wife

Unadulterated

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The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein. For He hath founded it upon the seas, and established it upon the floods. Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord? Or who shall stand in His holy place? He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart.” Psalms 24:1–4.

God is looking for a pure people. A people who are totally His and who have the pure character of Christ, unmixed and unadulterated by the sins and practices of the world.

“When the character of the Saviour shall be perfectly reproduced in His people, then He will come to claim His own.” Counsels to Parents, Teachers and Students, 324. The reason Christ has not yet come is because His character has not been reproduced in us. It is still mixed with impurities that should not be there. But when we represent Christ and our homes represent Christ’s home, then He will come to receive us unto Himself. It is time, brethren and sisters, that we take the impurities out of our lives and out of our homes. Shall we do it?

Adulterations

From time to time we hear of government inspectors finding other things in hamburgers besides beef. Some hamburger chain is trying to cut down on its costs and so they find some cheaper substance to mix with their beef. It may be a soy product or it may be a pork product, but whatever it is it should not be there and it is against the law. For when a product is labeled as “hamburger,” that signifies that it is all beef. Any added alteration makes it an adulterated product. This is what the government inspectors call it.

When you add an alteration to what something is supposed to be, it becomes adulterated or an adulteration. The dictionary says adulterate means: “To make impure by mixing in a foreign or inferior substance.” The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 1974.

Thought Question:

If there is not a pattern or standard for a product (if there is no label), can you alter it? Can it become adulterated?

The Home Pattern

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.” Ephesians 5:22–26.

“God would have our families symbols of the family in heaven. Let parents and children bear this in mind every day, relating themselves to one another as members of the family of God. Then their lives will be of such a character as to give to the world an object lesson of what families who love God and keep His commandments may be. Christ will be glorified; His peace and grace and love will pervade the family circle like a precious perfume.” Adventist Home, 17.

The family is a symbol of heaven. Can you think of another symbol of heaven that God has given to this earth? Hebrews 8:5 says, “Who serve unto the example and shadow of heavenly things, as Moses was admonished of God when he was about to make the tabernacle: for, See, saith He, that thou make all things according to the pattern showed to thee in the mount.” “It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.” Hebrews 9:23.

The sanctuary that Moses built was patterned after the exact same object which the home is patterned after. They are both patterned after and are a symbol of heaven.

Thought Question:

If you made two copies of the same thing, would they resemble each other?

Our families are to be built upon heaven’s plan and this Divine Plan for our families is graphically illustrated in the sanctuary. In fact, as the home is copied after heaven, as illustrated in the sanctuary, the home becomes a miniature sanctuary itself: a place patterned after heaven so closely that it becomes a little heaven on earth where God meets with His children.

God said: “And let them make Me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them.” Exodus 25:8. “Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God?” Psalms 77:13.

“The subject of the sanctuary . . . should be clearly understood by the people of God.…Otherwise it will be impossible for them to exercise the faith which is essential at this time or to occupy the position which God designs them to fill.” The Great Controversy, 488.

God’s way, His Divine pattern, is found in the sanctuary. This is where He meets in a special way with His people. As our homes copy this pattern, they in-turn become miniature sanctuaries and God in-turn meets in a special way with its occupants there.

“From the sacredness which was attached to the earthly sanctuary, Christians may learn how they should regard the place where the Lord meets with His people. . . . The house is the sanctuary for the family.” Testimonies, vol. 5, 491.

Adventists used to be known as the Sabbath and Sanctuary people. The sanctuary was so important that it was the very first thing God presented and enjoined upon us as a people—even before the Sabbath message. We used to preach and preach and preach about the sanctuary, but now it has become almost a dead subject to some members.

Let us look at heaven’s pattern and maybe we will see some alterations that have been added in our families and in our homes.

The Sanctuary

Who was allowed in the different areas of the sanctuary?

Court…………………… Israelites

Holy Place ………………… Priests

Most Holy Place ……. High Priest

It is noteworthy to observe that the further into the sanctuary you go, the more beautiful, luxurious, and holy it becomes and the more exclusive it becomes. The Most Holy place was filled with gold and tapestries and exquisite workmanship which radiated with untold glory.

And what was it that kept other people out of the respective places? The veil. The veil was a curtain that hung in front of each compartment to keep people out who should not be in. The veil, or curtain, that was rent from top to bottom at the time of Christ’s death, signified that there was no more sanctity in the Most Holy Place. Without the veil, there was no sanctity or holiness! The veil kept out what was not supposed to be there. It kept out any added alteration: any adultery. The veil provided the protection that maintained the purity and holiness within.

No Guided Tours

Once upon a time there was a very good king in Judah. The Bible says that “he did that which was right in the sight of the Lord.” 2 Chronicles 26:4. His name was Uzziah and because he was such a good king the Lord permitted him to reign a very long time and gave him prosperity all around. No king since Solomon had been so prosperous and no king had ruled longer. “He sought God…(and) God made him to prosper.” “And God helped him against the Philistines.…And the Ammonites gave gifts to Uzziah: and his name spread abroad even to the entering in of Egypt; for he strengthened himself exceedingly.” “And he made in Jerusalem engines, invented by cunning men, to be on the towers and upon the bulwarks, to shoot arrows and great stones withal. And his name spread far abroad; for he was marvelously helped, till he was strong.”
2 Chronicles 26:5, 7, 8, 15.

He was a professional. He was the king. He had rights and privileges which no one questioned. So one day, he decided he wanted a guided tour of the temple. He wanted to see what all was in there. He wanted to take part in its services. The priests, not seeming to understand his profession and authority, tried to dissuade him, but he would not be turned aside from his heart’s desire.

Uzziah took the “censer in his hand to burn incense . . . (and) leprosy even rose up in his forehead before the priests in the house of the Lord, from beside the incense alter. . . . And Uzziah the king was a leper unto the day of his death, and dwelt in a several house, being a leper; for he was cut off from the house of the Lord.” 2 Chronicles 26: 19, 21.

What a severe punishment! And for one who had been so good for so long! But God said there would be no guided tours of the holy sanctuary. Only certain people were to go beyond the veils and anyone else was an added alteration to God’s heavenly plan.

Thought Question:

Why were these curtains covering things up? Why were others not allowed to go in? Was it because there was something bad going on in there? Why was only the High Priest allowed in the Most Holy place? Was there something “dirty” and unholy about the service?

Answer:

No! It was quite the opposite. (There are doors that do cover up things because they are unholy and “dirty” but that is not the case here.) These veils formed a sacred enclosure. Within each enclosure was found a more intimate and personal relationship with God until the high priest himself, alone, stood personally face to face before God.

It was totally holy for the right people, but totally unholy for all others. But remember, the sanctuary is but a symbol of heaven and of heaven’s relationship with us (like the home is).

Each individual can have a sanctuary relationship with God. (See Testimonies, vol. 5, 491.) Each individual can have the same personal relationship with God that the high priest illustrated. Each of us can enjoy all of God’s riches as though they were meant just for us. Each of us can receive the blessing of Christ’s sacrifice as though it was done just for us.

“The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare, not another soul for whom He gave His beloved Son.” Steps to Christ, 100. That is worth memorizing!

And as the sanctuary represents Christ’s plan of government—His love—for us, so our homes and families do the same thing. “Through the… deepest and tenderest earthly ties that human hearts can know, He [God] has sought to reveal Himself to us.” Ibid., 10.

What are the “deepest and tenderest earthly ties that human hearts can know?” Mrs. White says that “The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth.” The Ministry of Healing, 356.

As in the sanctuary, so there are certain expressions of love and service that are perfectly proper within the church but which would be improper outside of the church body—such as foot washing. This is represented by the court.

Within the family there is more intimacy and devotion that is sacred and holy—but only as it remains in the family. This is like the Holy Place of the sanctuary.

But it remains for the husband and wife to receive the full glory of intimacy—and only within the veil. Is this exclusiveness because there is something that is unholy about marriage and its ordinances of love and service? No, Paul says:

“Marriage is honourable in all [some religions teach that it is not], and the bed undefiled; but [he quickly adds] whoremongers and adulterers [ones that have added alterations to the marriage—added a person that should not be there] God will judge [as He did Uzziah].” Hebrews 13:4.

Within the Most Holy

Within the Most Holy Place of the family, God would teach us that we are to give our allegiance to only one. We are to be all to God and He will be all to us. And so there is to be only one man for each woman and only one woman for each man. They are to be all to each other. (See Adventist Home, 177; 1 Corinthians 7:3, 4.)

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to
his wife: And they twain (2) shall be
one flesh?” Matthew 19:5. (To see how this teaches us about God, read
John 17:21–23.)

Christ said that they twain shall be one. Not they three or they four but they twain. Any third party to this union is an added alteration that is contrary to the pattern (or label). Around this sacred institution God has placed a “sacred circle” to maintain its purity and any third person makes it impure.

Thought Question:

Who all are excluded from this principle? Kings? Professionals? Friends? Parents?

(For further reading, read what Mrs. White says about physicians preserving “those barriers of reserve [the sacred veil] that should exist between men and women” in Counsels on Health, 363–365.)

Around every married couple and around every family God has put a veil, a sacred circle, which must be preserved. “There is a sacred circle around every family which should be preserved. No other one has any right in that sacred circle. The husband and wife should be all to each other. The wife should have no secrets to keep from her husband and let others know, and the husband should have no secrets to keep from his wife to relate to others. The heart of his wife should be the grave for the faults of the husband, and the heart of the husband the grave for his wife’s faults. Never should either party indulge in a joke at the expense of the other’s feelings. Never should either the husband or wife in sport or in any other manner complain of each other to others, for frequently indulging in this foolish and what may seem perfectly harmless joking will end in trial with each other and perhaps estrangement. I have been shown that there should be a sacred shield around every family.

“The home circle should be regarded as a sacred place, a symbol of heaven, a mirror in which to reflect ourselves. Friends and acquaintances we may have, but in the home life they are not to meddle. A strong sense of proprietorship should be felt, giving a sense of ease, restfulness, trust.” Adventist Home, 177.

“And they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain; but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.” Matthew 19:5, 6. God formed the union between man and woman in the garden of Eden. It was one of the two sacred institutions that were established even before sin.

God made man and woman with certain essential characteristics which would draw them together into this circle of love—into partnership—into being one.

God made man to notice (his wife!)

God made woman to be noticed (by her husband!)

It is as this plan is carried out in the home that the two become one. This is sacred and holy within the Most Holy Place of the home. But God made this blending to be carried on between two people, only, and around these two people he has put a sacred veil. Any third party within this enclosure is an added person and is adultery.

Thought Question:

God made man to notice his wife. Would the husband noticing another woman be, in actuality, introducing a third party into the relationship—and therefore committing adultery?

Christ understood this principle (for He had established it). He said: “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:28.

Have you ever wondered why Christ did not mention women looking at men, but only men looking at women? This is man’s special problem, not woman’s. When a woman looks at another man, she is hoping that he will notice her.

God put into man the desire to notice his wife and any third party is adultery. (And any “third party” attraction of the husband lessens the attraction he should have for his wife.)

And yet, just as Satan has perverted the Sabbath institution so he has perverted the marriage institution. The seventh commandment is just as rarely kept today as the fourth. But those who go to heaven will be keepers of the commandments; the seventh as well as the fourth.

All around the devil has attractions which lead men to look at and notice other women than their wives. The whole television industry is built upon immorality—upon showing attractive women to catch men’s attention. Immorality is so common today that we take it for granted. But the chosen, peculiar people of God are going to be a pure, unadulterated people; keepers of the seventh commandment. They are likened to virgins. (Revelation 14:4.)

But if any man is going to escape the corruption that is in the world, he is going to have to have a veil in front of his eyes! We will have to be as a people that have ears and hear not and have eyes and see not.

Christ said that if you do not have this veil in front of your eyes, it would be better to cut out your eyes—because that would be the only way that you could be saved.

“And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.” Matthew 5:29.

The television “eye” in the living room is more precious to many people than would be their own right eye. But most people, if they are ever going to be saved at all, are going to have to cut this eye out from their life—because most of us do not have a good enough veil to block all the “third party” sexuality that comes over the screen. (Plus there are other commandments that are broken on television.)

The beginning of Lucifer’s fall was the desire to invade the sacred veil that enshrouded the Father and the Son. He wanted to be included in their councils and to be a third party into their relationship. We must learn to respect the veil God has put around man and woman before we can be trusted in heaven.

A Woman’s Problem Too

Listen! Do you think this is only a man’s problem. No, it is just as much a woman’s problem but it is in a different area. Because God made man to notice and He made woman to be noticed. The woman’s problem is in seeking to be noticed rather than in noticing!

The man’s veil must be in front of his eyes, but the woman’s veil must be in front of her body and conduct. The woman’s dress and demeanor are her covering veil (not a wedding ring—that does not cover nearly enough).

“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.” 1 Peter 3:1–5.

Notice that after telling women to be subject to their “own husbands” Peter immediately goes into the dress question and into conduct and the “adorning” and “putting on of apparel” and “chaste conversation.” These are a woman’s veil.

And remember, did the veil around the temple say to “come in” or “stay out”? The woman must resist the attentions and attractions of “third party” men or she is allowing a third party into the marriage relation and is also committing adultery.

“Any woman who will allow the addresses of another man than her husband, who will listen to his advances and whose ears will be pleased with the outpouring of lavish words of affection, of adoration, of endearment, is an adulteress and a harlot.” Testimonies to Ministers, 434.

Have you ever wondered why the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy talk so much about woman’s dress and not about man’s? It is for the same reason that the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy talk so much about man’s “eyes” and not about woman’s. They each have their particular veil to keep, in order to preserve the sanctity of the marriage. And the devil has made it equally hard on each of them.

Have you, as a man, ever wondered why women have such a problem with their dress—but do you always guard your eyes? Or do you as a woman ever wonder why men have such a problem with their eyes—and yet, you have not mastered the dress problem?

A woman’s demeanor and dress are her veil. What would you think of someone in the sanctuary taking a pair of scissors and cutting off some of the veil in front of the Most Holy Place? Think about it.

The Home Is a Symbol of Heaven

Let us now remember, that as the sanctuary is a symbol of heaven, so is the home. As in the home there is to be no “third party” in the marriage relation, so there is to be no third party in our relation with God. “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.” Exodus 20:3.

God is all sufficient. He wants to be all to us (as the wife and husband are to be to each other. (Adventist Home, 177.) God wants us to have an exclusive relationship with Him only. No courting with the devil. No enticing glances. No attracting. No lust.

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” Matthew 6:24. It is time to break away from our besetting sins and become wholly married to God. Then He will come back and claim us as His own.

The Lord is waiting to reproduce His character in us and to reproduce His home in ours; to establish His sanctuary in our midst. “And the heathen shall know that I the Lord do sanctify Israel, [they will have sanctified homes], when My sanctuary shall be in the midst of them for evermore.” Ezekiel 37:28. When the sanctuary is reproduced in our homes and in our church, then Christ “will come to claim His own.”

What God Hath Joined

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The first institution ever established on earth was the family. Before governments or churches, before sin or sacrifices, even before the Sabbath—the family was instituted in Eden.

“God celebrated the first marriage. Thus the institution has for its originator the Creator of the universe. ‘Marriage is honorable;’ it was one of the first gifts of God to man, and it is one of the two institutions that, after the fall, Adam brought with him beyond the gates of Paradise. When the divine principles are recognized and obeyed in this relation, marriage is a blessing; it guards the purity and happiness of the race, it provides for man’s social needs, it elevates the physical, the intellectual, and the moral nature.” The Adventist Home, 25, 26.

The family was the center of God’s creation. It was not the Sabbath (Mark 2:27), or the tree of life, and certainly not the tree of knowledge. It was not Adam; it was not Eve, but it was Adam and Eve together as a family. The family was the center of creation and today it is still the center of creation. The center of all society, and the center of every nation, and the center of the church is the family.

“Society is composed of families, and is what the heads of families make it. Out of the heart are ‘the issues of life’; and the heart of the community, of the church, and of the nation is the household. The well-being of society, the success of the church, the prosperity of the nation, depend upon home influences.” The Adventist Home, 15.

As the last act of creation week and as the first institution on earth, God established marriage and created the family. God is the creator of this institution—He is the manufacturer. (Matthew 19:6.) And one of the reasons why marriage has not been working in the twentieth century is that man has forgotten the family’s Creator. Man has been trying a do-it-yourself job with the marriage institution.

There is a sign that hangs in many repair shops: “When all else fails, try the manufacturer’s instructions.” That is the sign that should hang in more marriage chambers and in more pastor’s offices and in the waiting rooms of marriage counselors. But is it not a shame that we have to try everything else first, and make a total mess of things before we will try God’s way (if we will then).

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to Me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.” Hosea 4:6.

Peter said: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them [your wives] according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7.

Oh, you mean this can even hinder prayers from being answered? That is what it says. If we are not living up to the “manufacturer’s instructions,” not only will the home be a failure, but God will not answer the prayers that ascend from that family. The way the family is run is not a take it or leave it situation. The family is a sacred institution to be honored according to the laws of God, just as is the Sabbath.

Thought Question:

If the marriage institution is to be run according to the Law of God, can these laws be learned from worldly sources any more than the true laws of the Sabbath can be learned from worldly sources?

Besides it being a duty to God to follow the manufacturer’s instructions in the marriage, and besides it being necessary for prayers to be answered, it is also the only way that will make the marriage work. There is only one way that marriage will work! Only one!

There are several different answers to home government, but only one that works. Is it so hard to understand? When a person makes a car to run on gasoline, that is the only substance that will make it run. Oh, sure, there are many things you can put in the gas tank, but only one substance will make it run.

That is exactly the way it is with marriage and that is exactly the reason marriages are not working right today. God has the answers, the only answers for running a home, but we want to try every other way. We want to find out the answers from every other source but the manufacturer. And the world’s principles of home management and the manufacturer’s principles are opposite. They do not go together! They do not mix. There is no worldly university in the land where you can go and find out God’s principles of how to run a home. And even if it is an Adventist teacher or counselor that learns his principles from worldly sources, they are still wrong principles and they still will not work.

How many answers are there to the equation 2 + 2? Only one? Isn’t that narrow minded? Three point nine is very close, wouldn’t that work? How about 3.99999? Only one right answer? Yes, but let me ask you friend, how many wrong answers are there? Many. There are always many wrong answers. That is why there are so many churches and that is why there are so many philosophies and “answers” to marriage problems, and that is why so few homes work. They work just to the proportion that they are run according to God’s principles.

The Devil Has An Advantage Over God

God has only one answer, but the devil has many. He has one for every personality. And he will have one that just fits your personality. He can manufacturer one that might even seem better than God’s plan. That is why we have to manage our homes by faith. We must study God’s way and follow it—not from feeling, but from principles. Let us throw out all the worldly books on marriage—whether written by Adventists or non-Adventists—and come to the true source of knowledge.

“Those who would have that wisdom which is from God must become fools in the sinful knowledge of this age, in order to be wise. They should shut their eyes, that they may see and learn no evil. They should close their ears, lest they hear that which is evil and obtain that knowledge which would stain their purity of thoughts and acts. And they should guard their tongues, lest they utter corrupt communications and guile be found in their mouths.” The Adventist Home, 404.

The Story of Eve

In the beginning God made man, but He saw that he was lonely. God does not want anyone to be lonely, so He made a companion for Adam. Using a very graphic illustration, as God often does, He took a rib from Adam’s side to make a helpmeet for him. She was not to rule over him, neither was she to be trampled under foot, but she was to be loved, guided and protected. She was an equal and yet God made her the weaker vessel and ordained that Adam should be her rightful protector—to protect her equality, purity and happiness.

God made Eve weaker than Adam—not just physically, but emotionally. God made Eve to want to be noticed and He knew that this desire could be taken advantage of. Adam was to see that no one took advantage of this attribute. In later years after sin, it would be part of Adam’s job to protect Eve from needlessly exposing herself to temptation by the way she dressed and enticed other men. Adam would better understand than Eve the wondering and lusting eye of man and the subtlety of his words and compliments. He would understand from experience that: “Chaste simplicity in dress, when united with modesty of demeanor, will go far toward surrounding a young woman with that atmosphere of sacred reserve which will be to her a shield from a thousand perils.” Education, 248.

But even in the Garden of Eden there were dangers to beware of. They were to be a veil and a wall of protection to each other.

“The angels warned them of Satan, and cautioned them not to separate from each other in their employment, for they might be brought in contact with this fallen foe. The angels enjoined upon them to closely follow the directions God had given them, for in perfect obedience only were they safe. And if they were obedient, this fallen foe could have no power over them. “Satan commenced his work with Eve, to cause her to disobey. She first erred in wandering from her husband. . . .” Spiritual Gifts, vol. 1, 20.

The instruction to remain by the side of her companion was especially given to Eve (Patriarchs and Prophets, 53), but unconsciously she wandered from Adam’s side.

“On perceiving that she was alone, she felt an apprehension of danger, but dismissed her fears, deciding that she had sufficient wisdom and strength to discern evil and to withstand it.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 53, 54.

Eve was a mature woman, and wise enough to take care of herself, or so she thought. But Satan came in an unsuspecting way. He came through a close and trusted acquaintance—an animal friend of theirs—and “with subtle praise of her surpassing loveliness” began to play on her natural, God given feelings of wanting to be noticed. And it worked.

Two Trees

There were two trees in the Garden of Eden. One was a tree of life and the other was a tree of knowledge. That is not to say that the tree of life did not contain knowledge. It just did not contain as much knowledge—it presented only one side of things. But the tree of knowledge presented both sides of the picture and offered many answers to life.

The serpent was found in the tree of knowledge. He first commenced to recognize Eve’s true qualities. But as she received the attentions from another than her husband, her confidence and love for that one was increased. And as the serpent offered his own personal testimony as to the help this knowledge had brought him, Eve was induced into partaking of this knowledge herself.

“Eve really believed the words of Satan, but her belief did not save her from the penalty of sin. She disbelieved the words of God, and this was what led to her fall.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 55.

You may truly believe Satan, you may have true confidence and trust in your friends’ and acquaintances’ testimonials and theories, but this will not save you from the consequences of a broken home. What will save you is belief in Christ and His word. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Not knowledge from the tree of knowledge, but knowledge from the tree of life.

“The serpent plucked the fruit of the forbidden tree and placed it in the hands of the half-reluctant Eve.” (Being half-reluctant did not save her either.) “Perceiving no evil results from what she had done [receiving the fruit], Eve grew bolder.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 55, 56. Eve did not rush into things. She took them a step at a time. As she saw that there was no harm resulting from what she had done and as she saw the fruit was good for food, she ate.

And low and behold, the serpent was right.

“As she ate, she seemed to feel a vivifying power; and imagined herself entering upon a higher state of existence.” Ibid.

The serpent was right! Now she had a personal testimony of her own to give to her husband! “Look what it has done for me.” This knowledge (this book, this course, this magazine, etc.) has really helped me. This is what you need to help you in your problems. And if you do not have any problems it will still make life better.

“Ah,” says Adam, “I don’t believe that fruit will really help you.” “But have you tried it?” replied Eve. “You cannot criticize something you have not tried!” (That argument gets more people than any other.) “Just try it and see for yourself. Be more open minded. Try it with an open mind and you will find that it is true.” And so Adam fell, too.

Get the Good and Reject the Bad

The tree was a tree of knowledge of good (and a little bad). Why should not Eve get all of the good she could? Would God deprive her of that? Why should not she just eat the good part of the fruit and leave the bad?

And so we have the same philosophy today in marriage books and in almost every other source of information. “You cannot expect anything to be perfect, so go through the book (or course) and get what good there is in it and leave the rest.” When we follow this counsel, we usually end up doing as good a job as Eve.

Today

And so the devil works today mixing truth and error. He is not always as bold as he is in the religion of Taoism where they teach that the whole universe came into existence through the blending of good and evil (yang and yin), and it is only as these two qualities are maintained in equilibrium that peace and health are preserved.

The Mormons teach the same thing in just a little less blatant form. They teach that sin had to be in order for us to ever understand righteousness, happiness and purity. They, like Satan, teach that sin was a necessity in order for righteousness to exist. Sin was a necessity; God’s program would have never worked without Satan; there had to be a blending of the two.

All such philosophy is straight from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. To put the finishing proof on where this philosophy came from, Mormons teach that Jesus Christ Himself came down and told Joseph Smith that He had changed the Sabbath to Sunday. Who was this? Who is trying to change God’s law? As in Daniel 7:25, the devil is the originator of any such teaching.

And yet Adventists will study “Fascinating Womanhood” without any qualms—and it is straight from Mormonism! Oh, but there is so much good in it! So was there in the tree of knowledge of good (and evil.) Oh, but I got such a benefit! So thought Eve. Oh, but I will just get the good and discard the evil! You will do as good a job at that as did Eve.

We have been feasting at the tree of knowledge of good and evil and that is why we are having so many marriage problems in our church. And the devil enjoys it, for he knows that the heart… of the church…is the household. The well-being…of the church…depend(s) upon home influences.” The Adventist Home, 15.

As long as he can keep this situation existing in the church; as long as he can keep Adventists feasting on the tree of knowledge of good and evil so they will not be able to have good homes, Satan knows that he can prevent Jesus from coming. But there is coming a time when the church and the families that are “the heart” of the church will be purified.

Results

The results of eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil can be seen all around. We can see it in the lukewarm state of our church. We can see it in the divorce rate among Seventh-day Adventist couples. (But the actual divorces are only the mere tip of the iceberg of the marriage problems. More than any other place, we can see the results in our philosophies, practices and thinking.)

Mrs. White says: “It is not in harmony with the instructions given at Sinai that gentlemen physicians should do the work of midwives. The Bible speaks of women at childbirth being attended by women, and thus it ought always to be.” Counsels on Health, 365. Notice, that this problem of women going to women for their female problems (both mental and physical) is not just a matter of modesty—it is a matter of keeping or breaking God’s law.

And if you think this might just be an isolated quotation, see the shaded box with just a few more of the many times Sister White wrote on this subject.

Sister White applies the same principle for female health-care workers and male patients.

“Women physicians should utterly refuse to look upon the secret parts of men. Women should be thoroughly educated to work for women, and men to work for men. Let men know that they must go to their own sex and not apply to lady physicians. It is an insult to women, and God looks upon these things of commonness with abhorrence.” Ibid.

Why have I included all of this counsel from God’s prophet on this delicate and unpopular subject? Only for the reason that we stated at the beginning: this was only an example to show how much we have been influenced by the world’s knowledge of good and evil. How many today even consider this subject when they choose a physician? There are even some people that feel that it is not a woman’s job to deliver babies and deal with female problems. All such thinking is a gross perversion of the devil and must be cleaned out of our midst before we will be a pure people for God to come and take home. We have a long ways to go, don’t we? We have been feasting at the tree of knowledge of good and evil—it is time we come back to the tree of life.

This was but an example so obvious that no one could miss it and so simple that all can understand it. It is an example of mixing good with evil. It is good to treat people and maintain health, but it is bad to do it in an immoral way.

In this world of sin, God’s ways are always hard—they are contrary to the popular way of doing things. The Sabbath is not popular either. But God’s ways can be followed if we really want to follow them. It just depends how badly we want to follow. If we want excuses, we can find them. If we want to find reasons for not following God’s plan, the devil will supply us with what we want. If we want another way than God’s way, there are plenty. But if we are determined to follow God’s way and only God’s way, we can do it—and we will have successful homes. “Whatever is to be done at His command may be accomplished in His strength. All His biddings are enablings.” Christ’s Object Lessons, 333.

Thought Question:

The example of following the world’s customs of male-female relationships in medicine was just an example. In how many other areas do you suppose we have been influenced by eating of the tree of knowledge of good (and a little evil)?

Friends, we do not have to go to the tree with the serpent in it for our knowledge. We have the tree of life and it is all sufficient. The tree of life was symbolic of Jesus and the fruit was symbolic of His words. Jesus also likened His words to another kind of sustaining food—the bread of life. He said, “Labor not for the meat which perisheth [the worldly sources of knowledge], but for the meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you.

“My Father giveth you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is He which cometh down from heaven, and giveth life unto the world.…And Jesus said…I am the bread of life; he that cometh to Me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on Me shall never thirst.

“Verily, verily I say unto you, He that believeth on Me hath everlasting life. I am that bread of life…I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever.

“As the living Father hath sent Me, and I live by the Father: so he that eateth Me, even he shall live by Me. This is that bread which came down from heaven: not as your fathers did eat manna, and are dead: he that eateth of this bread shall live forever.

“It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit and they are life.” John 6:27, 32–35, 47–51, 57–58, 63.

The tree of life is where we should be feasting. From this tree we can find all the answers for our homes today. This is the sacred institution of God, created in the Garden of Eden along with the Sabbath. “The Sabbath and the family were alike instituted in Eden, and in God’s purpose they are indissolubly linked together.” Education, 250.

If you can go to the world to learn how to keep the Sabbath, then you can go to the world to learn how to keep the marriage. If the Sabbath is just a matter of convenience, than so is keeping the marriage institution.

Eating from the Tree of Life

But friend, it is not just important that we do not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. It is just as important that we do eat of the tree of life. The home is based on true love. What should be in the home is true, sanctified love. This is the basis of a sanctified home. And this can only be found at the tree of life.

“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:7, 8.

If you love, you know God.

If you do not love, you do not know God.

If you know God, you love.

If you do not know God, you do not love.

Therefore, if you want more love, where is the only place you can go to find it? God is the only one you can get love from and if you do not know Him, you do not have it.

The only way you can have love is to know God. The only way you can have love daily is to know God daily. The only way you can know God is through devotions (prayer, meditation and the study of His word). Friend, if you are not having daily devotions, you do not have a good home! No gimmicks will work. No courses will work. No books will work. Only daily communing with God will work. Make the choice today to start having daily devotions always. Make this your first work.

“The presence of Christ alone can make men and women happy. All the common waters of life Christ can turn into the wine of heaven. The home then becomes as an Eden of bliss; the family, a beautiful symbol of the family in heaven.” The Adventist Home, 28.

The Galling Yoke

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“Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the Scriptures, nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.” Matthew 22:29, 30.

To many people this is one of the greatest promises in all the Bible. These are the two verses that have given countless scores of miserable people, who are held in bondage by their marriage vows, strength to continue. While some-especially the naïve youth who think that marriage is just bliss-think this is a most discouraging passage, Jesus saw that it was the very promise that some people needed. Most people would be happier unmarried. For most people marriage is a galling yoke.

“Few have correct views of the marriage relation. Many seem to think that it is the attainment of perfect bliss; but if they could know one quarter of the heartaches of men and women that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that they cannot and dare not break, they would not be surprised that I trace these lines. Marriage, in a majority of cases, is a most galling yoke. There are thousands that are mated but not matched. The books of heaven are burdened with the woes, the wickedness, and the abuse that lie hidden under the marriage mantle. This is why I would warn the young who are of a marriageable age to make haste slowly in the choice of a companion. The path of married life may appear beautiful and full of happiness; but why may not you be disappointed as thousands of others have been?” The Adventist Home, 44.

Most of the success we observe in marriage is a put-on, and so few know it. It seems like everyone thinks they are the only ones that are putting on and everyone else is lucky enough to have a lot better marriage-but of course they are not going to let anyone else know that their marriage is not what it should be. (And they should not. What they should do is just get down to business and correct the situation, but the trouble is they do not know how or where to go. No one has told them that God has the only answer.)

Not only does the public not know about the galling yoke that is weighing down so many of their acquaintances, but many times even their spouses do not know. The poor people are carrying a most heavy load all by themselves. To these people, Christ’s promise is a most blessed assurance. But until Christ’s promise is fulfilled in heaven, they need help-they need someone to direct them to the source of happiness. They need someone of their own sex whom they can trust, and who has the answers, and who has true purity and understanding. This is where many Adventist women can fill a great role. While there are sometimes godly pastors who the men can counsel with, often there are few godly women that other women can go to for counsel in times of need. (It might interest you to know that this is where both E.J. Waggoner and A.T. Jones began to get off track. They had a burden for helping women with their problems and they got themselves and these other women into problems.) We need more women counselors. For those who would like to gain the knowledge necessary to do this, a good place to start is with the section on the home, in The Ministry of Healing.

Marriage-Like a Taste of Heaven or Hell?

To most people, marriage is a galling yoke. Is it any wonder that Paul said: “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.” 1 Corinthians 7:1, 7, 8.

“Satan is constantly busy to hurry inexperienced youth into a marriage alliance. But the less we glory in the marriages which are now taking place, the better.” The Adventist Home, 80.

Why did they say these things? Were Paul and Mrs. White sour on marriage? No. Paul is the same author who wrote Ephesians 5 and Hebrews 13:4, and Mrs. White wrote many beautiful passages, about what marriage can be, in The Adventist Home. They were not down on marriage, they knew what a beautiful institution it was intended to be and which it can be. But they also knew how things usually are. They understood that the devil has more to do with many marriages than Christ. They understood that marriage is usually a symbol of hell rather than heaven. They have seen some of the “heartaches of men and women that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that they cannot and dare not break.” They knew that “marriage, in the majority of cases, is a most galling yoke.” This is why they warned “the young who are of marriageable age to make haste slowly. . . . The path of marriage life may appear beautiful and full of happiness; but why may not . . . [they] be disappointed as thousands of others have been?”

Paul was not sour on marriage, but his heart must have bled as he was shown the misery that has resulted from the marriage institution. What was intended to be a blessing has turned into a curse for many.

If Paul and Mrs. White warned against marriage, what should be our counsel to others?

“In this age of the world . . . the fewer the marriages contracted, the better for all, both men and women.” Testimonies, vol. 5, 366.

It is so easy when a married couple achieves a home which is a little heaven on earth, to want every other single friend to have the same experience. But the prophets have encouraged us to make haste slowly and the fewer marriages the better. Let us give the same counsel.

God’s Way

For most people marriage is a galling yoke. But suppose you are one of the rare people who follow God’s counsel and have a little heaven in your home and you wish that your happy marriage could continue throughout eternity. Do not worry, God never takes anything away but what He gives something better. In 1 Corinthians 2:9 we read about heaven, “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.”

But as to what God has prepared for our family relation in heaven, the silence is golden. We are not to speculate. “The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.” Deuteronomy 29:29. (See also Selected Messages, Book 1, 173.)

While a majority of marriages are a galling yoke, even most of the minority that are left are not heaven. While many marriages are not yet a perfect hell, they are far from being a heaven either. “There is not one marriage in one hundred that results happily, that bear the sanction of God, and places the parties in a position better to glorify Him.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 504. Oh, they may experience a few thrills along the way, but the real peace and lasting happiness and security of heaven are not there.

Some might say: “Only one in one hundred? Why, no wonder my marriage is lousy, I do not have a chance.” Yes, it is true that less than one in a hundred have happy homes, but that is because less than one in a hundred follow God. But every couple can have perfect happiness at home if they choose. And it works much better if they choose together.

Every couple can achieve all that God intended for their home if they choose together. Choose together, study together, work at it together, pray about it together and claim Matthew 18:19 together. “Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven.” And in all your togetherness, maintain your individual relationship and devotions with God. He claims your highest service. Never forget Matthew 6:33: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

What If Only You Choose?

But what happens if your partner does not care? If this is the case, you may not be able to have a happy home, but you can have happiness through Christ and you can bear the burden silently and quietly, pouring out your burdens only to God, until the day that Christ gives you something better than marriage. If you are called to suffer for Christ’s sake, rejoice. For Christ said, “And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after Me, is not worthy of Me.” Matthew 10:38.

Whenever one person decides to follow Christ all the way (in the marriage relation as well as in all other affairs of life) and the other person has not decided to do so (even though the other person may be a Seventh-day Adventist) there is always friction. Not because the one following Christ has brought friction, but because the other person is resisting Christ and His way. Jesus said: “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.” Matthew 10:34-36.

We do not live in a world of peace. Even when we are following God ourselves, we are not always going to have an ideal home situation. Jesus was accused and spit upon and beaten and crucified, not because He had done wrong, but because others had done wrong. We do not always receive our just reward in this life-either for good or for evil.

“The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household?” Matthew 10:24, 25.

“Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for My sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.” Matthew 5:11, 12.

These texts apply as much to the home as anywhere else. This life is a preparatory period for the one above. We do not need to expect that we will go through without trials. If we could get to heaven without having any trials, we would not feel that we had any right to the place. “Would you enter heaven if you could without suffering, and dwell in the presence of that Jesus, who suffered so much for us? . . . O, it would be no place for you. Any other place would be far preferable. You would feel that you had no right there.” Review and Herald, February 17, 1853. But when we get to heaven, we will have passed through trials and overcome, and we will feel we have a perfect right to the city. (See Early Writings, 17.)

However, remember, many people suffer trial and heartache, not for Christ’s sake, but because of their own stubbornness and fanaticism. The only suffering that results in blessing is that which is suffered for Christ’s sake.

Our duty, as we follow Christ, is not to be loved, but to love. Our duty in our home, as we seek to follow Christ’s example, is not to be loved, but to love. (1 John 4:7-10.) This, all of us can do. We may not all receive love, but we can all give love. Our duty is to love, and we must trust God to supply us with the love we all need. This is a matter of developing faith, and God will not let us down.

“And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for My sake, and the gospel’s, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.” Matthew 10:29, 30.

Our duty is to learn to love. We must love first, not for reward, but because Christ first loved us. We must trust and wait for the reward from Christ. As we show this unselfish love, in many cases, we will win the affection and love of our partners over to us.

The apostles spoke of this. Paul said, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” 1 Corinthians 7:14, 16. Peter also admonished, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1.

No, not everyone will be won, but, the more loving we become, the greater the probabilities. And if it does not happen, count yourself a partner with God-His love is rejected all of the time.

The Work of Sanctification

But what happens when you both decide to follow God by patterning your home after His? Will you have heaven the next morning? No. You can and will have heaven, on this earth, in your home, and it can start tomorrow (today even), but it will be a growing process. It will be a growing process that will not end in this life. You can have sanctified homes, but, “there is no such thing as instantaneous sanctification. True sanctification is a daily work, continuing as long as life shall last.” Sanctified Life, 10.

“Sanctification is not the work of a moment, an hour, or a day. It is a continual growth in grace.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 340.

“The Scriptures plainly show that the work of sanctification is progressive.” The Great Controversy, 470.

“Sanctification is the work of a lifetime.” Christ’s Object Lessons, 65.

The sanctification of the home is the work of a lifetime. Let none think they have arrived. No matter how much happiness you may have experienced in your home today, you can experience more tomorrow. No matter how much sorrow you may have experienced in your home today, you can, in the future, have a sanctified, happy home-if you start the process of sanctification today. “With God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26.

Have faith in God. Trust your life to Him. He will not let you down. He is as concerned about you as if you were the only person on the face of the universe. (Steps to Christ, 100.)

Enter this school toward a sanctified home, today. You can do this by having daily devotions (prayer, mediation and the study of God’s word), by learning of God’s character and then treating your spouse and children as God treats you. Pattern your relationships after the heavenly.

“To gain a proper understanding of the marriage relation is the work of a lifetime. Those who marry enter a school from which they are never in this life to be graduated.” The Adventist Home, 105.

The articles on the family we have printed these last four months have been but a brief introduction. There is so much more we have not covered: communication, finances, recreation, the relation of healthful living to the home, excess and insufficiency of the physical union, and much more. But the answers are in God’s word-in the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy. Are you studying these books? (A five-minute glance is not studying.) We should have books like The Adventist Home worn out.

Read no faster than you can assimilate. If all you can absorb at one time is one sentence, spend your whole hour of study on that one sentence, praying and pleading with God to make it a part of your life. God’s word is not to be read as a story book, it is to be eaten, digested and absorbed into our lives as fruit from the tree of life. Every word that Christ has given to us is for our happiness and the success of our homes. (John 15:11.)

And along with your reading, pray. Pray to God as you would talk to a friend. Learn to enjoy communion with Him, and soon the fifteen minutes, the half hour, the hour that you are spending in prayer with God, in the morning, will be the most precious part of the day. Tell Him your burdens and joys, your desires and heartaches. He will listen and He will help. He will walk with you all day long. He will sanctify you and He will sanctify your home, with the peace and joy of heaven.

“It is in accord with the will of God that man and wife should be linked together in His work, to carry it forward in a wholeness and a holiness. They can do this.

“The blessing of God in the home where this union shall exist is as the sunshine of heaven, because it is the Lord’s ordained will that man and wife should be linked together in holy bonds of union, under Jesus Christ, with Him to control, and His spirit to guide. . . .

“God wants the home to be the happiest place on earth, the very symbol of the home in heaven. Bearing the marriage responsibilities in the home, linking their interests with Jesus Christ, leaning upon His arm and His assurance, husband and wife may share a happiness in this union that angels of God commend.” The Adventist Home, 102.

Bible Study Guides – A Christian Home

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May 15, 2004 – May 21, 2004

Memory Verse

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.” Proverbs 1:8

Suggested Reading: The Acts of the Apostles, 203, 204; Testimonies, vol. 1, 697–706; vol. 2, 414–419; vol. 3, 527–534.

Introduction

“Upon fathers and mothers rest to a large degree the responsibility for the mold of character that their children receive. . . . If parents will teach their children to conduct themselves according to the principles of the Word of God, these children will unconsciously teach others what it means to be Christians. Let parents maintain true Christian dignity before their children, and they will be greatly aided in their work of upbuilding the kingdom of Christ.” This Day With God, 307.

1 What instruction is given to the husband and wife in the home? Ephesians 5:22–25, 28–33.

note: “Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . .” The Adventist Home, 95.

2 What admonition is given parents in reference to their children? Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21.

note: “The children in every family are to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Evil propensities are to be controlled, evil tempers subdued; and the children are to be instructed that they are the Lord’s property, bought with His own precious blood, and that they cannot live a life of pleasure and vanity, have their own will and carry out their own ideas, and yet be numbered among the children of God. The children are to be instructed with kindness and patience. . . . Let the parents teach them of the love of God in such a way that it will be a pleasant theme in the family circle, and let the church take upon them the responsibility of feeding the lambs as well as the sheep of the flock.” Child Guidance, 42.

3 What instruction is given children concerning their duty toward their parents? Exodus 20:12; Colossians 3:20. Compare Ephesians 6:1, 2.

note: “Our obligation to our parents never ceases. Our love for them, and theirs for us, is not measured by years or distance, and our responsibility can never be set aside. . . .

“Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. . . . The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission, and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in old age.” My Life Today, 278.

4 What further admonition is given children in this matter by Solomon? Proverbs 1:8; 13:1.

note: “This young man has made light of his father’s authority, and despised restraint. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. It lies at the foundation of a proper education. Those who, having a favorable opportunity, have failed to learn this first great lesson, are not only disqualified for service in the cause of God, but are a positive injury to the community in which they live.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 208.

“Patiently and perseveringly will the godly mother instruct her children, giving them line upon line, and precept upon precept, not in a harsh, compelling manner, but in love; and in tenderness will she win them. They will consider her lessons of love, and will happily listen to her words of instruction.” Review and Herald, August 8, 1899.

5 What example of obedience to and care of parents is left by the Saviour? Luke 2:51; John 19:25–27.

note: “Notwithstanding the sacred mission of Christ, His exalted relationship with God, of which He was fully aware, He was not above performing the practical duties of life. He was the Creator of the world, and yet He acknowledged His obligation to His earthly parents, and at the call of duty, in compliance with the wishes of His parents, He returned with them from Jerusalem after the Passover, and was subject unto them.” Lift Him Up, 32.

“The eyes of Jesus wandered over the multitude that had collected together to witness His death, and He saw at the foot of the cross John supporting Mary, the mother of Christ. . . . The last lesson of Jesus was one of filial love. He looked upon the grief-stricken face of His mother, and then upon John; said He, addressing the former: ‘Woman, behold thy son!’ Then, to the disciple: ‘Behold thy mother!’ John 19:27. John well understood the words of Jesus, and the sacred trust which was committed to him. . . . The perfect example of Christ’s filial love shines forth with undimmed luster from the mist of ages. While enduring the keenest torture, He was not forgetful of His mother, but made all provision necessary for her future.” The Story of Redemption, 224.

6 How should the youth regard the aged? Leviticus 19:32; 1 Timothy 5:1. Compare 11 Kings 2:23, 24.

note: “God has especially enjoined tender respect toward the aged. He says, ‘The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.’ Proverbs 16:31. It tells of battles fought, and victories gained; of burdens borne, and temptations resisted. It tells of weary feet nearing their rest, of places soon to be vacant. Help the children to think of this, and they will smooth the path of the aged by their courtesy and respect, and will bring grace and beauty into their young lives . . . .” Education, 244.

“We have in our ranks too many who are restless, talkative, self-commending, and who take the liberty to put themselves forward, having no reverence for age, experience, or office. The church is suffering today for help of an opposite character—modest, quiet, God-fearing men, who will bear disagreeable burdens when laid upon them, not for the name, but to render service to their Master, who died for them. Persons of this character do not think it detracts from their dignity to rise up before the ancient and to treat gray hairs with respect. Our churches need weeding out. Too much self-exaltation and self-sufficiency exists among the members.” Testimonies, vol. 4, 340.

7 What important counsel is given the young in Ecclesiastes 12:1? See also Lamentations 3:27.

note: “Teach your children that youth is the best time to seek the Lord. Then the burdens of life are not heavy upon them, and their young minds are not harassed with care, and while so free they should devote the best of their strength to God.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 397.

“Children and youth should begin early to seek God; for early habits and impressions will frequently exert a powerful influence upon the life and character. Therefore the youth who would be like Samuel, John, and especially like Christ, must be faithful in the things which are least, turning away from the companions who plan evil and who think that their life in the world is to be one of pleasure and selfish indulgence. Many of the little home duties are overlooked as of no consequence; but if the small things are neglected, the larger duties will be also. You want to be whole men and women, with pure, sound, noble characters. Begin the work at home; take up the little duties and do them with thoroughness and exactness. When the Lord sees you are faithful in that which is least, He will entrust you with larger responsibilities. Be careful how you build, and what kind of material you put into the building. The characters you are now forming will be lasting as eternity.” The Adventist Home, 297.

8 What reminder is also given to the youth? Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10; 12:14.

note: “Dear young friends, that which you sow, you will also reap. Now is the sowing time for you. What will the harvest be? What are you sowing? Every word you utter, every act you perform, is a seed which will bear good or evil fruit and will result in joy or sorrow to the sower. As is the seed sown, so will be the crop. God has given you great light and many privileges. After this light has been given, after your dangers have been plainly presented before you, the responsibility becomes yours. The manner in which you treat the light that God gives you will turn the scale for happiness or woe. You are shaping your destinies for yourselves.” Testimonies, vol. 3, 363.

“A little time spent in sowing your wild oats, dear young friends, will produce a crop that will embitter your whole life; an hour of thoughtlessness, once yielding to temptation, may turn the whole current of your life in the wrong direction. You can have but one youth; make that useful. When once you have passed over the ground you can never return to rectify your mistakes. He who refuses to connect with God, and puts himself in the way of temptation, will surely fall. God is testing every youth.” Ibid., vol. 4, 622, 623.

9 What will aid the young to live a Christian life? Psalm 119:9, 11.

note: “We know the dangers and temptations that beset the youth at the present time are not few or small. . . . We live in an age when to resist evil calls for constant watchfulness and prayer. God’s precious Word is the standard for youth who would be loyal to the King of heaven. Let them study the Scriptures. Let them commit text after text to memory, and acquire a knowledge of what the Lord has said. . . . And in trial let the youth spread out the Word of God before them, and with humble hearts, and in faith, seek the Lord for wisdom to find out His way, and for strength to walk in it. . . .” My Life Today, 315.

10 How may all obtain true knowledge? Proverbs 2:1–6.

note: “We must turn away from a thousand topics that invite attention. There are matters that consume time and arouse inquiry, but end in nothing. The highest interests demand the close attention and energy that are so often given to comparatively insignificant things.

“Accepting new theories does not in itself bring new life to the soul. Even an acquaintance with facts and theories important in themselves is of little value unless put to a practical use. We need to feel our responsibility to give our souls food that will nourish and stimulate spiritual life. [Proverbs 2:2–11, A.R.V.; 3:18 quoted.]

“The question for us to study is, ‘What is truth—the truth that is to be cherished, loved, honored, and obeyed?’ ” The Ministry of Healing, 456.

11 What does the Lord ask of the young? Proverbs 23:26.

note: “The Saviour of the world loves to have children and youth give their hearts to Him. There may be a large army of children who shall be found faithful to God, because they walk in the light, as Christ is in the light. They will love the Lord Jesus, and it will be their delight to please Him. They will not be impatient if reproved; but will make glad the heart of father and mother by their kindness, their patience, their willingness to do all they can in helping to bear the burdens of daily life. Through childhood and youth, they will be found faithful disciples of our Lord.” Messages to Young People, 333.

12 What great work is to be wrought in homes before the Lord comes? Malachi 4:5, 6.

note: “I [Ellen White] am instructed to urge upon our people most earnestly the necessity of religion in the home. Among the members of the household there is ever to be a kind, thoughtful consideration. Morning and evening let all hearts be united in reverent worship. At the season of evening worship, let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If, during the day, one has wronged another, or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured. Often grievances are cherished in the mind, and misunderstandings and heartaches are created that need not be. If the one who is suspected of wrong be given an opportunity, he might be able to make explanations that would bring relief to other members of the family.

“ ‘Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another,’ that ye may be healed of all spiritual infirmities, that sinful dispositions may be changed. Make diligent work for eternity. Pray most earnestly to the Lord, and hold fast to the faith. Trust not in the arm of flesh, but trust implicitly in the Lord’s guidance.” Review and Herald, November 8, 1906.

The Ten Commandments, Part XIV – ’Til Death Do us Part’

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In this series, we have been studying the Ten Commandments as recorded in Deuteronomy 5, and we have discovered that there are some changes and some additions in comparison to Exodus 20. Deuteronomy 5 is a pastoral rendering of the law by Moses in one of his Sabbath sermons to the children of Israel, just before they crossed over the Jordan River.

In this article, we will be studying the seventh commandment as found in Deuteronomy 5:18. In this text, it contains one extra word from that which is recorded in Exodus 20:14. “Neither shalt thou commit adultery.” The additional word is neither, which connects this text to the commandment that is given in verse 17: “Thou shalt not kill.”

The first three commandments given in the second table are very specific in their order. They center around the home and on the lives of those who make up the home. The fifth commandment, you may recall, tells us how we are to relate to that place, to those people, where life begins and where relationships have their origin—the home. The sixth commandment unfolds the sacredness of human life.

Just as the sixth commandment points to the value of human life, the seventh commandment points to the place of sexuality in human life. Writing on this commandment, one biblical scholar stated that sexuality is enormously wondrous and enormously dangerous. The danger of sexuality is that it is capable of evoking desires that are destructive of persons and of communal relations.

When the ancient Israelites interpreted the commandment about adultery, they understood it in a very limited sense: it was a prohibition against sexual relations with the wife of another man. The violation of another man’s wife was viewed so seriously that it was a capital offense. Leviticus 20:10 reads, “And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man’s wife, [even he] that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”

A Sacred Gift

Human life centers in more than just one person; it centers in two people—the male and the female. Each is uniquely different, but when they are brought together, the Bible tells us, they become “one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. They form a beautifully composed unit of oneness. Human sexuality is a gift from God that is sacred and that is meant to be reserved for nurturing the lives of a man and a woman together into the bonds of an everlasting unity. The seventh commandment deals with the guarding of that relationship of oneness from any outside source of interference, so that the happiness and the perpetuity of the home and the family can be maintained on the earth.

God made provision for everything that would affect the human family so as to promote the greatest safety and harmony. The most intimate, the most binding, the most sacred of all human relationships is marriage, and it is upon this relationship that the very existence and the perpetuity of the human race depend. Marriage is a divine ordinance, older than any other human institution. Marriage is older than man’s fall and sin. Marriage is as old as Eden and the creation of man and woman.

After God had finished the creation of all animal life on the sixth day, He saw that “it was very good.” Genesis 1:31. When God said that “it was very good,” this included everything about the human creation. It included the very fact that God has placed in His Law a commandment that deals with sexuality. Sexuality is very good, as far as God’s pronouncement is concerned. What has happened, however, is that sexuality, as a result of sin, has become something nasty and bad in the minds of many people, and it is taught and perpetuated that way.

Selfishness

In Genesis 1:28, God commands the first man and woman whom He created to “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” The process of obeying this command is a sexual process—man and woman, sperm and egg, coming together in union form a new creature, ordained by God, blessed by God through the sanctity of marriage. No problem was considered that would affect this process, until sin came on the scene. When sin entered the Garden of Eden, almost immediately a shame came upon Adam and Eve, the Bible says, because “they were naked.” Genesis 3:7. Selfishness set in, and the divine plan that God had ordained turned into human purpose and was driven by human emotions. Adultery is the supreme example of selfishness—I need this for me; my wife or my husband does not meet my needs.

Great changes began to take place in that which God had pronounced as “very good.” One of the human family became subjugated by the other. Man held the rule, and woman became subjugated by man. God’s plan was distorted. The earth became wicked and violent, and, as a result of that violence, God destroyed everything upon the earth except that which was contained in the ark.

God designed the commandment that forbids adultery for the human family to protect husband and wife and to safeguard the rearing of children who had respect for God and for the human race. The seventh commandment is in God’s Law for this purpose.

A Sensitive Subject

Sex is a very sensitive subject because we have been subjected to unbalanced and false information. Very early on, in the Christian church, tampering began to take place, as far as sexuality was concerned, in the human mind. The church began to tamper with other commandments, and we know the result of that as far as the Sabbath/Sunday issue is concerned. We, as Seventh-day Adventists, have focused on that aspect of the tampering of the commandments. But, in reality, even though the wording of the seventh commandment was not tampered with, the understanding and the application of sexuality in the human family was.

By the fifth century, a monk in the Catholic Church by the name of Augustine began to set the tone for Christian thinking that would continue for centuries. Orders of monks came into being as well as convents for nuns and a distorted view of what God had pronounced “very good.” They began to teach and believe that chastity was the most favored position that the human race could hold. Such beliefs were taught in the schools of the church. The leaders began to destroy any and all documents and arts that had any reference to sexual matters. This is why, to a large extent in the European areas where Catholic influence has been felt, we have very little understanding of sexuality in earlier centuries. We have to go into areas where the Catholic influence was not felt to really understand the teachings that were going on at that time.

Out of this period came the Victorian era. The Victorian era is responsible for negatively impacting more people psychologically than perhaps any other era that has come to pass in this earth’s history. Today, we are still feeling the results of the Victorian era concerning sexuality. Generally, the first references children hear regarding their sexual organs are terms such as icky pooh and nasty. That comes from the Victorian mentality, and such thoughts have messed up innumerable people.

So, sex is indeed a very sensitive subject, because we have never fully understood what the Bible has to say about sex. We have never been able to come completely out of the Victorian era, which contended that sex is wrong, that it should not be preached about or discussed.

In Your Heart

Jesus said, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:27, 28.

Jesus expands on these verses from the Sermon on the Mount telling what this commandment is prohibiting. It is not just the overt behavior of adultery that is being prohibited, but also the very disposition within us that underlies such behavior—the lust within us that gives rise to the kind of leers that veritably “undress” another person in order to feed the fires of our fantasized desires.

If you admire something long enough, you will soon want it. And if you want something long enough and bad enough, you will probably find a way to get it. We need to be careful, because sin starts in the mind. So the sin begins in looking and in thinking about that which is forbidden. The mind is the incubator of almost every deed that is done.

Ellen White counsels: “Our meditations should be such as will elevate the mind. ‘Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.’ [Philippians 4:8.] Here is a wide field in which the mind can safely range. If Satan seeks to turn it to low and sensual things, bring it back. When corrupt imaginings seek to gain possession of your mind, flee to the throne of grace, and pray for strength from heaven. By the grace of Christ it is possible for us to reject impure thoughts. Jesus will attract the mind, purify the thoughts, and cleanse the heart from every secret sin. ‘The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God; . . . casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.’ [11 Corinthians 10:4, 5.]” Christian Temperance and Bible Hygiene, 136.

Adultery Lifestyles

Adultery is more than living a Clinton lifestyle. There is long distance adultery; the Internet opens up the possibilities for cyber adultery. This is a sin. Imagine spending hours tantalizing and playing with another human. And how do you even know if you are talking to a male or a female? If a married person allows his or her mind to fantasize about another person, they are playing with a fire that might just burn up their marriage. Your marriage gets torched when you are in the chat room dabbling with another person. Do not play with fire unless you want to spend some time in the burn unit. You know, I am sure, when the burn unit will occur. The New Testament is just as clear as the Old Testament when it says that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Galatians 5:21.) Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers will be in the kingdom of heaven. The Bible is very plain on this.

Another kind of adultery is pornographic adultery. You get burned when you allow your mind to feast on pornographic images, which come onto your computer screen or into your mailbox. You need to avoid these temptations. Job had it figured out, when he said, “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” Job 31:1. That is a good covenant to make.

We need to eliminate anything that stirs us up with this type of temptation. Maybe we need to clean out the magazines in our houses. Maybe we need to get rid of some of the videos in our houses. Maybe we need to call the cable company and cancel certain channels, or, better yet, get rid of the television! We need to get our Bibles and read them.

Heed the counsel given in 1 Corinthians 7:2, 3: “Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”

And then there’s another type of adultery. We would call it premarital adultery, or fornication or cohabitation. Did you know that individuals who cohabit and then marry are 33 percent more likely to divorce than if they had not?

Purity is also expected if you are unmarried. Fornication includes those who live together before marriage. A girl who is shacked up with her boyfriend is very likely to suffer physical abuse. A child who lives in such a home with his or her mother’s boyfriend is 73 times more vulnerable to experience fatal abuse than a normal child. (See Maggie Gallagher, The Abolition of Marriage, Regnery Publishing, Washington, D.C., 1996, 31.)

Consequences

Adultery does have consequences that are not usually shown in the fictitious world of movies, television soaps, or make-believe stories and books. Those things teach us that adultery is all love and fun, and everything is fine. But, I will tell you that eternal life is certainly jeopardized. Health is endangered. Happiness is squandered. Your reputation is cheapened. Your marriage is often irreparably destroyed. Your children suffer the consequences for generations to come. Your family name will be dragged into the dirt. Can you really afford adultery?

Breaking the seventh commandment produces broken homes and poverty. Almost 75 percent of American children living in fatherless households will experience poverty before the age of 11, compared to only 20 percent of those raised by two parents. Such children tend to drop out of school and develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide and fall victim to child abuse or neglect. Males from such households are more likely to become violent criminals. In fact, men who have grown up without dads currently represent 70 percent of the prison population serving long-term sentences. (See Michael G. Moriarty, The Perfect 10, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1999, 113.)

Consider as well the other commandments that are broken when adultery occurs. Adultery is stealing; it steals the love from another; it steals someone’s spouse away. Adultery destroys trust, and jeopardizes the family. Adultery is a living lie. It is done without the knowledge of the spouse. Adultery is coveting someone who does not belong to you.

A Symbol

In faithful, lifelong committed relationships—those in which the partners say, and really mean, “ ’til death do us part”—we have the opportunity to mirror something that is divine. We have the opportunity to mirror in our own relationships that same quality of faithfulness with which, throughout our lives, God relates to us.

By being faithful to your spouse, you are enhancing your ability to be faithful to God. The purpose of the seventh commandment is to build an atmosphere where two people can experience the highest joy and deepest intimacy as they both grow more and more into the fullness of the image of Jesus Christ. God’s commitment and fidelity to us is eternal. He created us, too, for fidelity. God wants to protect that bond, but Satan works overtime to destroy the Christian home, because it represents that connection.

This seventh commandment is about chastity, faithfulness, and the overcoming of lust. Yet the truth of the matter is that these qualities in our relationships are too difficult for us to accomplish all on our own. You see, the rest of society is just too heavily invested in tempting us away from these. So to come anywhere near succeeding at them, we need to understand the value and worth of chastity, faithfulness, and the overcoming of lust, and ask God to help us obtain and maintain His virtue in our lives each day.

“Let every one who desires to be a partaker of the divine nature, appreciate the fact that he must escape the corruption that is in the world through lust. There must be a constant, earnest struggling of the soul against the evil imaginings of the mind. There must be a steadfast resistance of temptation to sin in thought or act.” Review and Herald, June 12, 1888.

The apostle Paul writes, in 1 Thessalonians 4:3: “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.”

To be continued . . .

A retired minister of the gospel, Pastor Mike Baugher may be contacted by e-mail at: landmarks@stepstolife.org.

Marriage

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Several years ago, a fellow ministerial colleague and I conducted a fiftieth wedding anniversary remarriage ceremony. As we went through the ceremony, I could not help but notice the happiness, joy, and love that radiated from the countenances of the husband and wife. They were positive with their attitudes toward each other, and they clung to each other as though they were just getting married for the first time! Truly, I must say, I was wonderfully amazed and pleasantly proud of both persons. Their actions, love, and respect for each other outshone couples that have come before me at the altar for the first time to get married.

After the ceremony concluded, I decided to ask the celebrants what had kept them together for 50 long years, and, at the same time, be still experiencing that love and intimacy which all true, healthy, and strong marriages experience. As I approached the beaming couple, they looked to me invitingly with pleasant smiles, and I quickly, yet privately, posed my question: “What kept you both happily married for 50 years?”

Their answer was simple, yet powerful in application: “You have to learn to give and to take.” A rather interesting answer indeed! This philosophy, practiced by this husband and wife, has kept them together for 50 years of their lives. Of course, I must mention that they are committed Seventh-day Adventist Christians, and their spiritual commitment to Christ enabled them to learn to give to and to take from each other.

Some time ago, my wife and I were invited to my hometown church reunion, and I knew that I would be seeing and getting reacquainted with longtime friends and contemporaries whom I had not seen for years! I was surprised to discover, upon meeting some of them, that they were divorced and had remarried. I distinctly remember one of my acquaintances asking me, “Are you still married?”

To which I responded, “Yes!”

The question that followed was rather interesting. It was, “To the same person?”

I again answered, “Yes!”

Changing Times

It seems quite strange in these days that there exists a private notion, even among Seventh-day Adventist Christians, that assumes that marriage between a man and a woman is not “until death do us part.” The thought prevails that lifelong, happy marriage relationships can no longer exist; things, times, and people have changed. But, may I ask, have not things, times, and people always been changing?

Yet, in years past, marriages have survived the storms and tempests, so what is the difference now? I would hasten to answer that the issue is a human problem. In our contemporary age, it is said that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. In the year 1900, the number of marriages that were conducted were 709,000. In that same year, the number of divorces that took place were 55,751, giving us a marriage/divorce ratio of 12.7/1. However, by the year 1980, the number of marriages that were performed had risen to 2,413,000, and the number of divorces was 1,182,000, giving a marriage/divorce ratio of 2.01/1. (Alanzo H. Smith, When Loving You Is Destroying Me, Brentwood Christian Press, Columbus, Georgia, 1996, 49.)

Amazingly, it is said that, since the beginning of the year 2000, for every three marriages, both in the world as well as in the church, two end in divorce! Why is this so? Why are marriages, in these contemporary days, experiences of such major destruction? Again, I say, it is a human problem.

The majority of us human beings has rejected God and His wisdom and has been building on our own wisdom. In past years, the Word of God was the foundation of the home, the school, the church, and society. Prayer was prized as a chief weapon for success and prosperity. In this contemporary age, man’s wisdom, and man’s wisdom only, is recognized by the majority of earth’s population; consequently, deterioration has occurred! It would do us good to remember and to apply the words of the Psalmist ourselves: “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psalm 127:1.

So, in spite of all that is happening to marriage, how can the Christian remain happily married in a contemporary world such as ours, which is so anti the traditional, biblical marriage?

Answer for Survival

In Matthew 7:24–27, Jesus presents the answer for the survival of the marriage institution, the home, the church, the school, and society: “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.”

Christ expanded upon this answer in Luke 6:47–49: “Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will show you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.”

It is important for us to note what Jesus is not saying. Jesus, here, is not saying that there will not be any storms or tempests in a Christian marriage.

He is saying that when the storms come, there will not be any permanent damage, because, in the Christian home, His words are heeded, and He is made the foundation upon which the marriage is built.

I have heard it said that the biggest problem with the American family is that they think marriage should not have any problems. What we all need to remember is that Jesus has not promised that there will not be any problems in marriage, but He has pointed out that the marriage that stands is the one built on the Word of God.

You see, the strong marriage and the weak marriage look alike from the outside, but it is when the tests of storms and tempests come that the truth is thereby revealed. Therefore, we should pay strict attention to the apostle Paul’s counsel and warning as given in 1 Corinthians 7:27, 28: “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.”

Note carefully what Paul says: “But and if thou marry . . . such shall have trouble in the flesh.” Understandably, then, there is no marriage that is storm proof, trouble proof, or that will never experience trials and difficulties. Troubles are the lot of all marriages! Yes, the troubles may vary from marriage to marriage, but troubles of all sizes and intensities must be expected in every marriage. The survival secret is to build upon Christ!

The Foundation

Ellen White counseled: “Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity, yet it may be shallow because it has not been tested and tried. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger.

“Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.” The Adventist Home, 105, 106.

Jesus, speaking of what it truly means to build upon Him, explains: “It is not enough, He says, for you to hear My words. By obedience you must make them the foundation of your character. Self is but shifting sand. If you build upon human theories and inventions, your house will fall. By the winds of temptation, the tempests of trial, it will be swept away. But these principles that I have given will endure. Receive Me; build on My words.” The Desire of Ages, 314.

The apostle James understood Christ’s words fully. That is why he wrote, “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” James 1:22.

The Rock

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” Matthew 7:24, 25.

The psalmist David identifies the rock to be the Lord. He states: “The Lord [is] my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, [and] my high tower.” Psalm 18:2.

Also, in Psalm 62:2, David maintains that, “[God] only [is] my rock and my salvation; [he is] my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.” And, in Psalm 31:3, David’s prayer is, “For thou,” speaking of the Lord, “[art] my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.”

The prophet Isaiah speaks of Christ as “a great rock in a weary land”! “Behold, a king shall reign in righteousness, and princes shall rule in judgment. And a man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.” Isaiah 32:1, 2.

The apostle Paul affirmed that Christ was the Rock that went with His people in ancient times: “And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ.” 1 Corinthians 10:4.

Upon what must a storm-proof marriage be built? As Dr. S. M. Davis put it, in the recorded presentation, “How to Build a Storm-Proof Marriage,” the foundation must be the:

1) Rock of a covenant instead of the sand of a contract;
2) Rock of humility instead of the sand of pride;
3) Rock of communication instead of the sand of silence;
4) Rock of unconditional love instead of the sand of emotion;
5) Rock of acceptance and praise instead of the sand of anger and putdowns;
6) Rock of building each other instead of the sand of inactivity;
7) Rock of changing instead of the sand of stubbornness;
8) Rock of salvation instead of the sand of religion. (www.joycenter.on.ca)

Only Hope

The only hope for the survival of every marriage in this era is to build upon Christ the Rock. The sentiment of every Christian husband and wife, as well as those who are contemplating marriage, should be like that of the hymn writer, Edward Mote:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness seems to veil His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, and blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
O may I then in Him be found;
Clad in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

The Church Hymnal, Review and Herald Publishing Association, Washington, D. C., 1941, 581.

Let us build marriages that will last not only for time but also for eternity!

Escaping Shipwreck of the Home

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The devil wants us to make shipwreck of our homes! This is a special temptation to young people, and, thus, we need to understand very clearly how we can avoid this, because a shipwrecked home can lead to the most unhappiness in this world and, many times, to shipwreck of eternity.

How can we have a sure anchor in our homes? Paul’s shipwreck experience, as recorded in Acts 27, has a great deal of information for us as we are studying this subject: “Now when much time was spent, and when sailing was now dangerous, because the fast was now already past, Paul admonished [them], And said unto them, Sirs, I perceive that this voyage will be with hurt and much damage, not only of the lading and ship, but also of our lives. Nevertheless the centurion believed the master and the owner of the ship, more than those things which were spoken by Paul.” Verses 9−11. We read in this passage that the time for sailing had past. Consequently, Paul was admonishing the shipmaster that the voyage was going to be disastrous. He counseled him not to go, and he warned that a voyage would result in disaster, not only to the ship and the cargo, but also to life.

But the captain did not listen. After all, Paul was a prisoner trying to tell the captain what he should do. The chain of command certainly does not generally work that way! Normally, prisoners do not tell captains what to do, but Paul was a unique prisoner.

How was Paul unique? He had not committed any crimes, and he was privileged to be a messenger from God. This prisoner, this messenger from God gave instruction to not sail, because doing so would result in shipwreck. What happened? The captain ignored the messenger from God and sailed, and they were shipwrecked.

Take note that the centurion decided to believe “the master and the owner of the ship.” We might say that he accepted and believed worldly counselors instead of God’s messenger. He accepted the knowledge of people who had degrees in these types of things, of professional people who should have known what they were doing.

There were two other reasons why the centurion accepted the worldly counsel and rejected the counsel of God’s messenger: “And because the haven was not commodious to winter in, the more part advised to depart thence also, if by any means they might attain to Phenice, [and there] to winter; [which is] an haven of Crete, and lieth toward the south west and north west.” Verse 12. What does it mean that “the haven was not commodious to winter in”? It was not comfortable enough; it was not convenient enough. It would not have been the best location, we might say. And what was the other reason given? “The more part advised to depart.” The majority spoke against what Paul had said, so the centurion, instead of accepting what the messenger from God had said, followed worldly counselors. He took into consideration what was convenient or comfortable and followed the majority.

Are either of those good reasons to reject what God is trying to tell us through His messenger? No, they are not, yet we find these very reasons being used today to reject what God has told of how to escape shipwreck.

We all have homes, and we know that as young people enter their later teen years and older, there is a desire to establish a home of their own. That is natural; there is nothing wrong with that desire. As they mature, their emotions become more active, and it is easy to become attracted to and to develop not just a friendship but a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. This is natural too; this is a desire that God has put into us, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Unfortunately, in many situations this desire leads to shipwreck, and lives are ruined because of wrong or unwise choices that are made. The same reasons for which the centurion rejected God’s messenger are used today. The worldly counselors say it is a good thing to do, or it is more convenient or more comfortable to not follow what God’s messenger has revealed to us. Or they say that everybody is doing it so it cannot be that bad, but if everybody shipwrecks, do you want to shipwreck too? No, the only safety for us as young people to escape shipwreck in our homes is to follow implicitly what God has revealed through His messengers, through the Bible, and through the Spirit of Prophecy.

The Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible that I have enjoyed studying since I have become a Seventh-day Adventist. The Bible used by the church of which I was formerly a member does not contain this book written by the wisest of men. They simply removed it from their version of the Bible. So when I became a Seventh-day Adventist and began to study it, I discovered that it teaches a number of very important principles. We will look at just one; this is repeated three times in the book. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake [my] love, till he please.”

Look at the last part of the text, “stir not up, nor awake [my] love.” If you read this verse from the King James Version, you will notice that the word my is in italics. What does that mean? It means that it is supplied by the translators in an attempt to make the wording flow better. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is more literal—and sometimes it helps us to understand the verse better—if we recognize that a supplied word is not in the original Greek or Hebrew.

So, the text would actually read, “that you stir not up, nor awake love, until it pleases.” That is telling us that there is a time to love and a time not to love. It says that we are not to stir it up until it is the right time. Many, many young people are shipwrecked by not following the counsel of this verse. Many are shipwrecked by allowing love to awaken before it is time.

We see this so often today. Even in first grade, children just five and six years of age are pairing off. As they go from five and six to maybe nine or ten years old, the same thing is happening, and that is not beneficial, because the Bible says to not stir love up until he please.

Consider the following points as to when it is safe to enter into a relationship.

Know the Creator

If we simply understand the principle of not allowing our emotions to control us and of waiting until it is the right time for love, it would save hundreds and thousands of young people from shipwreck. You can no doubt see that, because all around us are shipwrecked homes and many of these shipwrecked homes are the direct result of not following these principles.

Let us look at the first marriage and see what we can understand about this first relationship that developed. Genesis 2:21, 22 says, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” In the Garden of Eden, on the sixth day of creation, before the Sabbath, God first made Adam. God could have made Adam and Eve together; it would have been no problem. He spoke, and all the animals came forth; all the plants came forth; but He did not make Adam and Eve together.

Adam was made first so he could become acquainted with God. God wanted Adam to develop a relationship with Him first. It is feasible that if God had made Adam and Eve together, instead of developing a relationship with their Creator, their eyes would have locked on each other, and then they would not have had that relationship with their Creator. So God made Adam first, and He put Adam in the garden where he could become acquainted with his Creator before anyone else.

Then, after Adam had named all the animals, he realized that they all had partners, but he did not, so God put Adam to sleep. God could have made Eve without putting Adam to sleep. He could have just formed the dust of the ground and breathed into Eve, and there Adam’s mate would have been. But God put Adam to sleep, and as He took the rib from Adam, formed Eve, and breathed into Eve the breath of life. Who was the first one with whom Eve developed a relationship? With her Creator—because Adam was asleep! I believe that God put Adam to sleep so that Eve could develop a relationship with her Creator before she did with Adam.

We must, before we contemplate an earthly relationship, have a relationship with our Creator. Anything else is in danger of leading us to shipwreck in our homes, which frequently results in shipwreck of eternity as well. The story of Adam and Eve shows that both the man and the woman need to have a relationship with their Creator before any romantic relationship is developed. Did Adam lead Eve to the Creator? No, that is not how it happened, because if Adam had led Eve to the Creator, her first allegiance would have been to Adam rather than to her Creator.

At times, there may be somebody who has an interest in someone who is not a Seventh-day Adventist; he or she may not even be a Christian. So the individual may start a Bible study course with the person in whom he is interested. Bible studies are a good thing, but it is very dangerous to try to lead someone in whom you are interested to the Lord. Why? Because their first allegiance would be to you rather than to the Lord. I know you may disagree, but I have seen such a situation more than once. I have seen people who seem to be solid in the faith; then something happens to the person in whom they are interested and they go out of the faith. Both individuals need to have a relationship with their Creator before they are prepared for a relationship with each other.

Lifework

“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was] the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:15, 19, 20.

This account is very instructive. Here we find that Adam was created, but he was not just introduced to his Creator and then given Eve. God first gave to Adam a way to live. God gave to Adam his lifework before he gave him his life companion. We need to know and to be prepared for our lifework before we enter into a relationship. Why do you think this would be a good idea?

What if you believe God is calling you to be a missionary to a foreign country, but before you prepare for your life calling, you develop an interest in someone who believes that his or her life calling is to be a doctor or to be a businessman or businesswoman in your home country? There is nothing wrong with being a physician or a businessperson. As long as the biblical principles are followed, their work is very honest and commendable. But if God has called you to be a missionary to another country and has called your person of interest to be a businessperson in the home field, there is a serious conflict of interest. It is hard for both of you to do your lifework, so one or the other has to give up on his or her life calling. God’s plan is that we know and that we are prepared for our lifework before entering into a relationship.

By the way, Adam could prepare for his lifework better and could probably work better if he was not thinking about Eve. So often, young people begin to prepare for their lifework, but instead of preparing for their lifework, they are developing an interest in someone, and that takes all their time. The relationship detracts from what their preparation needs to be.

Financial Responsibility

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1 Timothy 5:8. Do you want to be worse than an infidel? An infidel is someone who is not a Christian, such as an atheist or an agnostic. An infidel has no interest in religion whatsoever and is usually opposed to Christianity.

If we do not provide for our own, we have denied the faith and are worse than an infidel! So, is it a very wise thing to get married if we have no way to support a family? Financial stresses are ranked as one of the highest causes of divorce. I am not saying that we must own our own business or have to own a house, but we need to have some way to support a family.

Godly Counselors

A very difficult story for us in this day and age in which we live is given in Genesis 24. “And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Verses 2−4.

Here was Abraham, and he was arranging for the marriage of his 40-year-old son Isaac. If we were 40, would we think that our parents would have the right to direct so intimately in our affairs? But Isaac trusted his father’s judgment, and it does not seem that Isaac was involved at all.

Now, I am not saying that is exactly the way it must be, but a principle is revealed here. Isaac listened to godly counselors. Our parents, if they are in the Lord, are the best counselors we have. Isaac listened to godly counselors, and Isaac escaped shipwreck.

Counselors are important, because love is blind. Even if we follow all these principles, a degree of blindness still exists. It is very hard when someone counsels against what our heart wants. God has made it plain that there is an important place for godly counselors, because many times when our emotions get stirred up, it is hard for us to think rationally. It is much easier for godly counselors to see the situation rationally. We need to seek advice from godly counselors, even if we are 40 years old!

Poor Judge

God’s messenger, Ellen White, stated: “A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.” Messages to Young People, 452. Now, you may look at me and say that I am out of my teens, so that is easy for me to read, but I read that when I was a teenager. And when I read that, and I decided that if it said that a youth not out of his teens is not a fit judge, then I did not want to enter into a relationship until I was out of my teens.

I realize that when you are a teen, that seems like a very difficult thing. I was there! But although that was written 100 years ago, the statistics today reveal that if that statement were followed today, there would be a lot fewer shipwrecked homes. Some Internet statistics for marriages in the United States show that the divorce rate is 50 percent for those who marry and are under the age of 18. For those who marry and are under the age of 20, the divorce rate is 40 percent, and for those who wait until they are 25 or older, the divorce rate is 25 percent. You can see from the statistics that what we were told 100 years ago was wise counsel, because as we mature, we change.

Looking back to when I was 17, which was not that long ago, I know my personality was much different then than what it is now. For those of you who struggle with timidity, I think I was as timid as any person could possibly be, but as we grow and mature, we change. Many people, when they marry young, start separating as they mature and change, resulting in a shipwrecked home. That is why the Lord gave us this counsel.

Allow God to Lead

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Genesis 2:21–23.

Does it appear as though Adam was searching under every leaf in the garden to try to find a mate? No, Adam allowed God to lead. If we do not want to shipwreck our homes, we must allow God to lead. I do not believe it is safe to enter into a relationship unless both persons involved know that God is leading. Many times young people enter into a relationship because they think the person is cute or has a funny personality. They say that they are not making a commitment yet, and that may be true, but as they enter into a relationship and the hearts start to grow together, it is much harder to see God’s leading. It is much more difficult to objectively consider the relationship, and frequently what happens is that two people get married without a knowledge of God’s direct guidance and leading. We need to know, before we enter into any relationship, whether or not God is leading. Adam did; Eve did; they knew that God was leading.

Passed By

Oh but we may think that we are going to get passed by. God does not withhold any good thing from us, and the Lord promises that if we commit our ways to Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. (Psalm 84:11; 37:4.)

Ellen White wrote, “Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him.” The Adventist Home, 43.

We need to come to that point of total and complete surrender and say, “Lord, I do not want to choose; that decision is too big for me. Please choose for me.” When we come to that point of complete surrender, God can work, and God can lead.

I believe if we follow these simple steps that God gives, He will guide us, and we will escape shipwreck in our homes. In summary, the steps are:

  1. both individuals in a relationship must have a knowledge of the Creator;
  2. both individuals must know and be prepared for their lifework;
  3. we must be prepared to support a family even before entering into a relationship;
  4. we should follow godly counselors; and
  5. we should allow God to lead.

Do you want to escape shipwreck? I do; I do not want to have a home that is dashed against the rocks without an anchor. That could lead to the loss of eternity as well. I want God to be my captain and my pilot, that He may bring me safely to the harbor.

May we each one follow the principles God has given to us that we might escape shipwreck, that we might have a sure and a solid anchor.

Cody Francis is currently engaged in public evangelism for Mission Projects International. He also pastors the Remnant Church of Seventh-day Adventist Believers in Renton, Washington. He may be contacted by e-mail at: cody@missionspro.org.

The Essence of Heaven, Part I

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What is heaven all about? When I was a child, the pastor of the church my family attended told me the following true story.

During World War II, he was a preacher in Europe. A Christian family he knew had a daughter who was not interested in Christianity. She was not interested in going to heaven. This preacher wanted to try to help this young lady; he wanted to arouse in her a desire to be a Christian and a desire to go to heaven. So he engaged her in conversation one day about this subject. She emphatically stated that she was not interested in Christianity, and why, if she did not want to go to heaven anyway, should she be a Christian? What was the point?

This girl told him, “I have heard about heaven. I have heard that it is a place where people float around on clouds, and they play harps.” And, she continued, “I am not interested. I do not even care for harp music! I certainly am not interested in floating around on a cloud, so I do not want to go there.” You see, she had no idea what heaven was really about.

There are many people like her. Even many Protestant Christians who go to church every week, if asked, “What is heaven? Please describe it to me,” could tell you almost nothing.

Abodes of Bliss

Many Seventh-day Adventist preachers, when talking about heaven, just tell people what it is not like. There is nothing wrong with this, because the Bible probably has more texts telling us what heaven is not like than any other thing.

For instance, it says in Isaiah, concerning that place, that no violence will be there. In Isaiah 33:24, we are told, “The inhabitants of that place will not say, ‘I am sick.’ ” Is that nice to know?

Revelation 21 gives us a number of descriptions in the first four verses. It says that in that place there is no sorrow, crying, or death. When we are in heaven, we will never attend a funeral. We will never go to a mortuary or pick out a tombstone or a casket. We will never go to a hospital; there will be no surgery there, because it is not needed.

There will be no pain in heaven. This is a great comfort to many people, such as drug addicts. Those who are trying to get off an
addictive substance experience extreme withdrawal pain. I have never been addicted to a substance like that, so I cannot explain or understand exactly how they feel, but one of their greatest pleasures is to read in the Bible that when they get to heaven, there will be no pain.

So, this is what preachers usually do. We tell people what heaven is by telling them what it is not¾there is no war; there is no crime; there are no prisons; there is no sickness. This is all good to know, but have you ever stopped to analyze the situation and think through that even if all those things were taken away, you would not necessarily be happy?

Heaven is a place described by Ellen White as having “the abodes of bliss.” (See Testimonies, vol. 8, 140.) Bliss! Do you know what bliss is? Bliss is an extreme, intense state of happiness. The angels, the intelligences in heaven, are in this bliss or this extreme, intense state of happiness all the time. The redeemed are going to be the same. Isaiah 35:10 says, “The redeemed of the Lord will come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads. They will obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”

They are going to have joy. They are going to have intense happiness. You see, that actually is the essence of what heaven is about. It is this intense happiness that everybody has all the time that makes heaven heaven.

Self-Sacrificing Love

You see, heaven actually has more to do with something that is internal in your mind than something that is external. It is not just golden streets and music, although there is beautiful music, and there are golden streets. There is also wonderful food, but that is not what heaven is.

So, here is the question: What makes heaven heaven? We can answer that in one sentence: “The spirit of Christ’s self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven and is the very essence of its bliss.” Steps to Christ, 77.

What is the very essence of the bliss, the intense happiness that is in heaven? What is the very core of it? It is the spirit of self-sacrificing love. Somehow this is a concept that it is very difficult for people in this world to comprehend, because we have had an opposite education of which the devil has been in charge. It is throughout all the educational system, it is in all the philosophy of man, and it is in our language. Have you ever heard someone talking about “taking care of No. 1”? When they refer to “taking care of No. 1,” of whom are they speaking? Self. In the devil’s program, I am No. 1, and you are to make me happy.

There are many illustrations that would help us understand this concept, but I will share just one. About 30 years ago, a beautiful, young, married lady was driving her car, and she had neglected to put on her seat belt. Unfortunately, she was in a collision, and because she did not have her seat belt on, she was thrown forward headfirst through the windshield of the car. As she went through the shattered glass, her face was terribly lacerated. When her husband came to see her in the hospital, can you imagine what happened? This man had married that beautiful face. That beautiful face made him happy, but when that beautiful face did not exist any more, there was nothing to hold that marriage together, so he divorced her. (By the way, men are not the only ones who do things like that. I could tell you other stories where women did almost the identical same thing, but we will not go there. You get the point.)

If I am No. 1, then you are to make me happy, and when the time comes that you do not make me happy anymore, then we are going to separate. This is one of the reasons there is such a huge divorce rate today. This is the devil’s philosophy, the devil’s program that has taken over almost the entire world.

Jesus came into this world to show us that this is a wrong idea, to show us that we are to sacrifice ourselves for the good of somebody else. They are not to sacrifice themselves for our good; we are to sacrifice ourselves for their good. If we could ever get it learned, we would see the divorce rate bottom out.

Jesus’ Mission

Let us read a few Scriptures so you can see that this is exactly what the New Testament teaches that Jesus came to do.

“On behalf of all He died, in order that those living no longer might live for themselves, but on behalf of Him who died and was raised again.” 11 Corinthians 5:15. What was the purpose of Jesus’ coming and of His death on the cross? So I would no longer live for myself.

Jesus Himself talked about this in Matthew 10:34-39. Verse 39 reads, “The one who finds his soul will lose it.” Who is the one who finds his soul? That is the one, I am No. 1; I actually do get what I want! The text continues, “The one who loses his life for My sake will find it.”

What does it mean to lose your life? That means your life is sacrificed for somebody else, and if you learn that principle, Jesus says that you are going to find eternal life. If you do not learn that principle, you are not going to find eternal life.

John 12:25 says, “The one who loves his soul will lose it, and the one who hates his soul in this world will keep it unto life eter-nal.” Of what is Jesus talking? One person makes his own life  No. 1; the other person sacrifices his whole life for somebody else. The one who gains his soul and loves his soul will lose it, but the one who hates his soul and sacrifices all of his soul for somebody else will keep it. This is what Jesus taught.

Some Rain Must Fall

I have many cousins, but of all my relatives, two male cousins were much more handsome than were any of the rest of us. Both of them had very pleasing personalities and were very popular wherever they went.

One of these cousins, as a young man in the late 1950s, decided that he was going to join the Navy. He wanted to become a Navy pilot. I remember that as he was traveling from Washington State to Pensacola, Florida, he stopped to visit my family, who was living in Colorado, on a Saturday afternoon. He was going to Florida to join the Navy; then he went to flying school there, and realized his dream of becoming a Navy pilot.

While he was in Florida, he married an absolutely beautiful woman. Not only was she beautiful, but she was intelligent. She was a psychologist. After they married, he was stationed in Hawaii. He became one of the chief pilots for the DC7 that took the Rear Admiral of the United States Navy all over the world visiting bases, but especially over the South Pacific.

So, he had the job of flying the Rear Admiral of the United States Navy all over the South Pacific; his wife was a professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii; they were stationed in Honolulu; they had it made! I mean, he had the kind of job, the kind of wife, the kind of life that men all over the world dream about but almost none of them ever have high status, high income, lots of friends, lots of official functions, lots of parties. But the saying goes, “Into each life, some rain must fall.”

One time when he was stateside, he was in a dreadful automobile accident. He was injured so badly that he was unconscious when he was taken to the Intensive Care Unit. Of course, his wife came to the hospital and talked with the physicians. They told her they did not know what would happen; they did not know if he would ever come to consciousness again, and if he did, whether or not he would have his faculties or if he would be a vegetable.

This beautiful, talented, intelligent lady knew lots of psychology, but she was not prepared for a situation like this. She could not handle it, so she divorced him. After the divorce, he did regain consciousness and improved, though he never could fly an airplane again because of the injuries he received.

This is what happens in this world when we make ourselves No. 1, but Jesus said, “If you gain your life, if you gain everything, you are going to lose it. But if you lose everything, if you lose your life, if you sacrifice your life for somebody else, you are going to keep your life unto life eternal.”

As a Mosquito

The greatest example of this is Jesus Himself. The more I study the story of Jesus, the more astonished I become. I am in absolute awe. I believe, personally, that I will tiptoe and walk in awe in His presence through all eternity, because I do not understand what He left. Talk about self-sacrifice! He did have everything. He had the whole universe, and He was not forced to come down here to earth. He was not ordered to come down here. He went to His Father and pled to come down here. He left everything¾the power and the glory.

There is no way to explain it. The best illustration I have ever heard is if you were to ask someone, “Do you want to become a mosquito?” That is pretty crude, I suppose. We just do not have any way to help people to understand what we are talking about when we talk about what He left behind to come down here to earth.

Jesus Christ is the only Person born in this world who planned out every detail of His life before He was born, with His Father. Every detail of His life was planned out before He ever came! It was not an accident that He was born in a stable. It was not an accident that He was born into a poor family.
It was not an accident that He was poor all of His life. Until He went to Jerusalem to die on the cross, He was one of the poorest men in Jerusalem. All He had left were His clothes, and they took those from Him. What was this all about? It was to teach us the principle that you sacrifice yourself for somebody else. Jesus said, “If you do not learn this, you will not have eternal life.”

A Happy Place

Now, what happens if you do learn the lesson? If you go to heaven, friend, here is what will happen. In this world, everybody is looking out for No. 1 first and, then, other people after that. But, in heaven, everybody is looking out for the happiness of somebody else. They get their joy and happiness from bringing joy and happiness to somebody else. So, everybody in the whole place will be interested in making someone else happy. It is a happy place!

When you are around somebody whose greatest desire is to give anything that they have to make you happy, then you are in a position to start to learn what heaven is about.

Ellen White said, concerning Jesus, that when He was here, “It was heaven to be in His presence.”
The Ministry of Healing, 18. Have you ever tried to analyze that? What was it that made it like heaven to be in His presence? Now, the road is going to get a little bit rough as we study this, so get your seat belt on!

The only people who are going to go to heaven are the people who are like Jesus Christ. Read Revelation 14:1-5; read 11 Corinthians 3:18; read 1 John 3:1-3. Now, Jesus Christ was a person, and it was heaven to be in His presence because of the self-sacrificing love that was in His heart. Remember, the spirit of self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven, and it is the very essence of its bliss.

Now, notice carefully where we are going. Self-sacrificing love is the spirit that pervades heaven and is the very essence of its bliss. It was like heaven to be in Jesus’ presence, because He had that self-sacrificing love, and all the people who go to heaven will be people who are Christlike. They will have the spirit of self-sacrificing love like He had. Now, if we really have the spirit of self-sacrificing love like Jesus had, what will it be like to be in our presence? If you and I have become Christlike, it is going to be like heaven to be in our presence, because we have the spirit of self-sacrificing love inside.

The road is going to get rougher yet.

A Little Heaven

If the husband has the spirit of self-sacrificing love so that he is Christlike, it is going to be like heaven to be in his presence. If the wife has the spirit of self-sacrificing love like Jesus has, it is going to be like heaven to be in her presence. If both of them have the spirit of self-sacrificing love in their hearts, what is it going to be like in their home? Why, friend, it is going to be like heaven on earth!

I am glad Ellen White was so specific on this. “We may have a little heaven to go to heaven in, if Christ breathes upon us his Holy Spirit. His love will be with us, and we shall be acquainted with him, and can bring him into our families.” Review and Herald, April 21, 1891.

At another time, Mrs. White counseled: “Parents, make your home a little heaven on earth. You can do this, if you so choose. You can make home so pleasant and cheerful that it will be the most attractive place on earth to your children. Let them receive all the blessings of the household. You can so relate yourselves to God that His Spirit will abide in your home. Come close to the bleeding side of the Man of Calvary. Those who are partakers with Him in His sufferings will at last be partakers with Him in His glory.” Sermons and Talks, vol. 2, 200.

Now the road is going to get really hard.

Consequences

What if your home is not like a little heaven to go to heaven in? Oh, friend, this is what we did not want to hear. If your home is not like that, if your home is not a little heaven to go to heaven in, at least one of the people in that home cannot go to heaven in the condition in which they are right now. Something to think about, is it not?

This spirit of self-sacrificing love cannot be forced on anybody. A husband cannot force his wife to love him; a wife cannot force her husband to love her; parents cannot force their children to love them. You cannot force it. It cannot be commanded.

Ellen White wrote, “The exercise of force is contrary to the principles of God’s government; He desires only the service of love; and love cannot be commanded; it cannot be won by force or authority. Only by love is love awakened. To know God is to love Him; His character must be manifested in contrast to the character of Satan. This work only one Being in all the universe could do. Only He who knew the height and depth of the love of God could make it known.” The Desire of Ages, 22.

Let us consider this in a very practical way for a moment. Some of you will be able to relate to this because you have children. A human baby is born to be loved, but the baby does not understand very much about love. The mother is supposed to know about love, and if the mother knows about love, the mother starts giving love to the baby. It is a wonderful thing to see. Every day, several times a day, the mother gives love to the baby. It is expressed in many different ways¾by touching, by stroking, by the expression on the face, by the tone of the voice, by giving food, by giving water, by making the baby comfortable. There is a reason that God made human babies so they require a lot of care. It is in the process of receiving that care that they learn what love is.

But the time comes when the baby starts to really respond to the mother’s love. It is very interesting to see this response. Why is the baby responding to the mother’s love? Because the baby has received so much love from the mother that now this baby has love to give back to the mother.

Now, let me ask you a serious question, albeit an awful question, but we need to face reality. What if the baby is born to a woman who is angry and bitter and does not have very much love to give? Do you know what will happen?

Let us read about it: “The reason why there are so many hard-hearted men and women in our world, is because true affection has been regarded as weakness, and has been discouraged and repressed. The better part of the nature of those of this class was perverted and dwarfed in childhood; and unless rays of divine light can melt away their coldness and hard-hearted selfishness, the happiness of such is buried forever.” Review and Herald, June 22, 1886.

How awful this is! Their happiness is buried forever, unless divine love can break through that ice.

“If we would have tender hearts, such as Jesus had when he was upon the earth, and sanctified sympathy, such as the angels have for sinful mortals, we must cultivate the sympathies of childhood, which are simplicity itself. Then we shall be refined, elevated, and directed by heavenly principles.” Ibid.

There are people all around us (I do not say this to judge anyone) especially in our time much more so than 50 years ago, who are spiritually and emotionally crippled, and they will be spiritually and emotionally crippled until Jesus comes, because of the spiritual and emotional damage that was inflicted on them from babyhood up through childhood.

I am not saying that those people cannot be saved. God can save people whether or not they are physically crippled or spiritually and emotionally crippled, but the fact remains that in this world they are spiritually and emotionally crippled.

I mention these things to hopefully be a little bit of help to those of you who are parents of small children. Do not repress or neglect
to give affection to your small children. If you do, they will grow up to be hard-hearted men and women. They will be emotionally crippled for the rest of their lives in this world.

To be continued . . .

[Bible texts quoted are literal translation.]

Pastor John Grosboll is Director of Steps to Life and pastors the Prairie Meadows Church in Wichita, Kansas. He may be contacted by e-mail at: historic@stepstolife.org, or by telephone at: 316-788-5559.

Bible Study Guides – God’s Love in the Family

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November 2, 2008 – November 8, 2008

Key Text

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25.

Study Help: Child Guidance, 482–485.

Introduction

“Christian homes, established and conducted in accordance with God’s plan, are a wonderful help in forming Christian character. … Parents and children should unite in offering loving service to Him who alone can keep human love pure and noble.” The Adventist Home, 19.

1 How does the Bible depict the Christian home? Psalm 128:1–6.

2 Describe the position and duty of the husband. Ephesians 5:25–31; Colossians 3:19; I Peter 3:7.

Note: “The husband should manifest great interest in his family. Especially should he be very tender of the feelings of a feeble wife. He can shut the door against much disease. Kind, cheerful, and encouraging words will prove more effective than the most healing medicines. These will bring courage to the heart of the desponding and discouraged, and the happiness and sunshine brought into the family by kind acts and encouraging words will repay the effort tenfold. The husband should remember that much of the burden of training his children rests upon the mother, that she has much to do with molding their minds. This should call into exercise his tenderest feelings, and with care should he lighten her burdens. He should encourage her to lean upon his large affections, and direct her mind to heaven, where there is strength and peace, and a final rest for the weary. He should not come to his home with a clouded brow, but should with his presence bring sunlight into the family, and should encourage his wife to look up and believe in God. Unitedly they can claim the promises of God and bring His rich blessing into the family.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 306, 307.

3 How could many wives be inspired to higher ground by contemplating the sacredness of their trust? Ephesians 5:22–24; Colossians 3:18; I Peter 3:1–6.

Note: “There is often a great failure on the part of the wife. She does not put forth strong efforts to control her own spirit and make home happy. There is often fretfulness and unnecessary complaining on her part. The husband comes home from his labor weary and perplexed, and meets a clouded brow instead of cheerful, encouraging words. He is but human, and his affections become weaned from his wife, he loses the love of his home, his pathway is darkened, and his courage destroyed. He yields his self-respect and that dignity which God requires him to maintain. The husband is the head of the family, as Christ is the head of the Church; and any course which the wife may pursue to lessen his influence and lead him to come down from that dignified, responsible position is displeasing to God. It is the duty of the wife to yield her wishes and will to her husband. Both should be yielding, but the word of God gives preference to the judgment of the husband. And it will not detract from the dignity of the wife to yield to him whom she has chosen to be her counselor, adviser, and protector.” Testimonies, vol. 1, 307, 308.

4 Why is the work of the wife and mother so important? Proverbs 31:10–31.

Note: “The most elevated work for woman is the molding of the character of her children after the divine pattern. … If Christian mothers had always done their work with fidelity, there would not now be so many church trials on account of disorderly members. Mothers are forming the characters which compose the church of God. When I see a church in trial, its members self-willed, heady, high-minded, self-sufficient, not subject to the voice of the church, I am led to fear that their mothers were unfaithful in their early training.” Good Health, April 1, 1880.

5 What should parents take into serious consideration? Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21.

Note: “Great care should be exercised by parents lest they treat their children in such a way as to provoke obstinacy, disobedience, and rebellion. Parents often stir up the worst passions of the human heart, because of their lack of self-control. They correct them in a spirit of anger, and rather confirm them in their evil ways and defiant spirit, than influence them in the way of right. By their own arbitrary spirit they thrust their children under Satanic influences, instead of rescuing them from the snares of Satan by gentleness and love. How sad it is that many parents who profess to be Christians are not converted! Christ does not abide in their hearts by faith. While professing to be followers of Jesus, they disgust their children, and, by their violent, unforgiving temper, make them averse to all religion. It is little wonder that the children become cold and rebellious toward their parents.” The Review and Herald, November 15, 1892.

6 Describe the educational method of Abraham. Genesis 18:19.

Note: “That which gave power to Abraham’s teaching was the influence of his own life. His great household consisted of more than a thousand souls, many of them heads of families, and not a few but newly converted from heathenism. Such a household required a firm hand at the helm. No weak, vacillating methods would suffice.” Education, 187.

7 What was the weak legacy of Eli which is a warning to us? I Samuel 2:12–17, 22–25.

Note: “The neglect of Eli is brought plainly before every father and mother in the land. As the result of his unsanctified affection, or his unwillingness to do a disagreeable duty, he reaped a harvest of iniquity in his perverse sons. Both the parent who permitted the wickedness and the children who practiced it, were guilty before God, and he would accept no sacrifice or offering for their transgression. There are many lessons in the Bible calculated to impress fathers and mothers with the sin of neglecting their duty to their children; and yet how silent are the voices of the teachers in Israel on these important subjects! Parents allow the defects in their children to pass uncorrected, until the curse of God rests upon both their children and themselves. Like Eli, they do not show decision in repressing the first appearance of evil.” The Signs of the Times, April 8, 1886.

8 What does the fifth commandment say? Exodus 20:12.

Note: “Parents are entitled to a degree of love and respect which is due to no other person. God Himself, who has placed upon them a responsibility for the souls committed to their charge, has ordained that during the earlier years of life, parents shall stand in the place of God to their children. And he who rejects the rightful authority of his parents is rejecting the authority of God. The fifth commandment requires children not only to yield respect, submission, and obedience to their parents, but also to give them love and tenderness, to lighten their cares, to guard their reputation, and to succor and comfort them in old age. It also enjoins respect for ministers and rulers and for all others to whom God has delegated authority.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 308.

9 How does the apostle Paul stress the importance of the fifth commandment? Ephesians 6:1–3; Colossians 3:20.

Note: “This, says the apostle, ‘is the first commandment with promise.’ Ephesians 6:2. To Israel, expecting soon to enter Canaan, it was a pledge to the obedient, of long life in that good land; but it has a wider meaning, including all the Israel of God, and promising eternal life upon the earth when it shall be freed from the curse of sin.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 308.

“Children who dishonor and disobey their parents, and disregard their advice and instructions, can have no part in the earth made new. The purified new earth will be no place for the rebellious, the disobedient, the ungrateful, son or daughter. Unless such learn obedience and submission here, they will never learn it; the peace of the ransomed will not be marred by disobedient, unruly, unsubmissive children. No commandment breaker can inherit the kingdom of heaven. Will all the youth please read the fifth commandment of the law spoken by Jehovah from Sinai and engraven with His own finger upon tables of stone? ‘Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.’ [Exodus 20:12.]” Testimonies, vol. 1, 497, 498.

10 Why is this commandment especially important to remember in the last days, as we seek to stand together with our children as overcomers? II Timothy 3:1, 2.

11 How did Isaac respond to his father when told he was to be a sacrifice for God? Genesis 22:9–12.

Note: “It was with terror and amazement that Isaac learned his fate, but he offered no resistance. He could have escaped his doom, had he chosen to do so; the grief-stricken old man, exhausted with the struggle of those three terrible days, could not have opposed the will of the vigorous youth. But Isaac had been trained from childhood to ready, trusting obedience, and as the purpose of God was opened before him, he yielded a willing submission. He was a sharer in Abraham’s faith, and he felt that he was honored in being called to give his life as an offering to God. He tenderly seeks to lighten the father’s grief, and encourages his nerveless hands to bind the cords that confine him to the altar.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 152.

12 In what other matter did Isaac show submission to his father? Genesis 24:1–4.

Note: “In ancient times marriage engagements were generally made by the parents, and this was the custom among those who worshiped God. None were required to marry those whom they could not love; but in the bestowal of their affections the youth were guided by the judgment of their experienced, God-fearing parents. It was regarded as a dishonor to parents, and even a crime, to pursue a course contrary to this.

“Isaac, trusting to his father’s wisdom and affection, was satisfied to commit the matter to him, believing also that God Himself would direct in the choice made.” Patriarchs and Prophets, 171.

Additional Reading

“The children are to be instructed with kindness and patience. … Let the parents teach them of the love of God in such a way that it will be a pleasant theme in the family circle, and let the church take upon them the responsibility of feeding the lambs as well as the sheep of the flock.” Child Guidance, 42.

“ ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word; that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth it and cherisheth it; even as the Lord the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery.’ [Ephesians 5:22–32.]

“If this instruction had been heeded by those who enter into the marriage relation, the home life would be pure and elevated, garrisoned by holy love. God made from man a woman, to be a companion and helpmeet for him, to be one with him, to cheer, encourage, and bless him. And he, in his turn, is to be her strong helper.

“All who enter the matrimonial life with a holy purpose, the husband to obtain the pure affections of a woman’s heart, the wife to soften and improve her husband’s character, and give it completeness, fulfil God’s purpose for them. Christ came not to destroy the law, but to fulfil its every specification. He came to pull down and destroy the works of oppression that the enemy had raised up everywhere. It was in perfect harmony with His character and work to make known the fact that marriage is a holy institution. He came not to destroy this institution, but to restore it to its original sanctity. He came to restore the moral image of God in man, and He began His work by sanctioning the marriage relation. Thus He who made the first holy pair, and who created for them a paradise, put His seal upon the institution first celebrated in Eden, when the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy.” The Bible Echo, September 4, 1899.

©2005 Reformation Herald Publishing Association, Roanoke, Virginia. Reprinted by permission.

Man, Marriage, and God

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The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:3–6.

Some years ago my daughter implored me to attend a bridal fashion show with her that was being given at Pacific Union College in Angwin, California. It was not my practice to go to fashion shows, but I went to this one with her. There were a number of young ladies present, as you would expect, and there were some beautiful wedding gowns displayed, as the ladies who still had their wedding gowns—and were still able to wear them—modeled them for us on the platform.

At the end of the program all of the young ladies who were planning matrimony in the near future were asked to stand. To my astonishment, about 100 young ladies promptly stood. As I looked at them, I was saddened by the thought that, according to the statistical evidence, only about half of those marriages would survive. And this led to the next thought: Why?

Humanism

There has never before been a time in the history of the human race when there has been as much counsel on marriage as there is available right now. A small, personal library could probably be filled with books on the subject, but what is wrong with this counsel that is not working? I would suggest that the problem is the philosophy of humanism.

What is meant by humanism? Some humanistic thought would include: there is no God; there has never been a fall of man from a perfect condition to an imperfect condition; there is no standard of right or wrong—except what people think about right or wrong; “socially acceptable” means that other people around you think it should be this way; there is no such thing as sin; whatever most people are doing is called “normal.”

As it pertains to marriage, humanists would see marriage as nothing more or less than a relationship of convenience between two animals—two highly intelligent animals, but animals nonetheless. And they pose the question, Why would you condemn an animal for being an animal? Would you condemn a cat for chasing a mouse? Would you condemn a dog for chasing a rabbit? Would you condemn a man for what he does? That is the way they reason.

Much counsel is being given on the topic of marriage by people who believe such things. How can such beliefs be beneficial to marriage? If marriage is nothing more than a relationship of convenience between two animals, when it ceases to be convenient, one animal walks away. What else would be expected? Why would you blame an animal for being an animal? That is the way they reason. Well, we do not believe that; I am just pointing out why we have to go a different pathway.

Our concept is the Christian concept. Marriage is not a relationship of convenience between two animals. In the first place, humans are not animals. In the second place, marriage is a relationship between Creator God and two of His subjects.

God created marriage. As Jesus said, He made them male and female; He ordained and performed the first marriage, and His involvement does not stop there. He is involved in every marriage that occurs on this earth; if it is entered into properly, it is a covenant between a man, a woman, and the Creator God.

In this article, seven principles regarding marriage will be given.

Responsibility

Spouses are responsible to one another, but even more so are they responsible to the third party in the marriage contract, the Creator God. He is watching and taking notice of everything. He is holding the marriage partners strictly accountable, because nothing is more important or has more potential for benefiting or injuring any human being on this earth than a marriage relationship.

The agony of a divorce or a separation is something that individuals never overcome. It is a lifelong injury that will never be totally healed as long as they live upon this earth. The Lord is fully aware of the tremendous potential for injury—not only to the husband and the wife, but to the children, to all the extended family members, and to all society—when the home breaks down. We should be very careful about the principle of responsibility.

Identity

Second is the principle of identity—that which distinguishes and identifies one from another, that sets apart, is separate from others. A man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife. The sovereignty of the new home must be respected by all. A new unit is being established—a new unit of life, a new societal unit, a new unit in the community. This unit has a peculiar unchallengeable sovereignty that no one must invade—that means fathers and mothers.

The mother and father of both spouses should be welcome in the newly established home. But the mother and father are guests in this home, and as guests, they are not to enter into decision-making in any way, shape, or form. Guests do not come into your home and tell you how to raise your children. Guests do not come into your home and tell you how to arrange your furniture or how to manage your finances. Guests are guests, and they must never forget their status as such. Let the sovereignty of the home be carefully recognized by all.

Unity

The next principle is the principle of unity. “They twain shall be one.” A certain bride, I am told, was startled when she heard the minister talking like that in a wedding ceremony, and she interrupted to ask, “Which one?”

The best answer, of course, is neither. In the marriage, a new oneness is being established. It is not the husband one or the wife one; it is a new we that is a totally new one. This leads directly to the question of dominance and leadership. There is one verse in the Bible that practically every man in the whole world knows, and that is the verse that says the man is supposed to be the boss. Well, they need to know a little more than that.

Ephesians 5:22–25 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” That is where most men stop reading. But read the rest of this passage: “… as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” Now, gentlemen, read this carefully: “… and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” I suggest that in any home where the wife understands that, should the occasion require, her husband would without hesitation lay down his life for her, there will not be very many problems of leadership.

The oneness, the leadership that is called oneness, is a unique, special kind of leadership. It is different from all other leaderships in the world. We would not call the leadership of an employer to an employee oneness. Nor would we use the word oneness when referring to the relationship of a king to his subject or the leadership of a teacher to a student. But the leadership of Christ to the church is special. It is unique; it is not like anything else on earth or in heaven. This is a very special kind of leadership which has to be based on sacrificial love.

Equality

In the Garden of Eden, the dominance of man over woman was not an element in Adam and Eve’s relationship. As two unfallen beings, neither had to be boss; they could work things out together and get along fine. The dominance of male over female is strictly a result of sin, and we who are trying to get rid of sin should also get rid of that which results from sin. Our goal should be to have total equality.

Ellen White wrote: “Woman should fill the position which God originally designed for her, as her husband’s equal.” The Adventist Home, 231.

“Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. …

“Do not try to compel each other to do as you wish. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love.” Ibid., 106, 107.

This is the plan of God. We who respect the words, the teachings, and the counsels of God should make it very clear that we are striving to reach that goal.

Privacy

The fourth principle is privacy.

“There is a sacred circle around every family which should be preserved. No other one has any right in that sacred circle. The husband and wife should be all to each other.” Ibid., 177.

I once was acquainted with some young married ladies who made the unfortunate mistake of comparing the adequacy of their husbands as lovers, and pretty soon all of them knew about everything. It was demoralizing. As this is such a frank, plain- spoken generation, we hear people brazenly and boldly talking about things that were better said in private if at all. Such discussion is cheapening and vulgarizing. That is the way we as Christians should feel when we see the tawdry display of sex all about us.

The “sacred circle” does not mean that those who need counseling should not seek counseling. But it does mean that things that are personal and private between a husband and a wife should not be casually talked about with other acquaintances.

Love

The fifth principle is love. The simple application of the golden rule would solve most of the problems that occur in relationships, but we have specific help also from the God of love. “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” I Corinthians 7:3–5. Incontinency means lack of self-control. The Greek word dia could be translated to as well as for. Verse 5 perhaps makes more sense when read, “Satan tempt you not to your incontinency.”

What about the aberrations, these strange things we are told are just alternate lifestyles in our time? I Corinthians 6:9, 10 reads: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” But that should not discourage anyone. Look at the next verse: “And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.”

The humanists are wrong who tell us that the lifestyle some are living is normal, that nobody can do anything about it. The word of God tells us that some were like that, but they are not like that now. People can change.

Those who turn away from the word of God flounder. There are enormous debates going on in high places as to whether the courts should permit same-sex marriages. There are arguments about having women on male football teams, having male attendants in ladies’ restrooms, and what to do with those who claim to be transgender. The word of the Lord solves all problems.

Harmony

“Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32.

This verse is important to the principle of harmony, the sixth principle.

I was once called into a house where a home had broken up. The husband and wife had already decided what to do with all the furniture and with the children, and then, as a last resort, they sent for me. It would have been nice if I could have been involved earlier, but the evening I arrived, I could feel the tension, and I realized that if I said one wrong word, the situation would blow up. So, I was afraid to say anything. I sat down at the head of a table, asked the husband and wife to sit on either side of the table, and for a full 30 minutes I did nothing at all except read from the New Testament about the forgiveness of Jesus.

Gradually, the two necks began to bend a little bit; the eyes began to go down. Finally I finished reading, and I asked, “Now, with that object lesson before you, which one of you can refuse to forgive the other?” They both shook their heads, not me, not me. That is one home that was saved.

Fidelity

The last principle is fidelity. “Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind.” Ibid., 50.

True love is not possible unless there is a true man and a true woman. If you want to have true love, you must find a true man or a true woman, a man or a woman who lives by principle. His or her love will be true, because he or she is true.

To illustrate, young man, beware of the girl who lies to her mother and father to go out with you, but says she would never lie to you. When the occasion requires, she will lie to you, because a liar is a liar. Young woman, beware of the boy who cheats in class to get a better grade but says he would never cheat on you. He will, when the occasion arises, because a cheat is a cheat.

Feeling is the flower and fruit; principle is the trunk and the roots of the tree. Feeling is the high-spirited horse; principle is the firm hand on the bridle reins. Feeling is the high-powered automobile; principle is the hand on the steering wheel. Feelings change. Feelings come, and feelings go. That is why we are told so often to not rely on feelings.

“Love is patient and kind. Love knows neither envy nor jealousy. Love is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs. She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. She knows how to be silent. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance. Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4–8 (Weymouth’s New Testament).

May God bless you all in your homes that they may be the little bits of heaven on earth that God intends for them to be.

Often regarded as the patriarch of historic Adventism, Dr. Ralph Larson completed forty years of service to the Seventh-day Adventist church, as pastor, evangelist, departmental secretary, and college and seminary teacher. Upon retirement, he continued his service, diligently working with and giving counsel to those within the historic movement until his passing on August 19, 2007.