husband

Lifestyle – Temperance – Marriage

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No discussion of temperance would be complete without a discussion of sexual passion. God created man with sexual desires and desires for intimacy. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:24-25. Let us analyze this well-known, but not always well followed, verse.

The first prerequisite for marriage is that the man is to leave his father and mother. So, before the man marries, he is to leave his family home and establish a home of his own. Many youth are looking for relationships and intimacy before they meet the first requirement of marriage, to be established themselves and able to maintain a household. The next step is to cleave unto his wife, not his girlfriend, boyfriend, an acquaintance, or family of orgin. Once this marriage relationship is begun, the couple should then cleave to each other and look to no one else for intimacy. It is then that God allows intimacy in the form of nakedness and sexual relationship. Much of our world today has lost the shame of nakedness (Revelation 16:15), as often the way we dress leaves more and more of the body exposed for all to see. Could this also be part of why sexual intimacy is no longer seen as something that is not exclusive to marriage?

Once a man and a woman have committed to marriage, the Lord says, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matthew 19:9. Divorce has become rampant both in and out of the church with divorce occurring in nearly 50 percent of marriages. Not only has society rejected that marriage is a lifelong commitment made in the presence of a holy God, but it seems that we have forgotten that to remarry, when the cause of divorce is not fornication, is committing adultery. It is important to remember to, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” I Corinthians 6:18.

In the Old Covenant, the punishment for adultery was severe, “And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” Leviticus 20:10. In the New Covenant, the punishment is eternal death (Revelation 22:15).

Through the ministry of Jesus, we learn that we are also to keep the law with our inward thoughts. In Matthew 5:28 the Lord says, “That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Therefore, the seventh commandment of the Decalogue, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” begins with modest, Godly dress that does not reveal our nakedness, circumspect behavior, appropriate courtship, and then purity, maintained by each partner in the marriage relationship.

“Let your moderation [abstinence from that which is harmful and moderation of that which is good] be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.” Philippians 4:5.

Bible Study Guides – God’s Order

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July 24, 2011 – July 30, 2011

Key Text

“One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity.” I Timothy 3:4.

Study Help: The Adventist Home, 211–228, 231–243.

Introduction

“Never forget that you are to make the home bright and happy for yourselves and your children by cherishing the Saviour’s attributes. If you bring Christ into the home, you will know good from evil. You will be able to help your children to be trees of righteousness, bearing the fruit of the Spirit.” The Adventist Home, 17.

1 CHRIST AS OUR EXAMPLE

  • How are we to live if we claim to be followers of Christ? I John 2:6. How can we do this? John 15:4, 5.

Note: “Our growth in grace, our joy, our usefulness—all depend upon our union with Christ. It is by communion with Him, daily, hourly—by abiding in Him—that we are to grow in grace. He is not only the Author, but the Finisher of our faith. It is Christ first and last and always. He is to be with us, not only at the beginning and the end of our course, but at every step of the way.” Steps to Christ, 69.

  • What should we realize about His help in our varying circumstances? Hebrews 2:17, 18; 4:15, 16; II Corinthians 3:18.

Note: “Christ came to this world to show that by receiving power from on high, man can live an unsullied life. With unwearying patience and sympathetic helpfulness He met men in their necessities. By the gentle touch of grace He banished from the soul unrest and doubt, changing enmity to love, and unbelief to confidence.” The Ministry of Healing, 25.

2 HUSBAND AS THE HEAD

  • Whom is the husband to represent to his family? Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29, 33.

Note: “Husbands should study the pattern and seek to know what is meant by the symbol presented in Ephesians, the relation Christ sustains to the church. The husband is to be as a Saviour in his family. Will he stand in his noble, God-given manhood, ever seeking to uplift his wife and children? Will he breathe about him a pure, sweet atmosphere?” The Adventist Home, 117.

  • How is the husband to show Christ’s character in the home? Matthew 20:26, 27.

Note: “All members of the family center in the father. He is the lawmaker, illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues: energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness. The father is in one sense the priest of the household. …

“To the man who is a husband and a father, I would say, Be sure that a pure, holy atmosphere surrounds your soul. … You are to learn daily of Christ. Never, never are you to show a tyrannical spirit in the home. The man who does this is working in partnership with satanic agencies. Bring your will into submission to the will of God. Do all in your power to make the life of your wife pleasant and happy. Take the word of God as the man of your counsel. In the home live out the teachings of the word. Then you will live them out in the church and will take them with you to your place of business.” The Adventist Home, 212–214.

  • What Bible rule is necessary in order that the family can function in the best possible way? I Timothy 3:2. In what area must we be especially guarded?

Note: “Polygamy had become so widespread that it had ceased to be regarded as a sin, but it was no less a violation of the law of God, and was fatal to the sacredness and peace of the family relation.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 145.

“If those who profess to be the depositaries of God’s law become transgressors of its precepts, they separate themselves from God, and they will be unable to stand before their enemies.” Ibid., 457.

3 HOW SHALL HE LEAD?

  • What characteristics are needed by men? Psalm 103:13; II Timothy 2:24; I Peter 3:7.

Note: “The Lord has constituted the husband the head of the wife to be her protector; he is the house-band of the family, binding the members together, even as Christ is the head of the church and the Saviour of the mystical body. Let every husband who claims to love God carefully study the requirements of God in his position. Christ’s authority is exercised in wisdom, in all kindness and gentleness; so let the husband exercise his power and imitate the great Head of the church.” The Adventist Home, 215.

“In life’s toilsome way let the husband and father ‘lead on softly,’ as the companion of his journey is able to endure. Amidst the world’s eager rush for wealth and power, let him learn to stay his steps, to comfort and support the one who is called to walk by his side.” Ibid., 218.

  • How can we be sure that a father should nevertheless control his family? ITimothy 3:4, 5; I Samuel 3:13.

Note: “The children are to be taught that their capabilities were given them for the honor and glory of God. To this end they must learn the lesson of obedience; for only by lives of willing obedience can they render to God the service He requires. … Few parents begin early enough to teach their children to obey. … Wise parents will not say to their children, ‘Follow your own choice; go where you will, and do what you will’; but, ‘Listen to the instruction of the Lord.’ Wise rules and regulations must be made and enforced, that the beauty of the homelife may not be spoiled.” Reflecting Christ, 172.

  • How do these principles correspond with the various functions within the church? I Timothy 4:12 (last part).

Note: “No man can bring into the church an influence that he does not exert in his home life and in his business relations.” Reflecting Christ, 179.

4 PUT ON KINDNESS

  • Of what must fathers and all of us be careful in our relationships with both our blood and church families? Colossians 3:21.

Note: “Those who profess to be followers of Christ and are at the same time rough, unkind, and uncourteous in words and deportment have not learned of Jesus. A blustering, overbearing, faultfinding man is not a Christian; for to be a Christian is to be Christlike. The conduct of some professed Christians is so lacking in kindness and courtesy that their good is evil spoken of. Their sincerity may not be doubted; their uprightness may not be questioned, but sincerity and uprightness will not atone for a lack of kindness and courtesy. The Christian is to be sympathetic as well as true, pitiful and courteous as well as upright and honest.

“Any negligence of acts of politeness and tender regard on the part of brother for brother, any neglect of kind, encouraging words in the family circle, parents with children and children with parents, confirms habits which make the character unchristlike.” The Adventist Home, 427.

  • Instead of provoking, what is a husband’s God-given responsibility? Ephesians 6:4.

Note: “If we would have our children practice kindness, courtesy, and love, we ourselves must set them the example. … No rude language should be indulged; no bitter words should be spoken. All may possess a cheerful countenance, a gentle voice, a courteous manner; and these are elements of power. … Your courtesy and self-control will have greater influence upon the characters of your children than mere words could have.” The Adventist Home, 421.

  • What must be the role of men in the task of training the children in the home and in the church? Proverbs 1:7; 4:1; 13:1; 15:5.

Note: “The father’s duty to his children cannot be transferred to the mother. If she performs her own duty, she has burden enough to bear. … The father should not excuse himself from his part in the work of educating his children for life and immortality. He must share in the responsibility.” The Adventist Home, 216.

5 CHOOSING OUR PRIORITIES

  • In today’s busy society, what should influence the daily decisions we make? Joshua 24:15.

Note: “The Christian’s first duty is in the home.” Reflecting Christ, 167.

“If you do only those things necessary to your temporal comfort and happiness, you will find time to read your Bible with prayerful interest and to perfect a Christian character.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 112.

  • What should be kept in mind regarding the responsibility of providing food, clothing and shelter for our families? Matthew 6:33; Mark 4:19; Luke 21:34.

Note: “Souls are looking at you, fellow Christians, to see whether you are drunken with the cares of this life, or are preparing for the future, immortal life. They will watch to see what the influence of your life is, and whether you are true missionaries at home, training your children for heaven.” Reflecting Christ, 167.

“If you have given yourself to God, to do His work, you have no need to be anxious for tomorrow. … When we take into our hands the management of things with which we have to do, and depend upon our own wisdom for success, we are taking a burden which God has not given us, and are trying to bear it without His aid. We are taking upon ourselves the responsibility that belongs to God, and thus are really putting ourselves in His place.” Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, 100.

PERSONAL REVIEW QUESTIONS

1 Who should be the father’s example and guide? How do you learn from God?

2 Who is the husband to represent in the family?

3 Explain how the father is to rule in the home.

4 Whose principal responsibility is it to work for the spiritual development of the family?

5 In order to accomplish God’s plan, what must be your daily decision?

Copyright © 2002 Reformation Herald Publishing Association, 5240 Hollins Road, Roanoke, Virginia. Reprinted by permission.

A Letter to Newlyweds

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Dear Edson & Emma,

My dear children, I am desirous that you should know Christ by experimental knowledge of Him yourselves. You should obtain an experience for yourselves and be His earnest, faithful servants, manifesting perseverance and zeal and energy in the work and cause of God. Seek to exemplify Christ in your lives. Seek to adorn your profession. Take an exalted position in divine things, seeking to perfect Christian character.

You, my children, have given your hearts to one another; unitedly give them wholly, unreservedly to God. In your married life, seek to elevate one another, not to come down to common, cheap talk and actions. Show the high and elevating principles of your holy faith in your everyday conversations and in the most private walks of life. Be ever careful and tender of the feelings of one another. Do not allow either of you for even the first time, a playful bantering, joking, censuring of one another. These things are dangerous. They wound. The wound may be concealed, nevertheless the wound exists, and peace is being sacrificed and happiness endangered when it could be easily preserved.

Edson, my son, guard yourself and in no case manifest the least disposition savoring of a dictatorial, overbearing spirit. It will pay to watch your words before speaking. This is easier than to take them back or efface their impression afterwards. Brother Winslow has made his married life very bitter by a dictatorial, ordering spirit, savoring of the arbitrary. He has made his wife’s family much trouble by the set will savoring of perverseness.

Edson, shun all this. Ever speak kindly; do not throw into the tones of your voice that which will be taken by others as irritability. Modulate even the tones of your voice. Let only love, gentleness, and mildness be expressed in your countenance and in your voice. Make it a business to shed rays of sunlight, but never leave a cloud. Emma will be all to you you can desire if you are watchful and give her no occasion to feel distressed and troubled and doubt the genuineness of your love. Yourselves can make your happiness, or lose it. You can, by seeking to conform your life to the Word of God, be true, noble, elevated, and smooth the pathway of life for each other.

Edson, you, my dear boy, have to educate yourself in practicing self-control. God help you, my much loved son, to see the force of my advice and counsel to you. Be careful every day of your words and acts. Yield to each other. Yield your judgment sometimes, Edson; do not be persistent if your course appears just right to yourself. You must be yielding, forbearing, kind, tenderhearted, pitiful, courteous, ever keeping fresh the little courtesies of life, the tender acts, the tender, cheerful, encouraging words. And may the best of Heaven’s blessings rest upon you both, my dear children, is the prayer of your mother. Manuscript Release, vol. 20, 333, 334.

The End

Editorial – What God Has Joined, part 3

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Instead of trying to find a way to be able to violate God’s counsel and still be saved, the converted Christian will be seeking to bring every aspect of his life into harmony with the divine standard. If Jesus truly has our heart, we will be willing to suffer inconvenience, and even hardship, rather than dishonor our Redeemer by disregarding His revealed will. All of the universe is watching to see who we deem worthy of the greatest honor and whether or not we are trustworthy and faithful servants. The one who is saved is one who swears to his own hurt (as many have done in their marriage vows) and changes not. (See Psalm 15.)

“I have received a letter from your husband. I would say that there is only one thing for which a husband may lawfully separate from his wife or a wife from her husband, and that is adultery.

“If your dispositions are not congenial, would it not be for the glory of God for you to change these dispositions? . . .

“My sister, you cannot please God by maintaining your present attitude. Forgive your husband. He is your husband, and you will be blessed in striving to be a dutiful, affectionate wife. Let the law of kindles be on your lips. You can and must change your attitude.” Manuscript Releases, vol. 1, 161.

Following an editorial like this one, we will no doubt receive many letters and calls. However, please let me tell you in advance, as we have told many others, we do not believe that any church, or any human being, has the prerogative to determine morality—a determination as to what is right and what is wrong. God has revealed the standard of morality in His Law and in the explanations of that Law given us in the inspired writings. While we can share with you these messages, we dare not venture to advise you as to the course that you must follow.

“Oh,” somebody might say, “mine is a special case.” No matter now singular it is, all that a Protestant pastor can do is read what the Word of God says that is applicable. While we fully believe in the grace of God over people in complicated situations, let us be careful that we do not abuse the grace of God and outrage the Holy Spirit (see Hebrews 10:26), thereby losing our soul. Over and over again the apostle Paul urged upon Christians not to deceive themselves. If the record book in heaven reveals that the divorce you are contemplating was made from selfishness, all of the reasons in the world will be of no avail in excusing you from following God’s revealed will. What will you say in the day when the Lord asks you why you were not afraid to put asunder that which He had joined together? How will you escape a verdict that you are a traitor against the divine government and not subject to the Lord of heaven?

“The last great day is right upon us. Let all consider that Satan is now striving for the mastery over souls. He is playing the game of life for your souls. Will there be sins committed by you on the very borders of the heavenly Canaan? Oh what revealings! The husband will know for the first time the deception and falsehood that have been practiced by the wife whom he thought innocent and pure. The wife for the first time will know the case of her husband, and the relatives and friends will see how error and falsehood and corruption have been clustering about them; for the secrets of all hearts will stand revealed. The hour of Judgment is almost here,—long delayed by the goodness and mercy of God. But the trump of God will sound to the consternation of the unprepared who are living, and awaken the pale nations of the dead.” Review and Herald, May 24, 1887.

The root of the apostasy that led to the Dark Ages was the idea that something could be added or taken away from the Word of God by the church or the clergy. This concept was the very fountain from which flowed the errors of Babylon. (See The Great Controversy, 289, 290.) If we ever condone that which God has not condoned, we will be in serious trouble indeed.

“We must as a people arouse and cleanse the camp of Israel. Licentiousness, unlawful intimacy, and unholy practices are coming in among us in a large degree; and ministers who are handling sacred things are guilty of sin in this respect. They are coveting their neighbors’ wives, and the seventh commandment is broken. We are in danger of becoming a sister to fallen Babylon, of allowing our churches to become corrupted, and filled with every foul spirit, a cage for every unclean and hateful bird; and will we be clear unless we make decided movements to cure the existing evil?” Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, 188.