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Bible Study Guides – A Christian Home

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May 15, 2004 – May 21, 2004

Memory Verse

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” Proverbs 1:8

Suggested Reading: The Acts of the Apostles, 203, 204; Testimonies, vol. 1, 697–706; vol. 2, 414–419; vol. 3, 527–534.

Introduction

“Upon fathers and mothers rest to a large degree the responsibility for the mold of character that their children receive. . . . If parents will teach their children to conduct themselves according to the principles of the Word of God, these children will unconsciously teach others what it means to be Christians. Let parents maintain true Christian dignity before their children, and they will be greatly aided in their work of upbuilding the kingdom of Christ.” This Day With God, 307.

1 What instruction is given to the husband and wife in the home? Ephesians 5:22–25, 28–33.

note: “Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . .” The Adventist Home, 95.

2 What admonition is given parents in reference to their children? Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21.

note: “The children in every family are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Evil propensities are to be controlled, evil tempers subdued; and the children are to be instructed that they are the Lord’s property, bought with His own precious blood, and that they cannot live a life of pleasure and vanity, have their own will and carry out their own ideas, and yet be numbered among the children of God. The children are to be instructed with kindness and patience. . . . Let the parents teach them of the love of God in such a way that it will be a pleasant theme in the family circle, and let the church take upon them the responsibility of feeding the lambs as well as the sheep of the flock.” Child Guidance, 42.

3 What instruction is given children concerning their duty toward their parents? Exodus 20:12; Colossians 3:20. Compare Ephesians 6:1, 2.

note: “Our obligation to our parents never ceases. Our love for them, and theirs for us, is not measured by years or distance, and our responsibility can never be set aside. . . .

“Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. . . . The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission, and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in old age.” My Life Today, 278.

4 What further admonition is given children in this matter by Solomon? Proverbs 1:8; 13:1.

note: “This young man has made light of his father’s authority, and despised restraint. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It lies at the foundation of a proper education. Those who, having a favorable opportunity, have failed to learn this first great lesson, are not only disqualified for service in the cause of God, but are a positive injury to the community in which they live.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 208.

“Patiently and perseveringly will the godly mother instruct her children, giving them line upon line, and precept upon precept, not in a harsh, compelling manner, but in love; and in tenderness will she win them. They will consider her lessons of love, and will happily listen to her words of instruction.” Review and Herald, August 8, 1899.

5 What example of obedience to and care of parents is left by the Saviour? Luke 2:51; John 19:25–27.

note: “Notwithstanding the sacred mission of Christ, His exalted relationship with God, of which He was fully aware, He was not above performing the practical duties of life. He was the Creator of the world, and yet He acknowledged His obligation to His earthly parents, and at the call of duty, in compliance with the wishes of His parents, He returned with them from Jerusalem after the Passover, and was subject unto them.” Lift Him Up, 32.

“The eyes of Jesus wandered over the multitude that had collected together to witness His death, and He saw at the foot of the cross John supporting Mary, the mother of Christ. . . . The last lesson of Jesus was one of filial love. He looked upon the grief-stricken face of His mother, and then upon John; said He, addressing the former: ‘Woman, behold thy son!’ Then, to the disciple: ‘Behold thy mother!’ John 19:27. John well understood the words of Jesus, and the sacred trust which was committed to him. . . . The perfect example of Christ’s filial love shines forth with undimmed luster from the mist of ages. While enduring the keenest torture, He was not forgetful of His mother, but made all provision necessary for her future.” The Story of Redemption, 224.

6 How should the youth regard the aged? Leviticus 19:32; 1 Timothy 5:1. Compare 11 Kings 2:23, 24.

note: “God has especially enjoined tender respect toward the aged. He says, ‘The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.’ Proverbs 16:31. It tells of battles fought, and victories gained; of burdens borne, and temptations resisted. It tells of weary feet nearing their rest, of places soon to be vacant. Help the children to think of this, and they will smooth the path of the aged by their courtesy and respect, and will bring grace and beauty into their young lives . . . .” Education, 244.

“We have in our ranks too many who are restless, talkative, self-commending, and who take the liberty to put themselves forward, having no reverence for age, experience, or office. The church is suffering today for help of an opposite character—modest, quiet, God-fearing men, who will bear disagreeable burdens when laid upon them, not for the name, but to render service to their Master, who died for them. Persons of this character do not think it detracts from their dignity to rise up before the ancient and to treat gray hairs with respect. Our churches need weeding out. Too much self-exaltation and self-sufficiency exists among the members.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 340.

7 What important counsel is given the young in Ecclesiastes 12:1? See also Lamentations 3:27.

note: “Teach your children that youth is the best time to seek the Lord. Then the burdens of life are not heavy upon them, and their young minds are not harassed with care, and while so free they should devote the best of their strength to God.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 397.

“Children and youth should begin early to seek God; for early habits and impressions will frequently exert a powerful influence upon the life and character. Therefore the youth who would be like Samuel, John, and especially like Christ, must be faithful in the things which are least, turning away from the companions who plan evil and who think that their life in the world is to be one of pleasure and selfish indulgence. Many of the little home duties are overlooked as of no consequence; but if the small things are neglected, the larger duties will be also. You want to be whole men and women, with pure, sound, noble characters. Begin the work at home; take up the little duties and do them with thoroughness and exactness. When the Lord sees you are faithful in that which is least, He will entrust you with larger responsibilities. Be careful how you build, and what kind of material you put into the building. The characters you are now forming will be lasting as eternity.” The Adventist Home, 297.

8 What reminder is also given to the youth? Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10; 12:14.

note: “Dear young friends, that which you sow, you will also reap. Now is the sowing time for you. What will the harvest be? What are you sowing? Every word you utter, every act you perform, is a seed which will bear good or evil fruit and will result in joy or sorrow to the sower. As is the seed sown, so will be the crop. God has given you great light and many privileges. After this light has been given, after your dangers have been plainly presented before you, the responsibility becomes yours. The manner in which you treat the light that God gives you will turn the scale for happiness or woe. You are shaping your destinies for yourselves.” Testimonies, vol. 3, 363.

“A little time spent in sowing your wild oats, dear young friends, will produce a crop that will embitter your whole life; an hour of thoughtlessness, once yielding to temptation, may turn the whole current of your life in the wrong direction. You can have but one youth; make that useful. When once you have passed over the ground you can never return to rectify your mistakes. He who refuses to connect with God, and puts himself in the way of temptation, will surely fall. God is testing every youth.” Ibid., vol. 4, 622, 623.

9 What will aid the young to live a Christian life? Psalm 119:9, 11.

note: “We know the dangers and temptations that beset the youth at the present time are not few or small. . . . We live in an age when to resist evil calls for constant watchfulness and prayer. God’s precious Word is the standard for youth who would be loyal to the King of heaven. Let them study the Scriptures. Let them commit text after text to memory, and acquire a knowledge of what the Lord has said. . . . And in trial let the youth spread out the Word of God before them, and with humble hearts, and in faith, seek the Lord for wisdom to find out His way, and for strength to walk in it. . . .” My Life Today, 315.

10 How may all obtain true knowledge? Proverbs 2:1–6.

note: “We must turn away from a thousand topics that invite attention. There are matters that consume time and arouse inquiry, but end in nothing. The highest interests demand the close attention and energy that are so often given to comparatively insignificant things.

“Accepting new theories does not in itself bring new life to the soul. Even an acquaintance with facts and theories important in themselves is of little value unless put to a practical use. We need to feel our responsibility to give our souls food that will nourish and stimulate spiritual life. [Proverbs 2:2–11, A.R.V.; 3:18 quoted.]

“The question for us to study is, ‘What is truth—the truth that is to be cherished, loved, honored, and obeyed?’ ” The Ministry of Healing, 456.

11 What does the Lord ask of the young? Proverbs 23:26.

note: “The Saviour of the world loves to have children and youth give their hearts to Him. There may be a large army of children who shall be found faithful to God, because they walk in the light, as Christ is in the light. They will love the Lord Jesus, and it will be their delight to please Him. They will not be impatient if reproved; but will make glad the heart of father and mother by their kindness, their patience, their willingness to do all they can in helping to bear the burdens of daily life. Through childhood and youth, they will be found faithful disciples of our Lord.” Messages to Young People, 333.

12 What great work is to be wrought in homes before the Lord comes? Malachi 4:5, 6.

note: “I [Ellen White] am instructed to urge upon our people most earnestly the necessity of religion in the home. Among the members of the household there is ever to be a kind, thoughtful consideration. Morning and evening let all hearts be united in reverent worship. At the season of evening worship, let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If, during the day, one has wronged another, or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured. Often grievances are cherished in the mind, and misunderstandings and heartaches are created that need not be. If the one who is suspected of wrong be given an opportunity, he might be able to make explanations that would bring relief to other members of the family.

“ ‘Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,’ that ye may be healed of all spiritual infirmities, that sinful dispositions may be changed. Make diligent work for eternity. Pray most earnestly to the Lord, and hold fast to the faith. Trust not in the arm of flesh, but trust implicitly in the Lord’s guidance.” Review and Herald, November 8, 1906.

The Ten Commandments, Part XIV – ’Til Death Do us Part’

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In this series, we have been studying the Ten Commandments as recorded in Deuteronomy 5, and we have discovered that there are some changes and some additions in comparison to Exodus 20. Deuteronomy 5 is a pastoral rendering of the law by Moses in one of his Sabbath sermons to the children of Israel, just before they crossed over the Jordan River.

In this article, we will be studying the seventh commandment as found in Deuteronomy 5:18. In this text, it contains one extra word from that which is recorded in Exodus 20:14. “Neither shalt thou commit adultery.” The additional word is neither, which connects this text to the commandment that is given in verse 17: “Thou shalt not kill.”

The first three commandments given in the second table are very specific in their order. They center around the home and on the lives of those who make up the home. The fifth commandment, you may recall, tells us how we are to relate to that place, to those people, where life begins and where relationships have their origin—the home. The sixth commandment unfolds the sacredness of human life.

Just as the sixth commandment points to the value of human life, the seventh commandment points to the place of sexuality in human life. Writing on this commandment, one biblical scholar stated that sexuality is enormously wondrous and enormously dangerous. The danger of sexuality is that it is capable of evoking desires that are destructive of persons and of communal relations.

When the ancient Israelites interpreted the commandment about adultery, they understood it in a very limited sense: it was a prohibition against sexual relations with the wife of another man. The violation of another man’s wife was viewed so seriously that it was a capital offense. Leviticus 20:10 reads, “And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man’s wife, [even he] that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”

A Sacred Gift

Human life centers in more than just one person; it centers in two people—the male and the female. Each is uniquely different, but when they are brought together, the Bible tells us, they become “one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. They form a beautifully composed unit of oneness. Human sexuality is a gift from God that is sacred and that is meant to be reserved for nurturing the lives of a man and a woman together into the bonds of an everlasting unity. The seventh commandment deals with the guarding of that relationship of oneness from any outside source of interference, so that the happiness and the perpetuity of the home and the family can be maintained on the earth.

God made provision for everything that would affect the human family so as to promote the greatest safety and harmony. The most intimate, the most binding, the most sacred of all human relationships is marriage, and it is upon this relationship that the very existence and the perpetuity of the human race depend. Marriage is a divine ordinance, older than any other human institution. Marriage is older than man’s fall and sin. Marriage is as old as Eden and the creation of man and woman.

After God had finished the creation of all animal life on the sixth day, He saw that “it was very good.” Genesis 1:31. When God said that “it was very good,” this included everything about the human creation. It included the very fact that God has placed in His Law a commandment that deals with sexuality. Sexuality is very good, as far as God’s pronouncement is concerned. What has happened, however, is that sexuality, as a result of sin, has become something nasty and bad in the minds of many people, and it is taught and perpetuated that way.

Selfishness

In Genesis 1:28, God commands the first man and woman whom He created to “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” The process of obeying this command is a sexual process—man and woman, sperm and egg, coming together in union form a new creature, ordained by God, blessed by God through the sanctity of marriage. No problem was considered that would affect this process, until sin came on the scene. When sin entered the Garden of Eden, almost immediately a shame came upon Adam and Eve, the Bible says, because “they were naked.” Genesis 3:7. Selfishness set in, and the divine plan that God had ordained turned into human purpose and was driven by human emotions. Adultery is the supreme example of selfishness—I need this for me; my wife or my husband does not meet my needs.

Great changes began to take place in that which God had pronounced as “very good.” One of the human family became subjugated by the other. Man held the rule, and woman became subjugated by man. God’s plan was distorted. The earth became wicked and violent, and, as a result of that violence, God destroyed everything upon the earth except that which was contained in the ark.

God designed the commandment that forbids adultery for the human family to protect husband and wife and to safeguard the rearing of children who had respect for God and for the human race. The seventh commandment is in God’s Law for this purpose.

A Sensitive Subject

Sex is a very sensitive subject because we have been subjected to unbalanced and false information. Very early on, in the Christian church, tampering began to take place, as far as sexuality was concerned, in the human mind. The church began to tamper with other commandments, and we know the result of that as far as the Sabbath/Sunday issue is concerned. We, as Seventh-day Adventists, have focused on that aspect of the tampering of the commandments. But, in reality, even though the wording of the seventh commandment was not tampered with, the understanding and the application of sexuality in the human family was.

By the fifth century, a monk in the Catholic Church by the name of Augustine began to set the tone for Christian thinking that would continue for centuries. Orders of monks came into being as well as convents for nuns and a distorted view of what God had pronounced “very good.” They began to teach and believe that chastity was the most favored position that the human race could hold. Such beliefs were taught in the schools of the church. The leaders began to destroy any and all documents and arts that had any reference to sexual matters. This is why, to a large extent in the European areas where Catholic influence has been felt, we have very little understanding of sexuality in earlier centuries. We have to go into areas where the Catholic influence was not felt to really understand the teachings that were going on at that time.

Out of this period came the Victorian era. The Victorian era is responsible for negatively impacting more people psychologically than perhaps any other era that has come to pass in this earth’s history. Today, we are still feeling the results of the Victorian era concerning sexuality. Generally, the first references children hear regarding their sexual organs are terms such as icky pooh and nasty. That comes from the Victorian mentality, and such thoughts have messed up innumerable people.

So, sex is indeed a very sensitive subject, because we have never fully understood what the Bible has to say about sex. We have never been able to come completely out of the Victorian era, which contended that sex is wrong, that it should not be preached about or discussed.

In Your Heart

Jesus said, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:27, 28.

Jesus expands on these verses from the Sermon on the Mount telling what this commandment is prohibiting. It is not just the overt behavior of adultery that is being prohibited, but also the very disposition within us that underlies such behavior—the lust within us that gives rise to the kind of leers that veritably “undress” another person in order to feed the fires of our fantasized desires.

If you admire something long enough, you will soon want it. And if you want something long enough and bad enough, you will probably find a way to get it. We need to be careful, because sin starts in the mind. So the sin begins in looking and in thinking about that which is forbidden. The mind is the incubator of almost every deed that is done.

Ellen White counsels: “Our meditations should be such as will elevate the mind. ‘Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.’ [Philippians 4:8.] Here is a wide field in which the mind can safely range. If Satan seeks to turn it to low and sensual things, bring it back. When corrupt imaginings seek to gain possession of your mind, flee to the throne of grace, and pray for strength from heaven. By the grace of Christ it is possible for us to reject impure thoughts. Jesus will attract the mind, purify the thoughts, and cleanse the heart from every secret sin. ‘The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God; . . . casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.’ [11 Corinthians 10:4, 5.]” Christian Temperance and Bible Hygiene, 136.

Adultery Lifestyles

Adultery is more than living a Clinton lifestyle. There is long distance adultery; the Internet opens up the possibilities for cyber adultery. This is a sin. Imagine spending hours tantalizing and playing with another human. And how do you even know if you are talking to a male or a female? If a married person allows his or her mind to fantasize about another person, they are playing with a fire that might just burn up their marriage. Your marriage gets torched when you are in the chat room dabbling with another person. Do not play with fire unless you want to spend some time in the burn unit. You know, I am sure, when the burn unit will occur. The New Testament is just as clear as the Old Testament when it says that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Galatians 5:21.) Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers will be in the kingdom of heaven. The Bible is very plain on this.

Another kind of adultery is pornographic adultery. You get burned when you allow your mind to feast on pornographic images, which come onto your computer screen or into your mailbox. You need to avoid these temptations. Job had it figured out, when he said, “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” Job 31:1. That is a good covenant to make.

We need to eliminate anything that stirs us up with this type of temptation. Maybe we need to clean out the magazines in our houses. Maybe we need to get rid of some of the videos in our houses. Maybe we need to call the cable company and cancel certain channels, or, better yet, get rid of the television! We need to get our Bibles and read them.

Heed the counsel given in 1 Corinthians 7:2, 3: “Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”

And then there’s another type of adultery. We would call it premarital adultery, or fornication or cohabitation. Did you know that individuals who cohabit and then marry are 33 percent more likely to divorce than if they had not?

Purity is also expected if you are unmarried. Fornication includes those who live together before marriage. A girl who is shacked up with her boyfriend is very likely to suffer physical abuse. A child who lives in such a home with his or her mother’s boyfriend is 73 times more vulnerable to experience fatal abuse than a normal child. (See Maggie Gallagher, The Abolition of Marriage, Regnery Publishing, Washington, D.C., 1996, 31.)

Consequences

Adultery does have consequences that are not usually shown in the fictitious world of movies, television soaps, or make-believe stories and books. Those things teach us that adultery is all love and fun, and everything is fine. But, I will tell you that eternal life is certainly jeopardized. Health is endangered. Happiness is squandered. Your reputation is cheapened. Your marriage is often irreparably destroyed. Your children suffer the consequences for generations to come. Your family name will be dragged into the dirt. Can you really afford adultery?

Breaking the seventh commandment produces broken homes and poverty. Almost 75 percent of American children living in fatherless households will experience poverty before the age of 11, compared to only 20 percent of those raised by two parents. Such children tend to drop out of school and develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide and fall victim to child abuse or neglect. Males from such households are more likely to become violent criminals. In fact, men who have grown up without dads currently represent 70 percent of the prison population serving long-term sentences. (See Michael G. Moriarty, The Perfect 10, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1999, 113.)

Consider as well the other commandments that are broken when adultery occurs. Adultery is stealing; it steals the love from another; it steals someone’s spouse away. Adultery destroys trust, and jeopardizes the family. Adultery is a living lie. It is done without the knowledge of the spouse. Adultery is coveting someone who does not belong to you.

A Symbol

In faithful, lifelong committed relationships—those in which the partners say, and really mean, “ ’til death do us part”—we have the opportunity to mirror something that is divine. We have the opportunity to mirror in our own relationships that same quality of faithfulness with which, throughout our lives, God relates to us.

By being faithful to your spouse, you are enhancing your ability to be faithful to God. The purpose of the seventh commandment is to build an atmosphere where two people can experience the highest joy and deepest intimacy as they both grow more and more into the fullness of the image of Jesus Christ. God’s commitment and fidelity to us is eternal. He created us, too, for fidelity. God wants to protect that bond, but Satan works overtime to destroy the Christian home, because it represents that connection.

This seventh commandment is about chastity, faithfulness, and the overcoming of lust. Yet the truth of the matter is that these qualities in our relationships are too difficult for us to accomplish all on our own. You see, the rest of society is just too heavily invested in tempting us away from these. So to come anywhere near succeeding at them, we need to understand the value and worth of chastity, faithfulness, and the overcoming of lust, and ask God to help us obtain and maintain His virtue in our lives each day.

“Let every one who desires to be a partaker of the divine nature, appreciate the fact that he must escape the corruption that is in the world through lust. There must be a constant, earnest struggling of the soul against the evil imaginings of the mind. There must be a steadfast resistance of temptation to sin in thought or act.” Review and Herald, June 12, 1888.

The apostle Paul writes, in 1 Thessalonians 4:3: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.”

To be continued . . .

A retired minister of the gospel, Pastor Mike Baugher may be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org.

Marriage

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Several years ago, a fellow ministerial colleague and I conducted a fiftieth wedding anniversary remarriage ceremony. As we went through the ceremony, I could not help but notice the happiness, joy, and love that radiated from the countenances of the husband and wife. They were positive with their attitudes toward each other, and they clung to each other as though they were just getting married for the first time! Truly, I must say, I was wonderfully amazed and pleasantly proud of both persons. Their actions, love, and respect for each other outshone couples that have come before me at the altar for the first time to get married.

After the ceremony concluded, I decided to ask the celebrants what had kept them together for 50 long years, and, at the same time, be still experiencing that love and intimacy which all true, healthy, and strong marriages experience. As I approached the beaming couple, they looked to me invitingly with pleasant smiles, and I quickly, yet privately, posed my question: “What kept you both happily married for 50 years?”

Their answer was simple, yet powerful in application: “You have to learn to give and to take.” A rather interesting answer indeed! This philosophy, practiced by this husband and wife, has kept them together for 50 years of their lives. Of course, I must mention that they are committed Seventh-day Adventist Christians, and their spiritual commitment to Christ enabled them to learn to give to and to take from each other.

Some time ago, my wife and I were invited to my hometown church reunion, and I knew that I would be seeing and getting reacquainted with longtime friends and contemporaries whom I had not seen for years! I was surprised to discover, upon meeting some of them, that they were divorced and had remarried. I distinctly remember one of my acquaintances asking me, “Are you still married?”

To which I responded, “Yes!”

The question that followed was rather interesting. It was, “To the same person?”

I again answered, “Yes!”

Changing Times

It seems quite strange in these days that there exists a private notion, even among Seventh-day Adventist Christians, that assumes that marriage between a man and a woman is not “until death do us part.” The thought prevails that lifelong, happy marriage relationships can no longer exist; things, times, and people have changed. But, may I ask, have not things, times, and people always been changing?

Yet, in years past, marriages have survived the storms and tempests, so what is the difference now? I would hasten to answer that the issue is a human problem. In our contemporary age, it is said that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. In the year 1900, the number of marriages that were conducted were 709,000. In that same year, the number of divorces that took place were 55,751, giving us a marriage/divorce ratio of 12.7/1. However, by the year 1980, the number of marriages that were performed had risen to 2,413,000, and the number of divorces was 1,182,000, giving a marriage/divorce ratio of 2.01/1. (Alanzo H. Smith, When Loving You Is Destroying Me, Brentwood Christian Press, Columbus, Georgia, 1996, 49.)

Amazingly, it is said that, since the beginning of the year 2000, for every three marriages, both in the world as well as in the church, two end in divorce! Why is this so? Why are marriages, in these contemporary days, experiences of such major destruction? Again, I say, it is a human problem.

The majority of us human beings has rejected God and His wisdom and has been building on our own wisdom. In past years, the Word of God was the foundation of the home, the school, the church, and society. Prayer was prized as a chief weapon for success and prosperity. In this contemporary age, man’s wisdom, and man’s wisdom only, is recognized by the majority of earth’s population; consequently, deterioration has occurred! It would do us good to remember and to apply the words of the Psalmist ourselves: “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psalm 127:1.

So, in spite of all that is happening to marriage, how can the Christian remain happily married in a contemporary world such as ours, which is so anti the traditional, biblical marriage?

Answer for Survival

In Matthew 7:24–27, Jesus presents the answer for the survival of the marriage institution, the home, the church, the school, and society: “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.”

Christ expanded upon this answer in Luke 6:47–49: “Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will show you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.”

It is important for us to note what Jesus is not saying. Jesus, here, is not saying that there will not be any storms or tempests in a Christian marriage.

He is saying that when the storms come, there will not be any permanent damage, because, in the Christian home, His words are heeded, and He is made the foundation upon which the marriage is built.

I have heard it said that the biggest problem with the American family is that they think marriage should not have any problems. What we all need to remember is that Jesus has not promised that there will not be any problems in marriage, but He has pointed out that the marriage that stands is the one built on the Word of God.

You see, the strong marriage and the weak marriage look alike from the outside, but it is when the tests of storms and tempests come that the truth is thereby revealed. Therefore, we should pay strict attention to the apostle Paul’s counsel and warning as given in 1 Corinthians 7:27, 28: “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.”

Note carefully what Paul says: “But and if thou marry . . . such shall have trouble in the flesh.” Understandably, then, there is no marriage that is storm proof, trouble proof, or that will never experience trials and difficulties. Troubles are the lot of all marriages! Yes, the troubles may vary from marriage to marriage, but troubles of all sizes and intensities must be expected in every marriage. The survival secret is to build upon Christ!

The Foundation

Ellen White counseled: “Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity, yet it may be shallow because it has not been tested and tried. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger.

“Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.” The Adventist Home, 105, 106.

Jesus, speaking of what it truly means to build upon Him, explains: “It is not enough, He says, for you to hear My words. By obedience you must make them the foundation of your character. Self is but shifting sand. If you build upon human theories and inventions, your house will fall. By the winds of temptation, the tempests of trial, it will be swept away. But these principles that I have given will endure. Receive Me; build on My words.” The Desire of Ages, 314.

The apostle James understood Christ’s words fully. That is why he wrote, “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” James 1:22.

The Rock

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” Matthew 7:24, 25.

The psalmist David identifies the rock to be the Lord. He states: “The Lord [is] my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, [and] my high tower.” Psalm 18:2.

Also, in Psalm 62:2, David maintains that, “[God] only [is] my rock and my salvation; [he is] my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.” And, in Psalm 31:3, David’s prayer is, “For thou,” speaking of the Lord, “[art] my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.”

The prophet Isaiah speaks of Christ as “a great rock in a weary land”! “Behold, a king shall reign in righteousness, and princes shall rule in judgment. And a man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.” Isaiah 32:1, 2.

The apostle Paul affirmed that Christ was the Rock that went with His people in ancient times: “And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:4.

Upon what must a storm-proof marriage be built? As Dr. S. M. Davis put it, in the recorded presentation, “How to Build a Storm-Proof Marriage,” the foundation must be the:

1) Rock of a covenant instead of the sand of a contract;
2) Rock of humility instead of the sand of pride;
3) Rock of communication instead of the sand of silence;
4) Rock of unconditional love instead of the sand of emotion;
5) Rock of acceptance and praise instead of the sand of anger and putdowns;
6) Rock of building each other instead of the sand of inactivity;
7) Rock of changing instead of the sand of stubbornness;
8) Rock of salvation instead of the sand of religion. (www.joycenter.on.ca)

Only Hope

The only hope for the survival of every marriage in this era is to build upon Christ the Rock. The sentiment of every Christian husband and wife, as well as those who are contemplating marriage, should be like that of the hymn writer, Edward Mote:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness seems to veil His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, and blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found;
Clad in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

The Church Hymnal, Review and Herald Publishing Association, Washington, D. C., 1941, 581.

Let us build marriages that will last not only for time but also for eternity!

Escaping Shipwreck of the Home

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The devil wants us to make shipwreck of our homes! This is a special temptation to young people, and, thus, we need to understand very clearly how we can avoid this, because a shipwrecked home can lead to the most unhappiness in this world and, many times, to shipwreck of eternity.

How can we have a sure anchor in our homes? Paul’s shipwreck experience, as recorded in Acts 27, has a great deal of information for us as we are studying this subject: “Now when much time was spent, and when sailing was now dangerous, because the fast was now already past, Paul admonished [them], And said unto them, Sirs, I perceive that this voyage will be with hurt and much damage, not only of the lading and ship, but also of our lives. Nevertheless the centurion believed the master and the owner of the ship, more than those things which were spoken by Paul.” Verses 9−11. We read in this passage that the time for sailing had past. Consequently, Paul was admonishing the shipmaster that the voyage was going to be disastrous. He counseled him not to go, and he warned that a voyage would result in disaster, not only to the ship and the cargo, but also to life.

But the captain did not listen. After all, Paul was a prisoner trying to tell the captain what he should do. The chain of command certainly does not generally work that way! Normally, prisoners do not tell captains what to do, but Paul was a unique prisoner.

How was Paul unique? He had not committed any crimes, and he was privileged to be a messenger from God. This prisoner, this messenger from God gave instruction to not sail, because doing so would result in shipwreck. What happened? The captain ignored the messenger from God and sailed, and they were shipwrecked.

Take note that the centurion decided to believe “the master and the owner of the ship.” We might say that he accepted and believed worldly counselors instead of God’s messenger. He accepted the knowledge of people who had degrees in these types of things, of professional people who should have known what they were doing.

There were two other reasons why the centurion accepted the worldly counsel and rejected the counsel of God’s messenger: “And because the haven was not commodious to winter in, the more part advised to depart thence also, if by any means they might attain to Phenice, [and there] to winter; [which is] an haven of Crete, and lieth toward the south west and north west.” Verse 12. What does it mean that “the haven was not commodious to winter in”? It was not comfortable enough; it was not convenient enough. It would not have been the best location, we might say. And what was the other reason given? “The more part advised to depart.” The majority spoke against what Paul had said, so the centurion, instead of accepting what the messenger from God had said, followed worldly counselors. He took into consideration what was convenient or comfortable and followed the majority.

Are either of those good reasons to reject what God is trying to tell us through His messenger? No, they are not, yet we find these very reasons being used today to reject what God has told of how to escape shipwreck.

We all have homes, and we know that as young people enter their later teen years and older, there is a desire to establish a home of their own. That is natural; there is nothing wrong with that desire. As they mature, their emotions become more active, and it is easy to become attracted to and to develop not just a friendship but a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. This is natural too; this is a desire that God has put into us, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Unfortunately, in many situations this desire leads to shipwreck, and lives are ruined because of wrong or unwise choices that are made. The same reasons for which the centurion rejected God’s messenger are used today. The worldly counselors say it is a good thing to do, or it is more convenient or more comfortable to not follow what God’s messenger has revealed to us. Or they say that everybody is doing it so it cannot be that bad, but if everybody shipwrecks, do you want to shipwreck too? No, the only safety for us as young people to escape shipwreck in our homes is to follow implicitly what God has revealed through His messengers, through the Bible, and through the Spirit of Prophecy.

The Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible that I have enjoyed studying since I have become a Seventh-day Adventist. The Bible used by the church of which I was formerly a member does not contain this book written by the wisest of men. They simply removed it from their version of the Bible. So when I became a Seventh-day Adventist and began to study it, I discovered that it teaches a number of very important principles. We will look at just one; this is repeated three times in the book. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please.”

Look at the last part of the text, “stir not up, nor awake [my] love.” If you read this verse from the King James Version, you will notice that the word my is in italics. What does that mean? It means that it is supplied by the translators in an attempt to make the wording flow better. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is more literal—and sometimes it helps us to understand the verse better—if we recognize that a supplied word is not in the original Greek or Hebrew.

So, the text would actually read, “that you stir not up, nor awake love, until it pleases.” That is telling us that there is a time to love and a time not to love. It says that we are not to stir it up until it is the right time. Many, many young people are shipwrecked by not following the counsel of this verse. Many are shipwrecked by allowing love to awaken before it is time.

We see this so often today. Even in first grade, children just five and six years of age are pairing off. As they go from five and six to maybe nine or ten years old, the same thing is happening, and that is not beneficial, because the Bible says to not stir love up until he please.

Consider the following points as to when it is safe to enter into a relationship.

Know the Creator

If we simply understand the principle of not allowing our emotions to control us and of waiting until it is the right time for love, it would save hundreds and thousands of young people from shipwreck. You can no doubt see that, because all around us are shipwrecked homes and many of these shipwrecked homes are the direct result of not following these principles.

Let us look at the first marriage and see what we can understand about this first relationship that developed. Genesis 2:21, 22 says, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” In the Garden of Eden, on the sixth day of creation, before the Sabbath, God first made Adam. God could have made Adam and Eve together; it would have been no problem. He spoke, and all the animals came forth; all the plants came forth; but He did not make Adam and Eve together.

Adam was made first so he could become acquainted with God. God wanted Adam to develop a relationship with Him first. It is feasible that if God had made Adam and Eve together, instead of developing a relationship with their Creator, their eyes would have locked on each other, and then they would not have had that relationship with their Creator. So God made Adam first, and He put Adam in the garden where he could become acquainted with his Creator before anyone else.

Then, after Adam had named all the animals, he realized that they all had partners, but he did not, so God put Adam to sleep. God could have made Eve without putting Adam to sleep. He could have just formed the dust of the ground and breathed into Eve, and there Adam’s mate would have been. But God put Adam to sleep, and as He took the rib from Adam, formed Eve, and breathed into Eve the breath of life. Who was the first one with whom Eve developed a relationship? With her Creator—because Adam was asleep! I believe that God put Adam to sleep so that Eve could develop a relationship with her Creator before she did with Adam.

We must, before we contemplate an earthly relationship, have a relationship with our Creator. Anything else is in danger of leading us to shipwreck in our homes, which frequently results in shipwreck of eternity as well. The story of Adam and Eve shows that both the man and the woman need to have a relationship with their Creator before any romantic relationship is developed. Did Adam lead Eve to the Creator? No, that is not how it happened, because if Adam had led Eve to the Creator, her first allegiance would have been to Adam rather than to her Creator.

At times, there may be somebody who has an interest in someone who is not a Seventh-day Adventist; he or she may not even be a Christian. So the individual may start a Bible study course with the person in whom he is interested. Bible studies are a good thing, but it is very dangerous to try to lead someone in whom you are interested to the Lord. Why? Because their first allegiance would be to you rather than to the Lord. I know you may disagree, but I have seen such a situation more than once. I have seen people who seem to be solid in the faith; then something happens to the person in whom they are interested and they go out of the faith. Both individuals need to have a relationship with their Creator before they are prepared for a relationship with each other.

Lifework

“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:15, 19, 20.

This account is very instructive. Here we find that Adam was created, but he was not just introduced to his Creator and then given Eve. God first gave to Adam a way to live. God gave to Adam his lifework before he gave him his life companion. We need to know and to be prepared for our lifework before we enter into a relationship. Why do you think this would be a good idea?

What if you believe God is calling you to be a missionary to a foreign country, but before you prepare for your life calling, you develop an interest in someone who believes that his or her life calling is to be a doctor or to be a businessman or businesswoman in your home country? There is nothing wrong with being a physician or a businessperson. As long as the biblical principles are followed, their work is very honest and commendable. But if God has called you to be a missionary to another country and has called your person of interest to be a businessperson in the home field, there is a serious conflict of interest. It is hard for both of you to do your lifework, so one or the other has to give up on his or her life calling. God’s plan is that we know and that we are prepared for our lifework before entering into a relationship.

By the way, Adam could prepare for his lifework better and could probably work better if he was not thinking about Eve. So often, young people begin to prepare for their lifework, but instead of preparing for their lifework, they are developing an interest in someone, and that takes all their time. The relationship detracts from what their preparation needs to be.

Financial Responsibility

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8. Do you want to be worse than an infidel? An infidel is someone who is not a Christian, such as an atheist or an agnostic. An infidel has no interest in religion whatsoever and is usually opposed to Christianity.

If we do not provide for our own, we have denied the faith and are worse than an infidel! So, is it a very wise thing to get married if we have no way to support a family? Financial stresses are ranked as one of the highest causes of divorce. I am not saying that we must own our own business or have to own a house, but we need to have some way to support a family.

Godly Counselors

A very difficult story for us in this day and age in which we live is given in Genesis 24. “And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Verses 2−4.

Here was Abraham, and he was arranging for the marriage of his 40-year-old son Isaac. If we were 40, would we think that our parents would have the right to direct so intimately in our affairs? But Isaac trusted his father’s judgment, and it does not seem that Isaac was involved at all.

Now, I am not saying that is exactly the way it must be, but a principle is revealed here. Isaac listened to godly counselors. Our parents, if they are in the Lord, are the best counselors we have. Isaac listened to godly counselors, and Isaac escaped shipwreck.

Counselors are important, because love is blind. Even if we follow all these principles, a degree of blindness still exists. It is very hard when someone counsels against what our heart wants. God has made it plain that there is an important place for godly counselors, because many times when our emotions get stirred up, it is hard for us to think rationally. It is much easier for godly counselors to see the situation rationally. We need to seek advice from godly counselors, even if we are 40 years old!

Poor Judge

God’s messenger, Ellen White, stated: “A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.” Messages to Young People, 452. Now, you may look at me and say that I am out of my teens, so that is easy for me to read, but I read that when I was a teenager. And when I read that, and I decided that if it said that a youth not out of his teens is not a fit judge, then I did not want to enter into a relationship until I was out of my teens.

I realize that when you are a teen, that seems like a very difficult thing. I was there! But although that was written 100 years ago, the statistics today reveal that if that statement were followed today, there would be a lot fewer shipwrecked homes. Some Internet statistics for marriages in the United States show that the divorce rate is 50 percent for those who marry and are under the age of 18. For those who marry and are under the age of 20, the divorce rate is 40 percent, and for those who wait until they are 25 or older, the divorce rate is 25 percent. You can see from the statistics that what we were told 100 years ago was wise counsel, because as we mature, we change.

Looking back to when I was 17, which was not that long ago, I know my personality was much different then than what it is now. For those of you who struggle with timidity, I think I was as timid as any person could possibly be, but as we grow and mature, we change. Many people, when they marry young, start separating as they mature and change, resulting in a shipwrecked home. That is why the Lord gave us this counsel.

Allow God to Lead

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21–23.

Does it appear as though Adam was searching under every leaf in the garden to try to find a mate? No, Adam allowed God to lead. If we do not want to shipwreck our homes, we must allow God to lead. I do not believe it is safe to enter into a relationship unless both persons involved know that God is leading. Many times young people enter into a relationship because they think the person is cute or has a funny personality. They say that they are not making a commitment yet, and that may be true, but as they enter into a relationship and the hearts start to grow together, it is much harder to see God’s leading. It is much more difficult to objectively consider the relationship, and frequently what happens is that two people get married without a knowledge of God’s direct guidance and leading. We need to know, before we enter into any relationship, whether or not God is leading. Adam did; Eve did; they knew that God was leading.

Passed By

Oh but we may think that we are going to get passed by. God does not withhold any good thing from us, and the Lord promises that if we commit our ways to Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 84:11; 37:4.)

Ellen White wrote, “Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him.” The Adventist Home, 43.

We need to come to that point of total and complete surrender and say, “Lord, I do not want to choose; that decision is too big for me. Please choose for me.” When we come to that point of complete surrender, God can work, and God can lead.

I believe if we follow these simple steps that God gives, He will guide us, and we will escape shipwreck in our homes. In summary, the steps are:

  1. both individuals in a relationship must have a knowledge of the Creator;
  2. both individuals must know and be prepared for their lifework;
  3. we must be prepared to support a family even before entering into a relationship;
  4. we should follow godly counselors; and
  5. we should allow God to lead.

Do you want to escape shipwreck? I do; I do not want to have a home that is dashed against the rocks without an anchor. That could lead to the loss of eternity as well. I want God to be my captain and my pilot, that He may bring me safely to the harbor.

May we each one follow the principles God has given to us that we might escape shipwreck, that we might have a sure and a solid anchor.

Cody Francis is currently engaged in public evangelism for Mission Projects International. He also pastors the Remnant Church of Seventh-day Adventist Believers in Renton, Washington. He may be contacted by e-mail at: cody@missionspro.org.

The Essence of Heaven, Part I

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What is heaven all about? When I was a child, the pastor of the church my family attended told me the following true story.

During World War II, he was a preacher in Europe. A Christian family he knew had a daughter who was not interested in Christianity. She was not interested in going to heaven. This preacher wanted to try to help this young lady; he wanted to arouse in her a desire to be a Christian and a desire to go to heaven. So he engaged her in conversation one day about this subject. She emphatically stated that she was not interested in Christianity, and why, if she did not want to go to heaven anyway, should she be a Christian? What was the point?

This girl told him, “I have heard about heaven. I have heard that it is a place where people float around on clouds, and they play harps.” And, she continued, “I am not interested. I do not even care for harp music! I certainly am not interested in floating around on a cloud, so I do not want to go there.” You see, she had no idea what heaven was really about.

There are many people like her. Even many Protestant Christians who go to church every week, if asked, “What is heaven? Please describe it to me,” could tell you almost nothing.

Abodes of Bliss

Many Seventh-day Adventist preachers, when talking about heaven, just tell people what it is not like. There is nothing wrong with this, because the Bible probably has more texts telling us what heaven is not like than any other thing.

For instance, it says in Isaiah, concerning that place, that no violence will be there. In Isaiah 33:24, we are told, “The inhabitants of that place will not say, ‘I am sick.’ ” Is that nice to know?

Revelation 21 gives us a number of descriptions in the first four verses. It says that in that place there is no sorrow, crying, or death. When we are in heaven, we will never attend a funeral. We will never go to a mortuary or pick out a tombstone or a casket. We will never go to a hospital; there will be no surgery there, because it is not needed.

There will be no pain in heaven. This is a great comfort to many people, such as drug addicts. Those who are trying to get off an
addictive substance experience extreme withdrawal pain. I have never been addicted to a substance like that, so I cannot explain or understand exactly how they feel, but one of their greatest pleasures is to read in the Bible that when they get to heaven, there will be no pain.

So, this is what preachers usually do. We tell people what heaven is by telling them what it is not¾there is no war; there is no crime; there are no prisons; there is no sickness. This is all good to know, but have you ever stopped to analyze the situation and think through that even if all those things were taken away, you would not necessarily be happy?

Heaven is a place described by Ellen White as having “the abodes of bliss.” (See Testimonies, vol. 8, 140.) Bliss! Do you know what bliss is? Bliss is an extreme, intense state of happiness. The angels, the intelligences in heaven, are in this bliss or this extreme, intense state of happiness all the time. The redeemed are going to be the same. Isaiah 35:10 says, “The redeemed of the Lord will come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads. They will obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”

They are going to have joy. They are going to have intense happiness. You see, that actually is the essence of what heaven is about. It is this intense happiness that everybody has all the time that makes heaven heaven.

Self-Sacrificing Love

You see, heaven actually has more to do with something that is internal in your mind than something that is external. It is not just golden streets and music, although there is beautiful music, and there are golden streets. There is also wonderful food, but that is not what heaven is.

So, here is the question: What makes heaven heaven? We can answer that in one sentence: “The spirit of Christ’s self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven and is the very essence of its bliss.” Steps to Christ, 77.

What is the very essence of the bliss, the intense happiness that is in heaven? What is the very core of it? It is the spirit of self-sacrificing love. Somehow this is a concept that it is very difficult for people in this world to comprehend, because we have had an opposite education of which the devil has been in charge. It is throughout all the educational system, it is in all the philosophy of man, and it is in our language. Have you ever heard someone talking about “taking care of No. 1”? When they refer to “taking care of No. 1,” of whom are they speaking? Self. In the devil’s program, I am No. 1, and you are to make me happy.

There are many illustrations that would help us understand this concept, but I will share just one. About 30 years ago, a beautiful, young, married lady was driving her car, and she had neglected to put on her seat belt. Unfortunately, she was in a collision, and because she did not have her seat belt on, she was thrown forward headfirst through the windshield of the car. As she went through the shattered glass, her face was terribly lacerated. When her husband came to see her in the hospital, can you imagine what happened? This man had married that beautiful face. That beautiful face made him happy, but when that beautiful face did not exist any more, there was nothing to hold that marriage together, so he divorced her. (By the way, men are not the only ones who do things like that. I could tell you other stories where women did almost the identical same thing, but we will not go there. You get the point.)

If I am No. 1, then you are to make me happy, and when the time comes that you do not make me happy anymore, then we are going to separate. This is one of the reasons there is such a huge divorce rate today. This is the devil’s philosophy, the devil’s program that has taken over almost the entire world.

Jesus came into this world to show us that this is a wrong idea, to show us that we are to sacrifice ourselves for the good of somebody else. They are not to sacrifice themselves for our good; we are to sacrifice ourselves for their good. If we could ever get it learned, we would see the divorce rate bottom out.

Jesus’ Mission

Let us read a few Scriptures so you can see that this is exactly what the New Testament teaches that Jesus came to do.

“On behalf of all He died, in order that those living no longer might live for themselves, but on behalf of Him who died and was raised again.” 11 Corinthians 5:15. What was the purpose of Jesus’ coming and of His death on the cross? So I would no longer live for myself.

Jesus Himself talked about this in Matthew 10:34-39. Verse 39 reads, “The one who finds his soul will lose it.” Who is the one who finds his soul? That is the one, I am No. 1; I actually do get what I want! The text continues, “The one who loses his life for My sake will find it.”

What does it mean to lose your life? That means your life is sacrificed for somebody else, and if you learn that principle, Jesus says that you are going to find eternal life. If you do not learn that principle, you are not going to find eternal life.

John 12:25 says, “The one who loves his soul will lose it, and the one who hates his soul in this world will keep it unto life eter-nal.” Of what is Jesus talking? One person makes his own life  No. 1; the other person sacrifices his whole life for somebody else. The one who gains his soul and loves his soul will lose it, but the one who hates his soul and sacrifices all of his soul for somebody else will keep it. This is what Jesus taught.

Some Rain Must Fall

I have many cousins, but of all my relatives, two male cousins were much more handsome than were any of the rest of us. Both of them had very pleasing personalities and were very popular wherever they went.

One of these cousins, as a young man in the late 1950s, decided that he was going to join the Navy. He wanted to become a Navy pilot. I remember that as he was traveling from Washington State to Pensacola, Florida, he stopped to visit my family, who was living in Colorado, on a Saturday afternoon. He was going to Florida to join the Navy; then he went to flying school there, and realized his dream of becoming a Navy pilot.

While he was in Florida, he married an absolutely beautiful woman. Not only was she beautiful, but she was intelligent. She was a psychologist. After they married, he was stationed in Hawaii. He became one of the chief pilots for the DC7 that took the Rear Admiral of the United States Navy all over the world visiting bases, but especially over the South Pacific.

So, he had the job of flying the Rear Admiral of the United States Navy all over the South Pacific; his wife was a professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii; they were stationed in Honolulu; they had it made! I mean, he had the kind of job, the kind of wife, the kind of life that men all over the world dream about but almost none of them ever have high status, high income, lots of friends, lots of official functions, lots of parties. But the saying goes, “Into each life, some rain must fall.”

One time when he was stateside, he was in a dreadful automobile accident. He was injured so badly that he was unconscious when he was taken to the Intensive Care Unit. Of course, his wife came to the hospital and talked with the physicians. They told her they did not know what would happen; they did not know if he would ever come to consciousness again, and if he did, whether or not he would have his faculties or if he would be a vegetable.

This beautiful, talented, intelligent lady knew lots of psychology, but she was not prepared for a situation like this. She could not handle it, so she divorced him. After the divorce, he did regain consciousness and improved, though he never could fly an airplane again because of the injuries he received.

This is what happens in this world when we make ourselves No. 1, but Jesus said, “If you gain your life, if you gain everything, you are going to lose it. But if you lose everything, if you lose your life, if you sacrifice your life for somebody else, you are going to keep your life unto life eternal.”

As a Mosquito

The greatest example of this is Jesus Himself. The more I study the story of Jesus, the more astonished I become. I am in absolute awe. I believe, personally, that I will tiptoe and walk in awe in His presence through all eternity, because I do not understand what He left. Talk about self-sacrifice! He did have everything. He had the whole universe, and He was not forced to come down here to earth. He was not ordered to come down here. He went to His Father and pled to come down here. He left everything¾the power and the glory.

There is no way to explain it. The best illustration I have ever heard is if you were to ask someone, “Do you want to become a mosquito?” That is pretty crude, I suppose. We just do not have any way to help people to understand what we are talking about when we talk about what He left behind to come down here to earth.

Jesus Christ is the only Person born in this world who planned out every detail of His life before He was born, with His Father. Every detail of His life was planned out before He ever came! It was not an accident that He was born in a stable. It was not an accident that He was born into a poor family.
It was not an accident that He was poor all of His life. Until He went to Jerusalem to die on the cross, He was one of the poorest men in Jerusalem. All He had left were His clothes, and they took those from Him. What was this all about? It was to teach us the principle that you sacrifice yourself for somebody else. Jesus said, “If you do not learn this, you will not have eternal life.”

A Happy Place

Now, what happens if you do learn the lesson? If you go to heaven, friend, here is what will happen. In this world, everybody is looking out for No. 1 first and, then, other people after that. But, in heaven, everybody is looking out for the happiness of somebody else. They get their joy and happiness from bringing joy and happiness to somebody else. So, everybody in the whole place will be interested in making someone else happy. It is a happy place!

When you are around somebody whose greatest desire is to give anything that they have to make you happy, then you are in a position to start to learn what heaven is about.

Ellen White said, concerning Jesus, that when He was here, “It was heaven to be in His presence.”
The Ministry of Healing, 18. Have you ever tried to analyze that? What was it that made it like heaven to be in His presence? Now, the road is going to get a little bit rough as we study this, so get your seat belt on!

The only people who are going to go to heaven are the people who are like Jesus Christ. Read Revelation 14:1-5; read 11 Corinthians 3:18; read 1 John 3:1-3. Now, Jesus Christ was a person, and it was heaven to be in His presence because of the self-sacrificing love that was in His heart. Remember, the spirit of self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven, and it is the very essence of its bliss.

Now, notice carefully where we are going. Self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven and is the very essence of its bliss. It was like heaven to be in Jesus’ presence, because He had that self-sacrificing love, and all the people who go to heaven will be people who are Christlike. They will have the spirit of self-sacrificing love like He had. Now, if we really have the spirit of self-sacrificing love like Jesus had, what will it be like to be in our presence? If you and I have become Christlike, it is going to be like heaven to be in our presence, because we have the spirit of self-sacrificing love inside.

The road is going to get rougher yet.

A Little Heaven

If the husband has the spirit of self-sacrificing love so that he is Christlike, it is going to be like heaven to be in his presence. If the wife has the spirit of self-sacrificing love like Jesus has, it is going to be like heaven to be in her presence. If both of them have the spirit of self-sacrificing love in their hearts, what is it going to be like in their home? Why, friend, it is going to be like heaven on earth!

I am glad Ellen White was so specific on this. “We may have a little heaven to go to heaven in, if Christ breathes upon us his Holy Spirit. His love will be with us, and we shall be acquainted with him, and can bring him into our families.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891.

At another time, Mrs. White counseled: “Parents, make your home a little heaven on earth. You can do this, if you so choose. You can make home so pleasant and cheerful that it will be the most attractive place on earth to your children. Let them receive all the blessings of the household. You can so relate yourselves to God that His Spirit will abide in your home. Come close to the bleeding side of the Man of Calvary. Those who are partakers with Him in His sufferings will at last be partakers with Him in His glory.” Sermons and Talks, vol. 2, 200.

Now the road is going to get really hard.

Consequences

What if your home is not like a little heaven to go to heaven in? Oh, friend, this is what we did not want to hear. If your home is not like that, if your home is not a little heaven to go to heaven in, at least one of the people in that home cannot go to heaven in the condition in which they are right now. Something to think about, is it not?

This spirit of self-sacrificing love cannot be forced on anybody. A husband cannot force his wife to love him; a wife cannot force her husband to love her; parents cannot force their children to love them. You cannot force it. It cannot be commanded.

Ellen White wrote, “The exercise of force is contrary to the principles of God’s government; He desires only the service of love; and love cannot be commanded; it cannot be won by force or authority. Only by love is love awakened. To know God is to love Him; His character must be manifested in contrast to the character of Satan. This work only one Being in all the universe could do. Only He who knew the height and depth of the love of God could make it known.” The Desire of Ages, 22.

Let us consider this in a very practical way for a moment. Some of you will be able to relate to this because you have children. A human baby is born to be loved, but the baby does not understand very much about love. The mother is supposed to know about love, and if the mother knows about love, the mother starts giving love to the baby. It is a wonderful thing to see. Every day, several times a day, the mother gives love to the baby. It is expressed in many different ways¾by touching, by stroking, by the expression on the face, by the tone of the voice, by giving food, by giving water, by making the baby comfortable. There is a reason that God made human babies so they require a lot of care. It is in the process of receiving that care that they learn what love is.

But the time comes when the baby starts to really respond to the mother’s love. It is very interesting to see this response. Why is the baby responding to the mother’s love? Because the baby has received so much love from the mother that now this baby has love to give back to the mother.

Now, let me ask you a serious question, albeit an awful question, but we need to face reality. What if the baby is born to a woman who is angry and bitter and does not have very much love to give? Do you know what will happen?

Let us read about it: “The reason why there are so many hard-hearted men and women in our world, is because true affection has been regarded as weakness, and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of those of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hard-hearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886.

How awful this is! Their happiness is buried forever, unless divine love can break through that ice.

“If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when he was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.” Ibid.

There are people all around us (I do not say this to judge anyone) especially in our time much more so than 50 years ago, who are spiritually and emotionally crippled, and they will be spiritually and emotionally crippled until Jesus comes, because of the spiritual and emotional damage that was inflicted on them from babyhood up through childhood.

I am not saying that those people cannot be saved. God can save people whether or not they are physically crippled or spiritually and emotionally crippled, but the fact remains that in this world they are spiritually and emotionally crippled.

I mention these things to hopefully be a little bit of help to those of you who are parents of small children. Do not repress or neglect
to give affection to your small children. If you do, they will grow up to be hard-hearted men and women. They will be emotionally crippled for the rest of their lives in this world.

To be continued . . .

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor John Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Bible Study Guides – God’s Love in the Family

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November 2, 2008 – November 8, 2008

Key Text

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25.

Study Help: Child Guidance, 482–485.

Introduction

“Christian homes, established and conducted in accordance with God’s plan, are a wonderful help in forming Christian character. … Parents and children should unite in offering loving service to Him who alone can keep human love pure and noble.” The Adventist Home, 19.

1 How does the Bible depict the Christian home? Psalm 128:1–6.

2 Describe the position and duty of the husband. Ephesians 5:25–31; Colossians 3:19; I Peter 3:7.

Note: “The husband should manifest great interest in his family. Especially should he be very tender of the feelings of a feeble wife. He can shut the door against much disease. Kind, cheerful, and encouraging words will prove more effective than the most healing medicines. These will bring courage to the heart of the desponding and discouraged, and the happiness and sunshine brought into the family by kind acts and encouraging words will repay the effort tenfold. The husband should remember that much of the burden of training his children rests upon the mother, that she has much to do with molding their minds. This should call into exercise his tenderest feelings, and with care should he lighten her burdens. He should encourage her to lean upon his large affections, and direct her mind to heaven, where there is strength and peace, and a final rest for the weary. He should not come to his home with a clouded brow, but should with his presence bring sunlight into the family, and should encourage his wife to look up and believe in God. Unitedly they can claim the promises of God and bring His rich blessing into the family.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 306, 307.

3 How could many wives be inspired to higher ground by contemplating the sacredness of their trust? Ephesians 5:22–24; Colossians 3:18; I Peter 3:1–6.

Note: “There is often a great failure on the part of the wife. She does not put forth strong efforts to control her own spirit and make home happy. There is often fretfulness and unnecessary complaining on her part. The husband comes home from his labor weary and perplexed, and meets a clouded brow instead of cheerful, encouraging words. He is but human, and his affections become weaned from his wife, he loses the love of his home, his pathway is darkened, and his courage destroyed. He yields his self-respect and that dignity which God requires him to maintain. The husband is the head of the family, as Christ is the head of the Church; and any course which the wife may pursue to lessen his influence and lead him to come down from that dignified, responsible position is displeasing to God. It is the duty of the wife to yield her wishes and will to her husband. Both should be yielding, but the word of God gives preference to the judgment of the husband. And it will not detract from the dignity of the wife to yield to him whom she has chosen to be her counselor, adviser, and protector.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 307, 308.

4 Why is the work of the wife and mother so important? Proverbs 31:10–31.

Note: “The most elevated work for woman is the molding of the character of her children after the divine pattern. … If Christian mothers had always done their work with fidelity, there would not now be so many church trials on account of disorderly members. Mothers are forming the characters which compose the church of God. When I see a church in trial, its members self-willed, heady, high-minded, self-sufficient, not subject to the voice of the church, I am led to fear that their mothers were unfaithful in their early training.” Good Health, April 1, 1880.

5 What should parents take into serious consideration? Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21.

Note: “Great care should be exercised by parents lest they treat their children in such a way as to provoke obstinacy, disobedience, and rebellion. Parents often stir up the worst passions of the human heart, because of their lack of self-control. They correct them in a spirit of anger, and rather confirm them in their evil ways and defiant spirit, than influence them in the way of right. By their own arbitrary spirit they thrust their children under Satanic influences, instead of rescuing them from the snares of Satan by gentleness and love. How sad it is that many parents who profess to be Christians are not converted! Christ does not abide in their hearts by faith. While professing to be followers of Jesus, they disgust their children, and, by their violent, unforgiving temper, make them averse to all religion. It is little wonder that the children become cold and rebellious toward their parents.” The Review and Herald, November 15, 1892.

6 Describe the educational method of Abraham. Genesis 18:19.

Note: “That which gave power to Abraham’s teaching was the influence of his own life. His great household consisted of more than a thousand souls, many of them heads of families, and not a few but newly converted from heathenism. Such a household required a firm hand at the helm. No weak, vacillating methods would suffice.” Education, 187.

7 What was the weak legacy of Eli which is a warning to us? I Samuel 2:12–17, 22–25.

Note: “The neglect of Eli is brought plainly before every father and mother in the land. As the result of his unsanctified affection, or his unwillingness to do a disagreeable duty, he reaped a harvest of iniquity in his perverse sons. Both the parent who permitted the wickedness and the children who practiced it, were guilty before God, and he would accept no sacrifice or offering for their transgression. There are many lessons in the Bible calculated to impress fathers and mothers with the sin of neglecting their duty to their children; and yet how silent are the voices of the teachers in Israel on these important subjects! Parents allow the defects in their children to pass uncorrected, until the curse of God rests upon both their children and themselves. Like Eli, they do not show decision in repressing the first appearance of evil.” The Signs of the Times, April 8, 1886.

8 What does the fifth commandment say? Exodus 20:12.

Note: “Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. God Himself, who has placed upon them a responsibility for the souls committed to their charge, has ordained that during the earlier years of life, parents shall stand in the place of God to their children. And he who rejects the rightful authority of his parents is rejecting the authority of God. The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission, and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in old age. It also enjoins respect for ministers and rulers and for all others to whom God has delegated authority.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 308.

9 How does the apostle Paul stress the importance of the fifth commandment? Ephesians 6:1–3; Colossians 3:20.

Note: “This, says the apostle, ‘is the first commandment with promise.’ Ephesians 6:2. To Israel, expecting soon to enter Canaan, it was a pledge to the obedient, of long life in that good land; but it has a wider meaning, including all the Israel of God, and promising eternal life upon the earth when it shall be freed from the curse of sin.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 308.

“Children who dishonor and disobey their parents, and disregard their advice and instructions, can have no part in the earth made new. The purified new earth will be no place for the rebellious, the disobedient, the ungrateful, son or daughter. Unless such learn obedience and submission here, they will never learn it; the peace of the ransomed will not be marred by disobedient, unruly, unsubmissive children. No commandment breaker can inherit the kingdom of heaven. Will all the youth please read the fifth commandment of the law spoken by Jehovah from Sinai and engraven with His own finger upon tables of stone? ‘Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.’ [Exodus 20:12.]” Testimonies, vol. 1, 497, 498.

10 Why is this commandment especially important to remember in the last days, as we seek to stand together with our children as overcomers? II Timothy 3:1, 2.

11 How did Isaac respond to his father when told he was to be a sacrifice for God? Genesis 22:9–12.

Note: “It was with terror and amazement that Isaac learned his fate, but he offered no resistance. He could have escaped his doom, had he chosen to do so; the grief-stricken old man, exhausted with the struggle of those three terrible days, could not have opposed the will of the vigorous youth. But Isaac had been trained from childhood to ready, trusting obedience, and as the purpose of God was opened before him, he yielded a willing submission. He was a sharer in Abraham’s faith, and he felt that he was honored in being called to give his life as an offering to God. He tenderly seeks to lighten the father’s grief, and encourages his nerveless hands to bind the cords that confine him to the altar.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 152.

12 In what other matter did Isaac show submission to his father? Genesis 24:1–4.

Note: “In ancient times marriage engagements were generally made by the parents, and this was the custom among those who worshiped God. None were required to marry those whom they could not love; but in the bestowal of their affections the youth were guided by the judgment of their experienced, God-fearing parents. It was regarded as a dishonor to parents, and even a crime, to pursue a course contrary to this.

“Isaac, trusting to his father’s wisdom and affection, was satisfied to commit the matter to him, believing also that God Himself would direct in the choice made.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 171.

Additional Reading

“The children are to be instructed with kindness and patience. … Let the parents teach them of the love of God in such a way that it will be a pleasant theme in the family circle, and let the church take upon them the responsibility of feeding the lambs as well as the sheep of the flock.” Child Guidance, 42.

“ ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word; that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth it and cherisheth it; even as the Lord the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery.’ [Ephesians 5:22–32.]

“If this instruction had been heeded by those who enter into the marriage relation, the home life would be pure and elevated, garrisoned by holy love. God made from man a woman, to be a companion and helpmeet for him, to be one with him, to cheer, encourage, and bless him. And he, in his turn, is to be her strong helper.

“All who enter the matrimonial life with a holy purpose, the husband to obtain the pure affections of a woman’s heart, the wife to soften and improve her husband’s character, and give it completeness, fulfil God’s purpose for them. Christ came not to destroy the law, but to fulfil its every specification. He came to pull down and destroy the works of oppression that the enemy had raised up everywhere. It was in perfect harmony with His character and work to make known the fact that marriage is a holy institution. He came not to destroy this institution, but to restore it to its original sanctity. He came to restore the moral image of God in man, and He began His work by sanctioning the marriage relation. Thus He who made the first holy pair, and who created for them a paradise, put His seal upon the institution first celebrated in Eden, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy.” The Bible Echo, September 4, 1899.

©2005 Reformation Herald Publishing Association, Roanoke, Virginia. Reprinted by permission.

Youth to Youth: Just Wait

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Through our youth, we are faced with many different decisions—some with long-lasting effects and some with a lot less. The decision of a life partner is one of the biggest decisions we will ever make. This, sadly, may give us the most heartache we will ever experience. So what is the best way to sail around the rocks into the sunshine? I am certainly no expert in this, but I do have a few guidelines to offer.

Just wait!

When we are young, we always think that we are ready to make our own decisions, ready to go out into life, find our true love, and start things off. When I was 16, this is what I wanted to do, but I thank God He allowed things not to work out as I intended.

It is best to wait for God’s timing. But what is God’s timing? Obviously, this depends on the person, but we do have two areas of counsel to follow.

  1. Are we old enough? A decision as important as marriage should be postponed until we have fully developed both physically and mentally.

“A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.” The Adventist Home, 79.

  1. Have we finished our education? This may be a weird question, but we do not want to divert brainpower from our studies for something that requires so much emotional and psychological energy.

“Young people are sent to school by their parents to obtain an education, not to flirt with the opposite sex. The good of society, as well as the highest interest of the students, demands that they shall not attempt to select a life partner while their own character is yet undeveloped, their judgment immature, and while they are at the same time deprived of parental care and guidance.” Fundamentals of Christian Education, 62.

“Gather all the efficiency you can, making the most of your opportunities for the education and training of the character to fill any position which the Lord may assign you. You need so much a balance-wheel in judicious counsel. Do not despise advice. Bear in mind that the school is not a place to form attachments for courting or entering into marriage relations.” Manuscript Releases, vol. 10, 74.

Even when we are old enough and out of our studies, we may want to rush on before God, but my first instruction is to wait. Consider whether the person with whom you want to unite your life has the traits that are worthy of your attention. Take time to analyze this person to see if he or she has what you really need in a life partner as per the instruction we have been given in The Adventist Home, 211–224 and 231–273. I would encourage you to read this first from the angle of how should I be, and then read it from the angle of for what should I be looking.

Ask yourself, Am I ready to play my part in the family role? Have I come close to God? Am I willing to take up my fair share of life’s burdens? Am I willing to be that perfect husband or wife? Am I willing to work at a relationship, accept someone for who they are, and, with God’s help, have a happy home? Or will I be the sort who will want everything my way? These are hard questions, if you answer them honestly.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to wait upon the Lord, but if we will trust God, then He will work things out for us—maybe not in the way we think we want them to be, but in the way that He knows is best for us. When we learn this lesson and let God rule supremely in our lives, then we are ready to progress in finding a life partner.

Let us make sure we wait for the right time in our lives and also that we do the preparation work before we enter into such a relationship.

Jeff Samuels is a pseudonym

Commitment to the Marriage Covenant

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Week of Prayer for Wednesday

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:21–24.

“God celebrated the first marriage. Thus the institution has for its originator the Creator of the universe. ‘Marriage is honorable’ (Hebrews 13:4); it was one of the first gifts of God to man, and it is one of the two institutions that, after the Fall, Adam brought with him beyond the gates of Paradise. When the divine principles are recognized and obeyed in this relation, marriage is a blessing; it guards the purity and happiness of the race, it provides for man’s social needs, it elevates the physical, the intellectual, and the moral nature.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 46.

The following quote comes from an editorial published in the Bowling Green Daily News, July 28, 2002 [Bowling Green, Kentucky]. “Mayor Rudy Giuliani and his estranged wife Donna Hanover are not the only ones finding out how messy divorce can be. While a majority of divorce settlements don’t involve one party getting $6.8 million plus child support and legal fees, divorce in most cases sets in motion events over which individuals have little control.

“The research is deafening: Even strained marriages often are better than divorce. Also studies show that the benefits of divorce have been oversold. Researchers at the University of Chicago have followed up on some of the more than 5,000 married adults interviewed several years ago about their relationships. What they found is worthy of note: A good marriage takes much attention and effort.

“Commitment to a spouse and perseverance to face hurdles is the key to any marriage, whether the couple has lived together or not. While the number of marriages ending in divorce is staggering, there are still plenty of people who have found that most conflict, whether it is money, depression and even infidelity, can be resolved with communication and time.

“The effect that commitment can have on future generations is staggering. Wednesday’s [July 24, 2002] report indicating that children of divorce are more likely to end up being divorced themselves should be a strong influence on whether to break up a marriage.”

The Spirit of Prophecy has this to say about divorce: “A woman may be legally divorced from her husband by the laws of the land and yet not divorced in the sight of God and according to the higher law. There is only one sin, which is adultery, which can place the husband or wife in a position where they can be free from the marriage vow in the sight of God. Although the laws of the land may grant a divorce, yet they are husband and wife still in the Bible light, according to the laws of God.” The Adventist Home, 344.

The Commitment Factor

Though all of the following factors have contributed to the divorce rate, there is yet another—a missing preventive factor. However much these factors may predispose our society to an epidemic of divorces, such an epidemic can still be prevented if one key element is present. What element could this be? True commitment!

Problems That Lead to Divorce

What is wrong here? Probably a great many things. Divorce did not become a significant problem in the United States until after the mid-1900s. Many things have changed, which may be contributing to this problem.

The Impact of Dating

Interactions between young men and women have changed a lot since the 1800s. The role of parents, both in protecting their children from premarital intimacy and in influencing marriage decisions, is almost nonexistent today. The majority of modern Christians follow modern dating practices, which are not known to result in excellent marriages. Consider how many young people enter marriage with a background of prior romantic relationships and even fornication. How many relationships are founded on selfishness, physical attraction, and infatuation? How many marriages are entered into with serious misconceptions about the other person’s character, beliefs, and values? Certainly many Christian marriages start badly because of these things.

The Ease and Acceptance of Divorce

In prior times, divorce was only permitted when there was adultery. In the last few generations, many children have grown up in single parent homes. Thus a much smaller percentage of young people marrying have had good marriage role models in their own parents. Also, few have had much good teaching on Christian marriage.

Working Women and Temptation

In the 1800s, and even through most of the first half of the 1900s, the majority of married women were in the home, not in the workplace. Since that time, the majority of women, even of married women, have come to work outside the home, usually right alongside of men. Married women working outside the home are more financially independent of their husbands. Though we usually think of financial independence as a good thing, in marriage it makes the wife less reluctant to leave her husband and removes the husband’s guilt over leaving his wife unsupported. The prevalence of women in the workplace, including married women, has brought more temptation to infidelity to both men and women. Work often brings men and women into close working relationships and friendships that exclude their spouses. This makes fertile ground for infatuations and relationships that result in adultery.

Cultural Influences

Today, we live in a culture steeped in immorality, pornography, alcohol and drug abuse, and selfishness. This culture and its influences have strongly invaded Christian homes. It is no longer just through neighbors, coworkers, acquaintances, and books that we have been bombarded, but now it is also through radio, television, movies, and the Internet. The godless culture around us offers many new and highly effective tools with which to saturate us with temptations and godless influences.

The Marriage Commitment

Our ancestors viewed marriage as a vow before God, a vow to be taken very seriously. To break a solemn vow before God was to invite divine punishment. Churches taught that God hated divorce and that marriage was meant to be for life. Churches, schools, and the leaders of society all stressed the importance of integrity and honor and of keeping one’s promises. Men and women of honor kept their promises, even to their own hurt.

“The grace of Christ, and this alone, can make this institution what God designed it should be—an agent for the blessing and uplifting of humanity. And thus the families of earth, in their unity and peace and love, may represent the family of heaven.” Ibid., 100.

Should we not keep our vows? As modern Christians, should we regard marriage vows more lightly than did our ancestors? I think not! God does not base the marriage commitment on your feelings or on how well your partner treats you. You made a commitment—a vow—without conditions. You committed yourself to another’s care whatever the circumstances or however things might change.

God does not mince words about divorce. In Malachi 2:14–16, He states that He hates divorce, and speaks of those men who divorce as having dealt “treacherously” with their wives. How would you like to be described by God as being treacherous? In Matthew 5:32 and Luke 16:18, Jesus says that anyone who divorces his wife commits adultery and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Jesus further explains that Moses only permitted divorce because of the hardness of men’s hearts—divorce was not God’s intention. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder! (Matthew 19:6.)

Husbands

Where are the men of character and integrity today? Where are those who will give their word and stand by it, even to their own hurt? What about you? Husbands, as God’s appointed head of your family, you are expected to set the example for your wife and children. Are you a man on whom others can count? Do you keep your commitments?

You have vowed to love and care for your wife, whatever the situation, as long as you both shall live. Be true to your vow! Excuses, such as being unhappy in marriage, no longer feeling in love, or not being loved by your wife, do not cut it with God. Devote yourself to pleasing God in your role as a husband. Fulfill your responsibilities and, with patience, depend upon God. Often, this will transform your marriage in a way that brings glory to God. However, even if it does not, your obligation is the same. Your endurance and steadfast commitment to your vow will bring glory to God. Breaking your vow of marriage will bring dishonor on God’s name, giving “occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme.” 11 Samuel 12:14.

Wives

Some of you face very hard circumstances. Some of your marriages are difficult, at best. Do you feel unloved by your husband? Have you been left lonely and unfulfilled? Have you suffered much neglect and even cruelty from your husband? Hold on to God. He sees your situation, and He cares.

Be faithful to your vows, living with your husband as a godly wife, respecting and honoring him, remaining loyal to him even when he is not loyal to you. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve, whom you live to please. Fulfill your responsibilities as a woman of God, obeying all of the Bible’s instructions concerning marriage.

Do not lose heart. Do not allow your emotions to take control and lead you to dishonor God by abandoning your marriage. I know there are some situations where true physical harm is threatened, when it may be wise for you to depart from your husband for a time—but with the hope that you may soon be able to return and resume your duties as a loyal wife. Do all that is within your power to stand by your vow.

Husbands and Wives

Duty comes before happiness. You have a duty to God and to your marriage partner. Honor God by doing what is right, whatever your spouse chooses to do. You are responsible to God for what you do. Leave your spouse in God’s hands.

“The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to mankind. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities.

“Every home should be a place of love, a place where the angels of God abide, working with softening, subduing influence upon the hearts of parents and children.

“Our homes must be made a Bethel, our hearts a shrine. Wherever the love of God is cherished in the soul, there will be peace, there will be light and joy. Spread out the word of God before your families in love, and ask, ‘What hath God spoken?’ ” Ibid., 18, 19.

“He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet performed His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing it as an institution that He Himself had established. . . .

“Christ honored the marriage relation by making it also a symbol of the union between Him and His redeemed ones. He Himself is the Bridegroom; the bride is the church, of which, as His chosen one, He says, ‘Thou art all fair, My love; there is no spot in thee.’ [Song of Solomon 4:7.]” Ibid. 26.

“A Happy or Unhappy Marriage?—If those who are contemplating marriage would not have miserable, unhappy reflections after marriage, they must make it a subject of serious, earnest reflection now. This step taken unwisely is one of the most effective means of ruining the usefulness of young men and women. Life becomes a burden, a curse. No one can so effectually ruin a woman’s happiness and usefulness, and make life a heartsickening burden, as her own husband; and no one can do one hundredth part as much to chill the hopes and aspirations of a man, to paralyze his energies and ruin his influence and prospects, as his own wife. It is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hopes of the future life.” Ibid., 43.

“Most men and women have acted in entering the marriage relation as though the only question for them to settle was whether they loved each other. But they should realize that a responsibility rests upon them in the marriage relation farther than this. They should consider whether their offspring will possess physical health and mental and moral strength. But few have moved with high motives and with elevated considerations which they could not lightly throw off—that society had claims upon them, that the weight of their family’s influence would tell in the upward or downward scale.

“The choice of a life companion should be such as best to secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their children—such as will enable both parents and children to bless their fellow men and to honor their Creator.

“Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Wife.—Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.

“ ‘A prudent wife is from the Lord.’ ‘The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.’ ‘She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her,’ saying, ‘Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.’ He who gains such a wife ‘findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.’ [Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26–29; 18:22.]

“Here are things which should be considered: Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is [she] an economist, or will she, if married, not only use all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct in this direction? Has she anything now to depend upon? . . . I know that to the mind of a man infatuated with love and thoughts of marriage these questions will be brushed away as though they were of no consequence. But these things should be duly considered, for they have a bearing upon your future life. . . .

“In your choice of a wife study her character. Will she be one who will be patient and painstaking? Or will she cease to care for your mother and father at the very time when they need a strong son to lean upon? And will she withdraw him from their society to carry out her plans and to suit her own pleasure, and leave the father and mother who, instead of gaining an affectionate daughter, will have lost a son?

“Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Husband.—Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. What has been his past record? Is his life pure? Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness? Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? . . . Can she honor the Saviour’s claims as supreme? Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy? These questions have a vital bearing upon the well-being of every woman who enters the marriage relation.

“Let the woman who desires a peaceful, happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow, inquire before she yields her affections, Has my lover a mother? What is the stamp of her character? Does he recognize his obligations to her? Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness? If he does not respect and honor his mother, will he manifest respect and love, kindness and attention, toward his wife? When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still? Will he be patient with my mistakes, or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictatorial? True affection will overlook many mistakes; love will not discern them.

“Accept Only Pure, Manly Traits.—Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God.

“Shun those who are irreverent. Shun one who is a lover of idleness; shun the one who is a scoffer of hallowed things. Avoid the society of one who uses profane language, or is addicted to the use of even one glass of liquor. Listen not to the proposals of a man who has no realization of his responsibility to God. The pure truth which sanctifies the soul will give you courage to cut yourself loose from the most pleasing acquaintance whom you know does not love and fear God, and knows nothing of the principles of true righteousness. We may always bear with a friend’s infirmities and with his ignorance, but never with his vices.” Ibid., 45–48.

“Marriage of Christians With Unbelievers.—There is in the Christian world an astonishing, alarming indifference to the teaching of God’s word in regard to the marriage of Christians with unbelievers. Many who profess to love and fear God choose to follow the bent of their own minds rather than take counsel of Infinite Wisdom. In a matter which vitally concerns the happiness and well-being of both parties for this world and the next, reason, judgment, and the fear of God are set aside; and blind impulse, stubborn determination are allowed to control.

“Men and women who are otherwise sensible and conscientious close their ears to counsel; they are deaf to the appeals and entreaties of friends and kindred and of the servants of God. The expression of a caution or warning is regarded as impertinent meddling, and the friend who is faithful enough to utter a remonstrance is treated as an enemy. All this is as Satan would have it. He weaves his spell about the soul, and it becomes bewitched, infatuated. Reason lets fall the reins of self-control upon the neck of lust; unsanctified passion bears sway, until, too late, the victim awakens to a life of misery and bondage. This is not a picture drawn by the imagination, but a recital of facts. God’s sanction is not given to unions which He has expressly forbidden.

“God’s Commands Are Plain.—The Lord commanded ancient Israel not to intermarry with the idolatrous nations around them: ‘Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.’ The reason is given. Infinite Wisdom, foreseeing the result of such unions, declares: ‘For they will turn away thy son from following Me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.’ ‘For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto Himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.’ [Deuteronomy 7:3, 4, 6.]” Ibid., 61, 62.

“Risking the Enjoyments of Heaven.—‘Can two walk together, except they be agreed?’ ‘If two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven.’ [Amos 3:3; Matthew 18:19.] But how strange the sight! While one of those so closely united is engaged in devotion, the other is indifferent and careless; while one is seeking the way to everlasting life, the other is in the broad road to death.

“Hundreds have sacrificed Christ and heaven in consequence of marrying unconverted persons. Can it be that the love and fellowship of Christ are of so little value to them that they prefer the companionship of poor mortals? Is heaven so little esteemed that they are willing to risk its enjoyments for one who has no love for the precious Saviour?” Ibid., 66, 67.

Overview

Are you having problems? Are you wavering in commitment? Are you thinking that your marriage may have been a big mistake? Are you becoming friendly with a member of the opposite sex? Perhaps even attracted and a little infatuated? Have you “had it” with the way your spouse treats you? Are you dying inside from loneliness, lack of love, affection, acceptance, respect, or understanding? Are you now finding your mate to be totally unattractive? Is your mate not meeting your basic needs and making no effort to do so?

Seek help for your marriage problems, first from God and second from a wise Christian counselor. Stay committed to your marriage and trust God to work. Put your duty to God and the interests of your children before your own happiness. God did not promise that our lives would be easy and our circumstances always wonderful. Sometimes we must suffer for Christ; yet, relying on Him, we can give thanks in all things and rejoice always. Do not allow your commitment to your marriage to waiver. May you be found by God to be a faithful servant—one who will be more concerned about God’s glory than your own happiness, and one who will obey God and do your duty as a husband or wife, however difficult it may become.

An Unshakable Commitment

We should all enter into marriage taking our vows very seriously and seeking to please God with our marriage. Divorce should not be seen as a possible means of escape. No matter what the problems may be, how bad the relationship may become, or how strongly you may be attracted to another, purpose that you will keep your commitment to a lifelong marriage, that you will not give up, and that you will continue to work at your marriage, weathering whatever storms may come.

For the sake of God’s name, your Christian testimony, your children, and your honor and integrity, determine that you will keep this commitment and do all you can to please God regarding your marriage.

What sort of commitment should you make to your marriage? I would suggest one that includes the following elements:

  1. You will not seek to escape from your marriage.
  2. You will not look for another, and you will run from any temptation towards infidelity. You will be very careful about any interactions with the opposite sex that could possibly lead you into temptation or provoke the jealousy of your spouse.
  3. You will work at your marriage to make it as good as you can, for your children, for your wife or husband, and lastly for yourself.
  4. You will not give up on your marriage, knowing God can change both you and your spouse.
  5. If you do not feel love, you nevertheless, by conscious decision, will decide to love, whatever you may feel. Your actions and words will be loving.
  6. You will confess past wrongs and work to make amends and to restore any broken areas of your marriage relationship.

Conclusion

Christian marriage needs to be stable and permanent; it needs to be built upon the foundation of an unconditional, mutual covenant commitment that will not allow anything or anyone “to put asunder” the marital union established by God. To accept this Biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant means to be willing to make total, exclusive, continuing, and growing commitments to our marriage partners. Such commitments are not easy or trouble free. Just as our covenantal commitments to God require obedience to the principles embodied in the Ten Commandments, so our covenantal commitments to our marriage partners demand obedience to the principles of the Ten Commandments that are applicable to our marriage relationships.

There is no other way to enter into the joys of Christian marriage than by assuming its covenantal obligations. When we commit ourselves to honor our marriage covenants of mutual faithfulness “till death do us part,” then we experience how God is mysteriously able to unite two lives into “one flesh.” Honoring our marriage covenant is fundamental to the stability of our family, church, and society.

Domingo Nunez is Director of Outreach Ministry for Steps to Life.

Ask the Pastor – The Unconverted Spouse

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Question:

What did Peter mean when he said, in 1 Peter 3:1, 2, “Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear”?

Answer:

One thing that we need to remember, when we read counsel such as this, is the fact that when people are converted, they will experience trials in their lives. We are not removed from relationships that exist between family members and husbands and wives. Where one is converted and the other is not, special care needs to be given to present the gospel in all of its power, so a loved one will experience the witness and respond.

There are few experiences more difficult than to be united in marriage to an unbeliever. The Christian young man or young woman should never go voluntarily into such a union. Paul’s counsel surely reflects the inspiration of the Holy Spirit when he says, in 11 Corinthians 6:14, 15: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for . . . what communion hath light with darkness? . . . or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?”

But where one member of an already formed family is brought to know the Lord while the other remains in the darkness of unbelief, serious misunderstandings and perplexing circumstances can arise.

If the wife has been converted, while the husband has not been, special wisdom and grace are called for on her part to draw the husband to know the Lord. If she takes a superior attitude toward her unconverted husband, she will only stir up his opposition to the truth and make her circumstances miserable. She is counseled here, by Peter, to be in subjection to her own husband. She is to manifest such grace and humility of spirit that even though he resents the Word that is being presented to him, it is by her exceptional behavior and the beauty of her Christian character that he is won to Christ.

We have the saying that actions speak louder than words. This is a principle of Scripture. A whiney, dominating woman will drive her husband further from God instead of drawing him to Christ. But a gentle, gracious lady, whose life is characterized by purity and whose adorning is not simply that which is outward but which is inward, will have a great influence over even a godless husband. The goal of the purposes of a loving wife should be to win her unbelieving husband.

I have never read in Scripture where force or nagging ever won anyone to the Lord. But there are many instances where a meek and submissive spirit has won multitudes to the Lord. This is the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. The world works in just the opposite way. Force is the order of the day. This is why, in the issue of the Sunday law, force will be used to try to control the conscience.

The same principle is to be used where the wife is the unbeliever and the husband is a believer. Kindness, patience, care, and love are mighty when applied to the marriage relationship to win the heart of the unbelieving mate.

Pastor Mike Baugher is Associate Speaker for Steps to Life. If you have a question you would like Pastor Mike to answer, e-mail it to: landmarks@stepstolife.org or mail it to: LandMarks, Steps to Life, P. O. Box 782828, Wichita, KS 67278.

Immorality Before Crossing the Jordan

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“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:14

God said in five words what others take many thousands to explain.

Martin Luther’s right hand man, Melanchthon, once said that the Bible must first be understood grammatically before it can be understood theologically. In other words, we must first determine what the words are, then determine what those words mean individually and only then can it be determined what those words mean compositely. Only after that groundwork has been done can we then deduce a theological meaning.

The word Thou is of the second person pronoun which can be either singular or plural. In other words, it is you, the second person. The word shalt, or shall, in the more familiar English, is a strong assertion or an intention, you shall.

The word not is added to any auxiliary verb in the English language and forms the negation of that verb. You will not do this. The word commit means to carry out, to accomplish.

The fifth and final word is adultery. Mr. Webster defines adultery as a violation of the marriage bed via sexual intercourse, unchastity. God therefore commands that you will not violate the marriage bed, you will not be unchaste, you will not be immoral. You will not be licentious. It is very interesting to note that the very command, you will not do this, implies that you can. What would be the purpose in God commanding something that we could not do? When we talk about the moral law of God, God is asking us either to do or not to do that which we are capable of doing.

In the Hebrew text this command is even clearer, because it is stated in just two words: no adultery. We have already modified this statement into the English, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” In the Hebrew it simply states, “No adultery.” Is that unclear? The essence of the command is, “Do not be sexually involved with anyone who is not your spouse.” Often we take a very narrow view of adultery, and I have had people say to me that they cannot break that commandment because adultery is only violating the marriage vow, so if they are not married, how can they violate the marriage vow?

The essence of this command is to prohibit any sexual involvement outside of a marriage commitment. This commandment can also be violated by those who are not married. Jesus utterly affirmed this in Matthew 5:31 where He intensified the command: “Furthermore, it has been said, Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.” “You have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart.” Verses 27, 28. Jesus does not diminish the requirement of the law; He does not take away from the letter or the spirit, but He magnifies it and says, You thought it only pertained to the literal act, but I am telling you, you can be found guilty of this command somewhere between your ears.

Immorality is widespread today and it has become a major problem even in the Christian church. Not only are there blatant affairs going on, but many are looking at magazines and computer screens depicting every imaginable thing. People’s lives are being ruined, families are shattered and children are left with little or no direction with no proper role models to follow and it is happening all within the private confines of their own perverted imagination.

Jesus says in verse 32, “I say to you, That whosoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery.” Our definition of adultery is the violation of that marvelous union that God has instituted. Whoever marries a woman who is divorced without proper Biblical grounds commits adultery. Jesus magnified the law when adding that if you look on a woman to lust after her, and if you divorce a woman for a non-Biblical reason, that is the proliferation of adultery. Jesus in no way diminished the command, but He intensified it.

Jesus said, “Out of the heart proceeds all these evil thoughts, murders” (Matthew 15:19), which is commandment number six. And then He says, “adulteries, fornications,” referring to the seventh commandment. Jesus used two words to encapsulate this. He then goes on to say, “thefts” referring to commandment number eight. “Thou shalt not steal” and then, “false witness,” which is commandment number nine. This is very interesting; Jesus here describes commandments six, seven, eight and nine in a single word, except in the case of “Thou shalt not commit adultery” where He uses the words, adulteries and fornications. Here again Jesus is letting us know, as He did in Matthew, chapter five, that the command, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” is not simply something a married individual can do. It involves the whole umbrella of sexual vice and impurity. He uses two words, adulteries, which is the Greek word for the violation of the marriage bed and the word fornications which is the word for porneo, pornography.

This commandment Jesus describes, is as broad and does not just refer to adultery between married people. This commandment covers all kinds of sexual perversity and immorality. I don’t think anyone would disagree with the fact that we live in a sex-crazy, sensual, seductive society. Our culture is sex consumed.

God made man to be a social creature, and not be alone. The vast majority of us are social beings with a desire for a permanent relationship in which to share the most intimate experiences of life. God gave man the institution of marriage as a haven of safety, a place of sacred trust, in which to enjoy and to satisfy this most basic longing to be one with another. The oneness that a man shares with his wife in mind, body and soul is designed to be a type of the oneness that Jesus desires of His people, giving all to that relationship and forsaking all others.

Primarily there are two groups of people that fall into sexual sin, which is plainly forbidden: the unmarried, that is to say the single, whether never married, or married and divorced, and the unhappily married. As a general rule, those who are happily married in a wonderful, mutual, godly relationship are not usually the people who fall into sexual sin. This does not mean that they are immune and cannot fall, but it does mean that the people who are generally struggling with sexual sin are either single, or they are unhappily married. A happy, contented marriage will not only solve the problem of adultery, but it also solves the problem of pornography.

This is not to say that there would not be some who would remain single. Jesus did say and Paul agreed that there were certain people who could receive the gift of celibacy and these people are in the minority, but to those who desire companionship, the Apostle Paul advises in I Corinthians 7:9, “It is better to marry than to burn.”

Pornography has grown into a multi-billion dollar per year industry, destroying morals, people and marriages along the way. Internet pornography has not gotten any worse in terms of its substance in the last twenty years, but it has just become more accessible. Previously it used to be only available in the more seedy places, in truck stops, along the wrong side of the tracks and the red light district. Some people had the victory over pornography because they were afraid of being seen in these places, but now it is readily available in the public library or right in the living room of your own home. The percentage of pornography related Internet usage is off the charts and, incidentally, the top Google search words are all porn-related.

Tragically, pornography has become too accessible, and almost impossible to escape. Regular advertising of general products now often use sexual innuendos with suggestive pictures plastered on billboards and simply going through the checkout at local grocery stores makes it difficult to ignore the numerous magazines advertising the sexual exploits of the rich and famous.

But what a blessing to be able to have victory over the curse of a sin that is completely accessible!

Just as the children of Israel were on the borders of the land of Canaan preparing to cross the Jordan River Satan attacked with one of his most effective weapons—ungodly licentious adultery. Women were brought into the camp and the men became far too familiar with them, causing many to lose sight of the Promised Land.

When Satan’s temptations are the strongest and the most accessible, that is the time when God’s people will stand the strongest. It is of no great virtue to have victory over an inaccessible temptation, but it is a tremendous honor to God when standing strong in the face of overwhelming temptation. Licentiousness is the special sin of this age. I believe that the person who is committed to the lifestyle of pornography is in an absolute violation of their marriage vow.

This is distinguished from the person who falls and makes a mistake and stubs his toe and utterly repents. If you are struggling with this sin, you need two things. You need Biblical spirituality and you need genuine accountability. The Bible says the flesh lusts against the Spirit (Galatians 5:17). You need the Spirit in your life. Jesus said in John 6:63, “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you, Jesus said, they are spirit, and they are life.” You need to daily be filling your tank with spiritual food. If you find that you are failing and falling and fumbling, it is likely because you have not filled up your spiritual tank with true spiritual words from Jesus. His words are spirit and life. You need accountability.

The Bible says in II Corinthians 10:3–5, “For though we walk in the flesh [that means we are stuck in these bodies], we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses, the pulling down of strongholds. We are destroying speculations, and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Spiritual food is needed to fuel the spiritual energy in your tank if you are going to get the victory over these specific temptations, which are the sin of our age. No one is immune to sexual temptation. You would need to be wiser than Solomon, more godly than David, stronger than Samson, and that seems unlikely.

It is a proven fact that men are primarily driven by their eyes and they are visually stimulated. This is why Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, “If a man looketh on a woman …” He constituted men that way. The Bible says, “God made Adam.” Genesis 1:27. But when it comes to Eve the Hebrew text says, “He built her.” The temptation for women is to build castles or have fantasies. Women are more likely to watch soap operas and read romance novels where all the characters are beautiful, rich and famous, leaving her discontented with reality. While women are castle-building, dreaming up the ideal life, and the men are looking around being driven sensually or visually, you can see what happens when a conflict arises in the marriage. The woman starts going her way, looking for that perfect man bearing flowers to come and sweep her off her feet. And the man starts to go his way and he is looking for a woman who is looking to be swept off her feet, and these two collide neither recognizing in each other what they need because they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Men have the ability to size up a woman in one second with just a passing glance. So, the advice I have for men is simply this: Stop looking! There are way too many lookers. Make a covenant with your eyes to turn them away and stop looking! Jesus said, “Husbands, love your wives.” Ephesians 5:25. Learn the true meaning of love and you will never be happier than with your wife.

For women, stop being dissatisfied with your husband. Maybe he doesn’t have six pack abs, and maybe he doesn’t bring you roses every single night, but get over it! You are his helpmeet, the one God has chosen to help your husband meet his potential. You have the power to make your home a sanctuary where peace and love reign if you will but take seriously your God given responsibility to your husband and your children. Learn the meaning of grace; learn the meaning of forgiveness and your home will be a haven where angels love to dwell.

Beloved, I suggest to you a simple remedy for a good marriage: It is the five “Cs.”

Get converted—Figures show that the divorce rate is going down, now at about 42%, but research shows that it is because fewer people are getting married. Think about it. Marriage is a Christian institution and it is understandable not to expect unconverted people to do well in a Christian institution. So, if you want a good marriage, get converted. If two people are genuinely converted in a marriage, they cannot get a divorce. The reason for this is that God hates divorce and He would not lead two godly people, two converted people, to do something He hates.

Be committed—Not for a day, not for a year, not for a decade, but be committed for life.

Learn to compromise—You want the blue car and she wants the red car —you get the black car.

Have a little compassion—My advice to newlyweds who come into my office is, “You worry about the compassion, and the passion will take care of itself.”

Have a healthy dose of communication—Spend time talking together. There are many resources available that are excellent tools to help you develop your communication skills. e.g., Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

Beloved, in closing, I just want to appeal to your hearts. Some of you are divorcees and God does give Biblical grounds for divorce. I believe in my heart He gives only one single ground for divorce on Biblical grounds and that is the violation of the marriage bed, adultery. In the book, The Adventist Home, 341, God sent a message through His prophet because we were mistaking the plain words of Jesus. It says, “Nothing but the violation of the marriage bed can either break or annul the marriage vow.”

Nothing, nothing, but the violation of the marriage bed can annul the marriage vow. Is that clear enough? Is there any confusion there? Now, if you have been divorced on Biblical grounds or even non-Biblical grounds, and you want to start anew, you want to start afresh, the good news about our God is that He meets you where you are. But grace is not a license to sin.

I stand before you here today as a man who has been happily married for almost ten years and I can say in the fear of God and with absolute candor, I am more in love with my wife today, ten years later, than I was the day I married her. She is more beautiful to me. She is a fantastic mother. She has put up with all of my idiosyncrasies. She is a godly woman. Perfect? Not yet—close, but not perfect yet! But I would invite you to give your marriage to God, give your struggles to God, give your sexuality to God, and I would close with five simple words: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”

David Asscherick’s sermon was taken from the Ten Commandment Weekend, 2008 series aired on 3ABN. For more information contact 3ABN.org.