television is given there. (Dr. Neil Nedley, Nedley Publishing, Ardmore, Oklahoma, 1998.)

Effects of Television

For now, following are 17 harmful effects of watching unprofitable television for you to ponder. Television

  1. produces a hypnotic effect, bypassing frontal lobe filtering.
  2. reduces time spent in interesting reading and learning.
  3. weakens brain power.
  4. encourages poor lifestyle habits.
  5. encourages obesity.
  6. increases daydreaming.
  7. weakens creativity.
  8. may reduce our powers of discrimination.
  9. trains in non-reaction.
  10. influences viewers to regard violence lightly.
  11. makes children more irritable.
  12. increases aggressiveness.
  13. accelerates sexual activity.
  14. is addictive.
  15. reduces time available for productive achievements.
  16. steals time from family interaction.
  17. adversely affects spiritual pursuits.

Television viewing is the recreation of choice by many people in our contemporary world, but Christians are to separate completely from this sort of recreation. The same principle, I believe, should also be applied to the time that we spend on the Internet.

Guard Senses

We are to guard carefully our five senses, especially our eyes, ears, and mouth. “We are to watch every avenue of the soul, lest Satan come in and desecrate the temple of the heart, which should be wholly consecrated to God. We are to watch lest passion take possession of the soul, to watch lest selfish thoughts are cherished. The reason why there is not more vitality and power in the church is that we do not work and watch as we should. We should stand as faithful sentinels at the post of duty. I pray that the grace of Christ may come into our hearts, and that we may be ever watching for opportunities to do good.” The Signs of the Times, August 6, 1885.

Jesus said, “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are [the things] which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.” Matthew 15:18–20. A person would have these kinds of sins in his or her life because of the time spent in viewing and listening to questionable things.

“They will talk of what they love most, and give thought and study to that, until by beholding they are changed to the same earthly image. Their conformity to worldly customs holds them in captivity to the god of this world; for ‘his servants ye are to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey.’ [Romans 6:16.]” The Signs of the Times, March 31, 1887.

“I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.” Psalm 101:3.

“He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil.” Isaiah 33:15.

“And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.” 11 Corinthians 6:16–18.

WWJD

Many Christians, wearing their necklaces and bracelets with the inscription “WWJD” (What Would Jesus Do), may be seen entering the theaters, playing the card game, Solitaire, or other games on their computers, or patronizing the sports arenas and musical concerts. These things divert the mind away from the eternal realities and cause us to neglect the necessary preparation for heaven.

“Many of the amusements popular in the world today, even with those who claim to be Christians, tend to the same end as did those of the heathen. There are indeed few among them that Satan does not turn to account in destroying souls. Through the drama he has worked for ages to excite passion and glorify vice. The opera, with its fascinating display and bewildering music, the masquerade, the dance, the card table, Satan employs to break down the barriers of principle and open the door to sensual indulgence. In every gathering for pleasure where pride is fostered or appetite indulged, where one is led to forget God and lose sight of eternal interests, there Satan is binding his chains about the soul.” The Adventist Home, 515.

In what kind of recreation should a Christian be involved? Is it acceptable to be found playing volleyball, softball, or basketball, for example? Ellen White wrote: “I do not condemn the simple exercise of playing ball; but this, even in its simplicity, may be overdone.” Ibid., 499. If these games are conducted correctly, they can be beneficial to our health and provide a wholesome atmosphere for children and for adults. These types of activities, if played without a spirit of competition and frivolity, are a good source of fresh air and exercise. They must be, as Ellen White described, “played in a good spirit.” Arthur L. White, Ellen G, White, vol. 6, The Later Elmshaven Years 1905–1915, Review and Herald Publishing Association, Washington, D.C., 370.

Family Activities

Mrs. White gave counsel regarding acceptable activities for the family.

“Fathers, . . . Give some of your leisure hours to your children; become acquainted with them; associate with them in their work and in their sports, and win their confidence. Cultivate friendship with them, especially with your sons. In this way you will be a strong influence for good.” The Adventist Home, 222.

“James White greatly admired Canright; it was a natural gesture to invite them to come to the mountains and join them in regaining their health. The two families enjoyed worshiping, hiking, horseback riding, and picnicking together.” Arthur L. White, vol. 2, 386.

“Nothing can increase the strength of the young like proper exercise of all the muscles in useful labor.” Child Guidance, 340.

“In pleasant weather let parents walk with their children in the fields and groves. Amid the beautiful things of nature tell them the reason for the institution of the Sabbath. Describe to them God’s great work of creation. Tell them that when the earth came from His hand, it was holy and beautiful. Every flower, every shrub, every tree, answered the purpose of its Creator. Everything upon which the eye rested was lovely and filled the mind with thoughts of the love of God. Every sound was music in harmony with the voice of God. Show that it was sin which marred God’s perfect work; that thorns and thistles, sorrow and pain and death, are all the result of disobedience to God. Bid them see how the earth, though marred with the curse of sin, still reveals God’s goodness. The green fields, the lofty trees, the glad sunshine, the clouds, the dew, the solemn stillness of the night, the glory of the starry heavens, and the moon in its beauty all bear witness of the Creator. Not a drop of rain falls, not a ray of light is shed on our unthankful world, but it testifies to the forbearance and love of God.” Testimonies, vol. 6, 358.

School Activities

“Gymnasium exercises may in some instances be an advantage. They were brought in to supply the want of useful physical training, and have become popular with educational institutions; but they are not without drawbacks. Unless carefully regulated, they are productive of more harm than good. Some have suffered life-long physical injury through these gymnasium sports. The manual training connected with our schools, if rightly conducted, will largely take the place of the gymnasium.” Christian Education, 211.

“Vigorous exercise the pupils must have. Few evils are more to be dreaded than indolence and aimlessness. Yet the tendency of most athletic sports is a subject of anxious thought to those who have at heart the well-being of the youth. Teachers are troubled as they consider the influence of these sports both on the student’s progress in school and on his success in afterlife. The games that occupy so much of his time are diverting the mind from study. They are not helping to prepare the youth for practical, earnest work in life. Their influence does not tend toward refinement, generosity, or real manliness.” The Adventist Home, 500.

“The healthful exercise of the whole being will give an education that is broad and comprehensive. Every student should devote a portion of each day to active labor.” Counsels to Parents, Teachers, and Students, 308.

“Some months after getting settled, Ellen White made an earnest appeal to the believers to establish a church school. She was particularly gratified that she could make available nearly an acre of land in a little triangle near the Sanitarium Road. This she set aside for the church school for as long as it should be operated there. On it a building was erected and eventually enlarged to accommodate a ten-grade school. She was pleased that her own grandchildren could attend this school. Part of her cow pasture just across the Sanitarium Road was soon serving as a baseball field.” Arthur L. White, vol. 5, 36.

More information on this subject is available in the pamphlet by Ellen White entitled Recreation.

Our Action

“Let the professed Christian ask himself, Can I seek God’s blessing upon the scene of pleasure? Would my Master be a guest at such a place? Will angels minister to me there? Can I there let my light so shine before men, that they may be led to glorify God?” The Signs of the Times, February 23, 1882.

May the Lord help us guard the amusements in which we engage so that we will not be swept away by the popular current of today.

Marriage

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Several years ago, a fellow ministerial colleague and I conducted a fiftieth wedding anniversary remarriage ceremony. As we went through the ceremony, I could not help but notice the happiness, joy, and love that radiated from the countenances of the husband and wife. They were positive with their attitudes toward each other, and they clung to each other as though they were just getting married for the first time! Truly, I must say, I was wonderfully amazed and pleasantly proud of both persons. Their actions, love, and respect for each other outshone couples that have come before me at the altar for the first time to get married.

After the ceremony concluded, I decided to ask the celebrants what had kept them together for 50 long years, and, at the same time, be still experiencing that love and intimacy which all true, healthy, and strong marriages experience. As I approached the beaming couple, they looked to me invitingly with pleasant smiles, and I quickly, yet privately, posed my question: “What kept you both happily married for 50 years?”

Their answer was simple, yet powerful in application: “You have to learn to give and to take.” A rather interesting answer indeed! This philosophy, practiced by this husband and wife, has kept them together for 50 years of their lives. Of course, I must mention that they are committed Seventh-day Adventist Christians, and their spiritual commitment to Christ enabled them to learn to give to and to take from each other.

Some time ago, my wife and I were invited to my hometown church reunion, and I knew that I would be seeing and getting reacquainted with longtime friends and contemporaries whom I had not seen for years! I was surprised to discover, upon meeting some of them, that they were divorced and had remarried. I distinctly remember one of my acquaintances asking me, “Are you still married?”

To which I responded, “Yes!”

The question that followed was rather interesting. It was, “To the same person?”

I again answered, “Yes!”

Changing Times

It seems quite strange in these days that there exists a private notion, even among Seventh-day Adventist Christians, that assumes that marriage between a man and a woman is not “until death do us part.” The thought prevails that lifelong, happy marriage relationships can no longer exist; things, times, and people have changed. But, may I ask, have not things, times, and people always been changing?

Yet, in years past, marriages have survived the storms and tempests, so what is the difference now? I would hasten to answer that the issue is a human problem. In our contemporary age, it is said that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. In the year 1900, the number of marriages that were conducted were 709,000. In that same year, the number of divorces that took place were 55,751, giving us a marriage/divorce ratio of 12.7/1. However, by the year 1980, the number of marriages that were performed had risen to 2,413,000, and the number of divorces was 1,182,000, giving a marriage/divorce ratio of 2.01/1. (Alanzo H. Smith, When Loving You Is Destroying Me, Brentwood Christian Press, Columbus, Georgia, 1996, 49.)

Amazingly, it is said that, since the beginning of the year 2000, for every three marriages, both in the world as well as in the church, two end in divorce! Why is this so? Why are marriages, in these contemporary days, experiences of such major destruction? Again, I say, it is a human problem.

The majority of us human beings has rejected God and His wisdom and has been building on our own wisdom. In past years, the Word of God was the foundation of the home, the school, the church, and society. Prayer was prized as a chief weapon for success and prosperity. In this contemporary age, man’s wisdom, and man’s wisdom only, is recognized by the majority of earth’s population; consequently, deterioration has occurred! It would do us good to remember and to apply the words of the Psalmist ourselves: “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psalm 127:1.

So, in spite of all that is happening to marriage, how can the Christian remain happily married in a contemporary world such as ours, which is so anti the traditional, biblical marriage?

Answer for Survival

In Matthew 7:24–27, Jesus presents the answer for the survival of the marriage institution, the home, the church, the school, and society: “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.”

Christ expanded upon this answer in Luke 6:47–49: “Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will show you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.”

It is important for us to note what Jesus is not saying. Jesus, here, is not saying that there will not be any storms or tempests in a Christian marriage.

He is saying that when the storms come, there will not be any permanent damage, because, in the Christian home, His words are heeded, and He is made the foundation upon which the marriage is built.

I have heard it said that the biggest problem with the American family is that they think marriage should not have any problems. What we all need to remember is that Jesus has not promised that there will not be any problems in marriage, but He has pointed out that the marriage that stands is the one built on the Word of God.

You see, the strong marriage and the weak marriage look alike from the outside, but it is when the tests of storms and tempests come that the truth is thereby revealed. Therefore, we should pay strict attention to the apostle Paul’s counsel and warning as given in 1 Corinthians 7:27, 28: “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.”

Note carefully what Paul says: “But and if thou marry . . . such shall have trouble in the flesh.” Understandably, then, there is no marriage that is storm proof, trouble proof, or that will never experience trials and difficulties. Troubles are the lot of all marriages! Yes, the troubles may vary from marriage to marriage, but troubles of all sizes and intensities must be expected in every marriage. The survival secret is to build upon Christ!

The Foundation

Ellen White counseled: “Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity, yet it may be shallow because it has not been tested and tried. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger.

“Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.” The Adventist Home, 105, 106.

Jesus, speaking of what it truly means to build upon Him, explains: “It is not enough, He says, for you to hear My words. By obedience you must make them the foundation of your character. Self is but shifting sand. If you build upon human theories and inventions, your house will fall. By the winds of temptation, the tempests of trial, it will be swept away. But these principles that I have given will endure. Receive Me; build on My words.” The Desire of Ages, 314.

The apostle James understood Christ’s words fully. That is why he wrote, “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” James 1:22.

The Rock

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” Matthew 7:24, 25.

The psalmist David identifies the rock to be the Lord. He states: “The Lord [is] my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, [and] my high tower.” Psalm 18:2.

Also, in Psalm 62:2, David maintains that, “[God] only [is] my rock and my salvation; [he is] my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.” And, in Psalm 31:3, David’s prayer is, “For thou,” speaking of the Lord, “[art] my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.”

The prophet Isaiah speaks of Christ as “a great rock in a weary land”! “Behold, a king shall reign in righteousness, and princes shall rule in judgment. And a man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.” Isaiah 32:1, 2.

The apostle Paul affirmed that Christ was the Rock that went with His people in ancient times: “And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:4.

Upon what must a storm-proof marriage be built? As Dr. S. M. Davis put it, in the recorded presentation, “How to Build a Storm-Proof Marriage,” the foundation must be the:

1) Rock of a covenant instead of the sand of a contract;
2) Rock of humility instead of the sand of pride;
3) Rock of communication instead of the sand of silence;
4) Rock of unconditional love instead of the sand of emotion;
5) Rock of acceptance and praise instead of the sand of anger and putdowns;
6) Rock of building each other instead of the sand of inactivity;
7) Rock of changing instead of the sand of stubbornness;
8) Rock of salvation instead of the sand of religion. (www.joycenter.on.ca)

Only Hope

The only hope for the survival of every marriage in this era is to build upon Christ the Rock. The sentiment of every Christian husband and wife, as well as those who are contemplating marriage, should be like that of the hymn writer, Edward Mote:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness seems to veil His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, and blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found;
Clad in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

The Church Hymnal, Review and Herald Publishing Association, Washington, D. C., 1941, 581.

Let us build marriages that will last not only for time but also for eternity!

Escaping Shipwreck of the Home

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The devil wants us to make shipwreck of our homes! This is a special temptation to young people, and, thus, we need to understand very clearly how we can avoid this, because a shipwrecked home can lead to the most unhappiness in this world and, many times, to shipwreck of eternity.

How can we have a sure anchor in our homes? Paul’s shipwreck experience, as recorded in Acts 27, has a great deal of information for us as we are studying this subject: “Now when much time was spent, and when sailing was now dangerous, because the fast was now already past, Paul admonished [them], And said unto them, Sirs, I perceive that this voyage will be with hurt and much damage, not only of the lading and ship, but also of our lives. Nevertheless the centurion believed the master and the owner of the ship, more than those things which were spoken by Paul.” Verses 9−11. We read in this passage that the time for sailing had past. Consequently, Paul was admonishing the shipmaster that the voyage was going to be disastrous. He counseled him not to go, and he warned that a voyage would result in disaster, not only to the ship and the cargo, but also to life.

But the captain did not listen. After all, Paul was a prisoner trying to tell the captain what he should do. The chain of command certainly does not generally work that way! Normally, prisoners do not tell captains what to do, but Paul was a unique prisoner.

How was Paul unique? He had not committed any crimes, and he was privileged to be a messenger from God. This prisoner, this messenger from God gave instruction to not sail, because doing so would result in shipwreck. What happened? The captain ignored the messenger from God and sailed, and they were shipwrecked.

Take note that the centurion decided to believe “the master and the owner of the ship.” We might say that he accepted and believed worldly counselors instead of God’s messenger. He accepted the knowledge of people who had degrees in these types of things, of professional people who should have known what they were doing.

There were two other reasons why the centurion accepted the worldly counsel and rejected the counsel of God’s messenger: “And because the haven was not commodious to winter in, the more part advised to depart thence also, if by any means they might attain to Phenice, [and there] to winter; [which is] an haven of Crete, and lieth toward the south west and north west.” Verse 12. What does it mean that “the haven was not commodious to winter in”? It was not comfortable enough; it was not convenient enough. It would not have been the best location, we might say. And what was the other reason given? “The more part advised to depart.” The majority spoke against what Paul had said, so the centurion, instead of accepting what the messenger from God had said, followed worldly counselors. He took into consideration what was convenient or comfortable and followed the majority.

Are either of those good reasons to reject what God is trying to tell us through His messenger? No, they are not, yet we find these very reasons being used today to reject what God has told of how to escape shipwreck.

We all have homes, and we know that as young people enter their later teen years and older, there is a desire to establish a home of their own. That is natural; there is nothing wrong with that desire. As they mature, their emotions become more active, and it is easy to become attracted to and to develop not just a friendship but a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. This is natural too; this is a desire that God has put into us, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Unfortunately, in many situations this desire leads to shipwreck, and lives are ruined because of wrong or unwise choices that are made. The same reasons for which the centurion rejected God’s messenger are used today. The worldly counselors say it is a good thing to do, or it is more convenient or more comfortable to not follow what God’s messenger has revealed to us. Or they say that everybody is doing it so it cannot be that bad, but if everybody shipwrecks, do you want to shipwreck too? No, the only safety for us as young people to escape shipwreck in our homes is to follow implicitly what God has revealed through His messengers, through the Bible, and through the Spirit of Prophecy.

The Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible that I have enjoyed studying since I have become a Seventh-day Adventist. The Bible used by the church of which I was formerly a member does not contain this book written by the wisest of men. They simply removed it from their version of the Bible. So when I became a Seventh-day Adventist and began to study it, I discovered that it teaches a number of very important principles. We will look at just one; this is repeated three times in the book. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please.”

Look at the last part of the text, “stir not up, nor awake [my] love.” If you read this verse from the King James Version, you will notice that the word my is in italics. What does that mean? It means that it is supplied by the translators in an attempt to make the wording flow better. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is more literal—and sometimes it helps us to understand the verse better—if we recognize that a supplied word is not in the original Greek or Hebrew.

So, the text would actually read, “that you stir not up, nor awake love, until it pleases.” That is telling us that there is a time to love and a time not to love. It says that we are not to stir it up until it is the right time. Many, many young people are shipwrecked by not following the counsel of this verse. Many are shipwrecked by allowing love to awaken before it is time.

We see this so often today. Even in first grade, children just five and six years of age are pairing off. As they go from five and six to maybe nine or ten years old, the same thing is happening, and that is not beneficial, because the Bible says to not stir love up until he please.

Consider the following points as to when it is safe to enter into a relationship.

Know the Creator

If we simply understand the principle of not allowing our emotions to control us and of waiting until it is the right time for love, it would save hundreds and thousands of young people from shipwreck. You can no doubt see that, because all around us are shipwrecked homes and many of these shipwrecked homes are the direct result of not following these principles.

Let us look at the first marriage and see what we can understand about this first relationship that developed. Genesis 2:21, 22 says, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” In the Garden of Eden, on the sixth day of creation, before the Sabbath, God first made Adam. God could have made Adam and Eve together; it would have been no problem. He spoke, and all the animals came forth; all the plants came forth; but He did not make Adam and Eve together.

Adam was made first so he could become acquainted with God. God wanted Adam to develop a relationship with Him first. It is feasible that if God had made Adam and Eve together, instead of developing a relationship with their Creator, their eyes would have locked on each other, and then they would not have had that relationship with their Creator. So God made Adam first, and He put Adam in the garden where he could become acquainted with his Creator before anyone else.

Then, after Adam had named all the animals, he realized that they all had partners, but he did not, so God put Adam to sleep. God could have made Eve without putting Adam to sleep. He could have just formed the dust of the ground and breathed into Eve, and there Adam’s mate would have been. But God put Adam to sleep, and as He took the rib from Adam, formed Eve, and breathed into Eve the breath of life. Who was the first one with whom Eve developed a relationship? With her Creator—because Adam was asleep! I believe that God put Adam to sleep so that Eve could develop a relationship with her Creator before she did with Adam.

We must, before we contemplate an earthly relationship, have a relationship with our Creator. Anything else is in danger of leading us to shipwreck in our homes, which frequently results in shipwreck of eternity as well. The story of Adam and Eve shows that both the man and the woman need to have a relationship with their Creator before any romantic relationship is developed. Did Adam lead Eve to the Creator? No, that is not how it happened, because if Adam had led Eve to the Creator, her first allegiance would have been to Adam rather than to her Creator.

At times, there may be somebody who has an interest in someone who is not a Seventh-day Adventist; he or she may not even be a Christian. So the individual may start a Bible study course with the person in whom he is interested. Bible studies are a good thing, but it is very dangerous to try to lead someone in whom you are interested to the Lord. Why? Because their first allegiance would be to you rather than to the Lord. I know you may disagree, but I have seen such a situation more than once. I have seen people who seem to be solid in the faith; then something happens to the person in whom they are interested and they go out of the faith. Both individuals need to have a relationship with their Creator before they are prepared for a relationship with each other.

Lifework

“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:15, 19, 20.

This account is very instructive. Here we find that Adam was created, but he was not just introduced to his Creator and then given Eve. God first gave to Adam a way to live. God gave to Adam his lifework before he gave him his life companion. We need to know and to be prepared for our lifework before we enter into a relationship. Why do you think this would be a good idea?

What if you believe God is calling you to be a missionary to a foreign country, but before you prepare for your life calling, you develop an interest in someone who believes that his or her life calling is to be a doctor or to be a businessman or businesswoman in your home country? There is nothing wrong with being a physician or a businessperson. As long as the biblical principles are followed, their work is very honest and commendable. But if God has called you to be a missionary to another country and has called your person of interest to be a businessperson in the home field, there is a serious conflict of interest. It is hard for both of you to do your lifework, so one or the other has to give up on his or her life calling. God’s plan is that we know and that we are prepared for our lifework before entering into a relationship.

By the way, Adam could prepare for his lifework better and could probably work better if he was not thinking about Eve. So often, young people begin to prepare for their lifework, but instead of preparing for their lifework, they are developing an interest in someone, and that takes all their time. The relationship detracts from what their preparation needs to be.

Financial Responsibility

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8. Do you want to be worse than an infidel? An infidel is someone who is not a Christian, such as an atheist or an agnostic. An infidel has no interest in religion whatsoever and is usually opposed to Christianity.

If we do not provide for our own, we have denied the faith and are worse than an infidel! So, is it a very wise thing to get married if we have no way to support a family? Financial stresses are ranked as one of the highest causes of divorce. I am not saying that we must own our own business or have to own a house, but we need to have some way to support a family.

Godly Counselors

A very difficult story for us in this day and age in which we live is given in Genesis 24. “And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Verses 2−4.

Here was Abraham, and he was arranging for the marriage of his 40-year-old son Isaac. If we were 40, would we think that our parents would have the right to direct so intimately in our affairs? But Isaac trusted his father’s judgment, and it does not seem that Isaac was involved at all.

Now, I am not saying that is exactly the way it must be, but a principle is revealed here. Isaac listened to godly counselors. Our parents, if they are in the Lord, are the best counselors we have. Isaac listened to godly counselors, and Isaac escaped shipwreck.

Counselors are important, because love is blind. Even if we follow all these principles, a degree of blindness still exists. It is very hard when someone counsels against what our heart wants. God has made it plain that there is an important place for godly counselors, because many times when our emotions get stirred up, it is hard for us to think rationally. It is much easier for godly counselors to see the situation rationally. We need to seek advice from godly counselors, even if we are 40 years old!

Poor Judge

God’s messenger, Ellen White, stated: “A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.” Messages to Young People, 452. Now, you may look at me and say that I am out of my teens, so that is easy for me to read, but I read that when I was a teenager. And when I read that, and I decided that if it said that a youth not out of his teens is not a fit judge, then I did not want to enter into a relationship until I was out of my teens.

I realize that when you are a teen, that seems like a very difficult thing. I was there! But although that was written 100 years ago, the statistics today reveal that if that statement were followed today, there would be a lot fewer shipwrecked homes. Some Internet statistics for marriages in the United States show that the divorce rate is 50 percent for those who marry and are under the age of 18. For those who marry and are under the age of 20, the divorce rate is 40 percent, and for those who wait until they are 25 or older, the divorce rate is 25 percent. You can see from the statistics that what we were told 100 years ago was wise counsel, because as we mature, we change.

Looking back to when I was 17, which was not that long ago, I know my personality was much different then than what it is now. For those of you who struggle with timidity, I think I was as timid as any person could possibly be, but as we grow and mature, we change. Many people, when they marry young, start separating as they mature and change, resulting in a shipwrecked home. That is why the Lord gave us this counsel.

Allow God to Lead

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21–23.

Does it appear as though Adam was searching under every leaf in the garden to try to find a mate? No, Adam allowed God to lead. If we do not want to shipwreck our homes, we must allow God to lead. I do not believe it is safe to enter into a relationship unless both persons involved know that God is leading. Many times young people enter into a relationship because they think the person is cute or has a funny personality. They say that they are not making a commitment yet, and that may be true, but as they enter into a relationship and the hearts start to grow together, it is much harder to see God’s leading. It is much more difficult to objectively consider the relationship, and frequently what happens is that two people get married without a knowledge of God’s direct guidance and leading. We need to know, before we enter into any relationship, whether or not God is leading. Adam did; Eve did; they knew that God was leading.

Passed By

Oh but we may think that we are going to get passed by. God does not withhold any good thing from us, and the Lord promises that if we commit our ways to Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 84:11; 37:4.)

Ellen White wrote, “Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him.” The Adventist Home, 43.

We need to come to that point of total and complete surrender and say, “Lord, I do not want to choose; that decision is too big for me. Please choose for me.” When we come to that point of complete surrender, God can work, and God can lead.

I believe if we follow these simple steps that God gives, He will guide us, and we will escape shipwreck in our homes. In summary, the steps are:

  1. both individuals in a relationship must have a knowledge of the Creator;
  2. both individuals must know and be prepared for their lifework;
  3. we must be prepared to support a family even before entering into a relationship;
  4. we should follow godly counselors; and
  5. we should allow God to lead.

Do you want to escape shipwreck? I do; I do not want to have a home that is dashed against the rocks without an anchor. That could lead to the loss of eternity as well. I want God to be my captain and my pilot, that He may bring me safely to the harbor.

May we each one follow the principles God has given to us that we might escape shipwreck, that we might have a sure and a solid anchor.

Cody Francis is currently engaged in public evangelism for Mission Projects International. He also pastors the Remnant Church of Seventh-day Adventist Believers in Renton, Washington. He may be contacted by e-mail at: cody@missionspro.org.